Awesome / Conan the Barbarian (1982)

• Mako's opening narration will send chills down your spine.
  Between the time when the oceans drank Atlantis and the rise of the sons of Aryus, there was an age undreamed of...
  And unto this, Conan! Destined to bear the jeweled crown of Aquilonia upon a troubled brow.
  It is I, his chronicler, who alone can tell thee of his saga! Let me tell you of the days of high adventure!
• That Forging Scene. Yeah, it's not exactly Truth in Television. But its cinematography cannot be denied.
• Conan's father giving his son his most important life lesson. You can only rely on the strength of your own arms and heart.
  • Plus, when the village is attacked by Doom's cult and the Vanir, he kills about five of the cult's mounted raiders by himself and dodges Thorgrim's whack-a-villager battle hammer before having to be brought low by a hatchet to the spine and having war hounds set on him, while mortally wounded.
• Although the scenes of her kills were cut out of the final film, Conan's mother wields a sword that has blood on it, show-casing her own skill with steel. Doom has to hypnotize her with his sorcery, then take her head off with her husband's blade. What's notable is that even Rexor and Thorgrim are wary of coming within range before their master deals with her and both remove their helmets respectfully beforehand.
• One uncredited villager kills at least three raiders with an axe before being knocked down and presumably killed with a blow from a hammer.
• The 'Wheel of Pain' supposedly turning the tiny child-actor Jorge Sanz into a hulking Arnie. Such is the power of cinema! Followed by his gladiator days and his training montage in the ways of war and tactics, but not without including this immortal gem.
  Hyborian Warlord: Conan? What is best in life?
  Conan: To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentations of their women!
  • Although this one is Older Than They Think — it's a paraphrase of a quote from Genghis Khan that states the greatest happiness in life is "to crush your enemies, to see them fall at your feet, to take their horses and goods and hear the lamentations of their women. That is best."
• Conan and Subotai get totally wasted as his friend takes him into a civilized city for the first time, as the two careen down the streets, drunk and high, Conan bumps into a camel, and than just turns around and with one punch to the face, knocks the camel on its ass.
• The flexing of the opposing ideologies of Conan and Doom, when the former is captured and beaten to a pulp. Jones and Schwarzenegger kill this scene.
  Conan: You killed my mother. You killed my father! YOU KILLED MY PEOPLE!! YOU TOOK MY FATHER'S SWORD!!!
  Doom: ... Ah! It must have been when I was younger. There was a time, boy. When I searched for steel. And steel meant more to me than gold or jewels.
  Conan: The Riddle - of Steel...
  Doom: Yes, you know what it is don't you, boy? Shall I tell you? It's the least I can do. ''Steel'' isn't strong, boy. ''Flesssh'', is stronger. Look around you, hm? There. On the rocks. That beautiful girl. Come to me, my child. (young woman leaps to her death) ... That is strength, boy! That is power! The strength and power of flesh! What is steel, compared to, the hand, that wields it? Look at the strength of your body, the desire in your heart. I gave you this! ... Such a waste...
• When our hero is crucified to the Tree of Woe. He survives up there in the beating sun with no water for three days. And when a vulture tries to peck his eyes out, Conan kills it by biting into its scrawny throat and breaking its neck!
• Valeria scaring away the spirits that come for Conan's soul during Akiro's healing ritual. And her promise to pay any price. Even Conan doesn't deserve her!
• The Recovery Atlantean Sword Kata.
  Valeria: All the gods, they cannot sever us. If I were dead and you still fighting for life I'd come back from the darkness, back from the pit of Hell. To fight at your side.
• Conan and team infiltrating the orgy, rescuing the Princess and wrecking the palace, (with a little accidental help from Thorgrim), and forcing Doom to hide like a snake, no joke.
  Rexor: ...You.
  • Conan tipping the massive cauldron of human flesh stew down the stairs to the leitmotif of The Anvil of Crom.
    • Nine guards carried it into the chamber!
  • Also, the Cimmerian takes on both of Doom's lieutenants at the same time and floors them both in the quick skirmish.
• Valeria's funeral pyre. Conan's told by Akiro that the gods won't allow any fire to burn on the Mound — yet he lights it anyway, and it burns, and burns so hot it literally explodes.
