As The Good Book Says / Live-Action TV

As the Good Book Says... about Live Action TV.

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• Rowan Atkinson's sketch wherein he, as the Devil, welcomes the audience to Hell. When asked where the bathrooms were in Hell, he said, "if you'd read your Bible you'd have seen that it was damnation WITHOUT relief."
• The 100: Raven garbles this while trying to make a signal from spare rockets. "Like the good book says, it's all about burn time and cloud cover."
• The Bionic Woman: Jaime races against time (and enemy agents) to break into a super-secure bunker said to contain a superweapon capable of destroying the world. The room where the Doomsday Device is thought to be contains a plaque quoting Isaiah 2:4—"They will beat their swords into plowshares and their spears into pruning hooks. Nation will not take up sword against nation, nor will they train for war anymore."
• Blackadder: Richard IV: exclaims, "As the good Lord said: 'Love thy neighbour as thyself'. Unless he's Turkish, in which case, KILL THE BASTARD!"
• The Chosen: Verses, sayings, and stories from the Torah and the prophets (re: the Old Testament) are quoted by the residents and religious leaders of Galilee and Judaea all the time, and all over the place, both meta and in-text from the characters.
• Stephen Colbert of The Colbert Report is fond of these, since both character and actor are devout Catholics. In extreme cases he has been known to rattle off the entire Nicene Creed. He's even used his knowledge of the Bible to skewer other people who try to invoke this trope.Like the time when he asked a Congressman, who supported a bill requiring the display of the Ten Commandments in Congress, to quote all ten Commandments. He couldn't.
• Criminal Minds. Reid is very good at this.
  • The episode "Revelations" has an interesting play on the Book of Revelation, where Reid's kidnapper, Tobias Hankel, switches between three personalities—himself, his father, and an angel called Raphael. Although the Bible is quoted multiple times, Reid once quotes it incorrectly, alerting the team to his location, as they know he'd never mess it up because of his eidetic memory.
  • Reid also tried to use biblical quotes to dissuade some cult members in season four from blowing themselves up as their leader'd instructed. The leader catches him at it, and belts him one when Reid tries to argue similarly with him.
  • When kidnapped by a cult in season thirteen, Reid buys time by quoting Ecclesiastes.
• CSI: In "Crow's Feet," which has a couple of victims who were obsessed with retaining their youthful looks, Catherine and Nick find a pamphlet from the quack they've been seeing which touts a treatment whereby a person collects and drinks their own urine to stave off the aging process. It takes John 7:38 completely out of context by using the phrase "out of [your] belly shall flow rivers of living water" to support its claims. Both CSIs are visibly disgusted; Nick also declares it to be "a perversion of the Bible."
• CSI: NY: Det. Mac Taylor quotes scripture from memory twice during the series' run.
  • In "The Ride-In," which has a Noah's Story Arc theme, the victim is a Noah-wannabe who had built an arc in his backyard. Coroner Sid Hammerback finds "7-10" tattooed on the inside of one of his wrists and speculates to Mac that it could be some sort of numeric code. Mac immediately responds, "It's from the Bible," specifically those verses from the 6th chapter of Genesis, and proceeds to quote the passage.
  • During the four-episode Cabbie Killer arc, the victims are all found with "L2729" carved into their necks by pieces of gravestones and the team, particularly Stella, spend a lot of time trying to deduce what it means. Near the end of the last episode, Mac finally realizes it refers to Leviticus 27:29 and immediately quotes it from memory as well.
• In Doctor Who, the last words of The Eighth Doctor are to quote Luke 4:23.
  "Physician, heal thyself."
• From the Dragnet 1967 episode "The Big High", when the officers visit an allegedly pot-smoking couple, the wife, Jean Shipley, roughly cites Ephesians 6:4 in response to concern from her father:
  Jean: "Fathers, provoke not your children unto wrath; the old ways are not their ways; your dusk is their dawn; the future is theirs."
  Friday: Try chapter 5, lady; the apostle Paul also said this.
  Jean: Yes, what is that?
  Friday: "See then, that ye walk circumspectly; not as fools, but as wise."^* Verse 15
• Dot Cotton on EastEnders frequently quoted Bible verses.
