Funny: Sherlock Holmes

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    Original Arthur Conan Doyle Canon 
  • A Study In Scarlet: Watson meets Sherlock Holmes for the first time, in a college medical lab as the latter is squeeing over, apparently, inventing luminol.
    • The list Watson makes entitled "Sherlock Holmes: His Limits".
    • Watson finds out that Holmes doesn't know that the earth travels around the sun. Holmes proceeds to act patronizing and give him the memorable "brain attic" speech. The response is classic Watson:
    • Watson summarizing what the newspapers had to say about the murders: each and every one of them blames the government for it (the Daily Mail even recommends keeping a closer watch on foreigners, nothing has changed in over a hundred years).
  • "The Case of Charles Augustus Milverton:" Lestrade comes and gives Holmes a description of one of the men seen fleeing Milverton's residence the night he was murdered. Holmes laughs at the vagueness of the description and declines to take the case. "Why, that might even be a description of Watson..."
  • The Case of the Red-Headed League features an in-story example; a combination of Jabez Wilson's twist of luck where the League suddenly closes on him, his showing of the sign informing of said closure to Holmes and Watson, and his absolute dead-serious face when retelling the tale proves too much for both Holmes and Watson to bear, and they burst out laughing.
    • This is actually a particularly good example of Doyle's deftness with prose. Wilson's elaborately detailed and dramatic retelling of his mysterious experiences, which are punctured by a note saying nothing but the phrase "The Red-Headed League Is Dissolved." It also delves into the realm of Inherently Funny Words.
  • This exchange from "A Scandal in Bohemia" is funny enough, but I found it absolutely hilarious upon reading the story after seeing the Guy Ritchie film because it sounds exactly like the kind of thing the Robert Downey, Jr. version of Holmes would say:
    Holmes: If this young person [Irene Adler] should produce her letters for blackmailing or other purposes, how is she to prove their authenticity?
    Grand Duke of Cassel-Felstein: There is the writing.
    Holmes: Pooh, pooh! Forgery.
    Grand Duke: My private notepaper.
    Holmes: Stolen.
    Grand Duke: My own seal.
    Holmes: Imitated.
    Grand Duke: My photograph.
    Holmes: Bought.
    Grand Duke: We were both in the photograph.
    Holmes: Oh, dear! That is very bad!
    • Even funnier if taken in modern context, since modern readers will expect Holmes to reply to the last one with this:
      Grand Duke: We were both in the photograph.
      Holmes: Photoshop.
    • Holmes gets a lovely little bit of snark in against the King of Bohemia later in the story, after the King declares (of Irene Adler), "Is it not a pity that she was not on my level?" "From what I have seen of the lady she seems indeed to be on a very different level to your Majesty"
  • Holmes' Last-Second Word Swap in The Adventure of the Norwood Builder. "Arrest you! This really is most gratiómost interesting. On what charge to you expect to be arrested?" Even funnier when you try to picture the look on his face (it isn't described so you've got free rein here)...
  • Holmes' snark is legendary for a reason. Case in point, in The Boscombe Valley Mystery:
    "We have got to the deductions and the inferences," said Lestrade, winking at me. "I find it hard enough to tackle facts, Holmes, without flying away after theories and fancies."
    "You are right," said Holmes demurely; "you do find it very hard to tackle the facts."
  • Shoscombe Old Place gives us this memorable line: "a boxer, an athlete, a plunger on the turf, a lover of fair ladies, and, by all account, so far down Queer Street that he may never find his way back again." Ah, were we ever *that* innocent?
    • It should be noted that being "down Queer Street" was a euphemism for being financially hard up, and was unrelated to either the original meaning (strange, peculiar, etc.) or the modern meaning (homosexual) of the word Queer.
    • For what it's worth, it should also be noted that the phrase "plunger on the turf" refers to a gambler who bets on horse-racing, which would explain how someone could end up "down Queer Street".
  • At the end of "The Copper Beeches" Watson writes a throwaway line in which he expresses his disappointment at Holmes losing interest in Miss Violet Hunter "...once she had ceased to be the centre of one of his problems". Ladies, gentlemen, I give you Watson the Matchmaker!
  • Watson saying, "...and I shot its brains out" when talking about shooting a dog (don't worry, the dog was attacking a human).
  • At one point Holmes and Watson are heading to a concert — or "off to violin-land," as Holmes puts it.
  • The opening paragraphs of "The Adventure of the Musgrave Ritual," where Watson describes how Holmes lives, saying that he himself is no neat freak, but
    when I find a man who keeps his cigars in the coal-scuttle, his tobacco in the toe end of a Persian slipper, and his unanswered correspondence transfixed by a jack-knife into the very centre of his wooden mantelpiece, then I begin to give myself virtuous airs. I have always held, too, that pistol practice should distinctly be an open-air pastime; and when Holmes in one of his queer humours would sit in an arm-chair, with his hair-trigger and a hundred Boxer cartridges, and proceed to adorn the opposite wall with a patriotic V.R. done in bullet-pocks, I felt strongly that neither the atmosphere nor the appearance of our room was improved by it.
