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Heartwarming: Cracked

The site:

  • John Cheese has a series of incredibly depressing columns about parenting, alcoholism, and life in general. Then he writes one titled 5 Reasons Life Actually Does Gets Better.
    • Which is also a Heartwarming Moment for the writer himself; all those depressing articles? They are based on his life experience. He has more than enough justification to complain how the world is unfair and not worth living, yet he wrote an article on how better life can get...*sniffs*
    • Another thing that makes this article a major Heartwarming Moment? The comments section. You'd expect an article like this to be berated in considering Cracked's (possibly cynical) nature and target audience, but no. Around 95% of the comments are praises directed towards Cheese about how awesome his article is; some commenters even thanking him for making such an inspirational article. Very few articles on the site are that well-liked.
    • "Some people don't make it through. You fucking will."
    • And then another John Cheese article, 5 Bits of Advice That Don't Make Sense Until It's Too Late. This one is pretty normal advice until #2, Going to a Counselor Doesn't Mean You're Crazy. The best part is the caption under a picture, which says, "Wanna know a secret? You are completely normal. It happens to all of us."
      • From the same article and section:
      But understand this (and if you're in the age group I'm talking about, I hope to God that I'm wrong about you not getting this for years): You have more people who care about you than you think. Back when I was fighting that demon (I like to picture myself using a giant anime sword that's on fire), I swore on my soul that not a single person in the world gave a shit whether I lived or died. As I got older and that smothering black veil lifted, I realized how incredibly wrong I was. There were dozens of people who would have been negatively affected by my early check-out. You'll find the same. Even if it turns out that number is two, that should mean something to you because it translates to this: Those two people live in a better world simply because you draw breath.
    • 5 Ways You Know It's Time to Get Married. We can say his life has gone from full John to full Cheese.
    • Any John Cheese's article about parenting. No doubt that his articles about parenting relates to his struggles to be a good father and prepare his children for life.
  • The whole site's attitude towards Toy Story 3. From the chart satirizing its Tear Jerker status, to defending it against Armond White, to the all around affection they seem to show for it (both users and contributors). Seeing this otherwise cynical site have such a soft spot for a movie about talking toys is quite heartwarming indeed.
  • I dunno why, but at #2 of People From Your Past Who Will Haunt You on Facebook, I gave an audible "aww~" when I read to What They'll Mean, expecting another snarky answer, but instead getting "How are you? I'd really like to hear from you because you're a great person." Why are weirdos such nice and friendly god damn people?
  • What Andrew WK's Twitter Taught Me About Life. Daniel O'Brien is going to be the party.
  • One of Soren's videos, "The worst second date ever," features a guy who's dating a girl who doesn't speak English well. He asked her to meet him on a bridge so that they can jump off together to make some sort of complicated message to the world, which she clearly doesn't get. After reading her his poetry/suicide note, he gestures for her to jump off the bridge. She looks confused and scared, but steps forward. He's about to jump and "follow" her when he notices she's just sitting on the side of the bridge and looking out over the water. He's confused for a second, but then sits down next to her and reads her some more of his poetry.
  • This article about Kristen Bell. The description of a hypothetical marriage with her is unexpectedly touching.
  • The very worst thing about raising kittens until they're ready for adoption, the earlier being things as getting scratched by them and them leaving poo everywhere? Having to give them up.
  • The world is getting better.
  • The Ten-Minute Suicide Guide. What initially seems like a humourous how-to on killing yourself turns out to be a sneaky argument for why not to do it, in the most bluntly logical way possible - it looks at where you might end up, possible methods, and getting the timing right, and concludes that every option sucks ass.
  • How Dr. Who Became My Religion: Whovians, rejoice. Someone has put into very simple words a few of the more powerful reasons people love Doctor Who.
  • 6 Pro Gay Marriage Arguments. While the whole thing is equal parts awesome, funny and touching, the end is especially beautiful.
    But family's not just your gene packet, it's the people who put your well-being ahead of theirs because you'd do the same for them. It's the people you don't worry about getting mad at because no matter how much you scream and swear you know you love each other. It's your clan, and you don't ask each other to be someone else or accept less in life. Instead you work yourself to the bone for them, because when bastards single you out, they're the ones who stand by you, even when fear-mongers tell them they'll go to Hell for it. And if that's who's in Hell, I'd rather go there than Heaven.
  • Robert Brockway, after a very bad week, jokingly post an article asking for money and promising ridiculous prizes for people who donated. So many people asked him where the donate button was that he made it a real thing, and he got a ton of positive responses.
  • This piece about the death of Amy Winehouse is quite moving.
  • David Wong gets one for 5 Things You Think Will Make You Happy (But Won't), what are those five things? Wealth, Beauty, Genius, Fame, and Power. The best, Take That, ever.
