- The baby Chosen One rolling down a really tall mountain. When he finally rolls to a stop, a passing woman picks him up, says "So cute" and throws him down the mountain again.
Woman: Bye bye!
- The effeminate voice on the goon that approaches Chosen One: "Your days are over, mister."
- The Narrator's speech about two minutes into the movie.
I mean, crap
, man! Look at that! That's, like, his stomach plug on the ground back there. You don't see that
every day. I mean, that doesn't really even seem possible if you think about it
— with body organs and cartilage and bones... I mean, I'm no doctor, but that was like one clean chunk!
- The absurd amount of zoom-ins and zoom-outs at the beginning when Chosen One faces a masked bad guy and his minions. It eventually zooms in on Chosen One's nipple for no reason.
- "I need Gopher Chucks!"
- And for added effect, there's a brief close-up of the gophers being swung around while their high-pitched voices squeal.
- The karate class's chant: "Our. Sexual. Preferences. Are. Our. Own. Business!"
- This scene:
Master Tang: He told me that there would be a Chosen One.
Ling's Father: There will be a chosen one. [/flashback]
Master Tang: Then he told me of its significance...
Ling's Father: It will be significant.[/flashback]
Master Tang: And then, he killed the dog.
- "I now officially know TOO much."
- ...And why are you in bed?"
- "Yes, yes. Play me like a drum."
- During Chosen One's training, he is seen using a Bowflex. Other highlights: Doing push-ups by blowing the ground (even the narrator is impressed: "I'll have whatever he's smoking!") and doing a ridiculous amount of flips in the air.
- "Eenie, meenie, miney, mo; I wonder where my glove will go..."
- The Chosen One's introduction to Ling:
Master Tang: By the way, my student Ling here will assist you. Be not concerned of her shyness, for it will pass.
Ling: (smiles shyly at Chosen One)
Chosen One: (smiles back and gives her a polite nod)
Ling: (quickly rips open the front of her shirt, flashing her breasts at him, before closing it again)
Master Tang: There you go!
- Pretty much everything associated with Wimp Lo.
Wimp Lo: If you've got an ass, I'll kick it!
- And Master Tang's reason for keeping Wimp Lo around:
Master Tang: I must apologize for Wimp Lo. He is an idiot. We have purposely trained him wrong, as a joke.
- The Asian man speaking with a Southern accent.
Man: (drawl) Chosen One! Master Pain's in town! (...) He's meetin' with the Mayor. Ohhhhhh, 'his is bad.
- Master Pain tells a joke:
Master Pain: What do you get when you cross an owl with a bungee cord? (long pause) ....My ass. (laughs, and everyone joins him. Suddenly...) ENOUGH!
- You will now refer to me by the name, Betty!
- "Easy, we don't want to lose any toes here."
- The scene where
Master Pain Betty shows off his secret skill — the ability to resist Groin Attacks.
- Then a scene later, the Chosen One's failure to replicate said ability as he's beaten mercilessly with sticks.
- Chosen One meets the one-boobed Whoa, and can't take his eyes off it.
Chosen One: I-I'm sorry?
- "Ohhhhh, Taco Bell, Taco Bell, product placement with Taco Bell."
- "What's the time?" "Hammer Time!"
- "At least cover your mouth! We're all going to catch it!"
- "I implore you to reconsider".
- The chosen one's entire fight with Moon Yuu, the cow.
- When Chosen One fights Betty for the first time:
- He really should have listened to that one-boobed chick.
- This scene is also the genesis of one of Betty's catch phrases: "Shirt ripper!"
- "When you girls are done kissing, I HAVE SOME ASS-KICKING FOR YOU!"
- ONE! OF US! IS WEARING! A PUSH-UP BRA!
- Master Tang rubs the injured Ling's Father's chest:
Ling's Father: No no, please. I have a wound there!
Master Tang: Come on, don't spoil everything. This works for both of us, huh?
- In the very next shot, Ling's Father's body is being hauled away to be buried.
- When Ling is mourning her father's demise:
Ling: He was my father my entire life. We were friends, I loved him, and now he's dead. Except for his hair and nails, dead. (quacks)
- Ling keeps taking off and putting on her kimono.
Ling: TAKE ME, MAN MEAT!... But I don't want you to think I'm a slut.
- "You must take your place in the great circle of........ ''stuff''."
- Behold the two symbols. One, over here. The other... over there.
- "This, is CNN. C..... N..... N....."
- "Hey, guys. What's goin' on?" (gets punched)
- The ventriloquists.
"We are both ventriloquists and now we're upside down!"
"I swing a bit more!"
"I swing a bit less!"
- "On the life of my dummy, I swear this: I'll never tell you where he is."
- Betty pretending to be a bird.
Betty: I'm just a birdie too!
- I'm a great magician! YOUR CLOTHES ARE RED!
- "Ohhh...chicken go 'cluck, cluck,' cow go 'moo!' Piggy go 'oink oink,' how about you? Gonna be an animal just like you...lemur go *hiss hiss*, ostrich go, 'Peh!' Koala go *click click click click*..."
- Betty plays "Baby Got Back" as he beats you up. Just ask Master Tang.
- One of Betty's goons tailing Ling, to the other goons: "You go that way, I'll go home."
- "Chosen One!" "I'm coming!" (repeated three times) Very well edited.
- Intermission: "MY NIPPLES LOOK LIKE MILK DUDS!"
- "I've CHOSEN the large tub!"
- "I'VE GOT SOME YELLOW LIQUID FOR YOUR POPCORN! And it's non-dairy!"
- During Master Tang's fight with Betty, Betty attacks him with claws prompting him to make a choice.
Master Tang: I had two options: A, Roll sideways, dodging the claw and take him out with a spinning back-kick. Or B, take the claw in the face, roll on the ground, and die.
Takes the claw to the face and rolls over
Master Tang: Hm, should have gone with A.
- The scene where the chosen one discovers everyone dead in the woods, particularly the repeating sudden zoom-in on his face.
: (dying) Listen, and listen well. I really like the band *NSYNC
. My favorite member is Harpo
. I think
there's a Harpo; if not, there should be. I will write their next hit, maybe. "A-boom-boom chickie-chickie boom-boom boom-chickie chaka-chaka-choo-choo."
- "Just because someone rolls over and goes 'ugh' doesn't mean they're dead!"
- The Chosen One's sissy meltdown when he can't figure out how to pull off Betty's caps (and the narration that accompanies it.)
- Ling trying to heal the Chosen One's hands after they're injured in training.
Ling: "Is it better now?"
Chosen One: "... You just broke a thermometer over my hands."
- The capper to that scene: "You think that's hot? 'Cause I'll SHOW ya hot." She then proceeds to light Chosen One's hands on fire.
- Chosen One contemplates how to defeat Betty:
- "THAT'S A LOT OF NUTS."
- "Enjoy the Paralyzer! (Betty hits Chosen One's right arm, which becomes useless) Another Paralyzer!" (does the same to the other arm)
- The "What they were Actually Saying" alternate Audio track, turns it into a straightforward(untranslated) kung fu movie with some guy walking around saying things that don't make sense even in English.(With Exceptions)
Chosen One: You are the Pie Man. Your pies are known for miles around.
- There's lip flap and delays to the dialogue throughout the film as part the parody, obviously spoofing poorly-dubbed foreign films, and makes for a good amount of the humor. Even the dog isn't immune to it!