- As the assassins begin their killing spree to close down the smuggling ring:
"If man were meant to fly, Mr. Wint..."
"...He would've been born with wings, Mr. Kidd."
(The two hold hands and practically skip away)
- Bond's introduction to one of the more ludicrously named Bond girls:
- "Well, I'm afraid you've caught me with more than my hands up."
- Bond takes Plenty O'Toole up to his hotel room, only to find Blofeld's goons waiting for him. One of them throws Plenty out the window after she takes her clothes off, and she lands in the pool wearing nothing but her purple high heels and her pink panties - with Plenty protesting from start to finish as her sexual humiliation is played for laughs ("I've got friends in this town!).
Bond: Exceptionally fine shot, sir.
Henchman (genuinely stunned): I didn't know there was a pool down there.
- While Blofeld is demonstrating his laser: "As you can see, it's currently over Kansas. Of course, if we destroy Kansas, the world may not hear about it for years."
- And then his suggestion that they destroy New York City because of all the smut and traffic, so "they can start anew."
- Bond's introduction to Bambi and Thumper.
- When Burt Saxby tries to sneak up and shoot Will White, and is gunned down for his efforts:
Bond: Saxby...White: Burt Saxby??Bond: Yeah.White: Tell him he's fired!(Bond slowly turns, glancing straight at the camera)
- Bond is trapped in a pipeline with a rat, after having accidentally covering himself in Mr. Wint's perfume. James, to the rat: "Well, one of us smells like a tart's handkerchief. [sniffs] I'm afraid it's me. Sorry, old boy."
- Bond using the crane to turn Blofeld's "Batho-sub" into a wrecking ball.
Blofeld: Lower! Not UP!
- The transition from Slumber, Inc. to a much-needed hot bath for James Bond:
Shady Tree: Where the hell do you think you're going?
James Bond: I hear that the Hotel Tropicana's quite comfortable. My condolences, gentlemen!
[Morton Slumber slams the lid of the now-charred casket in disgust. Cut to Bond in the hot tub while on the phone with Felix Leiter]
James Bond: Hello, Felix. Oh, very comfortable.
- "Alimentary, my dear Leiter."
- "You don't just kill James Bond and wait for the cops to arrive!" Of course, Bond isn't really dead - he just placed his membership card to the Playboy club onto a smuggler he was impersonating - but Tiffany's reaction is just priceless.
- When Mr. Wint and Mr. Kidd trail Bond and Tiffany on the plane to Los Angeles, the latter quips "I must say, Miss Case seems quite attractive... for a lady." Wint turns to Kidd and gives a humorously disapproving look.
- The "brother" scene, as James Bond, disguised as Mr. Franks, is taken to Slumber, Inc. by black suits under the employ of its funeral director, Morton Slumber.
Hearse Driver: The, uh, stiff... [clears throat] the deceased back there... your brother, Mr. Franks?
James Bond: Yes. He was.
Random Black Suit: I've got a brother!
James Bond: [smiling] Small world.
- While Bond is getting his briefing, he delivers a typical critique on the quality of the brandy being served - when he professes little knowledge on diamonds, M snorts "Refreshing to hear that there is one subject you're not an expert on!"
Funny / Diamonds Are Forever
For a Camp romp, this Bond movie has several moments: