They both end with a reassuring message. The first one tells you what will make you happy (friendship, altruism, and religious practices), and the second tells you how to not be miserable, so they do both end on a high note.
What about The Monkeysphere? One of the few articles that don't rely in list based humor (which is awesome but we all need changes), and uses one of the greatest metaphors ever.
The guide to how same-sex marriage in the United States will affect people with almost every heading starting with "If You Are A Heterosexual . . ." ending with "This will not affect you in any way."
"When Archie is too progressive for you, that's how science identifies you as an earlier species. All those people asking questions about your protest aren't reporters, they're anthropologists trying to work out why you didn't die off before we became Homo sapiens. And if they said so you'd be more upset about the "Homo" part. Instead of evolving from monkeys like the rest of us, your only improvement is flinging shit metaphorically instead of physically. And since several species of monkey enjoy homosexuality and don't say anything, they're two steps ahead of the American Family Association".
Robert Brockway's Why Ebert Is Wrong article. Both for its slap to the 'no game can compare to a masterpiece' argument, as well as his perfect summation of why gamers care that games be considered art:
And he's already answered his own question: "do we as their consumers become more or less complex, thoughtful, insightful, witty, empathetic, intelligent, philosophical (and so on) by experiencing them?" Anybody who's ever felt even an inkling of something like that from a game is going to be understandably "concerned" when you insist that they're lying.
"Because there is nothing on this earth - not overwhelming odds, nor brutal police states, nor fear, nor violence, nor the kind of horrible, devouring apathy that makes things like death squads for children possible - that will ever, from now until the heat death of this whole screwed universe, force this kid to sit down and put his fucking shirt back on."
Arrogance is useless in a vacuum. You can't be right if no one is wrong. You can't win if there isn't a loser. And they can say we're all damned together, but they're the ones that knew it first. They don't admit to being winners or right or any of that, but that's so obviously what it's all for. So who is the website for? It's for themselves, and they're just telling themselves the same thing over and over again. No one who goes there is interested in really learning their point of view. It's like a sideshow, you go to stare. So the real audience is just the people writing it, cyber fapping their own bizarro Jesus C.H.U.D. dongs like OCD hamsters on a wheel of intolerance. So what's the point? Exactly.
In all of the countries mentioned up there, the Internet is heavily monitored and regulated (or, in the case of North Korea, doesn't even exist for regular citizens). They are strict anti-technology cultures because technology fosters the spread of information, the control of which is vital for dictators to retain that unchecked power we mentioned earlier. The end result is a bunch of state officials who couldn't convincingly Photoshop Nazi paraphernalia into a picture of Mel Gibson's living room lording over nations they have engineered to be devoid of anyone they could hire to do it for them. The Onion has better Photoshop artists, and they manage to trick more people with their fake news than any of these assholes do.
The passage of time reveals a movie's true quality, not the number of gold statues it won. Citizen Kane didn't win the Best Picture, neither did Raging Bull, or Dr. Strangelove, or Rear Window or Star Wars. Keep that in mind while you're watching the circus, and you'll have a better time all around.