  • The bit in The Hound of the Baskervilles where Watson finds Holmes and immediately notices that he's managed to "contrive" a Perma Shave while hiding out on a moor.
    • How about the realization that Holmes was essentially stalking Watson across the moor?
    • The various things that Mr. Frankland accomplishes, including closing a forest from picnickers due to litter, opening a right of way in front of someone's front door, on their property, imprisoning someone for trespassing for shooting on their own land, and several others. One day, the villagers praise his name, the next they burn him in effigy.
      • The best part is the quick bit of Hypocritical Humor where he accosts Watson to crow over his opening of the right of way, hailing it as a triumph of the rights of the common man over the tyrannical landowner, then without any sense of irony announces he's kicked the picnickers out of the woods in his next breath. He goes on to state his intention to sue the police for not doing more to stop the effigy-burnings.
  • In "The Valley of Fear," after finding only one dumbbell in the victimís home, Holmes is alarmed.
    ďOne dumb-bell, Watson! Consider an athlete with one dumb-bell! Picture to yourself the unilateral development, the imminent danger of a spinal curvature. Shocking, Watson, shocking!Ē
    • The best part of this is that that one dumb-bell was actually the linchpin holding the entire case together and that was just his sarcastic way of hinting it to the local police.
  • The end of The Dying Detective. After the villain confessed, thinking Holmes was dying anyway, he is arrested, but claims that it's his word again Holmes's. Unbeknownst to the villain, Watson has been hiding in the room the entire time.
    Sherlock: Good heavens! I had totally forgotten him. My dear Watson, I owe you a thousand apologies. To think that I should have overlooked you!
    • The entirety of "The Dying Detective" gets much funnier upon a second reading, once you know that Holmes is only pretending to be ill. In particular, the delirious Holmes trying to get Watson to fetch him a doctor before the oysters take over the world.
  • In The Reigate Puzzle, Holmes needs to cause a distraction so he can slip out of a room unnoticed. He achieves this by knocking over a bowl of fruit and blaming Watson.
    • In the same story, Holmes's declaration that Watson's suggestion of a countryside holiday is a rousing success— because they've found themselves in the midst of a murder investigation.
    • The local inspector reacting to Holmes's usual odd behavior when on a case by suggesting that he's not quite gotten over his illness.
    "I don't think you need to alarm yourself," said I. "I have usually found that there was method in his madness.
    "Some folk might say there was a madness in his method," muttered the Inspector.
  • In The Adventure of the Illustrious Client:
    "Friday!" he [Holmes] cried. "Only three clear days. I believe the rascal wants to put himself out of danger's way. But he won't, Watson! By the Lord Harry, he won't! Now, Watson, I want you to do something for me."
    "I am here to be used, Holmes."
    "Well, then, spend, the next twenty-four hours in an intensive study of Chinese pottery."
  • The first chapter of The Hound Of The Baskervilles is full of these:
    • Holmes asking Watson to make some deductions about a cane left by a potential client. Watson obliges, and Holmes warmly congratulates him and thanks him for his help. Watson is chuffed... until Holmes clarifies:
      Holmes: I am afraid, dear Watson, that most of your conclusions were erroneous. When I said that you stimulated me I meant, to be frank, that in noting your fallacies I was occasionally guided towards the truth.
    • Holmes apparently deducing the exact breed of a dog by its teeth marks, only to then reveal that he could see the dog itself outside the window.
    • An eccentric client getting a bit over-excited about the shape of Holmes's skull, to the point where he wants to fondle it and take it home with him to the point of being really creepy.
      Mortimer: Would you have any objection to my running a finger along your parietal fissure? A cast of your skull, sir, until the original is available, would be an ornament to any anthropological museum. It is not my intention to be fulsome, but I confess that I covet your skull.
  • The Sign of (the) Four gives us Watson's Malapropisms: he relates the story of how, upon seeing the head of a rifle poke into his tent in Afghanistan, he proceeded to shoot it to death with a tiger cub, and also recommends to the hypochondriac client to take plenty of strychnine (essentially a poison) but to caution against excessive amounts of treacle (which is mostly harmless). Extra hilarity points for being informed of his errors only after the entire story occurs, when "he" is writing it!
    • Also, Toby the dog, while leading Holmes and Watson on the trail of creosote (because the suspect they're following stepped in it), accidentally latches onto the trail of a creosote merchant and instead leads them to an entire stockpile of the stuff in a back alley. The incredibly proud look he gives them, complete with eagerly wagging tail, when he finds it sends both men into hysterical laughter.
    • When Watson and Holmes discover the murder, the reaction of the police inspector summoned to the scene is to arrest everyone else in the household, on the mere assumption that someone had to be in on it. Reading about this in the paper the next day, Watson snarks that it's a wonder the two of them weren't arrested too, and Holmes tells him not to rule it out. Then there's a ring at the door and Watson has a brief Oh Crap!.
