- From the first episode: Caaaarl! That kills people!
Carl: My stomach was makin' the rumblies that only hands could satisfy.
Paul: What is wrong with you, Carl?
- From the second episode:
Paul: You were headbutting children off the side of the ship!
Carl: That must have been horrifying to watch.
Paul: And then you started making out with the ice sculpture.
Paul: I can't believe what I'm hearing.
Carl: I will not apologize for art.
Carl: Shh - do you hear that? That's the sound of forgiveness.
Paul: That's the sound of people drowning, Carl!
Carl: That is what forgiveness sounds like. Screaming and then silence.
- From the third episode:
Carl: That was a foot - I appear to have swallowed an entire person.
Paul: That would be the hotel bartender.
Carl: Well, that explains why my Mojito is taking so long.
Paul: It was horrifying! Your mouth unhinged like a snake!
Carl: Wow that sounds pretty awesome!
- After Carl discovers his friend is a man named Paul.
Carl: Well... If you excuse me, I have some pictures to delete from my computer...
- From the fourth episode:
Paul: You've gone too far this time, Carl!
: What's that? It's hard to hear you over the sound of melting city!
- From the fifth episode:
Carl: Whatever do you mean?
Paul: You've always done something. It's a lovely day out. We're having a good time. What have you done?
- "Whitey's gotta pay. And the payment is baby hands."
- From the 6th episode
Paul: All you do is kill people, Carl!
Carl: That's like saying all Mozart did was write songs.
- "I am the Henry Ford of human meat!"
- "It's horrifying, Carl." "Thank you."
- From the 8th episode
Carl: Didn't you get my apology piano?
Paul: Pianos aren't supposed to bleed and scream!
Carl: I guess it was less a piano and more a statement on pianos.
- The 10th episode is mostly just creepy, but there are still some funny moments worked in.
Paul Face Mask: There's something down here with us.
Carl: That's just the basilisk. It won't bother us. THE STUPID THING ONLY EATS CHIPOTLE!
- "Were you always this creepy Paul?"