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12/23/2018 01:34:16 •••

It certainly earns its acronym...

...and that acronym is not DIS but STD.

I was initially thrilled that Star Trek was coming back to live-action television. In the months leading up to it's release, I was just as much of a Trekkie fanboy as I'd ever been. I was telling all my friends to watch it, I was posting online about how great it was that Star Trek was coming back, I was blinded by my enthusiasm.

I was really too naive. When I watched in on the very hour it was released in Oz on Netflix, I was heartbroken by how I- as a devoted, lifelong fan- had been betrayed by the makers of the hideous mess that was wearing the cadaver of one of my all-time favourite franchises.

You may think I'm exaggerating. You may think this is for humour. It is not.

Star Trek: Discovery is not Star Trek, no matter how many times they try to use the name and the setting. It depicts not the optimistic, progressive and hopeful future that has been the staple of Trek Shows for so long; but a depressing, grim and (in CBS's own words) a 'Darker and Edgier' Science Fantasy show.

I'm struggling to objectively review this show, because it was so painful to watch. But I'll try and at least say one good thing about it: the budget was well spent on CGI, if not hiring competent writers.

In any case, here are the major issues with STD:

- Klingon Redesign. It was pointless, actually impacted the quality of any scene with a Klingon it it talking, looks fucking terrible, and is a waste of money on a show that already spent most of the budget on CGI.

- Michael 'Mary Sue (she's actually exactly like the original Mary sue in the fact she's Spock's human step-sister who we've never heard of before)' Burnham. A character who is immensely unlikable, arrogant and irresponsible, and is nothing like any other character previously seen on Star Trek.

- The fucking lens glare. It's like they didn't watch anything but the reboot movies!!

- How the writers haven't actually watched any of the classic Star Trek, and if they did, they didn't take anything away from it.

- Technology way in advance of the time period. Holodecks, replicators and holographic communications are all 24th century inventions, not 23rd. This is even outright said by Harry Kim in the episode 'Flashbacks' from season 3 of Voyager when he says "No replicators. No holodecks. You know, ever since I took Starfleet history at the Academy, I've always wondered what it would be like to live in those days."

- THE FUCKING SPORE DRIVE!!! Something that actually invalidates all of fucking Voyager, as it would have taken them fucking two seconds to get home!!!

- The shitty-looking ship. The Discovery is especially ugly, it looks like a oversized pizza cutter, and it doesn't even look right for the period. None of the ships do.

- The dark and non-canon set design: 23rd century ships don't look like that!

- The writing. Oh god, who did they hire again? Was it the guy who wrote 'The Mummy 2016' 'Transformers Age of Extinction' 'Star Trek Into Darkness' and a whole bunch of box-office-fuck-ups? Was it too expensive to hire Brannon Braga or Rick Berman because you blew all your cash on the CGI (which wasn't even as good as the stuff on The Orville)

- The fact that you even thought this show was a good idea, CBS.

- The lack of syndication on live TV.

I could go on, but I'd much rather reccomend that if you're looking for more Trek, go watch Fox's 'The Orville'. It's MUCH better, and is actually in the spirit of Star Trek.

12/20/2018 00:00:00

They changed it, now it sucks, the review?

I`ve spoken to a few Trekkies about the series, and the general impression I got was that they, under no circumstances, want Star Trek to be anything other than the same thing it has been for the last 700 episodes. I mean, fair enough I suppose, but it doing something different is a big reason for why I like it.

12/20/2018 00:00:00

Please, don't explain the joke. It was more Russell Brand than Monty Python from the outs, but still. People will be morally obligated to forever judge you for it.

...What, you were expecting a relevant response to the content of the actual here? I don't engage in discussion as redundant as the perceived quality of anything Star Trek related, as a rule.

(Best one was Galaxy Quest, though.)

12/22/2018 00:00:00

I forgot the following:

- The fact that the main character is...well, a main character. Seriously, Trek has always been a ensemble show. Don\'t mess with a good formula.

- The messy and hackneyed plot which stood with the \'Klingorcs Vs. Terran Federation (would you like to know more?)\' plot for a third of the season before taking a shoehorned diversion to the mirror universe that made absolutely no goddam impact on the finale; before suddenly resolving the plot without the leadup that could have fitted where the mirror universe stuff went. - So, I basically quit after episode 3. I could not stomach any more of this vapid garbage any longer. I did pick it back up...about a year afterwards. I honestly kept rage quitting all through that slog of a forced viewing. The thing is, people say it got \'good\' (I\'d personally say it got marginally better, although even that\'s a stretch in my opinion) after episode 5. Yeah. So, how long did it take the Orville to become great to me? Five bloody seconds. - The Orville got shit critic ratings (20% on rotten tomatoes) but audiences adore it (90% on rotten tomatoes). STD is aborred by audiences (just over 40% on RT for audiences) but is praised by the critics (91% or some bullshit like that). I wonder why CBS thought it would be a better use of money to bribe the fucking critics to kiss THEIR asses, and slander a actually decent show than to actually spend said bribe money on making their show better? Any suggestions? - The dark rooms make it impossible to see anything happening, the interiors are shit anyway and don\'t match the period (where\'s all the GNDN pipes, brightly-coloured shirts, submarine-style interiors and good lighting? I don\'t want fucking holograms with worse resolution than a 80\'s PC!!! I want the classic flashy buttons and blinking lights!!! You brought them back for TNG, DS 9 and ENT. Hell, you even had the TOS-movie design for Voyager when they went inside Tuvok\'s mind! Yet, you don\'t seem to grasp the concept of CONTINUITY!!! - The writers have never heard of fucking continuity. - The fact that Temporal Investigations has not raped the figurative shit out of this fucked-up timeline and reverte d events to canon. No matter how hard you try to shoehorn this show into the prime timeline, I\'d prefer to grab a Krenim time weapon and go to work on this fucking show. It doesn\'t deserve to exist. It is a fucking blight on all that Star Trek stands for. - The fact that this fuck-up of a show invalidated Voyager. I get that first-season janeway hair was bad. You didn\'t have to make voyager non-canon. Alongside every other show. - Did I mention that fucker Kurtzman has decided to make every movie and TV show besides STD non-canon when the Picard series rolls around? Try going and watching Midnight Edge\'s Picard timeline video. I bet you\'ll cry. I did. For three fucking hours. - Oh, and Spock has a full-face beard now and looks nothing like Nimoy. Go fuck yourself Gregory peck!!! You\'re not fucking Spock, no one but Nimoy is!!!

12/23/2018 00:00:00

Please, for the sake of your own health, take a step back and calm down. Its just a show. (that I happen to enjoy BTW.)


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