It starts with Professor Celluloid after a successful Hostile Show Takeover. He then tries to review Die Hard. About a minute in, Celluloid gets punched from offscreen, and then it smash cuts to Film Brain starting his intro as normal while nursing his sore hand.
Matthew gets bored during the endless repetition of the "gearing up to move out" footage:
The Phelous-esque cartoon noises for the cars leaping up from speed bumps, over and over...
"Originally intended as a biopic of the late Ayrton Senna, it evolved into a racing movie set in Formula One. One problem: the Formula One bosses took one look at the script and told Stallone to get stuffed."
"So the film starts in Long Beach, no it starts in Miami, no it's in Mexico, HOLY CRAP WHERE ARE WE?"
The bit when the opening infodump says that humanity found alien life in 2009. It being 2009, Professor Celluloid appears and announces that he's done just that. Cue dramatic music and a shot of space as... the That Guy With The Glasses logo comes into view. It then goes to telescope view and shows Linkara waving.
When the Eskimo dressed as a raven starts cawing, the look on Film Brain's face is priceless. And it gets even better when he asks if someone spiked his tea.
10, 000 B.C.
Playing The Flintstones theme song during the end credits of the review was a stroke of genius.
His numerous hilarious fits of rage over the plentiful history fail and geography fail. Especially the fact that they trekked all the way from Russia to the pyramids and it's supposed to be set thousands of years before there were ANY pyramids in Egypt.
He reacts to the pyramids by first beating himself repeatedly with an Indiana Jones boxset and then a wall.
Using the death tune from Super Mario Bros. (twice!) for the deaths of two characters was hysterical.
"What next, nuclear weapons? Well, that might actually make the film entertaining."
His rebuttal to a scene in which a speaker is heard playing from an oncoming car:
(leans directly into camera) THERE IS NO SOUND IN SPACE!
This echoes, zooming out progressively and progressively further, until we get a full picture of Earth, at which point the audio goes completely mute.
See? No sound.
At one point, he goes on an EPIC QUEST to try to understand a stupid joke about Salt Lake City.note It had to do with the city's reputation of being ridiculously uptight, which probably wouldn't be familiar to almost anyone outside Eagleland and some Americans to boot. After his computer freezes up, he runs halfway across town, threatens someone into letting him use their computer, looks the city up on Wikipedia, laughs... then says the joke wasn't funny and it wasn't worth it. All accompanied by the Indiana Jones theme.
Chris: I don't know! It tastes like sugar with a bit of something that I can't pinpoint. It says it's citrus but I don't really know what it tastes like. It tastes like...it tastes like what I imagined carpets tasted like before I actually tried to eat the carpet.
Mathew: It wasn't that bad!
Chris: No when I was little I would look at the carpet and go "Mmm, that looks tasty"! Until the day I actually tried to eat it...
Just as Woody Harrelson's character dies: "This one's for Money Train!"
Early on in the second half, we get a bit of description of the 2012 disaster hitting Tokyo. This is cut off by Mathew on his sofa, explaining he cut out a joke because of events that took place not long after the intended release. His solemn tone conveys just how dead serious he is as he explains the scene in detail, why he was originally going to joke about it, and that he meant not to make light of recent events as much as he did the film. Right after this, he plays the scene where the Vatican collapses. The sound of bowling pins is heard right as the ruins crush the crowd.
Sunday School Musical
Mathew calling Todd In The Shadows "Hoodie Scum" upon meeting him for the first time and offering Todd his wallet in exchange for not getting stabbed.
When Todd eventually gets Mathew to calm down, Todd mentions reviewing Crossroads. Not only does Mathew mention two other works with the same title, but when Todd finally just tells him it's the Britney Spears movie, Mathew just deadpans "We're not going to review that".
And then one of the eponymous Sunday schools turns out to be actually named Crossroads, leading to an additional plea from Todd.
A character's father explains a prayer her mother would say, "Lord, let this bubble take away my trouble." Smash cut to Mathew and Todd fake-puking.
