Funny / Half-Life 2

Half-Life 2

• You can derive great fun from throwing things at the officers.
  • Let's see: You've got standard objects like exploding and non-exploding barrels, but there are also things like tires and boxes. And if you're just feeling silly, you can toss paint cans at them!
    • You can also throw toilets at your enemies. You even get an achievement for it.
• When Freeman teleports after Alyx, Lamarr the Headcrab jumps into the portal with Freeman. The name Barney calls her is hilarious.
  Dr. Isaac Kleiner: What is it? What is that?
  Barney: It's your pet, the freakin' HEAD-HUMPER!
• When the teleporter glitches out in "Red Letter Day" and sends you all over City 17, at one point it ports you straight into Breen's office, startling him and making him recognize you. After a few more teleport spots, it briefly drops you back into Breen's office where he's talking to a Combine Advisor on a viewscreen about Freeman suddenly appearing in his office.
  (Gordon is warped into Breen's office for the first time. Breen looks up and recoils in surprise.)
  Dr. Breen: What's the meaning of this?! Who are you?! How did you get in here?!
  (Gordon later warps into Breen's office a second time. Breen is talking with an Advisor via video call.)
  Dr. Breen: The man I saw, I'm all but certain it was... (He turns to look.) ...Gordon Freeman.
• In a beautiful display of scripted dialogue, shortly before the above teleporter incident, Barney mentions how he doesn't trust it — he still has nightmares about that cat. Alyx tries to ask what he meant, and no one explains it. In fact, they just completely ignore the question and talk right over her. Naturally, she's the first human to ever go through, and she asks about the cat again, very worriedly, as the machine is charging up around her. (Everyone still ignores her.)
• At one point, a large plug comes loose, causing the teleporter to power down. After Freeman reconnects it, Barney snarks about his MIT education finally paying off.
• If you opt to bring DOG's "ball" with you in the "We Don't Go To Ravenholm..." chapter, the Headcrab(s)/Headcrab Zombies will, oddly-yet-hilariously, focus on it instead of you pretty much all the time as if it's far more interesting than adding Gordon to their horde, even though it's technically an unarmed Roller Mine, making an otherwise-useless device IMMENSELY USEFUL during the chapter. Just be wary of not letting it touch waist-high water sources or explosives, as either of the two will cause it to explode.
• After defeating the giant Antlion Guard in the chapter "Sandtraps", two Vortigaunts are talking in their own language, then stop to apologize to Gordon, saying what they're doing is rude. They then promise to speak English when Gordon is present, unless they wish to insult him. They then immediately resume speaking Vortigese.
• While almost every other rebel in the game starts gushing about Gordon Freeman on the first sight, there's a particular one in the chapter "Sandtraps" who more or less ignores him, instead grieving over his personal hero named Laszlo, "the finest mind of his generation."
  • It's a case of Black Comedy, to be sure, but one can have a laugh at the fact that "the finest mind of his generation" was apparently too dumb to keep still while laying on open sand during Antlion spawning season.
• Vortigaunts, the somewhat creepy yet incredibly awesome lightning-throwing aliens, apparently speak like stereotypical Southern ministers.
• Due to programming oversight, if you bring a (friendly) Turret into the teleport room in Entanglement, it will shoot Eli Vance as soon as he emerged from the prisoner pod, dropping him dead for good and stopping the scripted event short. Funny that Alyx would forget to remove her dad's name from the Turret's "enemy list" when she reprogrammed it.
• After the Combine teleporter explodes as Alyx and Gordon escape Nova Prospekt, they arrive at their destination safely... a week later. Dr. Kleiner is momentarily distracted by the physics questions this malfunction reveals: "Fascinating! We seem to have developed a very slow teleport!"
  • Alyx Face Palms when she realizes that Kleiner has totally forgotten the armed revolution going on outside.
• The first time you see D.O.G. in action. He gets hit by an APC which seems to take him out... until you see the tank driving backwards down the road with D.O.G. sitting on the hood pounding it with his fists. He then flips the APC over with his feet and tosses it into a group of hapless Combine soldiers.
• "And if you see Dr. Breen, tell him I said 'Fu-'" *crunch*
  • If you listen carefully, Barney really does say "Fuck you".
• Throwing a grenade in a sniper nest. If a combine shouting 'Shit!' before ragdolling out doesn't make you at least smile, you might be clinically dead.
• When Gordon accidentally gets himself outright captured and brought up to Breen's office, his Gravity Gun is taken right off of him just in case by the Combine. When Breen sees this strange contraption for the first time despite the fact that Gordon's been committing a gravitational rampage of utterly tearing the Combine army a new asshole in the Citadel, Breen is completely oblivious to what it is and acts like it's some mere toy. Mere minutes later, after using it in his escape and clearly having no idea what he's doing, he leaves it behind — which lets Freeman effectively end his life and blow up the Citadel. Nice job fixing it, Breen.
  Breen: (chuckling) What's this? Oh, put it over there.
• While most moments involving the G-Man are rightfully terrifying, there is a moment during his ending speech where he walks over to the frozen Alyx and seems to grab a piece of lint off her arm.
• If a Strider has skewered something with its foot, the target's corpse remains impaled on it. If it's about to do the same to another target, the Strider will shake off the previous victim with as much nonchalance as someone scrapping something off their shoe.
• The mod Smod redux adds a ton of weapons to the game, including the Stuff Launcher, which can use anything as ammo - which can include urinals; there are few sights more unique than seeing a Combine become Ludicrous Gibs by launching a urinal at them.

