"I was pretty stunned to see the infamous "Santa rape" scene in the Warrior Christmas Special but that would not be the first nor the last time Santa took it full in the ass from the pro wrestling industry..."Santa with Muscles is a 1996 comedy about a wealthy, greedy health food guru named Blake (played by Hulk Hogan) who winds up on the run from the cops when a paintball session goes wildly awry. Disguising himself as a Mall Santa, a blow to the head leaves him with amnesia — and thanks to an "elf" who can use some, and perhaps his, money, he is subsequently convinced that he's the real Santa. From there, Blake decides to save an orphanage from supervillain Ebner Frost and his strange henchmen, who want the land the building is on for an unusual reason...
— The Spoony One, opening his review of the film.
- Amnesiac Liar
- An Asskicking Christmas: Filled with ludicrous car chases and sword fights with highly explosive crystals.
- Badass Santa: Hulk Hogan as Blake gets to be one.
- Connected All Along: Both Blake and Frost were raised in that same orphanage they were trying to save or plunder, respectively.
- "Die Hard" on an X: The last half hour is effectively Die Hard in an orphanage. Not to mention that it involves breaking into a vault (which housed the piezoelectric crystals) near Christmas.
- Easy Amnesia: Blake gets hit on the head once and forgets everything. Another blow to the head restores his memory.
- He's Got a Weapon!: "Look out! He's got a candy cane!" during Blake-as-Santa's battle with mall thieves.
- Identity Amnesia: And all it takes is one whack on the head to cure it.
- Improbable Weapon User: Some of Frost's mooks wield T-squares.
- Improvised Weapon: The piezoelectric crystals wielded by both Blake and Frost in the infamous sword fighting scene.
- Jerk with a Heart of Gold: The movie is supposed to show Blake's transition from a reckless egotistical rich guy to a child-caring philantrophist, but the Identity Amnesia lessens the impact on his character.
- Made of Explodium: The crystals in the caverns below the orphanage — although they apparently switch to being made of implodium at the end of the film, whereby they seem to form some sort of vortex that sucks the orphanage into it. It also needs to be pointed out that while we're told that the crystals are horribly unstable and will blow up at the slightest touch, at the climax Black and Ebner have a Sword Fight with them, smashing the highly explosive crystals together for several minutes with absolutely no effect at all.
- Police Are Useless: Boy howdy. They exist ONLY to harass Blake after his incidents with them. They mysteriously disappear when others commit crimes, like the mall robbery and all of Frost's machinations.
- Psycho Electro: The female villain has electric gauntlets.
- Rule of Cool: The only reason why a local policeman would have and use a rocket launcher in the middle of a car chase. Though it can be justified as Blake and his servants were viewed as terrorists early in the film from their mock attacks on the police.
- Terrified of Germs: Ebner Frost, the Big Bad, to the point where his Mooks spray every room he walks into with disinfectant first.
- Unscientific Science: While piezoelectric crystals do exist and can produce electricity, they certainly don't glow purple or explode.
- Would Hit a Girl: Blake wouldn't hit the female villain... but his "elf" buddy will.