  • Watson indulges in various snarky interludes in various stories when he nonchalantly describes Holmes's eccentricities, the funniest probably being the intro to The Musgrave Ritual — his opinion of Holmes shooting the initials "VR" (for Victoria Regina) into the sitting room wall with bullets is simply to inform his reader that in his opinion, target-practice should be an open-air pasttime, and that the VR didn't really improve the room's atmosphere.
  • In "The Veiled Lodger," Watson writes a decidedly miffed statement to his readers regarding attempts to steal unpublished case notes, and blackmails some unnamed individual by threatening to reveal "the story of the politician, the lighthouse, and the trained cormorant," if the theft attempts continue, sternly warning, basically, "you know who you are!"
  • In the beginning of "The Adventure of the Dancing Men," Holmes, after some long hours wrapped up in a chemical experiment, suddenly notes that Watson does not intend to invest in South African securities. When Watson reacts with shock, Holmes wheels on him and demands that he admit to being entirely taken aback and goes so far as to say he ought to make Watson put it in writing, as once Holmes explains himself, Watson will declare the matter as absurdly simple. Watson insists that he'll do no such thing, and so Holmes leads him through the inferences that led him to the revelation. Watson's response?
    "How absurdly simple!"

    Granada TV series 
  • At the end of "The Copper Beeches", this conversation that follows Watson reading aloud his canonical journal entry:
    Watson: There, Holmes. Your verdict?
    Holmes: An admirable account, Watson.
    Watson: Oh, you don't think I've put too much color and life into it?
    Holmes: *turns around in his seat to face Watson* Oh, my dear friend, I humbly defer such considerations to your excellent literary judgment. *turns back to the camera so that Watson cannot see his face*
    Watson: *proudly smiles* Good!
    Holmes: *gives a sarcastic, Fascinating Eyebrow look to the camera*
    • "You are always in a disputatious mood when you choose that pipe!"
  • Jeremy Brett's depictions of Holmes as a hyperactive misfit in general (i.e. jumping over the sofa to call Watson back into the room during "The Red-Headed League"). Portraying Holmes as quirky is nothing new, but Brett's were incredibly well done.
    • At the end of another episode Holmes is so hyped up at having solved a case neatly that he actually jumps for joy shouting "Wha-hey!"
  • In "The Resident Patient", Holmes tore his office up and flung papers all around trying to find some information. Watson came in and calmly went to a file box and showed Holmes the information he was looking for.
    • Even more funny is the implication that he might have trashed his office on purpose. As he and Watson are heading out to return to the crime scene, they are stopped by Mrs. Hudson, and Holmes conspicuously doesn't look at her as he departs. It's not out of the question to believe that he was still miffed about being chased out of his apartment by her housecleaning, and so deliberately undid all her hard work out of spite.
  • In "The Greek Interpreter", when Holmes, Watson, and Mycroft are rushing to catch the train the murderers are on, the following exchange occurs:
    Sherlock: Mycroft!
    Mycroft: I'm not built for running, Sherlock!
    • And then, a moment later when they're in the compartment, Sherlock is calmly smoking a cigarette... right next to the sign that says "Smoking is Strictly Prohibited in this Compartment."
  • At the beginning of "A Scandal in Bohemia" Watson offered his hand to the king-in-disguise and was ignored. At the end of the episode, the King offers his hand to Holmes, who turns away — and Watson steps in, gives a sharp shake and a very polite nod, and waves the man out.
  • In "The Six Napoleons", Lestrade is waiting in the sitting room for Holmes and Watson to return, looking bored out of his mind...until he catches sight of the papers on the table beside Holmes' chair and so nonchalantly starts to finger through them...and while this is going on Holmes watches him through the half-closed doorway, waves Watson over so that he can see, and then Holmes and Watson quickly duck back down the hall and "enter" loudly, giving Lestrade the chance to stop snooping and act all innocent when they come in.
  • Holmes giggling when he hears Shinwell Johnson's nickname "Porky" for the first time in "The Illustrious Client".
  • The bit during "The Red Headed League" when Holmes and Watson both double over laughing at the client for his seemingly ridiculous story.
  • Although this trooper doesn't usually like using the word "hell" in conversations, I did laugh out loud in "The Master Blackmailer" when Holmes screamed out,
    Holmes: Mrs. Hudson, why did you tidy up for me? Where the hell are my shoes?!?
  • The end of "Shoscombe Old Place", which concerns some dodgy dealings surrounding a racehorse. Watson's reading about the horse's victory in the paper and tut-tutting about how disgraceful the situation is... before Holmes 'innocently' inquires about how much money Watson made betting on said horse (with what was implied to be a certain amount of insider knowledge about what was going on thanks to following Holmes on the case). Much to Holmes' amusement, Watson is forced to sheepishly admit that it was a pretty tidy sum, actually.
  • Holmes accidentally setting some newspapers on fire after tossing a lit match aside after lighting his pipe in "The Second Stain".

