From the first episode: "Caaaaaarl! That kills people!"
Carl: My stomach was makin' the rumblies that only hands could satisfy. Paul: What is wrong with you, Carl? Carl: Well, I kill people and I eat hands—that's two things. — Carl: Well, I was hungry and you know, when you crave hands.
From the second episode:
Paul: You were headbutting children off the side of the ship! Carl: That must have been horrifying to watch. Paul: And then you started making out with the ice sculptures. Carl: Well thank God that the childrenweren't on board to see it!
Carl: Shh - do you hear that? That's the sound of forgiveness. Paul: That's the sound of people drowning, Carl! Carl: That is what forgiveness sounds like. Screaming and then silence.
From the third episode:
Carl:That was a foot - I appear to have swallowed an entire person. Paul:That would be the hotel bartender. Carl: Well, that explains why my mojito is taking so long. Paul: It was horrifying! Your mouth unhinged like a snake! Carl:Wow, that sounds pretty awesome! — Carl: In that case, I should probably mention I've been filling our luggage with orphan meat. Paul: Wh-what?! Carl: Well, I'm building a meat dragon and not just any meat will do.
Carl: Well... If you excuse me, I have some pictures to delete from my computer...
From the fourth episode:
Paul:CAAAAAAAAAAAAARL!? Carl:Happybirthdaaay! Paul: It's not— please tell me you had nothing to do with this! Carl: Why don't you blow out your candle? Paul: You've gone too far this time, Carl! Carl: What's that? It's hard to hear you over the sound of melting city! — Paul: How did you even do this? Carl: A dollop of fairy dust. Paul: Carl! Carl:I ripped the tag off a mattress. Paul: This isn't funny, Carl! Carl: Who's laughing? Clearly not all the people who've just exploded. — Paul: Why did you think any of this was a good idea? Carl: Probably because I'm a dangerous sociopath with a long history of violence. Paul: ...Oh. Carl: I don't understand how you keep forgetting that.
After the nuke goes off, Paul is Stunned Silent just long enough, he says "Carl" just long enough, and in just the right tone to make this possibly the funniest moment in the whole series.
From the fifth episode:
Paul: Carl! I know you've done something! Carl: Whatever do you mean? Paul: You've always done something. It's a lovely day out. We're having a good time. What have you done? — Carl: Come on! Look at this! How did I even do this?! Paul: I don't understand how or why you do anything! Carl: Do you understand how it feels like to be Carl right now? It hurts... not as much as the babies, but it hurts.
"Whitey's gotta pay. And the payment is baby hands."
"Let me explain. Efficiency, industry, never before has this many dead bodies been so manageable."
"I'm the Henry Ford of human meat!"
"It's horrifying, Carl." "Thank you."
From the 7th episode
All the talk about the hand chair.
Carl: Oh, the hand chair. I've recently taken up carpentry. [sheep noises] Carl: Now how would you feel if I called your work a monstrosity? [sheep noises] Carl: Of course I had to use faces. Anything else would be disrespecting the art. [sheep noises] Carl: It's called modernism. Only I've made it more modern by using face parts of city council members. [sheep noises] Carl: I disagreed with the election results. [sheep noises] Carl:Someone had to take a stand. I'm a patriot and a hero. [sheep noises] Carl: Fine. If you're going to whine about it, I can sew them back on. [sheep noises] Carl: I think their bodies are still in my blood canal. [sheep noises] Carl: Yes, I'm the crazy one. Not the people who elected these buffoons. [sheep noises] Carl: If you'd paid any attention to our city charter meetings, you would see it wasn't an overreaction.
From the 8th episode
Carl: Didn't you get my apology piano? Paul: Pianos aren't supposed to bleed and scream! Carl: I guess it was less a piano and more a statement on pianos. — Carl: I miss your grumpy face. And the Paul mask I made hasn't helped. It's not grump enough. Paul: You made a mask of my face? Carl: Yes, and speaking of which, you might want to avoid being seen by federal investigators. To some, you are now known as Nikolai Sponakov, brutal leader of the Russian opium cartel. — Carl: I've got nowhere to go. I burned my house down once it had enough swans inside, and I used up the rest of my savings buying the swans. Paul: And whose fault is that, Carl?! Carl:Society. Society and the swans. — Carl: What if I gave you… ten million dollars cash? Paul: You don't have ten million dollars, Carl. Carl: I buried a large chest of doubloons once. I could go dig that up. Paul: No, Carl. Carl: It was either doubloons or my ZooBooks. A lot of something is in a hole somewhere.
The 10th episode is mostly just creepy, but there are still some funny moments worked in.
Paul Face Mask: Something is down here with us. Carl: That's probably the basilisk. It won't bother us. THE STUPID THING ONLY EATS CHIPOTLE!
"Oh, it's my gore pit."
"Were you always this creepy, Paul?"
Paul Face Mask: I'll go find some rope. Carl:And some Neosporin, if you see a tube. Paul Face Mask: Caaaaaaaaaaarl! Carl: I know! It's all laughs with ol' Carl.
From the 11th episode:
Carl: Identity theft: that's a felony. Paul Face Mask: Caaaaaaaaaaarl! Carl: Yelling: also a felony. Paul Face Mask: Caaaaaaaaaaarl! Carl:(sarcastically) Paaaaaaaaaul! Paul Face Mask: Caaaaaaaaaaarl! Carl:(more irate) PAAAAAAAAAUUUUL!
A meta-example long after the series' end: Why did Jason make the final episode so dramatic and depressing? Did he hate his fans and decide to make them suffer? Was he sick of the series and ended it so cruelly in bitterness? In one of his livestreams of The Dog Island, he admits it was just the funniest way he could think of to end it. He can't stop laughing while he says it either.
The "Re-Cut for Brand Conscientiousness" video that was made in response to YouTube demonetizing the original series is Biting-the-Hand Humor at its finest, with all of the gore edited out, Paul and Carl dubbed over with generic voices that spout bootlicking praises for sponsors and bottled water and the personification of YouTube making very poor attempts at defending its decisions to prioritize placating sponsors over allowing content creators freedom of expression.