Episode One

• In the beginning of Episode One, Dog suggests getting Alyx and Gordon into the Citadel by tossing a car (with them in it) across a gap into the building.
  Alyx: Well, Gordon, unless you have a better suggestion...he is a robot, he's done the math.
  *Turns to Dog*
  Alyx: You did do the math, right?
  Dog: *Shakes head no*
  • In addition, if you listen to the developer commentary, you'll find out that this joke came about because, during a playtest before the animations had been finished, Dog did his head-shaking idle animation with perfect timing after that line. The play testers loved it so much that Valve made it official.
• In Episode 1, during the section where you need to shine your flashlight on enemies to have Alyx take them out, turn off your flashlight and there's a random chance of Alyx starting to make zombie noises. If you turn it on soon enough, she'll laugh and say "Gotcha."
  • The Oh, Crap! factor of this is somewhat reduced if you have subtitles on, as it comes up as something to the effect of 'makes zombie noise' in Alyx's pink subtitle colour.
• In Episode 1, there is a moment where you have to crawl up the air ducts and temporarily leave Alyx behind; however, if you go too far down the wrong path you fall through, in the same room where you started from right in front of Alyx.
  "Oh, back so soon?"
  • The revelation that according to the stories Alyx heard over the years, Barney and Gordon had a genuine competitive streak of rushing through the Black Mesa air vents to unlock Kleiner's office after he forgot his keys again. The idea of two grown adult men racing eachother in such an absurd way paints an image of Gordon being more of a Cloudcuckoolander than the games had ever presented before.
• Half-Life 2: Episode One. Alyx Vance. "Maybe you should hit it with a crowbar just in case." That is all.
  • Speaking of crowbar...
    Barney: Hey, Gordon, before you go... (holds up crowbar) I was gettin' tired of carrying this around. Listen, I don't have many more of these, so try not to lose this one, okay? (smirks and tosses the crowbar over to Gordon)
• Also in Episode One, Kleiner is making a televised announcement and mentions the benefits of removing the reproduction suppression field the Combine had in place.
  "Now would be an excellent time for procreation! That is to say, in layman's terms, you should seriously consider doing your part for the revival of the species."
  Alyx: Uh, is Dr. Kleiner really telling everyone to... get busy?
  • Even funnier is when, in Episode Two's recap of One, they replay Dr. Kleiner saying "Now would be an excellent time for procreation!" while the city's on fire and Combine are running around shooting everyone.
  • Also in Episode Two, this gets a Callback in an incredibly awkward Shipper on Deck moment from Eli.
    Alyx: Yeah, [Gordon and I] make a pretty good team.
    Eli: Yeah well that's good because well... now that the suppression field's down, we all have to do our... *points to Alyx* part.
    Alyx: DAD! *Face Palms*
    Eli: Can you blame an old man for wanting grandkids?
• "Go on across, Gordon. She's waiting for ya! You lucky dog you."
• When Gordon and Alyx first meet the Combine zombies, she remarks "That's like a... a Zombine, right? Zombine, get it? ... ahkay..."