    Guy Ritchie film series 
Sherlock Holmes (2009)
  • Irene Adler handcuffs Holmes to a bedpost, entirely naked, with only a pillow covering his privates. There's a reason why it's also brilliant as the page image.
    Sherlock Holmes: Madam, I need you to remain calm, and trust me, I am a professional. But beneath this pillow lies the key to my release.
    [The maid runs out of the room, disgusted]
    Sherlock Holmes: [cuts to Holmes retelling the event to Clarkie] Of course, she misinterpreted my meaning entirely.
    Constable Clark: Naturally, sir.
  • Irene is in her hotel room when she hears a noise at the door. She rolls her eyes and opens it to reveal Holmes failing for the second time to pick a lock.
    • The first time Holmes fails to pick a lock is at Reordan's place, courtesy of Watson's foot.
  • Holmes having wine splashed into his face as he incorrectly analyzes Mary's last relationship and remaining completely motionless in blank shock for about a minute afterward. And then nonchalantly resuming his meal when Mary and Watson depart.
    • Gets funnier via Fridge Brilliance...there's only one meal served, indicating that Holmes expected that the encounter would end with him offending Watson and/or Mary, causing them both to walk out.
  • "Is that a—" "False nose? No."
    • Following up on the false nose bit, the part shortly after, when he jumps out of the window doing a silly shriek and a crash is heard off-camera. He then shouts for Watson and Watson looks out of the window to see that Holmes has fallen through the roof of the coal shed. Watson proceeds to roll his eyes, shut the window, and walk away.
    • Irene Adler turning the tables on a pair of would-be muggers.
    • Holmes ramming the carriage of Irene's mystery employer while disguised as a hobo with an eyepatch, soot-stained teeth (by chewing a piece of coal) and disheveled clothing.
  • Holmes compliments a hereto silent Watson on his value as a companion, and is then sucker-punched by Watson.
  • "Why are you always so suspicious?" "Shall I answer chronologically, or alphabetically?"
    • "Be careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope."
  • "That's not Blackwood!" Holmes' expression is priceless.
    • "Now we have a firm grasp...of the obvious."
  • The woman who tells Watson's future. "What of the warts? Are they extensive?!"
    • Lace doilies giving up the game.
    Holmes: Doilies.
    Watson: Lace — doilies? Holmes, does your depravity know no bounds?
    Holmes: No.
  • If you know much about the fandom, particularly the shipping: Watson to Holmes: "You look gorgeous..."
  • "Take Watson." "I intend to." Followed by Holmes' scoffing.
  • "I'm in the process of inventing a device that muffles the sound of a gunshot!" "It's not working."
    • From that same scene, Watson opening the curtains and letting sunlight in, and Holmes yelling out in pain.
  • The hammer scene. Holmes is running from Dredger the Frenchman, who has armed himself with a massive sledgehammer. Holmes fumbles around for a weapon, and produces an ordinary hammer. Both take a moment to compare their armaments, followed by Holmes pathetically chucking his at Dredger. It just bounces off and fails to fze.
    • It's made funnier by the fact that the camera cuts to a side angle to make sure we see just exactly how small Holmes and his hammer are by scale compared to Dredger.
    • Also hilarious is that prior to this, Holmes tries to hoist the larger hammer, only to barely lift it six inches off the ground, before scrambling to find another weapon. Then Dredger picks up the hammer like a loaf of bread.
  • Holmes is transported blindfolded from the pen to the Temple of the Four Orders headquarters:
    Sir Thomas: Mr. Holmes, apologies for summoning you like this. I'm sure it's quite a mystery as to where you are, and who I am Ö
    Sherlock Holmes: As to where I am, I was, admittedly, lost for a moment, between Charing Cross and Holborn, but I was saved by the bread shop on Saffron Hill. The only baker to use a certain French glaze on their loaves Ė a Brittany sage. After that, the carriage forked left, then right, and then the tell-tale bump at the Fleet Conduit. And as to who you are, that took every ounce of my not-inconsiderable experience. The letters on your desk were addressed to a Sir Thomas Rotherham. Lord Chief Justice, that would be the official title. Who you really are is, of course, another matter entirely. Judging by the sacred ox on your ring, you're the secret head of the Temple of the Four Orders in whose headquarters we now sit, located on the northwest corner of St. James Square, I think. As to the mystery, the only mystery is why you bothered to blindfold me at all.
    Sir Thomas: Yes, well Ö standard procedure, I suppose.
  • When Irene makes a surprise visit to Holmes' room, he tries to be sneaky as her back is turned about slamming a picture of her on his desk face-down. What he intended to be subtle winds up being hilariously awkward.
    • Made even funnier by the scene where she leaves and he scurries off to find where she's going but first takes the time to slam the photo down again.
  • "Wear a jacket." "You wear a jacket!"
  • Holmes pwns his opponent in the Curb-Stomp Battle boxing match:
    [in a bare-knuckle boxing match, Holmes sees Irene and tries to forfeit and leave]
    Sherlock Holmes: That's it, big man. You've won, congratulations.
