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The Forths
Sally Forth
A married, middle-class American working mother.- Brainy Brunette: Of the "generally quiet, but definitely smart" variety. Particularly noticeable in the arcs involving her work place.
- Deadpan Snarker: Her sense of humor is wry, and she does not suffer fools silently.
- Family Versus Career: Averted. She juggles both quite handily (usually), and no one expects her to choose between them.
- Happily Married
- Not So Above It All: While having the chance to be the Only Sane Man to Ted, she often proves herself to be on his wavelength.
- Only Sane Man: Deconstructed. When she and Ted are being open about their criticisms of each other, Ted points out that she thinks she's so perfect that she doesn't need anyone else in her life except to correct or look down upon.
- White Collar Worker: Her office job is middle management in marketing at a fairly large company, but what the company does or makes is unknown.
- Women Are Wiser: Especially compared to the current version of Ted.
Ted Forth
Sally's husband.- Cloudcuckoolander: When Sally once asks him what he's thinking about when they're stargazing and cuddling, he admits that he was connecting the stars like connect-the-dots.
- Deadpan Snarker: Not as much as Sally but it seems her sense of humor has rubbed off on him.
- Heroic BSoD: Almost had one when he found a college-era journal of Sally's where she writes that she never wants to get married. Later became a Call-Back when Sally found out he was still hurt over it.
- Manchild: After the writer changed Ted became very into pop-culture and a little insane. On his own website Marciuliano implies that Ted takes psychiatric drugs.Hilary: Just for the record, you do know you only have one kid, right?
Sally: Your dad is currently driving 80 miles to a store that still sells Quisp cereal and Astro Pops, so that number changes from time to time. - What, Exactly, Is His Job?: Played with. Nobody, least of all Ted, seems to know what "strategic sourcing" actually is.
- White Collar Worker: Most of the time, with a stretch of unemployment that lasted about a year when he was downsized from his job in "strategic sourcing", as well as a stint at a Bland-Name Product version of Wal-Mart.
Hilary Forth
Sally and Ted's preteen daughter.- Genre Savvy: Her Meet Cute with Jon is so unbearably cliche that she puts a stop to it and tells him what will likely happen next and tries to avert it as much as possible. Her parents even comment on how savvy she is.
- It's All About Me: She's shocked that Faye — who has divorced parents, no money, and no boyfriend — doesn't support her when she complains about going to Rhode Island for Christmas and missing Jon. Calling Faye her best (and/or only) friend when Nona is right next to them doesn't help Hilary's case.
- Leaning on the Fourth Wall: Hillary is surprised that Jon is a year older than her since she feels like she's been repeating the sixth grade for ages.
- Yandere: She's usually level-headed but was strangely cold and defensive towards Jon, then becomes close once he reveals he already knows Faye. Her weird behavior is explained as nervousness and "a lot of bad TV".
Jackie
Sally's younger sister.- Crazy Cat Lady: Years of unsuccessful relationships have her on the verge.
- May–December Romance: She hooked up with and eventually married Ralph, Sally's boss, who's around a generation older than her.
Laura
Sally's mother.- Evil Matriarch: She's not exactly nice to Sally and loves insulting Ted.
- Odd Couple: Laura is sharp-witted, judgmental, and nasty; her husband (Sally's stepdad) is such a senile Cloud Cuckoo Lander he makes Ted look normal.
Ted's family
- Alliterative Family: Ted's brothers are named Timmy, Tommy, Terry, and Tate and they're all Jerk Jocks (at least to Ted).
- The Eeyore: Ted's mom can be counted on to find the worst in everything, even if it's not there. In one strip, Sally says she doesn't want help making Christmas dinner because she wants to complain about it later.Ted's Mom: Was the flight dreadful?
Ted: Actually it was pretty smooth.
Ted's Mom: Yeah, air travel is always a nightmare. - Manchild: All four of Ted's brothers are sports fanatics and live with or near their parents.
- Sibling Yin-Yang: Ted's a Fan Boy pop-culture lover; his brothers love sports.
- They Really Do Love Each Other: Ted's dad admits that he likes oddball Ted because Ted was the only one who shared his father's (Ted's grandfather's) love of art. He quickly takes it back, though Thank god for smartphones.
Sally's coworkers
Ralph'
Sally's former Pointy-Haired Boss, then her co-manager until he left the company under early retirement. He now teaches Business class part-time at a community college.
- May–December Romance: He's easily a generation older than his wife Jackie.
- Odd Couple: Not only with Sally's sister but with Ted since they both have a love of pop-culture.
Alice
One of Sally's co-workers and her main confidante.- Blonde, Brunette, Redhead: Alice is blonde, her daughter is a redhead and her son is brunette.
- Heroic BSoD: She briefly questioned her friendship with Sally during a round of layoffs and, despite not getting fired, was still disturbed weeks later.
Hilary's friends
Faye
Hilary's best friend.- Bifauxnen: Has come to an early realization that short hair and dark, unfussy clothes are a good look for her.
- The Lancer: She's the character who puts up the most resistance to Hilary's whims, especially in the band. ("You're So Party Let's Go Dancey" anyone?)
Nona
Hilary and Faye's classmate.- Poor Communication Kills: After Hilary calls Faye her best/only friend in front of her, Nona stops speaking to them. Wanting to give her some space (and then just being too scared to talk), Hilary and Faye wait so long to apologize that they discover Nona has already found a new pair of blond and brunette friends.
Other characters
Aria
Ted's co-worker.- Everyone Loves Blondes: Aria is a major temptation for Ted: not only is she young and beautiful, she's also as much of a pop-culture lover as he is and once got him something (I think it was a lunchbox) that he'd always wanted.
