- "I hate those comic books. They never get the eyes right."
- When we first see the boys on a mission, inside a "garbage truck"...
: Look at that. A sheet of glass is all that separates me from them. Abe
: Story of my life.
- Hellboy gets run over by a train, and the axles keep hitting his horn stubs. By the time the train is gone, the stubs are red-hot. And then he scorches his hand on them.
- Hellboy. Payphone. "IT'S FOR YOU!!" (SMASH!)
- "Heh, heh. Nachos."
- The whole scene on the rooftop when Hellboy stalks Liz and Myers, snarking every occasion he gets, only to freeze because Liz took Myers' picture.
- He then proceeds to mutter this to himself repeatedly, apparently trying to give himself the determination to make the jump to the next building. He jumps, hangs in the air for a second, and then goes "Oh, crap!" as he realizes he's coming up short.
- "...and you're nine. You shouldn't be giving me advice."
- "What's a good, strong word for 'need'?" "Well, 'need' is a good, strong word." "Too needy."
- Myers: I am not pure of heart! Abe: (interrupting) Yes you are.
- Myers hands Hellboy a grenade belt. His response: "I didn't get you anything".
- The Stinger, full throttle.
- Everything involving the dead guy Hellboy wakes up to navigate the tombs.
Corpse: If I had legs, I'd kick your ass!
Hellboy: (to the agent next to him) Would you mind holding this guy for a while? He is so negative.
- ..."SPARKY?! Who came up with that? Myers?"
- Though it crosses over with horror, Liz's call to Hellboy when they find Sammael's nest is still funny.
Liz: (through gritted teeth) Marco. MARCO, MARCO. Get your big red butt over here.
- Some excellent Crosses the Line Twice humor when Hellboy first finds Sammael.
Hellboy: Seven guards, plus belts and boots? Man. Gonna need some heavy fiber to move that out.
- "I'm not a very good shot, but the Samaritan here uses REALLY big bullets."
- And then immediately after:
Hellboy: So what do you say we work this out in a nice, peaceful-
(Sammael runs off)
- Manning has some quality snarking at the museum crime scene.
Abe: Professor! They were here.
Manning: Who was here? Nixon? Hoodini? Jimmy Hoffa? Who?
- "Gonna be sore in the mornin'."
- After the first Sammael attack, Hellboy and Myers hide behind a dumpster to reload the Samaritan. Hellboy then finds a huge disgusting detached thing on his arm from Sammael's tongue.
Myers: (clearly freaked out) What the hell is that thing?!
Hellboy: (calmly pries it off, pauses) Let me go ask. (hands it to Myers, who smacks it away in horror)
- Right up until the soldiers see the Nazi soldiers at work on the island, the sergeant in charge is hugely skeptical of Professor Broom, claiming that there's nothing there except "sheep and rocks". The second they see what's really going on, he is shocked, and Broom's response is priceless.
BROOM: They must be here for the sheep.
- The Cast Commentary on the DVD (consisting of Ron Perlman, Selma Blair, Rupert Evans, and Jeffrey Tambor) has quite a few gems as well, one of which is Ron doing a near spot-on impression of Jerry Lewis a couple times throughout.