    McMurdo: Oi, we ain't done yet! ( McMurdo spits at the back of Holmes's head. Holmes stops]
    Sherlock Holmes: [voiceover] This must not register on an emotional level. [In slow motion] First, distract target. [Holmes flicks a handkerchief in front of his opponent's face] Then block his blind jab. [blocks an oncoming blow] Counter with cross to left cheek. [delivers a cut to that side of the face] Discombobulate. [claps his hands over his opponent's ears] Dazed, will attempt wild haymaker. Employ elbow block, and body shot. [blocks with his elbow and delivers a body blow] Block feral left. Weaken right jaw. Now fracture. [a cross to the jaw fractures the bone] Break cracked ribs. Traumatize solar plexus. Dislocate jaw entirely. [two more body blows, and a right hook to the jaw hinge] Heel kick to diaphragm. [a heel kick to the opponent's chest sends him crashing out of the ring] In summary: ears ringing, jaw fractured, three ribs cracked, four broken, diaphragm hemorrhaging. Physical recovery: six weeks. Full psychological recovery: six months. Capacity to spit at back of head: neutralized. [Back in real time, Holmes picks up the handkerchief, as though wiping the back of his neck, then proceeds to do all of the foregoing in approximately six seconds, and kicks McMurdo out of the ring, before calmly walking away. A Stunned Silence falls on the crowd]
    Onlooker: Where did that come from?! [Everyone looks at their bets and realize that they've lost their money]
  • Watson letting out the flies Holmes had spent the last six hours trapping inside a glass tube.
  • Holmes' discussion with Watson about and subsequent exchange with Mrs. Hudson:
    Holmes: There is only one case which intrigues me at present...the curious case of Mrs. Hudson, the absentee landlady. I've been studying her comings and goings, and they appear most...sinister...
    Mrs. Hudson: [long-suffering] Tea, Mr. Holmes?
    Holmes: Is it poisoned? Nanny?!
    Mrs. Hudson: There's enough of that in you already.
    Holmes: Don't touch! Everything is in its proper place, as per usual... Nnnnnanny...
    • From the same scene: "He's killed the dog...again."
    • Also from the same scene:
    Watson: Holmes, as your doctor...
    Holmes: [Gladstone]'ll be fit as a trivet in no time.
    Watson: AS YOUR FRIEND! You've been in this room for two weeks; I insist, you have to get out!
    Holmes: There's nothing of interest for me. Out there. On Earth. ...At all.
    Watson: So you're free this evening?
    Holmes: Absolutely.
    Watson: Dinner?
    Holmes: Wonderful.
    Watson: The Royale?
    Holmes: My favorite.
    Watson: Mary's coming.
    Holmes: (pause) Not available.
    Watson: You're meeting her, Holmes!
  • Holmes after Dredger escapes and the fight in the shipyard causes a giant ship under construction to be launched prematurely: "Watson...what have you done?"
  • The scene where Holmes disguises himself when he follows after Irene becomes one of this when you realise that Robert Downey, Jr. is the dude playing a dude disguised as another dude.
  • Holmes twice uses an electrode against Dredger.
    Watson: Holmes, what is that?
    Holmes: [subtitled French] I don't know.
  • At Blackwood's tomb, Holmes is informed that the police are in the process of exhuming Blackwood's coffin. Said police constables are currently standing back as far from the tomb as they can, each one looking very, very nervous.
    Holmes: I see. At what stage of the process? Contemplative?
  • The scene in the jail where Watson and Holmes are held, in which the two end up bickering Like an Old Married Couple.
    Watson: When do I complain about you practicing the violin at three in the morning, or your mess? Your general lack of hygiene, or the fact that you steal my clothes?!
    Holmes: Urm, we have a barter system...
    Watson: When do I complain about you setting fire to my rooms?!
    Holmes: Our rooms.
    Watson: The rooms. When do I complain that you experiment on-on my dog?!
    Holmes: Our dog.
    Watson: *stammering with rage* The dog!
    • The same scene, later, when Holmes suggests that they go away to his brother Mycroft's estate...making it clear that he means he and Watson.
      Watson: Holmes, if I were to go to the country it would be with my future wife!
      Holmes: [jealously] Well certainly, if we must have her along...
      Watson: No! Not you! Mary and I! You are not —
      Holmes: Not what? Invited? Why would I not be invited to my own brother's country home? Watson, now you're not making any sense!
      Watson: You're not human!
    • In fact, any time Watson and Holmes have a Like an Old Married Couple moment probably goes here. Like this one:
      Watson: Get that [violin bow] out of my face.
      Holmes: It's not in your face; it's in my hand.
      Watson: Get what's in your hand out of my face.
      • There's a Call Back to this scene in the trailer for the second movie.
    • And right before the above, this from Watson:
      Not that it's any of my business, but I would advise you to leave. The case. Alone.
  • When Lord Coward is trying to find Holmes in the smoke, talking about Blackwood's plans, and it turns out that Holmes has been sitting in a chair behind him, casually smoking his pipe.
