Funny / The Elenium

  • This classic exchange:
    Anybody: Whose turn is it to cook?
    Sir Ulath: Yours.
    • Turns into a nice little Brick Joke when the rest finally catch on, and decide to quietly leave Ulath to do the cooking from then on.
    • And becomes a Brick Joke yet again in the Tamuli when Kalten, distracted over a personal matter, asks Ulath whose turn it is to cook. Ulath gives the usual answer, and Tynian chides Kalten for forgetting.
  • Berit, in his attempts to impress Dolmant, offers to teach history and manners to Talen. When Talen becomes offended, Berit backhands him out of a saddle, disarms him, and kicks him to the ground. All without losing the smirk on his face.
  • The whole part about Sparhawk and Kurik attempting to break into the house.
    • Especially the naked woman on the roof.
    • Or the bridge.
    • And the bit where Kurik comes back and, not sure who he's found, whispers to Sparhawk, "Is that you?" Sparhawk is tempted to hoarsely whisper, "No."
  • Sephrenia's reaction to learning that the phrase "little mother" was used by the entire Pandion order as a nickname for her and as a password.
    Sephrenia: Why didn't anyone tell me?
    Sparhawk: We all thought you knew.
  • Lillias' Large Ham moment, now with Gag Boobs included.
  • One word: RamshornContext 
  • On a related note, Ulesim-Most-Favored-Disciple-of-Holy-Arasham, and the manner of his death.
  • Avin Wargunsson's death and funeral. He's killed by being drowned in a barrel of wine; once he's discovered and removed from the barrel, his entire body is stained- in essence, he was dyed purple. Nobody at the funeral could keep a straight face at the sight.
    • Nor could any of the Knights (or Patriarch Bergsten) when they got word of it.
  • Bevier going undercover in Scarpa's army. He studied as an actor, so he naturally plays a part. Unfortunately, as the narration notes: 'His intent was obviously to appear dangerously competent. Instead, he was achieving the appearance of a homicidal maniac.'
  • Upon discovering that the Undead Knights surrounding the castle will do nothing as long as you don't touch the cornerstones they guard, Talen convinces Berit to push one over. Hilarity Ensues as the entire small army of Undead Knights domino over the entire perimeter of the palace.
  • "The other murderers thought Bersola was crazy. Candor compels us to admit they were probably right."
  • A member of the intelligentsia in Tamul is rather insistent that Trolls don't exist. Ulath persuades him otherwise by having the illusion of a Troll he befriended kick in the door and confront the man.
  • In Domes of Fire, Empress Elysoun wears a very special dress to a banquet- a dress which purposely doesn't have a front aside from a cushion of lace, meaning that everyone spends most of the banquet staring at her tits.
  • The Running Gag that starts when Sparhawk tries to find a ship captain willing to take them to Rendor. Using a tired old story, he claims he's a minor noble who went into debt to impress a rich young heiress. When he found she was hideously ugly, he fled, thus trying to hire said captain to get him as far from the heiress as possible, with her cousins in hot pursuit to try to drag him back for marriage. The story gets more and more embellished with each time Spawhawk's team runs into the sailor. Years later in the first book of the Tamuli, they run into said captain once again. When asked what the situation with said heiress is, he mournfully replies that the cousins finally caught up to him and forced him to marry her... then points out his gorgeous wife, Queen Ehlana.
  • Just about everything involved with Sabre /Elron. One of the enemy conspirators, He's just as inept at being the local Folk Hero as he is at being a poet. The first time the protagonists see him, they're not entirely sure the guy's real.
    Sparhawk: The mask fits. I wasn't expecting the rest.
    Stragen: Unless Sparhawk and I are mistaken, your Grace, we're privileged to be in the presence of a living legend. I think that's Sabre, the masked whatever-you-call-it, making his evening rounds.
    Ambassador Oscagne: What on earth is he doing?
    Stragen: I imagine he's out wronging rights, depressing the oppressed and generally making an ass of himself. He looks as if he's having a lot of fun though.
  • Sparhawk, tired of Aphreal suddenly appearing out of nowhere, and asking her for some kind of warning or such. Queue her next time showing up with an angelic chorus and fanfare of trumpets.
  • The loyal imperial wives trying to work together, with their wildly different personalities and cultures.
  • This bit of history. Arasham sometimes stumbles over the language and once, during his campaigns back in the hinterlands, he gave an order. He meant to say, "Fall upon your foes," but it came out wrong. Instead, he said, "Fall upon your swords," and three whole regiments did exactly that. Arasham rode home alone that day, trying to figure out what had gone wrong.
  • Both Otha's request to Azash and his first prayer do qualify:
    Otha: (after finding Azash' idol while searching for a lost goat and be offered anything he wants in exchange for adoration) I'd like to be the king of the world, to live forever, to have a thousand ripe young girls willing to do whatever I wanted them to do, and a mountain of gold - and, oh yes, I want my goat back.
    (Azash makes the goat appear behind Otha and demands inmediate adoration)
    Oh, mighty - um - Azash, wasn't it? God of Gods and Lord of the World, hear my prayer and receive my humble worship. I am as the dust before thee, and thou towerest above me like the mountain. I worship thee and praise thee and thank thee from the depths of my heart for the return of this miserable goat - which I will beat senseless for straying just as soon as I get her home.'
  • Sephrenia may be The Heart of the Pandion order, but even Vanion gets to poke fun at her mommie tendencies:
    'Ulath,' Sephrenia said, 'hush.'
    'Yes, ma'am,' he said.
    Go ahead, Vanion,' she instructed.
    'Yes, ma'am,' he duplicated Ulath's intonation perfectly.
  • Ulath's reaction to Kalten's reaction to Berit's reaction to Empress Elysoun blatantly hitting on him by telling him he looked sleepy (context: he had his eyes closed when talking to her to avoid looking at her exposed breasts) and offering him the very comfortable bed in her quarters that he could use if he wanted to get some rest:
    Kalten: (gazing at the youthful knight with openmouthed envy) What did you say?
    Berit: Well, I thanked her, of course, but I told her that I wasn’t really sleepy.
    (Kalten buries his face in his hands and groans)
    Ulath: (patting his shoulder comfortingly) There, there
  • Kalten threatens to use a spell to knock Sephrenia's door down, to the derision of the latter (who knows better than anyone else his limited grasp of Styric magic and language). He just kicks the door down.
    Kalten: Elene magic.
  • In an adorable moment, Sparhawk uses magic to create a bouquet of flowers for Sephrenia. She then points out that he very nearly mispronounced one of the words of the spell, which would have led to him holding a handful of snakes instead.