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10/11/2012 18:37:35 •••

Tragically This Movie Almost Did It Right


Directed by: Joel Schumacher

Starring:George Clooney,Arnold Schwarzeneggar,Uma Thurman,Chris O'Donnell,Alicia Silverstone,Michael Gough,Pat Hingle

Grade: D

I'm sorry but this just isn't the worst movie ever,it's not even F material becuase ya' know what,it actually had a lot going for it.The plot was excellent and under better direction and tone [like lets say Sam Hamm wrote it and Tim Burton directed it or Chris Nolan helmed it] it could've gone far with Alfred dying [although since the actor playing him just died recently,it makes those scenes a little harder being Too Soon and all] and Mr. Freeze trying to cure his wife.The problem was it was overshadowed by Bad Writing,the Bat-Credit card and like Batman Forever it was clearly trying to decide between Tim Burton's duo and the 60's which results in Mood Whiplash. Except when it goes campy,it feels forced rather than natural like Adam West and it's disjointed. Clearly you can tell no one was trying except for Michael Gough who did a fantastic job,for the little bits he got.Also the Not-the-same-as-89-but-played-by-same-actor Gordon was minimalized after sucking in Forever. The killer though to this was Batgirl who neither developed as a character nor did anything useful,actually she just made sure no one else could do anything meaningful and the discovery of the cave was a Wall Banger.Yeah Alfred seemed to be as sharp as a tack a second ago,yet the password. Good thing there were shots of Silverstone's butt,but then I guess those were cancelled out by Clooney's and O'Donnells.And then if those butts aren't enough,Gotham has plenty more statues and neon to showcase.What is this?

The only part of the main plot worth anything was Mr. Freeze reaction to what happened to his wife,except the tear froze making it Narm,which is sad.Not as sad however as seeing the otherwise Fan Service Poison Ivy be ruined by Uma Thurman's facial expressions,the very few decent lines in the whole movie,.....murdered.

If this movie had focused more on camp,got rid of the homoerotic NOT-subtext,and the actors actually tried this could've been Batman66 again,instead of being so lifeless,so close but not there and don't watch unless you have to.

Thank goodness Batman Begins happened.

10/04/2012 00:00:00

Its the same Gordon.

Yeah, his personality is a bit more goofy, but what do you expect when Batman is a one-man anti-crime wave? The man has nothing to do but mellow out!

Same way its the same Alfred.

Anything else is Fanon Discontinuity.

10/11/2012 00:00:00

You say the plot was excellent but only mention two things that are handled poorly. That doesn't add up to a plot. It is barely even two good ideas.

10/11/2012 00:00:00

I don't even believe it's the same Alfred,Burton's Alfred was snarkier and less resigned. Schumacher's Alfred was much sweeter.

You will not convince me Returns didn't get rebooted,you can try but I will not budge. You will therefore not convince me Gough and Hingle played the same characters. Alright?

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