  • At the end, when Watson and Mary climb up the stairs and into Holmes' room to discover him hanging from the ceiling from a noose. Mary has the decency to look shocked, but Watson simply drones "Don't worry, suicide's not in his repertoire, he's far too fond of himself for that," then proceeds to poke him, whereupon it is revealed that Holmes got comfy enough in his harness to fall asleep.
  • A subtle, but still hilarious moment. When Watson asks Holmes if he knows where his rugby ball is, Holmes replies 'no, not a clue' in a tone of voice that indicates he knows exactly where it is and won't be telling, and indeed may have even hidden it himself.
  • Holmes and Watson are investigating Luke Reardon's house after Watson agreed to help for just ten minutes when two of Blackwood's henchmen come in, about to set fire to the place. Holmes correctly deduces what the Mooks are there to do. One of the henchmen calls for Dredger. Cue heavy footsteps approaching. Then we cut to a shot of Holmes and Watson watching as Dredger enters the room. Seeing Dredger, Holmes' expression stays pretty much the same; Watson, on the other hand...
    • Also, this line:
      Holmes: (points to Dredger) Meat... (points to the two other henchmen) ...or potatoes?
      Watson: My ten minutes are up.
    • And the fight that follows, accompanied by the music that plays.
    • One of the two henchmen died simply by having Dredger thrown on top of him.
  • Holmes and Irene are about to disarm Blackwood's device when, behind them, Watson is thrown across the way. Then enters Dredger, who spots Holmes and Irene. Irene fires two shots at Dredger, the last one hitting Dredger's hat before she runs out of ammo. Dredger approaches, removes his hat and calmly asks (in French) "Did you...miss me?", taking a moment to study his hat between that last line. Holmes then matter-of-factly tells Irene, "I rather wish you hadn't done that, Irene."
    • Following that, Watson grabs Dredger from behind and shouts at Holmes to "Nut him!" Holmes proceeds to run up to Dredger, jump up into the air and head-butt Dredger. Holmes then stumbles backward; the look on his face was priceless.
    • And then Holmes tries throwing a punch at Dredger, only to miss, slip and fall on his back.
  • When Clarkie comes by to get Holmes, Holmes asks, "What's Lestrade done now? Lose his way to Scotland Yard?"
    • Following on that, after Holmes is informed of Blackwood's apparent resurrection, this exchange:
      Watson: You're not taking this seriously, are you, Holmes?!
      Holmes: Yes! As you should. (Watson stares and scoffs) This is a matter of professional integrity! No girl wants to marry a doctor who can't tell whether a man is dead or not!
  • When Dredger finally takes away Holmes's newest toy:
    Dredger: (in French) Run, little rabbit, run.
    Holmes: (in French) With pleasure. *takes off*
  • The scene in the slaughterhouse, where Holmes tells Watson to save his ammunition, then flips out and empties his gun in the direction of Blackwood's voice about two seconds later.
    Watson: (with a "you have got to be kidding me" expression) What was that about saving bullets?
  • During the fight scene near the end, when Holmes has a bit of trouble fighting a Mook, he shouts at Irene: "WOMAN! SHOOT HIM! NOW, PLEASE!"
    • Oh, and he calls Irene "WOMAN!" again after she makes off with a piece of Blackwood's device.
  • Holmes: *to Blackwood in a very conversational tone* My, what a busy afterlife you're having.
  • When Holmes see Blackwood's cell covered in pentagrams and remarks "Love what you've done with the place."
  • Watson's surgery with an old military man is constantly interrupted by Holmes' target practice in the other room. They've previously been discussing how Watson will be moving into a new place with his soon-to-be wife, leading to this exchange:
    Patient: [Cautiously] Oh, and by the way, your roommate. Won't be moving with you, will he?
    Watson: [With furious determination] No he won't.
  • Clarkie trolling Sherlock on the way to Sir Thomas's manor.

Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows (2011)
  • When Watson returns to Baker Street and opens the door to Holmes' room, he finds himself in the middle of a lush jungle. Complete with wildlife.
    • Then, he doesn't even bother trying to find Holmes and just sits to casually read the paper and does his best to ignore the fact that Holmes is continually shooting him with blowdarts.
    • And when Holmes reveals where he is and what he's wearing.
      • "I'm not going out with you dressed like that."
  • Holmes kills the dog. Again. Don't worry, he gets better.
    • "How many times are you going to kill my dog?!"
  • When Holmes and Watson leave Baker Street:
    Sherlock Holmes: Watson, might I suggest we use an alternative exit?
    Dr. John Watson: Is there something different about you? [Holmes turns towards the camera, revealing that he is wearing a large false beard]
    Sherlock Holmes: I'm under observation.
    Dr. John Watson: As you should be.
  • Watson attempting to shake Mycroft's hand, only to be met with a very blunt "No."