• The sitcom Everybody Loves Raymond centred on the Italian-American Barone family, who are church-going Catholics. Both Marie Barone, the family matriarch, and her husband Frank, have sought to authoritatively close family arguments by quoting the Bible. While both quote obscure Biblical texts completely accurately, in the context of the problems they are attempting to address, they come out as random nonsense.
  (Debra Barone): Marie, religious scholars spend their entire lives asking this question. You're not just gonna be able to pick up a bible and find the meaning of life.
  (Marie Barone):Oh ye of little faith. (Beat) That's in here too somewhere.
• One episode of Fawlty Towers, "The Builders", featured an Irish builder named O'Reilly, who kept starting sentences with, "as the good book says," "as the good Lord says," and "if the good Lord had meant". Finally, sick of the builder's pious excuses for laziness, Fawlty responds in epic fashion:
  O'Reilly: If the good Lord —
  Fawlty: — is mentioned once more, I shall move you closer to him!
• Firefly:
  • "Our Mrs. Reynolds" has a Played With example since it's not a real Bible quote. The most obvious explanation is that Saffron is making it up and hoping that the formerly devout but now-misotheist Mal won't notice.
    Saffron: I do know my bible, sir. "On the night of their betrothal, the wife shall open to the man, as the furrow to the plough, and he shall work in her, in and again, 'till she bring him to his fall, and rest him then upon the sweat of her breast."
    Mal: Whoa. Good bible.
  • Oddly enough, Shepherd Book, the ship's preacher, doesn't quote it much. He does mention the Parable of the Good Samaritan in "Bushwhacked" (hoping to convince Mal to investigate a derelict ship for survivors), and later alludes to it in a rather amusing fashion while prepping for a rescue mission to save Mal.
    Zoe: Preacher, don't the Bible have some pretty specific things to say about killing?
    Book: Quite specific. It is, however, somewhat fuzzier on the subject of kneecaps.
• Parodied in Garth Marenghis Darkplace, where a completely irrelevant Shakespeare quote appears on the screen for several seconds for no apparent reason.
• The Golden Girls:
  • Blanche tries repeatedly to quote the Bible to show others how serious she is, but she can't remember any actual verses, so she quotes the postal creed and the Marine Hymn instead.
  • One episode has Blanche refer to her body as a temple, referring to taking care of herself...Okay, look up the original Biblical context (1 Corinthians 6: 15-20). Now think how far out of context the statement would have to be taken for Blanche Devereaux to quote it. Sophia does call her on it; right after she says it, Sophia snarks, "Yeah, open to everyone, day or night."
• The Handmaid's Tale: The fundamentalist regime naturally is very fond of doing this (though as Offred recognizes, they do it quite selectively).
• In the Highlander series, the second episode of the Four Horseman arc, is fittingly named Revelation 6:8, fitting because Methos was Death.
  And I looked, and behold a pale horse: and his name that sat on him was Death, and Hell followed with him. And power was given unto them over the fourth part of the earth, to kill with sword, and with hunger, and with death, and with the beasts of the earth.
• In the VH-1 basketball soap Hit the Floor, new teammate Zero frequently spouts off Bible verses to people to help his image. In his first episode, cheerleader Jelena catches on when he bungles Proverbs 8:20. He quoted it as "I follow life in the way of salvation, in the midst of the paths of righteousness." She quickly corrects him with, "I lead in the way of righteousness, in the midst of the paths of judgment," and quickly calls him out as being a fraud. Definite Foreshadowing that Zero wasn't what he appeared.
• Vicar Oddie and the Undead Prophet from In the Flesh are both fond of quoting Bible verses to justify their fundamentalist views.
• Mr. Eko quotes the Bible frequently on Lost. At first this lets us know he's deeply religious. Then it provides irony because he's not really a priest, as he claims. Finally, one Bible quote becomes a plot point: the sun shines on his scripture stick illuminating the quote, "Lift up your eyes and look north. John 3:05." John Locke takes this as a sign to go north on heading 305, which takes him right to the Flame station.
• Spoofed on MADtv (1995) with Bible Dude, who would recite verses that had absolutely nothing to do with the situation, but people would arrive at An Aesop regardless.