The montage of Todd trying to get people to review with him, especially Obscurus Lupa.
Brain asks Todd how he got in his room when the door was locked. Todd deadpans "I move in the space between spaces" and they leave it at that.
Film Brain remarks that as a child of the nineties, he missed the initial Transformers craze by a few years & can only judge the Michael Bay films on their own merits, before acknowledging he knows people who feel differently. Cut to Spoony.
Spoony: FUCK YOU! *punches a DVD copy of the original film*
"With each sex and groin joke, Bay brings society closer to the days of Ow, My Balls!."
Why does Film Brain have the poster of the movie on his wall? " Well, after all the negative comments about the Transformers poster, I put it up there just to dick with you."
"That's right folks, Castle has turned into a complete Saturday Morning Cartoon Villain who wants to take over the world." *cut to Lo Pan saying "Indeed"* "Unlike this Movie, I don't like to be cliche.*
Good Luck Chuck
His dramatic reenactment of the sex scenes while the audio of the movie plays.
He askes his Twitter if you could make a cattle prod out of a golf club plugged into a car cigarette lighter, and notes that he got a lot of questions asking what he got up to in his personal life.
Bland: I'm pregnant.
Prick: You mean...you're with child?
Film Brain: No, she's gonna give birth to a rubber chicken; OF COURSE SHE'S WITH CHILD!!!
Another one of his live streams took place in the same house as several of his friends, who (to his dismay) where watching the stream in the next room and, somehow, getting a laugh out of the five second delay between him saying things in real life and saying them on the stream. Eventually they decided to crash into his room with nerf guns and mooning. As many people put it, "It's like a bad live action fanfic".
Film Brain demands that Jesu prove that the room is hers. Cue a sleeping Nash rolling over and trying to spoon with him. And somehow, Film Brain managed to get into the bed without noticing that anyone else was there.
The Rap Critic's response to Trent's constant use of "Damn!" whenever he sees a hot girl:
Rap Critic: Damn! Damn! Damn! I swear, the stereotypical black guy from Not Another Teen Movie had more variation than this!
At the end, when Big Momma starts rapping:
Film Brain: That's it. Rap is dead.
Rap Critic: I would just like to personally apologize for letting anyone know that this happened.
During the Universal Soldier: the Return review, Dr. Insano shows up with a shot glass full of what he claims is a Jean Claude Van Damme sperm sample, which he'll use to clone an army of Van Dammes that will fight his army of Bruce Lees solely for his own amusement.
Then, at the end of the review, he takes the shot. "Ick. Salty."
All the jokes about Dwayne Johnson's sinking film career.
From his crossover review with Lupa on Metal Man, a hilariously poor mockbuster of Iron Man:
All the jokes about the main character's situation and how it seems to keep getting worse with every new development, as well as the Alternate Character Interpretation of Dr. Blake.
To elaborate: the main character is forever trapped against his will in a metal suit without knowing beforehand it's impossible to remove, and must constantly listen to the AI Dr. Blake. Later on, his parents are murdered, he must forever subsist on a foul-tasting liquid (which will eventually run out, as Film Brain points out), having the suit damaged makes him prone to heart attacks and strokes and the AI Dr. Blake can view his dreams.
Film Brain: Hate to break it to you Doctor, but wearing a mechanical suit doesn't make you another species. And that certainly doesn't explain why you've condemned one of your students to wearing it for the rest of his life. You've successfully taken away his family, his girlfriend and his ability to take a piss forever. That doesn't make you a hero, that makes you a dick!
The reviewers pointing out the film's high Special Effect Failure (especially considering it was made by a special effects expert), such as the screwed-up invisibility effect that causes the background to double up.
Film Brain: I think calling this "Metal Man" is probably pushing it. But let's face it, "Plastic and Rubber Man" wouldn't shift the DVDs off the shelves.
The completely random part of the climax in which Metal Man deflects a missile, sending it skyward and hitting a plane.
