Evva: Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D.
is a So Bad, It's Good My Immortal-esque Marvel Cinematic Universe fanfiction written by xxMoonlitexx, the author of infamous Percy Jackson and the Olympians fanfiction Moon Daughter.
First posted in 2014, the fanfic begins "in the 1990 century," when Nick Fury (or, as he is called here, Nick Furry) finds a baby mutant frost giant, adopts her, and names her Evenesca. However, when Loki attacks New York, "Evva" finds out her true identity and teams up with him to fight the Avengers. But then the "Prophacy of 9 Worlds" takes place, forcing both teams to work together. Also, Evva is collecting Infinity Stones to Take Over the World.
As in Moon Daughter, everyone is out of character, every sentence is full of Rouge Angles of Satin, the main character has an irrational hatred for certain canon characters, and hilarity (unintentionally) ensues.
Evva: Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D. provides examples of:
- All Germans Are Nazis: "Well Im 16 so dont get any ideas you nazi" I said (cause Thor was acutely a german god an Hitler was german)
- Ambiguously Brown: Evva's human form is described as having "normal skin color." As Nick Furry successfully passes as her biological father, she is presumably at least biracial in appearance, despite later being described as "pale."
- Artistic License – Geography: "Fuk you too Captain America, theres like 60 other countrys on this planet, is America the only 1 that matters to you?"
- Artistic License – History:
- Captain America wields a sword "forged 1000 ians ago" from the bones of George Washington.
- The author seems convinced that Hitler was German when he was actually born in Austria.
- Artistic License – Religion: Thor is referred to as being a Germanic god when in fact he was a Scandinavian one.
- Awesome Aussie: The random Australian man Evva runs into while searching for Hulk, wears a fedora and hunts snakes. Evva is disappointed to learn that he's not Hugh Jackman (or rather Huge Jackman).
- Beige Prose: Evva's fight with the Hulk. "He hit me an I hit him back an he hit me again an then he was dafeated."
- Breaking the Fourth Wall: At one point Evva seems to be aware she's a fanfic character.He held soemthin out to me, it was teh amulet from the first chapter!
- Deus ex Machina: Chapter 15 ends with both teams about to fight Ultron and his army. In the first sentence of Chapter 16, Ultron and all the Dark Elfs promptly explode, with no explanation. The Avengers shrug it off.
- Dissimile: Odin looks exactly like Nick Furry "exept he was white, an not bald."
- Dull Surprise: Nick Furry's response when Loki bursts into the room and demands that the Avengers surrender Earth? "No, go away motherfucker."
- Dumb Blonde: Thor dyes his hair blonde, is Too Dumb to Live, and is repeatedly described as a "dumass" and a "sheeple fish."
- Embarrassing Last Name: Nick Furry.
- Face–Heel Turn: Red Skull defects to Ultron's side when he remembers he is a Nazi and thus evil."This godly robot is my new Furrer."
- Fantastic Racism: Nick Furry explains that ice giants abandon their mutant babies because "there raicest basterds on the ice giant planet."
- Freudian Slip:
- "My power was, to shape shit!"
- Asgard is constantly spelled Assgard.
- A God Am I: This is Ultron's motivation.
- Gratuitous German: Red Skull speaks this way."Yes dis ist un goote Idea"
- Have a Gay Old Time: Invoked:"Boob" Said Thor exept he didnt mean it like that, in his time it meant like a idiot, or maybe a fool.
- Hypocritical Humor: "You have no respect for human lifes only violence" [Steve] said sadly and smasted his fist into Tony Starks face.
- An Ice Person: Evva, as a Frost Giant, has ice-based powers.
- Misplaced Wildlife: When the Hulk rampages through Australia eating cows, the Australians assume he is a tiger.
- Oh, My Gods!: Captain America uses America this way."Oh my fukin america stop fightin, its like ur a bunch of pree school kids"
- Overt Operative: Evva constantly introduces herself as a secret agent.
- Rivals Team Up: Suggested by Nick Furry."Listen I know we are 'avengers' and you are 'revengers' but were not so diffrent, we could kick ass together...then when we are done we could go back to bein enemys, and kick ass seprately!"
- Rouge Angles of Satin:
- Tony Stark describes himself as a "billionaire genius playdough philanderist."
- Thor threatens to use his hammer to "pasturize" Tony.
- The ruler of the Dark Elfs is Malakith the Oppressed.
- Shapeshifting: This turns out to be Evva's mutant power.
- Take Over the World: Evva initially agrees to help Loki do this, under the impression that it will free the world for ice giants and mutants.
- Teen Super Spy: Evva, despite being 16, is the best SHIELD agent.
- Too Dumb to Live: All the Avengers, especially Hawkeye and Thor.
- Shaped Like Itself: The teserax is described as "like a cube but square."
- Sir Swears-a-Lot: Nick Furry, even when supposedly calm."Would you please listen to mother fuking reasons" Said Nick Furry patently.
- Stockholm Syndrome: Loki diagnoses Evva with "Stockhome Disorder."
- Suspiciously Specific Denial: Nick Furry warns Evva that Loki is an alien that is "totally evil an not hot at all."
- Was It All a Lie?: "It was all a fukin lie?!"
- "No only some of it was a fukin lie."
- Wizards Duel: Evva wins one against Doctor Strange and takes his title as "Sorcerer Supreemo."
- Wounded Gazelle Gambit: Evva shapeshifts into "a armless old lady" to prevent Doctor Strange from fighting her. It fails because "he was a ass hole & he didnt care if i was a old lady."
- Ye Olde Butcherede Englishe: The Asgardians speak this way.
