Five Kids is a placeholder name given to a series of books by Unicorndance.
They are picture books, but designed to appeal to both kids and adults, and are mainly comedy-based. The series began with a parody of generic bedtime stories, titled "Six Kids vs. a Cliched Bedtime Story" (focusing on the five protagonists, plus the baby of one of their neighbours) and it went on from there.
The series mainly focuses on five seven-year-olds:
- Brenda Gordon: Adoptive daughter of gay couple Hank (a librarian) and Steve (a vet) Gordon, who owns a poodle named Christie. She is a gothic girl, whose hobbies include attempting to talk to the dead, gain Psychic Powers, astral project, etc.
- Brian Jones: Son of Alexander (a teacher) and Sue (an IT specialist) Jones, who lives with them, his grandma Katie Jones, his brother Clark (13), his sisters Mary (10), Connie (four), and Norma (18 months), his St. Bernard Jimmy, and his Norwegian forest cat Erik. Brian is a Child Prodigy who talks with big words and owns a chemistry set.
- Holly Crawford: Daughter of Larry (a taxi driver) and Anita (a GP medical doctor) Crawford, and a Large Ham who enjoys being the centre of attention and wants to be on TV sometime. She has a pet goldfish named Fiona.
- Isaac Mendez: Son of Henry (a restaurant chef) and Gwen (a barber) Mendez and lives with them, his blind brother Sean (12), and his guinea pigs Marjorie and Sapphire. A very cheerful, jokey boy who wants to be a circus performer when he grows up.
- Yvonne Roberts: Daughter of Jason (a daycare owner) and Millicent (a TV producer) Roberts, who lives with her brother Luke (three), her cats Clara and Zane, and her iguana Nathan. She's a Lovable Jock who enjoys playing sports.
Other characters include the school faculty, other family members of the kids, Clark's girlfriend Lily, and the kids' families' friends.
The series provides examples of
- Accidental Misnaming: Due to her young age, Norma Jones calls Brian "Bye-an".
- Amazingly Embarrassing Parents: Grandma Katie will occasionally embarrass Alexander (in addition to her grandchildren) with stories from the past.
- Attention Whore: Downplayed for Holly, who loves being the centre of attention, but doesn't act up when she's not.
- Baby Talk: Due to being sixteen and eighteen months old respectively, Ralph and Norma speak in primitive sentences, like "No mama" and "Bad Bye-an!".
- Big Eater: Mrs. Lawson, one of the teachers, is commonly seen snacking.
- Big Friendly Dog: Christie is a standard poodle, while Jimmy is a St. Bernard, and they're both very friendly and sociable.
- Breaking the Fourth Wall: The characters sometimes talk directly to the audience.
- Bookworm: Alexander likes to wander around aimlessly reading.
- Catchphrase: Jason calls things he doesn't know the names of "hoolie-doolies".
- Child Prodigy: Brian is seven years old but owns a chemistry set, knows the whole periodic table, and speaks with the vocabulary of a college professor.
- Christmas Episode:
- One book focuses on Brian doubting Santa Claus's existence.
- One book focuses on Brenda fearing something bad will happen to Holly when the latter is cast as Mary in a school play.
- Establishing Character Moment: Eliza is first seen trying to remove a tube of glue that's stuck to her hand, establishing her as The Klutz.
- Everyone Has Standards: Mary and Alice may be pranksters, but they make sure that their pranks on Zach (the janitor) aren't too messy, and that they don't make messes when he's around.
- Genius Sweet Tooth: Brian, a Child Prodigy, enjoys baked goods and candy.
- Genki Girl: Addie Chapman is the most excitable out of her friend group, and likes to frolic and play around.
- "Getting Ready for Bed" Plot: Defied in "Six Kids vs. a Cliched Bedtime Story", in which the main cast, plus baby Ralph Jameson, are being told to go to bed by a woman, but refuse to.
- The Grinch: Defied when Brian mentions that, despite not being sure if he believes in Santa, he doesn't want to come across as hating Christmas.
- How Can Santa Deliver All Those Toys?: Brian's reasons for disbelieving in Santa mainly have to do with not knowing how the things he does are physically possible.
- The Hyena: Provided the student isn't in serious trouble, Principal Clarkson laughs a lot.
- The Klutz: The kids' classmate Eliza is commonly seen making clumsy mistakes, such as getting glue stuck to her hand.
- Lab Coat Of Science And Medicine: Brian wears a lab coat as part of his daywear.
- Large Ham: Both Holly and the drama teacher Miss Cowley are prone to shouting and making dramatic gestures.
- Layman's Terms: Brian's first ever line of dialogue was "Bad news: we're in a piece of literature designed to induce somnolence, or in layman's terms, a bedtime story."
- Limited Wardrobe: The characters generally wear the same outfits all the time.
- Little Professor Dialogue: Brian speaks with very big words (e.g. he says, "Salutations" instead of "Hello") despite being seven years old.
- Lovable Jock: Yvonne, while she does sometimes playfully tease her friends, is a supportive, friendly girl, and she plays sports and wears her P.E. uniform all the time.
- Ludicrous Gift Request: In one of the Christmas books, Nicole asks Santa for a cat for Christmas, while Addie asks for a unicorn, dragon, jetpack, and a life-sized statue of her made of chocolate. She tops off the list with a more mundane request: a baby doll.
