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Characters: Titus

Christopher Titus (Christopher Titus)

"A lie is a lie...unless your friends and family are in on it. Then it's a commonly-held belief."

Most episodes follow his exploits and his point of view. He knows that his life has been and is very screwed-up, but realizes that he himself has turned out relatively okay. Even though the show is about his family, everyone calls him by his last name except for his dad and Erin.

Erin Fitzpatrick (Cynthia Watros)

"So I'm sitting in a meeting when my pager goes off with a message. It says 'Dad's dead.' So I race out of the meeting and drive all the way to Santa Maria because, naturally, I think 'MY DAD'S DEAD!'"

Christopher's fiancée, a strong and independent woman whose family is just as messed-up as his. She is a calming influence on Titus, is one of the few people Papa Titus likes and is semi-openly lusted after by both Dave and Tommy. Despite her peacemaking personality, she has a buried Irish temper that everyone is afraid of. Her parents, Nora and Merritt, are miserably married alcoholics, her sister Kim is a sexually promiscuous drug addict and her brother Michael is a career criminal. Her childhood dream was to become the first person in her family to not be arrested. She brings in her niece Amy (Kim's daughter) after her stepfather (Kim's boyfriend) almost punches her in the face for calling Child Welfare on him.

Dave Scovill (Zack Ward)

Christopher: I want you to tell me what you want!
Dave: (between sobs) But I told you...what I want. I...wanna...get bitten by a radioactive spider and get superpowers!

Christopher's stepbrother and close friend. He has a short attention span, is easily swayed by food, smokes pot, is a Cloud Cuckoolander and has an obsession with Asian women. (Actor Zack Ward is light-skinned, has red hair and freckles, yet is married to an Asian woman. The writers found this funny and wrote it in.) He is blissfully unaware of how messed-up he is.
  • Erudite Stoner: Titus claims that, despite Dave's stupidity, he shows flashes of brilliance, such as when he used a can of beer to save Papa Titus from dying of a heart attack (Don't ask!) and has a vast knowledge of uterine biology because he once got so high, he remembered his own birth.
  • Hilariously Abusive Childhood: His mom (Ken's third wife) abandoned him when he was five because Ken was emotionally abusive to her. It's not known whether she did this on purpose or not.

Tommy Shafter (David Shatraw)

Tommy: Now, Mr. Titus, this is something my father taught me. (starts making hand gestures) Father and son start together...and then, they grow apart...until the son's ready to be a man...and then, they grow together again.
Ken: Can you get him away from me?

Friend of the family and accountant for Titus' custom car shop. Growing up in a relatively stable household, Tommy is the only "normal" member of the cast, and he is just as screwed-up as everyone else. Eccentric, flamboyant and anal, his effeminate mannerisms are subverted as he is heterosexual, but those mannerisms are picked up from his gay father.
  • Stalker with a Crush: In the episode "Tommy's Girlfriend," where Tommy's high school sweetheart (played by Nicole Sullivan) ends up trapped in Titus's car shop after Tommy crashes his car into hers.

Ken 'Papa' Titus (Stacy Keach)

Christopher: (while role-playing with Dave about how condescending their dad is) Hey, Dad, I started my own business and I made more money in one year than you have in any year of your life! What do you think about that?! Heh heh heh... (Ken appears behind him, beer in hand)
Ken: (opens beer can, Christopher freezes in shock) I think without me pushin' you, you never would have made it.

You could consider him to be a Magnificent Bastard, to some degree. The show revolves around the relationship between him and Christopher. He is a very difficult man to describe; he's gruff and difficult, but has Jerk with a Heart of Gold tendencies. He seems to enjoy watching Christopher suffer, but it seems to be a form of Training from Hell meets Wax On, Wax Off.
  • Abusive Dad: Believes that emotional damage keeps kids in line better than physical abuse, as he told Erin's dad in "The Perfect Thanksgiving."
    Ken: See that? That's emotional damage; that's much more powerful.
  • The Alcoholic: Just like Titus' dad in Real Life.
  • Everyone Has Standards: As much of a jerk as Ken makes himself out to be, even he's disgusted at Juanita's fiancee Bill. "The Reconciliation" was bad enough when Bill explained just how he and Juanita met, but "The Wedding" really drove it home.
    Ken: (while Titus and Dave are holding him back) You never hit a woman! No matter how many times she's beaten you, stabbed you or tried to kill you!
  • Hidden Depths: According to the Christmas episode "Houseboat" and the episode "Grandma Titus," Ken is a brutal parent because his mother was abusive to him in his childhood (his mother, in turn, was emotionally abused by Ken's own father).
  • Jerk with a Heart of Gold: Ken shows a softer side at times.
  • Kavorka Man: Women find him charming...until they date and/or marry him. Then they try to kill him and/or ruin his life.
  • Sink or Swim Mentor: In one flashback, he's this trope personified.

Juanita Titus (Christine Estrabrook, Frances Fisher, Connie Stevens)

Juanita: Get down! The aliens can see you!
Young Christopher: They look like trash cans, Mom.
Juanita: They always do! They're aliens, not morons! Go get your metal hat! (brandishes a shotgun and shoves the business end of it out the window) HOW DARE YOU INVADE MY PLANET! (fires)

  • Axe Crazy: Chased after Ken with a broken wine bottle at the end of "Mom's Not Nuts," and shot her abusive second husband Bill when he punched her in the face during Titus' wedding.
  • Driven to Suicide: How Juanita died. The good news is that she didn't take anyone with her when she died.
  • Manipulative Bitch: Ken and Christopher have described Juanita as this.

Amy Fitzpatrick

Tommy: Well, someone's turning into a woman!
Amy: Yeah, and I'm looking at her.

  • Does Not Like Men: Justified when you consider that her mom's boyfriend beats the crap out of her when he's drunk and she was molested by a male babysitter whose son sexually harassed her.
  • Hidden Depths: "The Protector" and "Amy's Birthday" shed light on why Amy is such a broken child: Her mother is a drug addict who's too high to raise her own child, her stepfather is a drunk who beats her and, when Amy was a child, she was sexually molested by a family friend who offered to take care of her while her parents were in jail.
  • Straight Gay: The episode "Errr" reveals that Amy is in love with someone named "Charlie..." who turns out to be a girl. Prior to that point, there was no mention of Amy's sexual preference.

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