Funny / Mercenaries

    Playground of Destruction 
  • Sergei can't seem to get the Jack of Clubs' name right.
    Sergei: Josef says he knows where Heong...Hong-i...Heong-gu...ah, damn it!
    Josef: Hong-do Seon-u.
    Sergei: Right! That guy! We know where he is.
  • Mattias on childcare:
    Mattias: What the hell is babysitting?
    World in Flames 
  • Mattias can hijack tanks and vehicles quickly and with little fuss. He knows this.
    Mattiasnote : They sent me a tank?!
    Mattiasnote : Time to bail out, and steal another one.
  • Stealing Fiona's car really irritates her.
    Fiona: That's mine, not yours! Remember the difference!
  • You get this gem in Mercenaries 2 when you hijack a friendly or civilian car as Mattias:
    Mattias: This is an emergency! A Viking emergency!
  • When the player first meets Misha, he explains why he's hiding out with the Jamaican pirates.
    "Was not my fault. Was lieutenant. Gives wrong coordinates. I drop bomb in right place, but is wrong place. He tries to blame me. Guys with big hats come. But I show them, show them wrong coordinates. Big hats get mad at lieutenant, he gets mad at me. Now I'm stuck here."
  • Misha extolling the virtues of the MOAB.
    Misha: Do you have MOAB yet? Misha love to drop near ex-wife's house. When explode, looks like a nuke went off and scary the hell out of everyone within 1,000 kilometers. Use, if you have much hate inside.
    • Really, pretty much everything that comes out of Misha's mouth is one of these.
  • The cutscene with all three mercs together is pretty funny as well: it's funny enough when Chris (or Jennifer if Chris is selected) exclaims the selected merc can't sit down because they got Shot in the Ass. But each merc has a unique line when snarking back:
    Fiona: "(Player Merc), sit down."
    Chris/Jennifer: "They can't. They got shot in the ass!"
    Mattias: "Upper thigh."
  • The mission to recover a deadly, amazing weapons system for the UP mercenaries known as "The Devastator." You drive to the location, and there's this big, scary tank there... that isn't the objective. It's actually a little pink moped with a flower basket and silver skulls on the front, which is behind the tank. You then have to drive it through a crowded city, and the UP mercenaries will make fun of you when you get it to them.
    • And just as a potential player-created Brick Joke, you can choose to bomb the hell out of UP H.Q. in a Chinese mission. One can pretend it was for progressing in the story, but it comes across as comical revenge.
  • In one mission, you have to escort a UP executive while he's burning documents. If he gets killed, his has this wonderful line:
  • Putting Mattias in the Chicken outfit and... well, doing anything, really.
  • Mattias finding a Stinger when faced with incoming hostile helicopters.
    I haven't been this happy since I was nine, and got my first box of Ettans snus!
  • Mattias' confusion about babysitting returns. Made ever better by his tone of voice making him sound genuinely concerned that people do this.
    ...why would someone sit on a baby?