• Biblical references abound in the M*A*S*H episode "Quo Vadis, Captain Chandler?" where a fatigued bomber pilot suddenly labors under the idea he's Christ. Frank is his usual cynical self about it, for which Hawkeye and B.J. needle him (although Frank gets the last laugh).
  Hawkeye: If you're not careful, Frank, you'll replace Pontius Pilate in the hearts of your fellow man.
  B.J.: You'll be famous. Your name will be written all over the newest Testament.
  Hawkeye: Of course nobody will ever call their kid Frank anymore.
  B.J.: True. How many two-year-old Pontius Pilates do you meet?
  Frank: (paraphrasing Matthew 27:24) Oh, I wash my hands of the two of you. (Hawkeye and B.J. are actually impressed) Get it? (Frank walks off laughing like a ghoul)
• As Midnight Mass (2021) is a show built around Christianity, there's of course plenty of quoting from the Bible, especially by Father Paul and Beverly Keane to justify embracing the vampirism as God's will.
• Misfits: Rudy tries invoking the Good Samaritan when getting Helen to help him, Jess and Abbie. He then humorously gets this mixed up with the Crucifixion and Nativity stories however. After hearing it, Jess sarcastically comments about how well he knows the scriptures.
• Motherland: Fort Salem: Raelle quotes a verse from the Book of Matthew as an incantation to heal people. The witch-hating Christian fundamentalist Camarilla also quote the Bible naturally, and the injunction to not "suffer a witch to live" from Exodus naturally is popular.
• Benjamin in Never Wipe Tears Without Gloves sometimes quotes the Bible. He's a Jehovah's Witness and knows The Good Book pretty well.
• Orange Is the New Black: Mendez quotes the Bible directly to Trisha, (Proverbs 22:7) when she is further stuck into the former's drug running schemes.
• Oz:
  • Vern Schillinger to Reverend Cloutier, when warning him not to interfere in the affairs of the Aryan Brotherhood.
    "And I will pour out mine indignation upon thee. I will blow against thee in the fire of my wrath, and deliver thee into the hand of brutish men. And skillful to destroy." Ezekiel 21:31
  • Warden Glynn as Smug Snake Timmy Kirk is hauled off to Death Row.
    "He who comes in vanity, shall depart in darkness. And his name shall be covered in darkness. He will never see the sun." Ecclesiastes 6:4
• Played with in spades in Agatha Christie's Poirot:
  • During the flashback in The Adventure of the Clapham Cook, you can hear a vicar recite Psalm 118:22-25.
  • During the burial service of Emily Arundell in Dumb Witness, we hear another vicar recite the KJV version of Psalm 103:14-18, followed by the KJV version of Job 1:21.
  • In the opening credits for Evil Under the Sun, we hear Reverend Stephen Lane recite passages from the KJV version of 1 Kings 21 before saying that those who are like King Ahab's wife Jezebel in committing evil deserve punishment. This foreshadows how Christine Redfern plays the Jezebel to her husband Patrick's Ahab by trickery.
  • In the Downer Beginning of Five Little Pigs, we hear a priest recite the KJV version of Psalm 23 as Caroline Crale is being hanged for the murder of her husband Amyas.
  • In After the Funeral, we hear Gilbert Entwhistle recite the KJV version of Lamentations 3:59 ("O Lord, thou hast seen my wrong: judge thou my cause!") to Timothy Abernethie, which Poirot lampshades.
  • In Appointment with Death, Sister Agnieszka recites Luke 14:23, which is actually an excerpt from the Parable of the Great Feast (Luke 14:15-24). However, the Bible version she recites is the King James Version, which is the Protestant one and foreshadows that Sister Agnieszka is not a real Catholic nun. Roman Catholics would never recite a Protestant Bible like the KJV one; they would have settled for the Douay–Rheims Bible instead if that is the case.
  • In Hallowe'en Party, we hear Reverend Cottrell recite the KJV version of Luke 18:15-17^note called "The Blessing of the Children", also in Matthew 19:13-15 and Mark 10:13-16, and in another scene Edmund Drake recites Exodus 22:18 (KJV) when he and his sister Frances are seated at the library where the murder had occurred. After the murder of Leopold Reynolds, when Poirot approaches Reverend Cottrell and Mrs. Reynolds, she recites Job 1:16bc (KJV) before leaving.