    • His 7 Reasons the 21st Century is Making You Miserable. Most of his stuff qualifies, actually, but those two stand out above all the rest.
    • What about The Monkeysphere? One of the few articles that don't rely in list based humor (which is awesome but we all need changes), and uses one of the greatest metaphors ever.
      • They both end with a reassuring message. The first one tells you what will make you happy (friendship, altruism, and religious practices), and the second tells you tells you how to not be miserable, so they do both end on a high note.
    • The last two bullet points in 6 Things Rich People Need to Stop Saying. As (rightly) angry and cynical as most of that article is, the conclusion ends it on a surprisingly heartwarming message: even if you get rich, powerful and charismatic enough to change the world, you can never do it all alone; society doesn't progress because of the efforts of a handful of super-rich men, it takes all of humanity working together; accepting help from others doesn't make you weak — it's the only thing that's made modern civilization possible.
  • Most of 8 Tiny Things That Stopped Suicides qualifies, but the ending especially qualifies:
    ...a person is driven to suicide by a whole bunch of different things, which builds a wall around them, piece by piece, until the last piece falls into place and the wall is sealed so that there's no way out. Sometimes we look at all the problems that build up someone's wall of hopelessness and think there's no way any of the insignificant things we could do would be able to take it all down. But to break the illusion of there being no way out, you don't need to take down the whole wall, you just need to make one crack in it. One puppy lick, one phone call from Laila Ali, one corny song, one internet stranger, one old Australian guy asking if you want to come in for a cup of tea. And one crack in that wall might be all it takes to turn things around and begin the long, tough job of tearing the whole thing down.
    • "Apparently, this is what a saint looks like."
      • "And this is what a Japanese saint looks like."
      • "Remember this on days you want to watch the world burn: for every dickhead bullying gay teenagers there exists a guy like this."
    • "Even if nine out of 10 threatened Internet suicides are trolls or attention-getters, I don't care about looking stupid nine times to save one person's life."
      • Except for the part they showed where one person pushed a suicidal person off the bridge.
    • Most of the comments on that article count as well, but this one (the highest-voted comment) is probably the best: "You can add this article as a ninth thing. Reading this has made me rethink my own plans. Thank you, Cracked."
  • And this article. . .
    • Again, you've got the comment section. Sincere, and anyone making a remotely cynical comment about all of this is immediately gunned down.
  • 5 Real Animal Friendships Straight Out of a Disney Movie. All of them are truly adorable, but special mentions goes to number 1.
    • "Yet there they stood, facing the king of all animals and the leader of its own pride, on his own turf. And the big cat formerly known as Christian, the proudest and most feared lion in all Kenya, took a glance at the two intruders, drew his lungs full, poised to leap... and danced and ran to his old owners like a little kitten, to greet them with the most excited lion hugs he'd given in years."
  • From 5 Rulers Whose Idiot Siblings Nearly Screwed The World: Albert Goering, brother of Hermann
    (After listing off all of the efforts he made to thwart Nazism, such as forging his brother's signature on thousands of transit papers and aiding the Czech resistance) we like to think his final act summed him up: He was getting old and close to death, and he wanted to do something nice for his housekeeper. So he married her ... just so that when he died, she would keep getting a pension check as his widow.
  • 6 'Based on a True Story' Movies with Unpleasant Epilogues sounds like it would be a bit of a downer, and it is, since it explains the unpleasant real-life aftermaths of several supposedly feel-good stories. However, the section on Oskar Schindler's string of failures ended on a rather heartwarming note.
    Don't take any of this to mean we're diminishing what he did during the war — the sad epilogue in Schindler's life actually makes his heroism during the Holocaust all the more remarkable. This was not a particularly competent or driven or talented man — he had no other successes to his name. But goddamn did the guy step up when the human race needed him to.
  • How Archie's Gay Friend Proved the Internet Can Do Good
  • 5 Creepy Superhero Origin Stories Movies Wisely Left Out...not quite for itself, but what came of it. #5, Peter Parker being molested as a child, prompted one commenter, then many, to come forward with their own stories of sexual abuse. It resulted in a long thread of people offering support to one another...and perhaps most importantly, reassurances that they were not alone.
  • An article sternly debunking drinking myths and asking its readers to drive safely.
  • I'm sure plenty of the (good, kind, unforceful) vegans or friends of vegans out there will give this article writer a hug.
  • 6 True Stories That Will Restore Your Faith In Humanity
    "Because Santa Claus does exist...if we want him to."
  • 4 Great Love Stories in Movies for Guys and its summation of the love between William Munny and his late wife.
    One of the greatest love stories ever, with not one scene of the couple together, and barely any words explaining their love.
  • It's a small one, but seeing how hateful comments are usually downvoted to oblivion restores some faith in humanity.
