Funny / Mercenaries

    Playground of Destruction 
  • Sergei can't seem to get the Jack of Clubs' name right.
    Sergei: Josef says he knows where Heong...Hong-i...Heong-gu...ah, damn it!
    Josef: Hong-do Seon-u.
    Sergei: Right! That guy! We know where he is.
  • Mattias on childcare:
    Mattias: What the hell is babysitting?
    World in Flames 
  • Mattias can hijack tanks and vehicles quickly and with little fuss. He knows this.
    Mattiasnote : They sent me a tank?!
    Mattiasnote : Time to bail out, and steal another one.
  • Stealing Fiona's car really irritates her.
    Fiona: That's mine, not yours! Remember the difference!
  • You get this gem in Mercenaries 2 when you hijack a friendly or civilian car as Mattias:
    Mattias: This is an emergency! A Viking emergency!
  • When the player first meets Misha, he explains why he's hiding out with the Jamaican pirates.
    "Was not my fault. Was lieutenant. Gives wrong coordinates. I drop bomb in right place, but is wrong place. He tries to blame me. Guys with big hats come. But I show them, show them wrong coordinates. Big hats get mad at lieutenant, he gets mad at me. Now I'm stuck here."
  • Misha extolling the virtues of the MOAB.
    Misha: Do you have MOAB yet? Misha love to drop near ex-wife's house. When explode, looks like a nuke went off and scary the hell out of everyone within 1,000 kilometers. Use, if you have much hate inside.
    • Really, pretty much everything that comes out of Misha's mouth is one of these.
  • The cutscene with all three mercs together is pretty funny as well: it's funny enough when Chris (or Mattias if Chris is selected) exclaims the selected merc can't sit down because they got Shot in the Ass. But select Jennifer, and she basically mutters how it just figures he was staring at HER ass.
  • The mission to recover a deadly, amazing weapons system for the UP mercenaries known as "The Devastator." It's actually a little pink moped with a flower basket and silver skulls on the front.
    • And just as a potential player-created Brick Joke, you can choose to bomb the hell out of UP H.Q. in a Chinese mission. One can pretend it was for progressing in the story, but it comes across as comical revenge.
  • In one mission, you have to escort a UP executive while he's burning documents. If he gets killed, his has this wonderful line:
  • Putting Mattias in the Chicken outfit and... well, doing anything, really.