  • Besides an awesome visual, it also makes sense...Valeria told Akiro that she would pay the gods if Conan's life was spared. It was, and she dies not long after. Her pyre exploding is the gods collecting their payment.
• Conan's prayer to Crom when he is facing overwhelming odds in the upcoming final Battle of the Mounds...
  Conan: Crom. I have never prayed to you before. I have no tongue for it. No one, not even you, will remember if we were good men or bad. Why we fought, or why we died. No. All that matters is that two stood against many. That's what's important! Valour pleases you Crom, so grant me one request... Grant me revenge! And if you do not listen, then to hell with you!
• The awesome hilltop battle against around twenty riders of Doom and his Co-Dragons. Conan has neglected the Discipline of Steel in the past, but he is wiser now. Together with Subotai, they don't run from or into the battle; they let it come to them, and when it comes, they are ready.
  • They drive their horses into spike traps, use the terrain and monoliths to launch tag-team attacks and otherwise butcher those fools to the last.
  • Conan throwing one of his axes clean through a guy's chest and launching him off his horse, or laying one's leg open in the saddle so that he plows into the sand. He also takes Thorgrim's mallet to the face and gets up again seconds later; this being doled out by the same man who felled a (weakened but still massive) marble pillar with just two strikes!
  • Subotai sniping the elite mooks with his bow when they try to recapture the Princess and sending them tumbling down the punji stick planted hill. Then later saving Osric's daughter from Doom's snake arrow with his buckler.
    • Subotai actually defeats two of the riders after running out of arrows, by pretending that he was about to fire his bow, which makes them react so scared that they fall off their horses. Doubles as both a funny and awesome moment for him.
    • Another for Subotai, after being skewered in the leg by a spear, he still sprints one legged up the hill with a shield to intercept Thulsa Doom's snake arrow before it can hit the princess.
  • Akiro saving Subotai by skewering a rider from behind. "I did it... WITH MY SPEAR! WAHAAAA!"
  • Conan taking out Rexor's mount with an awesome tactical charge sweep and using a booby trap to impale Thorgrim.
• Valeria's return from the dead to help Conan in his hour of need as a Valkyrie, likely sent by Crom after Conan's prayer.
  Valeria: Do you want to live forever?
• Conan's final bout with Rexor. The choreography is simple and the exchange is short. One of the best sword fights in the whole of cinema? Hell. Yes.
• Subotai's Big Damn Heroes moment, jumping in with his shield just in time to save the Princess from one of Thulsa Doom's snake arrows, then him and Akiro laughing at Doom mockingly when the would be god flees back to his lair instead of fighting them.
• An all-too brief moment; Conan shatters his father's sword, slaughters Rexor and wins back his heritage. After examining the broken haft for a moment - Basil Poledouris' score setting the mood nicely - Conan turns to Valeria's funeral pyre and raises both weapons in tribute, as he would do during his pit fighter days.
• Conan's beheading of Thulsa Doom at the finale.
  • Made even more awesome by using his father's sword to do it, completing his quest for revenge. Followed by Conan burning the whole temple down.
    • Even better, it wasn't a quick kill, either; Doom used the same sword at the beginning of the movie to decapitate Conan's mother with one swing, but Conan opted to hack Doom's head off, making sure he felt as much pain as possible. Him throwing the sword down afterwards is basically the ancient equivalent to a Mic Drop.
    • Another great detail from that scene is that after killing Doom, Conan doesn't give a cool one-liner or celebrates his victory, he simply sits down in silence to ponder for a while.
  • Also entertaining is how quickly the Children of Doom turn their back on their religion after watching their prophet killed in front of them.
    • Arguably, Doom exerted some level of magical influence over his followers, which was removed upon his death. Which in itself is also awesome, as it shows how powerful he was.
  • Though only featured in the extended cut, the princess redeems herself after Doom's betrayal by aiding Conan's infiltration of the temple to kill Doom.
• Basil Poledouris' Awesome Music, special mention to Riddle of Steel / Riders of Doom and Anvil of Crom. It's not every score than can take a film that's light on the dialogue and MAKE you pay attention.

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