Why does it say "Welcome to you are 'Doom!'"? What does that even mean, and why, for God's sakes, is "Doom!" in quotes? Is this some sort of ironic doom?! Is the wink implied?!
Season 1
Pimp My Revenue
- Killface realising the typos on his postcards (providing the page quote above).
- The banter on "Live with Mitzi and Verle", especially when they get sidetracked during Killface's segment.Verle: Give it up for Taqu'il, everyone!
Mitzi: He's a rapper!
XPO
- The exchange between Xander and Stan when Xander enacts Operation: Snooperfax by writing Killface an invitation to an expo where the prize is twelve billion dollars:Stan: You don't have twelve billion dollars!
Xander: Well I'm not writing him a check, dumbass! Here, gimmie some glitter on here.
Stan: You can't fax glitter.
Xander: Not with that attitude.
Stan: Not with any attitude! - Phil and Simon return to Killface and Sinn dressed as nuns, weilding a rocket launcher.Phil: Don't worry about him, sir. Operation: Bad Habbit is a go.
Killface: ...Sixteen hours in the car. How many times did I say no sabotaging the other inventors dressed as nuns?
Simon: (mumbling)
Killface: At least a dozen.
News of a Kidnapping
- When Killface demands a twelve-billion-dollar ransom from Xander, the Xtacles swoop in to stop him.[Two Xtacles land on the catwalk, aiming at Killface]
Xtacle #1: He's not paying you a dime!
Xander: Yeah!
[Another Xtacle lands next to them, aiming at Xander]
Xtacle #2: 'Cause dead men don't pay ransoms!
Xander: No!
The Grate Escape
- Throughout the episode, in regards to Darcelle Jones or Taqu'il, various characters respond with some variation of "she/he's in the slideshow!"Wendell: What is this... slideshow thing everyone's doing?
- Once Killface reveals his plan to save Simon to Xander, including Xander distracting a guard by standing in front of him and rubbing his nipples.Xander: Yeah, my part's kinda gay...
Killface: Well, wait 'til you hear Plan B!
Xander: What's Plan B?!
[They round a corner and are surrounded by Torpedo Vegas' guards]
Killface: ...I don't actually have one.
Penultimate Fighting
- Quite a few members of the cast end up at Chinatown watching Xander and Killface fight to the death, and their commentary is consistently hilarious. Special mention goes to Taqu'il's rapidly changing opinion of Chinatown:Torpedo Vegas: Your attention please...
Taqu'il: Oh God, I love Chinatown!
Vegas: Tonight's death rabbit battles have been cancelled.
Taqu'il: Oh man, I hate Chinatown!
Vegas: Instead of rabbits, we will have a human deathmatch, between two best friends!
Taqu'il: I frickin' love Chinatown!
Xtacle: Me too, man!
Taqu'il: I wanna teabag Chinatown!
Xtacle: Boosh!
Thrust Issues
- Killface watching TV to get over the Barnaby Jones betrayal, only to be reminded of it every few seconds:Male TV Announcer: Coming up: Friends, followed by-
[Killface switches channel]
Female Announcer: Betrayal, starring Jeremy Irons-
Killface: Mm, no. [switches channel]
Spanish Presenter: Si Bueno i como Barnaby Jone-
Killface: No. [switches channel]
Male Announcer: marathon, of this old barn-
[switches channel]
Female Announcer: -a bee-
[switches channel]
Darcelle Jones: -Jones, of Team Jaguar.
[Killface shoots TV screen] - "Xander frickin' Crews! Do you see the big-ass sign out there?! Does it say 'Stan the big dumb fat jerk liar who tried to steal my company'?! No! Building's not tall enough!"
- The climax of the episode: Xander and Killface meet on the Annihilatrix catwalk to exchange the key and the $20 billion cheque. Killface begins to walk towards him, but Xander demands that he throws the cheque to him, thinking he would attack him with his talons. Killface protests, but Xander yells "1, 2, 3, throw!" and Killface panics and tries to throw it to him, only to have it fly away into the wind.Xander: ...the fuck, dude?!
Killface: You said throw it!
Xander: Why?! Did I say that?!
Killface: Because you're an idiot! - Xander attributes the fact that he activated the Annihilatrix to his parents never having established boundaries.
Season 2
The Opposition
- Wendell has a flashback to Lollapalooza when he sees a truck with the festival's name written on it:Female Concert Goer: Are you feeling it, Wendell?
Wendell: Are you Jane's Addiction?
Girl: Wendell, look at me!
Wendell: Guaahhhh...
Girl: (against spinning background, her head transforming into an Anubis head) Anubis has risen, Wendell.