  • In Murder on the Orient Express, after Poirot exposes the entire Armstrong family as murderers and delivers a speech on the importance of the rule of law, Greta Ohlsson tells him that Ratchett's/Casetti's escape is what is wrong with Catholicism and claims that she took the part in killing on God's orders, even quoting Jesus' words in John 8:7 ("Let those without sin throw the first stone").
• Played with on Pramface when Mike, on a religious bent, gives us the following: "Thou shalt not feel up a godmother in the house of the Lord."
• Parodied in an episode of Reba. Van goes through a crisis of faith after an injury derails his lifelong goal of being a pro-football player, and he says outright he no longer believes in God. This horrifies his very-conservative family, especially Barbara Jean. She brings the Bible to him, saying she found a passage that might help him.
  Barbara Jean: If you look here at Matthew 12 Verse 3 "And Jesus says unto his disciples..." (Closes the book and starts beating him with it.) What is wrong with you boy?! Do you want to spend eternity in a fiery damnation?!
• Stargate SG-1:
  • "The First Commandment" took its title from the Bible, and had as its Villain of the Week an insane SGC officer who spouted lines from it, convinced he was a god. At the episode's end, Carter quotes the commandment in question verbatim:
    "I am the Lord your God, and you shall have no other gods before me."
  • Seasons nine and ten introduce as the new Big Bad the Ori, a group of ascended beings who act as gods. Their minions love to spout lines from their Bible-equivalent, the Book of Origin, and often out of context. Daniel Jackson, who read it cover-to-cover to learn more about the Ori, loves to counter with yet more quotes from the same document. Meanwhile Cam Mitchell once responds to a Prior giving a sermon by mockingly quoting from the Book of Ecclesiastes (his grandma was a Bible-thumper).
• Chuck Noblet in Strangers with Candy likes to read from the Bible before dinner with his family. We only see this once: when his friend (not his secret gay lover) is visiting, and the verse he picks at random happens to be Leviticus 20:13.
• In Survivor Philippines, at one point Lisa Welchel (yes, that one) refers to the "do not throw pearls before swine" passage (Matthew 7:6) when discussing Abi-Maria. "Not that I'm calling Abi a pig, but..." She's referring to the idea that you're trying to help someone (giving "pearls") but they're openly dismissive and not listening ("swine" trampling the wisdom underfoot), you should quit wasting your time.
• Tales from the Crypt: Ezra Thornberry, the funeral director from "Fitting Punishment", is quite fond of quoting bible verses. Both to cozy up to his grieving clientele so they'll spend more money of extra for deceased loved ones and to justify the underhanded practices he uses such as stealing from corpses, using cheap embalming materials, and switching out coffins. Gets turned back on him when the nephew he cruelly murdered returns as a zombie to stalk him.
  Bobby: As the good book says... "blood is thicker than water."
• Played for laughs in an episode of Three's Company:
  Mr. Roper: Like the good book says, "All's Well That Ends Well".
  Jack: That was Shakespeare.
  Mr. Roper: Well, it was still a good book.
• In The Walking Dead (2010), Hershel quotes a passage to Merle, and Merle not only finishes the quote but gives the reference numbers: "Woodbury had a good library, the only thing I miss." The verse in question is Matthew 5:30: "And if thy right hand offend thee, cut it off, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell." (Both Merle and Hershel had made a Life-or-Limb Decision in the past.)
• President Bartlett on The West Wing is a devout Catholic (as is his actor, Martin Sheen) and occasionally whips out his thorough and encyclopedic knowledge of the Bible. For example, in one episode a Christian fundamentalist quotes the Bible, particularly laws-heavy Leviticus, to support her stance against homosexuality. Bartlett matches her quote for quote with yet more lines from Leviticus to show how outdated it is.
• In The Wire episode "Transitions", Proposition Joe sends flowers to Butchie's funeral with a note quoting the first part of Isaiah 5:20 ("Woe to them who call evil good and good evil").

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