  • The lively fight music during Holmes and Simza's fight with the Cossack. Particularly the moment where Holmes crashes through a wall and knocks all of Watson's winnings to the floor, then gets up and runs off. Watson looks around and realizes that he's surrounded by hungry gamblers:
    Watson: Now wait a minute. [Everyone immediately lunges forward trying to get whatever loose money they can get]
  • Sherlock Holmes in drag. That is all. In fact, the entire train sequence where he bickers and wrestles with Watson, either in drag or half naked.
  • Sherlock lifting his skirt to reveal a stolen grenade strapped to his groin with the pull-chain stolen from a toilet.
  • The Oh Crap! moment when that one Redcoat is shot in the shoulder by Watson, and he accidentally drops a primed grenade he has already pulled the pin out of into his satchel of grenades.
  • After Watson rescues Holmes from Moriarty with the aid of a very large cannon blowing up the watch tower, he's looking through the resulting rubble for Holmes:
    Sherlock Holmes: Take your time.
    • And a little while later, during the shootout, as the fleeing gypsies are going through the train yard:
      Dr. Watson: Holmes, how did you know I'd find you?
      Sherlock Holmes: You didn't find me, you collapsed a building on me!
    • And just prior to all this, Moran's reaction when Watson takes off the canvas, to reveal to Moran that there is a large cannon aimed directly at his position.
      Sebastian Moran: [looks up from his scope] That's not fair!
    • And even before that, we have Watson's brief Oh Crap! moment when he tests to see if Moran is still there with his hat - needless to say, he is.
  • After Watson revives Holmes with the serum Holmes gave him as a wedding present, Holmes is a bit, well, frantic:
    Sherlock Holmes: Who's been doctoring me?
    Dr. Watson: I have.
    Sherlock Holmes: Why is my ankle itchy?
    Dr. Watson: Because there's a large piece of wood stuck in it.
    • Before that Holmes frantically screaming away the effects of the adrenaline shot.
    Sherlock Holmes: Watson! I had a dream. You, me, Mary, and Gladstone were there, and that satanic pony, as well — a massive fork in his hoof, and he turned on me!
    Dr. Watson: You need to lie down.
    Dr. Watson (very pointedly): Me.
  • The little "Be careful what you fish for" cartoon that Holmes gives to Moriarty, as well as the shit eating grin Moriarty wears as he visibly struggles to refrain from just throttling Holmes.
  • The very last scene in A Game of Shadows is a twofold moment of hilarity; one, for Holmes' excellent reveal of himself, and two, the audience's reaction to seeing him in camouflage is priceless.
  • Mycroft + nudity + Mary = Crowning Moment of Funny.
  • Mycroft introducing himself to Mary as "the other Holmes" after she had just been pushed off a moving train into a river by Sherlock. She reacts with horror that "there's two of you?!"
  • Mycroft's Spy Speak: "two nations which shall remain nameless... but I can tell you they speak French and German"
  • This gem:
    Sherlock Holmes: In my own defense [to throwing Mary off the train], I timed it perfectly! [Watson attacks him]
    Sherlock Holmes: Of course not!
    Sherlock Holmes: I told you, I timed it perfectly!
    • The best part of that is the implication that Holmes has killed his old wife.
  • "You know what happens when you dance!"
    • The dancing, while Holmes downs a bottle of hooch.
  • Holmes asks Watson to dance with him at the ball. Watson doesn't even blink an eye at this and immediately takes his hand. It's so they can spy on the other guests, but still.
    • The humor is amplified by the fact not only doesn't Watson blink an eye, neither does anyone else despite this being 1891.
    • Except for one old fellow behind them, whose facial expression is absolutely priceless.
  • The awesome moment after Watson's winnings at the party get knocked to the ground and every person in the vicinity eyes them before diving madly to grab what they can.
  • Two words: Hungover Watson.
    • Especially the look on his face at the first bagpipe notes...
    • And his little tug of war with Holmes trying to take his coat-blanket.
    • And at the wedding, he's managed to get cleaned up. Holmes, however, apparently didn't even bother.
  • When Holmes, Watson, Simza and the gypsies are on their way to Germany:
    Madame Simza Heron: [showing Holmes and Watson their horses, to Watson] The black one is yours. The grey one is mine. [to Holmes] And this is for you. [Holmes looks uncertain]
    Sherlock Holmes: Ah, hm, right! Where are the wagons?
    Madame Simza Heron: The wagon is too slow. Canít you ride? [Simza turns to Watson, who grimaces, hesitant]
    Dr. John Watson: Itís not that he canít ride. How is it you put it, Holmes?
    Sherlock Holmes: They're dangerous at both ends and crafty in the middle. Why would I want anything with a mind of its own bobbing about between my legs? Then I should require a bicycle, thank you very much! Itís 1891! Could have chartered a balloon! [He stalks off; Watson turns to Simza]
    Dr. John Watson: How can we make this more manageable?
    [Cuts to the group travelling on horses through the woods past the camera as Ennio Morricone's theme from "Two Mules for Sister Sara" plays in the background. A few seconds later, Holmes rides by, strutting on a little pony!]
    Sherlock Holmes: Where's the fire?
    • Even better: he still manages to get ahead of everyone else by the end of the trip.
      • Actually, ponies are more well-suited to traversing rugged, mountainous terrain (which is the kind they are going through) than horses, due partially to their lower center of gravity.
      • Of course, it still went much slower. The real reason Holmes ended up ahead: He couldn't get the pony to stop!
      • The horses slowing down, and one stumbling on a small cliff, then Holmes hailing them from atop the cliff where his pony has not slowed down.
    • After Holmes is revived by the adrenaline shot, the very first thing he reveals is that he had a nightmare about the pony.
  • Holmes fighting the Cossack:
    Madame Simza Heron: Time is up. I have other clients. [Holmes gets up and starts to leave, but suddenly goes over to Simza and whispers in her ear]
    Sherlock Holmes: Though you may not have detected the whisp of astrachan fur snagged on a nail over my left shoulder. You couldn't have failed to notice the overpowering aroma of herring pickled in vodka, in tandem with a truly unfortunate body odor. There's a man concealed in the rafters above us: a Cossack - renowned for their infeasible acrobatic abilities, and are notorious for moonlighting as assassins. So it's safe to presume that your next client is here to kill you. [smiles] Anything else? [Simza does not answer, thinking about Holmes' implication] No? [Holmes starts to leave, but suddenly turns around and pulls out an umbrella]
    Sherlock Holmes: [voice-over; in slow-motion] First, pillage the nest. [He hooks the umbrella handle around the Cossack's knee and pulls on it, causing him to fall out of his hiding place] Clip wings. [Holmes strikes the assassin a blow with the umbrella that knocks a throwing knife out of his hand and twists it] Now, blunt his beak. [delivers hammer blows to each side of the face, then ducks to avoid a return blow] Crack eggs. [delivers a kick to the groin; the assassin pulls out a knife] Scramble. [Holmes knocks the knife aside] Pinch of salt. [jabs the umbrella into the chest, then deflects another oncoming knife] Touch of pepper. [jabs the assassin with the umbrella tip] Flip the omelet. [performs a judo throw that causes the assassin to flip over him and land on his back] Additional seasoning required. [The assassin tries to stand up but Holmes strikes him across the face, knocking him down] Breakfast is served.
    [Back in real time, Holmes starts to do the above, but just as he gets to "clip wings", Simza throws knives that lodge themselves in the Cossack's chest; he falls backwards through the curtain while Holmes looks at her, surprised]
    Sherlock Holmes: Come with me. I need you alive. Now! [They leave the room just as the Cossack's eyes open, revealing that he is wearing protective lining]
  • On the way to catch a train, in the presence of Holmes (who is disguised as a porter), Moriarty asks Moran if he has time to "indulge his little habit." Moran says "yes". The scene immediately cuts to Moriarty feeding pigeons.
  • Moriarty's lecture tour is also one of these if you've read the stories. In The Valley of Fear, Holmes notes that Dynamics of An Asteroid "ascends to such rarefied heights of pure mathematics that it is said there is no man in the scientific press capable of criticizing it." So those crowds of people lining up at the book signing in Paris to tell Moriarty how good his book was and get his autograph? They don't understand a word of it. They're just trying to look smart!
    • And Moriarty is presumably aware of this, since when Holmes requests his autograph he wryly asks "Have you actually read the book?"
  • Moriarty's extended metaphor involving Schubert's The Trout is absolutely hilarious if you know the fourth stanza, which turns the entire scene from a cat-and-mouse-game torture metaphor into a Masochism Tango Yandere flirting metaphor.
  • The moment Moriarty realises that Holmes managed to swap his notebook, full of clues related to his criminal empire, and replaced it with another notebook in which Holmes drew a shark eating a fisherman. When I saw the "Be careful what you FISH for" comment, I nearly broke down laughing.
    • Especially because if you look hard enough, the shark is smoking a pipe making it clear who's eating whom.
  • The conclusion to Holmes and Moriarty's inevitable final conflict is improbably funny. Holmes grabs Moriarty, Watson walks in and the three of them freeze for a split second — then Holmes and Moriarty tip neatly over the balcony into the Falls. It's a macabre version of Holmes' trademark pratfall/escapes.
  • At an auction, Holmes needs to defuse a motion-sensitive bomb for Dr. Hoffmanstahl, so he gets up and says: "One million pounds! (Everyone gasps in horror and looks at him; his pipe causes a tapestry behind him to burst into flames) Oh and, uh, by the way, Fire...FIRE!"
  • Holmes' note to Watson to get him to save him:
  • Anything involving Stanley is hilarious.
    • "Where are you going, Stanley?"
  • Watson's line when he discovers that Mycroft is going to be at his stag party. In fact, not only is he the ONLY guest at the party, Mycroft's not even there for that to begin with.
    Watson (Wearing a VERY strained smile): So...glad you invited your brother.
  • "How dare you be rude to this woman who invited us into her tent! Offered us her hedgehog!"