Lupa enters and declares "I got the results of the test back: I am definitely the most annoying person on the site." And the way she seems so disappointed when Film Brain points out she's only the American champion and he's statistically the world's most annoying thing on TGWTG.
When Film Brain tells Todd the film they'll be be reviewing is The Squeakquel, Todd picks up a shotgun. When Todd appears in the hotel after the opening titles, he mentions he wasn't allowed to bring it on the plane.
Right before this, Todd eagerly answering the Skype alert with "Lupa, Lupa?!"
When Alvin, voiced by Justin Long, makes a reference to the movie Dodgeball, Film Brain's pondering of this meta-scene causes the universe to undergo a Reality Breaking Paradox (again).
When the chipmunks ride a cup on top of a blender while singing "You Spin Me Round (Like A Record)", Film Brain acknowledges that it's still better than the Flo Rida version, while Todd acknowledges that three chipmunks fit neatly in a blender.
Todd: So, how do you think it'd smell if you pressed Alvin in a George Foreman grill? I'm guessing delicious.
Shortly after the Chipettes first appear:
Todd: They're naked. This is bothering me. Film Brain: Thank you! I'm glad I'm not the only one.
The "two-for-one sale" joke*
"Pedophilia and bestiality!"
, perhaps the darkest bit of humor ever uttered by Film Brain.
After the scene when Theodore is in bed with Toby after he gives him a "Dutch Oven" by accident.
FB: (mimicking a child) Daddy, what's a Dutch Oven?
Both expressing confusion over the movie's totally random cameo of Digger, the NASCAR gopher.
Todd: Who? No; WHY?
FB: Maybe it's to set up his own movie?
Todd: Did he get one?
(Todd Face Palms while FB tosses his hands in the air)
After mentioning that Film Brain had recently reviewed Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son:
Todd: How can you stand to watch this stuff? FB:(maniacally cheerful) BECAUSE I'M INSANE!!!(Huge crazy grin, steepled hands)'' Todd: Yeah, no shit!
Aleksandr from the UK's Compare The Market/Compare The Meerkat advertising campaign for an insurance comparison website popping up with a "Simples" much to Todd's confusion, and Film Brain's noting that it's a UK thing & reassuring Todd that the Brits will have found the joke funny.
Film Brain's notion of the rest of the football scene:
Film Brain: They throw the ball with Alvin on it, which, I'm pretty sure is cheating, but there you go. *Alvin falls* Ooo, he's dead! *Alvin gets up* Nooo, of course not, but he ends up scoring the winning touchdown, if you can call it that.
Todd's quick lecture on how to properly scream "Alvin".
Todd: Note the implied threat of violence. That's how it's done.
The Projector review of Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked starts out with him talking in a chipmunk voice. As a bonus, he includes another video of the other TGWTG cast chipmunked.
Blade Trinity: On the notorious "cock-juggling thundercunt" line, FB's Misogyny Meter overloads and detonates.
Maven angrily demands to know why she wasn't asked to guest-review, being the vampire fangirl that she is. FB happily offers to let her join him. She accepts... just as the film reaches a scene where Dracula brutally slaughters the owners of a Goth vampire-kitsch shop. Maven runs like hell.
Noting in his review of The Sweeney how we're expected to like Regan because he's having an affair with the villain's wife:
His reaction to the film getting the release date wrong.
Film Brain: And for the record, Scarface came out in 1983, not 1982. See what you've made me do? You've turned me into the pedantic guy who corrects the irritating bloke that spouts movie quotes! You've turned me into everything I hate, and all you had to do was check IMDB.
Realizing how much the movie is cribbing from the previous installment.
Film Brain (increasingly anguished as the camera zooms in): Again. Again. Again! Again!
His anger at the filmmakers constantly sidelining Justin Bartha, even in the THIRD ONE. (Even though, based on the setup they chose for this one, you would have thought they'd have, maybe, actually lost Ed Helms.)
Film Brain: Justin Bartha, stop being useless!
From Project X:
Film Brain constantly getting irritated at how much of the cast consists of Danzas