"The Pants Tent": Richard Lewis gets into an argument with Larry and threatens that he better call him by sundown. Larry is amused by this and snarks, "By sundown? What are you, Gary Cooper?" Lewis smiles and replies, "That's funny. I'm trying not to laugh, but that's funny. You better call me by sundown." Larry continues: "By sundown? And is a posse gonna come get me?"
When Larry spends the night at Jeff's, he is mistaken for feeling up Jeff's mom, and when Jeff finds out, he wakes up Larry:
Jeff: You gotta go. Larry: What? Jeff: You gotta go. Larry: What are you talking about? Jeff: You felt up my mom, you gotta go. Larry: I copped a feel off your mom?! What are you saying to me? Jeff: She was moping around. I'm saying, "What's the matter?" She said, "Larry touched my bosom for several seconds." Larry: You schmuck! Listen to me for a second! We're in the kitchen. She wanted to try on the sunglasses again. She was looking in the toaster and I was holding the toaster she wanted to get a better look at her face in it and she leaned against the back of my hand and so, I didn't want to just turn, I didn't want to hurt her feelings by taking it away fast. Jeff: I'm sorry. She's all freaked out. You gotta go. Larry: Are you kicking me out? Jeff: All right, look, set the alarm. Do you know how to set the alarm? Larry: (incensed) She rubbed up against the back of my hand! Jeff: I believe you, it's not about that! Larry: You think I feel up old ladies?! Jeff: It's not about that. You gotta get out of here at 7:00 in the morning. Larry: I'll be out of here early in the morning. Jeff: Grab a bagel from the kitchen and get out. Larry: I won't grab anything, I'll just walk out. Your mother thinks I touched her breast? That is so sick. Jeff: It's what she thinks, what can I say? Sweet dreams. Larry: Sweet dreams. I'll dream about fucking your mother.
"Thor", pretty much all of it. Some context: Jeff is annoyed that his wife (whom he's currently separated from) has all this dirt on him that she can tell her friends, especially material related to the bedroom. Larry says this is why he doesn't reveal any of his own fetishes to Cheryl, for fear that she will use them against him should their relationship turn sour. One day, Larry is driving and he sees Wanda Sykes out walking, so he yells "I'd know that tush anywhere!" This comment comes back to haunt him later, as Cheryl accuses Larry of saying Wanda has a fat ass. Larry defends his comment, as he didn't mean anything derisive about it, and would say the same if she had a small ass. Cheryl then wonders if Larry has a big ass fetish, which Larry vehemently denies, as he doesn't want Cheryl to have any dirt on him. Things get even funnier when Wanda visits the two and busts his chops about his comment, essentially calling him an ass-loving pervert.
To say nothing of the subplot where a pro wrestler (which the episode is named after) hassles Larry about making faces and gestures to his kids, and Larry gets even by telling Thor's kids that wrestling is fixed.
"The Doll": Pretty much the funniest Susie moment of the series, when Larry and Jeff take the head off Sammi's doll to replace one that Larry cut the hair off of:
Susie: Where's the head? I know you took the doll's head. Where is it? Where's the fucking head? Jeff: I don't know. Susie: The kid is home, hysterical because her doll, Judy, has been DECAPITATED, 'cause you two sickos took the head for God knows what reason, some voodoo shit you're doing. Where is it? (Larry hesitantly scratches himself) Susie: Stop scratching your balls and tell me where it is! (pause) Just get me the fucking head, all right? Both of you, 'cause I've had it, you four-eyed fuck, and you fat piece of shit! GET ME THE HEAD!!!
In "Shaq", Larry wants Shaq's doctor to look at something on his back without making an appointment:
Doctor: What do you do for a living? Larry: I'm a writer. Doctor: Next time you're in a big hurry, why don't you write me a bunch of shit for free?
"The Baptism": See if this were yours, it would say "fucking douchebag".
"Benadryl Brownie": After Larry fires a black man who would get his TV to work, he's complaining about it in front of guests. Wanda Sykes calmly walks up to his TV and tells him that he needs to turn the satellite on.
Wanda: See the little green light? Just gotta turn it on. Or you can fire the black man. Whatever works for you.
"The Special Section": Larry David acting in an amazingly accurate parody of Martin Scorsese mobster flicks.
Larry refuses to take a house tour in "Krazee-Eyez Killa":
Susie: So come on, I'll give you the tour. Larry: You know what? that's okay. I get it. Susie: What do you mean? Larry: You know, it's bedrooms, bathrooms I get it. I see it, it's beautiful, it's great. Susie: You don't want a tour? Larry: You don't need to walk me around. Susie: Get the fuck out of my house, okay? Get the fuck out right now! Larry: All right, fine, I'll take the house tour. Susie: No, no, I'm done, I'm over it. I'm turned off. Leave! Get the fuck out, okay? Freak of fucking nature, doesn't want a house tour. Larry: Susie, I'll take the house tour! Susie: No, no! No tour for you!
Anna the dry cleaner: I'll have your semen-covered blanket ready on Wednesday!
In "The Ida Funkhouser Roadside Memorial", after Larry screws up Sammi's college prospects:
Jeff: Oh, you know what? You have ruined my life! You have ruined my life! I have to live with this now! Susie: Oh, you bet he does. Jeff: Oh, you hear that?! I am FUCKED! And you FUCKED me! HARD!
In "The Lefty Call", the fight between Larry and Richard Lewis over who has a healthier colon, which erupted after Larry's bathroom habits were discussed.
Richard: You're shitting and pissing almost seventy times a week!
Larry and Jeff (and later, John McEnroe) getting a little too much joy out of the "freak book".
Marty's crazy sister Bam-Bam was full of hilarious non-sequiturs in the one episode that she was in.
The last words from Auntie Rae when she and the family (save Leon) leave for good in "Vehicular Fellatio":
Auntie Mae: Fuck you, Larry David, that's some bullshit!
In "The Reunion", after Jeff tells Larry not to go off on Sandy Goodman (who gave them lousy seats at the basketball game AND screened his cell phone call), Larry approaches Sandy, who asks him if he enjoyed the game. Larry says, "Well..." Smash Cut to Jerry's office...
Jerry: You told the head of NBC to go fuck himself?!
In "Denise Handicap", Larry and Ted Danson fighting over whether Larry will eat the pie he gave him.
From the ending of the "Bare Midriff" the scene where Larry prevents himself from falling to his death by grabbing his secretary's fat belly.