Episode Two

• In Episode 2, where you have to help Greggs and Sheckley fight off the Antlions, after Alyx is revived by the Vortigunts and Alyx and Gordon are on their way riding up the lift, Greggs yells "Alright Gordon, be adequate!", to which Sheckley asks him what the hell that means. Greggs simply replies, "I don't know, sounds like something the Vortigaunts would say."'
  • Almost everything Griggs says counts as this. "I think we misunderestimated!"
• When you enter the Victory Mine, you see these little immobile grubs all over. Because you can easily kill them for health globs and there's even an achievement for getting all them, you'll probably try and kill as many as possible. When you reach Griggs and Sheckly's outpost they say the Antlions don't make themselves too much of a problem so long as you don't mess with their grubs. Whoops.
• When you struggle through some underground passage in company of a very witty Vortigaunt. "Ah-h, no pit would be complete without a Freeman climbing out of it."
  • Also note the exploding minecart and flaming zombie torso that fall down the pit as you climb up. There's no accompanying sounds or anything, just random flaming zombie torso falling down the pit at you.
• The G-Man charging Gordon to keep Alyx safe on the way to White Forest base becomes this when one remembers that at the end of the first installment he very deliberately left her to die in the explosion at the top of the Citadel, leaving the Vortigaunts to rescue her instead. Either he's taking advantage of an unexpected boon or he's trying to cover up an embarrassing mistake. Also the fact that he demands it as compensation for Gordon's freedom, which the Vortigaunts were also responsible for. The whole speech almost comes off as the G-Man pulling a Glad I Thought of It and hoping Gordon won't notice.
• In Episode 2, when infiltrating a Combine-occupied warehouse to destroy an autocannon, there's a particularly amusing scene (even noted by the developers) where a fast-zombie torso is being chased Tom-and-Jerry style by a Combine soldier.
• While Vortigaunts are nothing new to players of the game, the fact that White Forest has Uriah is unique in that he's wearing a lab coat. For some reason the sight of it is just absurd.
  • Which itself is a Call-Back to when you arrive at Black Mesa East in Half-Life 2, and a tour via elevator reveals Vortigaunts preparing meals… while wearing chef hats.
• Just after entering the White Forest base, you encounter a training session of sorts, where one rebel is attempting to instruct two others in the use of the AR2 i.e. Combine pulse rifle. One guy listening mentions that he's used an AR3 plenty of times (despite the instructor saying there's no such thing), and boasts about killing Hunters with his bare hands, by which point it should be clear that he's lying his ass off. When the instructor mentions sending him out in the field, he refuses claiming he's just a radio operator.
  • Even funnier, during the final battle at White Forest, you can sometimes hear a rebel mentioning "One time, back in the city, I saw a guy take down a Hunter with his bare fists!". Maybe the "radio operator" actually was telling the truth...
• One of the supply caches available after getting the car repaired requires the Gordon to drop a grenade down beneath a hinged floor plate while standing on top of it, the resulting explosion flinging him up to a platform to access a switch to unlock the cache. There is a dead body hanging from the rafters, apparently from somebody who's tried that already and didn't get the grenade in the right place.
• Everyone remembers this one, right? You see a dumpster full of rustling cardboard boxes, you've got grenades, toss one in... only for it to get tossed right back out and into your face
  • What makes it better is the story behind it: it wasn't originally scripted to happen, but Valve noticed every single playtester threw a grenade into the dumpster, and one or two times, the physics glitched so it bounced back out. They thought the visual was so hilarious that they scripted it to happen on purpose from then on
• Right before the climatic final fight, Arne Magnusson claims he might forgive Gordon.... for an event that could happen (and apparently did) in THE FIRST GAME!
  Magnusson: Oh, and Freeman! If you pull this off, I might just forgive you for that debacle at Black Mesa. You know the one I mean... involving a certain microwave casserole.
  • Hell, Magnusson pretty much breathes hilarity with his constant sarcasm and egotism.
    Kleiner: Everything seems to be in order.
    Magnusson: The last thing on my mind was submitting it for the Kleiner Certificate of Approval. Whatever troubles we might have had were the result of staffing and supply deficiencies. And get your cranial-conjugal parasite AWAY FROM MY NOSECONE!!!
    —
    Magnusson: Kleiner, are you going to sync up the satellite? Or should I postpone the launch to make time for a family reunion?
    Kleiner: Alright, alright. I was just saying hello to Alyx and Gordon.
    Magnusson: Oh, fine, no one grants me a moment's peace but fine, unroll the red carpet!
    Kleiner: Good grief, I only meant that they might- oh, never mind him. Now, my dear, where is this data packet you've been carrying? If I delay a single moment, I'll never hear the end of it...
    Magnusson: You have my word on it!
  • Especially when he sends Gordon off to an errand.
    "Freeman? Freeman, you're not doing anything, make yourself useful and find out what the hell is going on in there."
    "What are you waiting for, Freeman? A hug? The situation's not going to investigate itself!"
    "Attention personnel, this is Dr. Magnusson. Since the secondary silo staff seem incapable of solving their little crow problem, you will be happy to hear we have put the popular Dr. Freeman on the job. We all look forward to his remedy. And I look forward to hearing the staff's excuses for why they couldn't handle it themselves!! Thank you, for your patience."
    "For God's sake, Freeman, what is taking you so long?! Oh, I cannot concentrate with all this racket! These feathered fiends are the most persistent I've ever..."
    "Freeman! Freeman, have you heard a word I've been saying?! It's up to you to seal the launch doors!"
• Alyx rolling her eyes whenever Magnusson talks.