- Medium Awareness: In some books, the characters are aware of the fourth wall, and occasionally break it.
- My Beloved Smother: Holly's grandma Evelyn is quite overly-nurturing to her adult daughters Anita and Heidi, in addition to her sons-in-law and the kids.
- Naked People Are Funny: Eighteen-month-old Norma Jones sometimes strips naked and runs around.
- Nature Lover: Holly's aunt Heidi likes plants and runs a garden centre.
- Noodle Incident: One book reveals that Brian dismantled a jack-in-the-box when he was two, but doesn't give any more detail.
- Potty Failure: Discussed when Grandma Katie (in Brian's imagination) remembers a three-year-old Clark wetting himself at a wedding.
- The Prankster: Mary Jones and her friend Alice Temberly like to play pranks on everyone.
- Psychic Powers: Discussed by Brenda, who wants to become psychic.
- Rhymes on a Dime: Downplayed for the five-year-olds' teacher Mrs. Pender. She doesn't speak in rhyme all the time, but she's infamous for her patronising rhymes.
- Santa Claus: Discussed in one book, where Brian is doubtful as to whether Santa is real.
- School Play: One book focuses on Holly being cast as Mary in a Christmas school play, and Brenda worrying that something bad will happen to her, since it always does in books.
- Shared Family Quirks: Both Brian and his father Alexander like astronomy and believe in the value of education.
- Shrinking Violet: The kids' classmate Amber Simmons is described as "the shiest in class", and she scares easily.
- Sleepwalking: Clark Jones sometimes sleepwalks.
- Stern Teacher: Downplayed for Mr. Van Doren, who mainly only gets grumpy if the students are misbehaving.
- The Stoic: Vice Principal Stark nearly always has a sombre face.
- Sucks at Dancing: Holly's uncle Warren is a terrible dancer.
- Sweet Tooth: In addition to Brian, Yvonne is also seen eating and drooling over desserts.
- The Teetotaler: Alexander Jones doesn't drink.
- Toilet Humour: Nicole Kwan, being a cheeky four-year-old girl, sometimes makes bathroom jokes, for instance her letter to Santa asks if the reindeer poop.
- What Could Have Been: There are many ideas that were thought of, but rejected:
- "Six Kids vs. a Cliched Bedtime Story" was based upon a dream that featured a jock, a goth, a Child Prodigy, a hammy girl, a jokester, and a baby, but the author initially toyed with the idea of making it a fanfic of The Loud House, since that show does have characters with those personalities. The idea was turned down, since the author wanted to share it with her parents, who are unfamiliar with The Loud House.
- Brenda initially had two mothers instead of two fathers, but the author changed it when she realised that she'd already written a lesbian couple, but never a gay male couple.
- Brenda and Brian's last names were originally the other way around, but it was swapped when the author encountered a Brian Gordon online.
- Initially, it was Alexander who couldn't dance and Warren who was into astronomy, but that was swapped around.
- Lawrence Bernstein was initially the friend of Eliza's father instead of Brian's, and he was a much bigger troublemaker.
- Connie was originally named Connie Jane, or CJ for short, and wore a dress instead of overalls. This was changed to avoid making her seem like an expy of D.W. Read.
- Nicole was originally The Stoic, carried a little red wagon, and had an almost cartoonish love for juice boxes, and originally, she and Connie were a duo; there was no Addie. When Addie was first thought up, she almost became the one with the red wagon, and she was much more subdued than what she ended up as, had a habit of bringing random odds and ends home or eating them, occasionally said something oddly insightful, and her hair was darker.
- Norma was initially a blonde, two-year-old, diva-like girl named Linda, who wore a pink onesie with a skirt. However, this was changed to make her personality not seem too much like Holly's and her appearance not resemble Vomiting Vera (and also, because neither of her parents is blonde). She was then changed into an eighteen-month-old redhead with a pink shirt and green leggings, but then the author feared that would make her seem like Kate Read, so she changed her to a brunette with a yellow shirt and purple leggings.
- Holly was originally blonde, had curly hair, and wore a fancy straw hat and a feather boa, but was changed so as not to seem too much like a stereotypical diva.
- Clara and Zane were originally named Chloe and Zach, but were renamed when the author realised there was already a Chloe (Sue's friend) and a Zach (the school janitor).
- Vice Principal Stark was originally Vice Principal Starker, but was changed to avoid seeming like an unintentional Shout-Out to "Skinner" or "Spengler" or a pun on the slang term "starkers", meaning naked. He was also initially the Big Eater instead of Mrs. Lawson.
- The book about Brian having his doubts about Santa initially had a scene where Brian was rubbed up the wrong way by a Christmas movie involving a Mad Scientist, taken aback by Connie, Nicole, and Addie playing cops and robbers and "arresting" him, startled upon hearing Alexander listening to a Walkman that was playing a Break-Up Song sung to a man named Brian, and eventually having a Guilt-Induced Nightmare about his friends eating Brian-shaped gingerbread men. This was tossed for fear of seeming too poignant.
- Why Did It Have to Be Snakes?: Luke Roberts is afraid of the dark.
