Quarter-Life: Halfway To Destruction is by Peter Chimaera, author of DOOM: Repercussions of Evil, which I will likely do.
The fic begins with an author's note saying that after hearing that he was writing about it on Uncyclopedia, he decided to write it for real.
The fic has three parts, but since they're so short, and were once part of the same chapter, I'll do them all in one installment.
CHAPTER ONE: WHAT IT MEANS
Gordon Freeman (who is referred to by his full name here, but since his last name is never spelled consistently and only spelled correctly once, it will not be mentioned), is studying in his "was studied laboratory", when Jim asks what he's working on. Gordon says that he's discovered a radioactive isotope that is so volatile it doesn't have a half life, but a quarter life, requiring them to "observe with hasty".
What Is Wrong With This 3: The Quarter-Life
- Radioactive elements have half lives. After one elapses, half of it decays, then after another, half of that remaining half, and so forth.
- Said quarter-life is seemingly portrayed as equivalent to splitting the atom in terms of effect, when no such thing happens in real life.
- That's all I can think of for now, save for how it seems to resemble the synthetic elements that supposedly last for a fraction of a second, rather than a radioactive element.
A headcrab lands on Jim's head, provoking an Oh, Crap reaction from Gordon in spite of the fact that headcrabs are some of the weakest enemies in the game and a single one does not present any significant threat. Granted, Gordon does deal with it easily, even if his search for his crowbar fails, and he has to get a claymore sword. Gordon defeats the headcrab, but apparently injures Jim, who jokes about Gordon needing to watch where he swings, but laughing it off. Unfortunately, in the chaos, someone stole the isotope.
Normally, Gordon and Jim's next step would be to find out who the thief is and track them down, but the fic, short and rushed as it is, skips that step in favor of cutting to the confrontation.
CHAPTER TWO: THEY REVOCER TEH ISOTROP BUT THEY DONT
Gordon and Jim reach the "alien scene", where "a bad guy from the game" (Father Grigori, of all people, in the machinima), announces his intention to destroy Dallas (a city apparently chosen because the creator's friend lives there) with a meltdown, much to Gordon's horror.
The bad guy is about to announce his demands, but then abruptly declares that Gordon and Jim are too late, and the isotope goes "quarter-life," blowing Jim to smitheroons before he can escape with Gordon. One would think that the bad guy would make his threat with a weapon he could control.
The outcome is hardly a surprise, given the title, but how does Gordon get out of this situation?
CHAPTER THREE: DESTRUACTION IS IMMINENT
Gordon is faced with the problem of how to contain the meltdown so that he can save his own life and that of millions of innocent Dallas residents. All seems lost... for about five seconds, until Gordon uses portals to push the enemy headquarters into a portal, so that the explosion goes off harmlessly in the Atlantic Ocean, thousands of miles away.
All this is standard fare for bad fanfics that introduce problems suddenly and resolve them just as quickly, not wanting to take the time to do either believably. Granted, it's indicated that Half-Life and Portal take place in the same universe, even if the latter's existence is never referenced in the former, but the use of the portal gun came off as an Ass Pull nevertheless.
Gordon celebrates, until someone says "Not so fast, Mr. Gordon." Who is this person? Are they friend or a foe? Are they delivering a warning or a threat? And what happens next? We'll never find out, because the fic ends here.
The author invites us to decide what happens next, which reminds me of the comic strips from Zillions (essentially "Consumer Reports for Kids") that told readers to decide how the story would end. While endings can be difficult to write well, and it can often be good to leave things ambiguous, overtly telling readers to decide what happened comes off as fairly lazy.
He then concludes by thanking us for reading, and asking us to buy his book. While I'd be hesitant to pay money for it, it might be interesting to see what sort of rushed and poorly thought out nonsense he came up with for it.
The Bechdel Test: Fails Condition 1. There are no female characters at all, with the possible exception of the individual who says "Not so fast, Mr. Gordon."