Wendell: Anubis has risen?! (screaming) - The ending of the episode reveals that Xander took the elevator down from the catwalk of the Annihilatrix, and the cheque happened to blow into his face at that exact moment:Xander: Yeah, have fun getting the shit stomped outta you by the Xtacles when I go back to my house to get my Awesome-X gear from that hooker who was living there the last time I-
[Cheque blows into his face]
Xander: ...checked.
Wendell Goes Undercover Again
- Wendell talking about the plan to perform a live abortion on Antagone with a machete."Wendell': It's not pretty, we're dealing with some pretty profound ideologies here, y'know, on the one side, anti-abortion, on the other side: Jango! I've got a machete. So... deal with it, Congress, y'know, you can't legislate morality. Although, you can legislate machetes, turns out. Which, uh, thank God this isn't Canada.
Cody Gains a Namesake
- The Xtacles conversing after Wendell steals the key and rides past on Arthur's back.Xtacle #1: That's Steve! From machete squad!
Xtacle #2: We have a machete squad?
Xtacle #1: Yeah. ...That guy Steve's on it!- After being convinced that Steve is leaving to create an Ant Baby/Machete Squad splinter group:
Xtacle #1: Well if you're so smart... How come you're not in Ant Baby Machete Squad?
Xtacle #2: Oh, I will be... I'll be squad leader. - Trapped in the X-Calibur prison (where Ronnie and Xander were trapped previously), Val and the Xtacles begin to think of ideas. Cliff suggests using the hole Ronnie dug with his space lasers. The other Xtacles begins laughing and making fun of him ("Yeah, you'd like us to use your hole", "Things Cliff's dad says to him!"), until one realises that that's actually a pretty good idea.Xtacle: ...for once.
- Throughout the episode, a Running Gag is people going to mention something, but forgetting what they were about to say (inspiring the popular joke from Archer). This culminates in Xander calling his daughter (who he had just paid to never speak to him again) back into the room, realising he was a huge asshole... only to forget what he was going to tell her.Dr. Stewart: Yeah, you were a huge dick.
Xander: God, you're right. Hey, Janet!
Jenny: Yeah?
Xander: ...Ah, wait, damn, I had something... Just... I guess just 'bye' then. (The door slams shut behind her) She's a good kid. - The ending of the episode: After Wendell rides past on Cody 2's back, and Val lets out an frustrated "now what the hell do we do?!", one of the Xtacles brings out the "Here Comes Trouble" onesie.Xtacle #1: Well, for starters... we're gonna need a bigger onesie.
Cliff: Like, fifty times, I said that.
Unsorted
- The longer any given conversation involving Xander Crewes goes, the more likely it is to reach Crowning Moment status, as his understanding of whatever's going on declines but his anger/confusion/excitement/whatever increases. His exchanges with Killface deserve special mention, particularly in season 2.
- Almost the entire episode in which the Xtacles attempt to pass Nearl off as Xander Crews, with the highlight being either "Elephant showers with their noses!", "It's complicated enough without all the evil twin bullshit having," or the entire Flowers For Algernon/Harrison Bergeron/Tom Bergeron/Agamemnon exchange.
- "I'm gonna kill Babar!"
- Xander's "gray market safaris" and his claim of a mama panda bear being "the most dangerous game."
- When Xander and Killface finally make it to the debate, poor Carter Hawkins (the moderator) is subjected to absolute chaos as the two of them try to orient themselves, with Xander shouting things like "Why does he get a spirit animal?!" and "I think my buzzer's broken!"
- Master Cylinder!
- Ballocaust
."Rapper Taqu'il made headlines today, but not the good kind, like you want." - Possibly the entire last two episodes. The show completely implodes on itself, and it is excellent. Cody 2 is down!
- Frisky Dingo contained many of these from Killface to Awesome X and the X-tacles to Simon to Valerie, but particularly in the first episode when Villain Protagonist Killface uses the severed torso of a twin he shot in a previous scene as a hand puppet as the other twin looks on and this quote:Valerie: Please don't kill us!
Killface: Please don't make it so appealing!- Second season episode where Xander's doctor gets confused by name of the (sorta) evil cyborg villainness:Doctor: Well, that cracked your C3 and C4 vertebrae, so... you ever see Hooper?
Xander: Yeah, that robot with the big tits!
Doctor: No, but that sounds awesome.
Xander: It is!
Doctor: I meant the Burt Reynolds movie where he's a hard-living stuntman.
Xander: That sounds awesome.
Doctor: It is. Anyway, one more impact to the neck, and you'll be paralyzed.
Xander: My third-greatest fear!
Doctor: Same basic plot as in the movie.
Xander: God, that sounds awesome.
Doctor: It is.
Xander: But who's gonna stop Hooper?
Doctor: Well, it's already out on DVD.
Xander: No, I mean the robot with the big tits.
Doctor: Really sounds awesome.
Xander: It is.
- Second season episode where Xander's doctor gets confused by name of the (sorta) evil cyborg villainness:
