Playground of Destruction
- Sergei can't seem to get the Jack of Clubs' name right.
Sergei: Josef says he knows where Heong...Hong-i...Heong-gu...ah, damn it!
Josef: Hong-do Seon-u.
Sergei: Right! That guy! We know where he is.
- Mattias on childcare:
Mattias: What the hell is babysitting?
World in Flames
- Mattias can hijack tanks and vehicles quickly and with little fuss. He knows this.
Mattiasnote : They sent me a tank?!Mattiasnote : Time to bail out, and steal another one.
- Stealing Fiona's car really irritates her.
Fiona: That's mine, not yours! Remember the difference!
- You get this gem in Mercenaries 2 when you hijack a friendly or civilian car as Mattias:
Mattias: This is an emergency! A Viking emergency!
- When the player first meets Misha, he explains why he's hiding out with the Jamaican pirates.
"Was not my fault. Was lieutenant. Gives wrong coordinates. I drop bomb in right place, but is wrong place. He tries to blame me. Guys with big hats come. But I show them, show them wrong coordinates. Big hats get mad at lieutenant, he gets mad at me. Now I'm stuck here."
- Misha extolling the virtues of the MOAB.
Misha: Do you have MOAB yet? Misha love to drop near ex-wife's house. When explode, looks like a nuke went off and scary the hell out of everyone within 1,000 kilometers. Use, if you have much hate inside.
- Really, pretty much everything that comes out of Misha's mouth is one of these.
- The cutscene with all three mercs together is pretty funny as well: it's funny enough when Chris (or Jennifer if Chris is selected) exclaims the selected merc can't sit down because they got Shot in the Ass. But each merc has a unique line when snarking back:
Fiona: "(Player Merc), sit down."Chris/Jennifer: "They can't. They got shot in the ass!"Mattias: "Upper thigh."
- The mission to recover a deadly, amazing weapons system for the UP mercenaries known as "The Devastator." It's actually a little pink moped with a flower basket and silver skulls on the front.
- In one mission, you have to escort a UP executive while he's burning documents. If he gets killed, his has this wonderful line:
- Putting Mattias in the Chicken outfit and... well, doing anything, really.