  • It couldn't have been planned this way, but on the same day that twenty-six people were gunned down in a Connecticut school, Dan O'Brien posted this article.
  • This article, which shows the absolute willingness of these people to protect others without hurting anyone, even in the middle of war.
  • The user account 'OldSaintNick', which surfaced in the comments section around Christmas 2012. He posts in Christmas-related articles saying Christmas-y things, and nobody thumbs him down.
  • This article shows some incredibly heartwarming photos.
  • This article is like a treatment for pessimism.
  • This tribute to Mr. Rogers.
    • Moreover, the comments section from that article. It's the sweetest comment section Cracked and indeed most of the internet has ever seen.
  • This article about the internet helping people.
  • "5 Heartwarming Stories to Restore Your Faith in Celebrities"..
  • 21 Mind-Blowing Facts That Will Put a Smile On Your Face
  • Dan O'Brien can be like this at times. While many of his articles discuss downsides of being an adult, his 4 Signs of Adulthood for Reluctant Grown ups ends with a declaration about the freedom of being an adult (Including choosing Your own food, being able to take trips whenever You like and getting pets) and shows an almost childlike glee at the fact that, as long as You obey the law and don't hurt anyone else, being an adult means being able to do whatever the hell You want.
  • 4 Difficult Ways TO Simplify Your Life That Are Worth It encourages people to let go of anger, move past jealousy, not keep track of petty differences and lets Them know that no one has it all figured out and They should just go out and do things.
  • This article about the destructive relationships people all too often end up in with family, work and themselves. It seems bleak and cynical at first but each ends with a statement saying that it doesn't have to be like that: We don't have to be trapped in our lives and feel like we're just enduring it all. The ending is almost a tearjerker:
    "Whether or not anything comes from this, random words from a random Internet comedy writer, know that we're in a boat together, you and I. Whatever you want to do, I want you to do it. I really do, even though I can't possibly know who you are and what thing it is you want to accomplish, because I know what people are like when they take that chance and it pays off. I know the world benefits from people who achieve great things and are more at peace with themselves, and are happy and satisfied. I know it is good to be good and I want that for everyone as much as I want it for myself."
  • While a great deal of 5 Horrible Things You Learn Working at a Convenience Store is overwhelmingly cynical (and for a reason), there are still some great stories to be found in the comments.
  • On the 2007 list, 9 Most Unnecessary Greatest Hits Albums ever, Young MC was number 2. Halfway through, the writer decided they just couldn't make fun of him anymore and went on to gush about Young MC's biggest hit, Bust A Move, calling it one of the greatest songs ever.
  • 5 Important Milestones of Adulthood Nobody Talks About, especially the last one.
  • 5 People whose Major disabilities only made them stronger
  • The end of this article, and Soren's completely heartfelt case for why the Voyager spacecraft represents the best of humanity.
    It's us on our very best day, and knowing it's out there, beyond our solar system, representing the home team for the first time ever, I can't help but feel proud to be a part of humanity. It's likely never going to be a communication device, but it will still exist as a memory, a photograph of who we were and even if no one sees it, man, we tried. What else could we do?
  • David Wong's "6 Harsh Truths That Will Make You A Better Person" starts out slightly jerkish, but becomes this towards the end when he tells people how they can make the world a better place, and not to worry about critics because they are simply too afraid to do things for themselves so they like to tear down others.
  • In a strange way, entry #1 in "The 10 Most Insane Acts of Violence in Kickboxing History" is rather sweet. Seanbaby makes a kickboxing match sound like a beautiful love story.
  • This. Even though it has plenty of plights, it's beautiful to see that all the employees believe that it is all worth it.
  • 5 Hated Groups That Are Going Out Of Their Way To Be Awesome This article not only includes several heartwarming stories about people doing good for the world (as well as several comments about the same groups), it features a Pet The Dog moment to bronies talking about several charity efforts and saying that their connection to MRAs was overblown. It's nice to see Cracked.com cutting some slack to one of their most common targets.
  • 4 Reasons the world has never been better.
  • In his article about Robin Williams' suicide, David Wong reveals to the audience that the Cracked message boards have a hidden section where the staff coordinate responses to users' suicide threats. According to him, John Cheese once personally tracked down a suicidal reader's location and got an ambulance dispatched to their house (doubles as an Awesome Moment for Cheese).
  • This. Even though it has plenty of plights, it's beautiful to see that all the employees believe that it is all worth it.

The magazine

  • The May 2000 issue opened to a cartoon by Mike Ricigliano, showing former MAD artist Don Martin (who jumped ship to Cracked in the early 1990s) being told by St. Peter that "It's an honor to meet you. You've always been one of His favorite cartoonists. We consider you one of the truly great artists of the 20th century. Frankly, we could use a few laughs around here." Cue Don squirting St. Peter with a squirt flower.
Coyle CommandHeartwarming/Web OriginalCult Of Personality

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