All Purpose Negima Fanfiction Thread

"Who's this guy 'Shins'—"

Jack Rakan was unfortunately too busy being stabbed by a magical extending sword which in no way was symbolic of anything to finish his question, and he flew backwards from the force of the impact, right into the gate he'd just opened. Indeed, after the dust from this second impact had cleared, it became obvious that the flying gladiator had been moving so fast that a third hole had been blasted in the gate.

Gin retracted Shinso and lifted it before his head, examining it critically. "Huh. Wonder who did that?"

"Ooh! Ooh! Me!" Orihime was balancing on tiptoe, trying to get her hand up as high as possible.

"Wrong!" Gin replied cheerfully. "Care to guess again?"

Uryu pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed loudly.

Gin ignored the despairing Quincy and sheathed Shinso, hand slipping into his haori and producing a small stack of official-looking papers, which he held out at the group of protagonists. "Now then. Before you go out that door, I'm afraid that you're all going to hafta sign these forms which certify that is wasn't my fault that the gate now has three holes in it instead of two—"

Ichigo held up his hand. "Um, but isn't it kinda your fault? After all, you kinda—"

"Shut it," Gin cut him off cheerily. "All they do is state that you clearly saw that I happened to release my weapon in that random direction and that the hole in the very expensive and hard-to-repair gate is the fault of the guy who stood there. You know..."

"Jack Rakan!", Jack Rakan grinned, taking one of the forms and examining it.

Gin looked at him for a second, pointing at Rakan with his free hand and then at the gate (which now had another hole in it, courtesy of Rakan's reentry), and then back.

Every architect within a ten-kilometre radius died a little inside.

Rakan frowned and pointed at a small line near the bottom of the form. "Here, what's this part about paying for repairs?"

"A mere formality, I assure you, mister Rakan," Gin grinned. "Now then, I have a pen right here for you to relieve me of gui—... erm, assert my innocence regarding property damage, if you'll give me a second.' He started patting down his robes, apparently searching for said pen.

Uryu's eyebrow twitched, and he raised a shaky hand at the chatting pair. "What— I don't— how does that even— WHY DOES HE HAVE A FORM LIKE THAT ON HIM, GODDAMIT?"

Gin appeared just next to him with Shunpo. "Y'want the easy answer? 'Cause the long version might take a while, and probably not make a lot of sense unless you keep in mind that Shinigami have entirely too much free time on our hands and that the guy who rules this place is a biiiiit of a hardarse regarding maintenance expenses, probably because it comes out of his adult nappy fund."

Rakan appeared at Uryu's other shoulder, a pair of reading glasses on. "Well then, this seems to be in order. Pen, if you will?"

Gin reached across Uryu's and handed a ballpoint pen to Rakan, unaware of the thunderstruck expressions of everyone else present. "There you are, mister Rakan." Rakan neatly wrote his name and signature on the slip of paper and handed it back across Uryu's front to Gin. Thank you kindly, sir. Do take a small complimentary treat and/or mint as a reminder of your stay here in scenic Soul Society."

Gin produced a small bag of said items like a stage magician pulling a size 12 bunny out of a size 6 top hat, (That is to say, with a swirling cloak and dramatic gestures.) and Rakan took off his reading glasses and grabbed the entire bag, taking one and popping it into his mouth, wrapper and all. "Don't mind if I do!"

"Ooh! Rakan-san, may I have one?", Orihime said, leaning over and peering into the bag.

Rakan pulled a face before offering the bag to her. "Watch out, girlie, they taste kinda plastic-y. Cheapo outsourcing sweetmakers..." He threw a loaded glance over to Gin, who tried (and, rather creepily, succeeded) to look like butter wouldn't melt in his mouth.

"Anyway, I do believe that your stay has expired. Thank you, do close the door on the way out have a good stay in the Rukongai! We do hope you choose to return to Soul Society for all your future reincarnatory needs <3!" He clasped his hands and bowed exaggeratedly, before making shooing motions in the general direction of the rather sorry-looking gate.

Rakan nodded to him and gathered the group in front of him, pushing them out of the hole in the wall despite their stuttered protestations. Once they were outside, he poked his head back inside and gave a little wave, then withdrew and rammed his hand through the gate once again, using that point as a lever to push the long-suffering gate further enough into the ground to hide the holes.

He grinned around at the group, completely unaware of the mixture of incredulous and furious looks that greeted him. "Well, now, didn't you enjoy that, kids?"

Gin looked at the gate, then shook his head.

"...I cannot believe that actually worked."

He shrugged and turned in the general direction of central sector, aware of the roasting he was about to recieve. As if in afterthought, he threw up a hand ('up yours' gesture clearly visible) in the direction of the headquarters of Division Five.

"Hah! Toldya complicated mind games weren't the only way to go, Aizen!"

"Nothing comes to mind, let's do it."

—>Colonel Jack O'Neill, USAF.

"This is ridiculous," Asuna griped as she screwed the hinges of the door back into their frame. She wasn't exactly handy, but she wasn't a complete klutz either. Fortunately, she hadn't torn up the wood too much when she kicked the door in, so she just had to put the new screws in slightly above and below where they'd gone in before. But still, this was not how she wanted to spend her evening. "If you want this done right, you should really get a professional."

"Professional work is going to cost me money, and since I will be getting it from you, it will cost you money," Evangeline replied. She leaned back on a suede chair just inside the doorway, dressed in a set of beige underwear and delicately inhaling from a hookah. Her feet rested her bare feet on the back of one of her Chachamaru dolls, posed so that it was on its hands and knees.

Asuna shook her head in disgust. "Your habits are so ... decadent," she said.

Both she and Evangeline looked around for the source of the sudden burst of laughter those words had occasioned. Not finding it, they exchanged glances at each other, then shrugged and went back to doing what they'd been doing.

"In any event, you broke my door, you should fix it one way or another. Such is the least you should expect after damaging the property of a notoriously evil wizard!" Evangeline said with a sniff.

"That again," Asuna muttered as she started to work on the hinges that were at the lower level. She'd done the top ones first, because she knew that she'd have to bend over in order to reach the lower ones, and that wasn't going to be a very comfortable position for long.

"Yes, that again. It disturbs me to no end that you persist in thinking of me as your funny classmate who will never get older!" Evangeline griped.

"Actually, that's Sayo," Asuna replied. "You're my funny classmate who is kind of a bitch but has a sweet heart underneath it all."

"That again," Evangeline sneered, parodying Asuna's tone. "I keep telling you, and warning you, and trying to show you, and STILL, you think I'm —"

"You're —" Asuna began at the same moment.

"— a good person despite everything," they chorused.

"Well, I'm not!" Evangeline snapped, furious at having her words echoed. "What am I going to have to do to convince you? Am I gonna have to hurt you? Hurt him?"

"Please," Asuna said with a sniff as she got the first lower screw in. "If you were going to do that, you'd have done it already."

Evangeline started to seethe. "Oh really," she said in a velvet tone, standing up from the chair. "You may be right. But I don't really think you know how many opportunities I've passed up."

"Uh-huh, not caring either," Asuna said dismissively as she examined the wood. This part was kind of torn up. Dammit.

"Like that time in my resort, when he was worrying about fighting Chao and whether it was right to fight someone he didn't think was evil, and I faced off with him in my pool. I could have done all sorts of things more than I did, but what I did do was very enjoyable," she said, slowly walking towards where Asuna was bent over.

Asuna froze and turned to look at Evangeline. "Hey. Hey, T-rated fanfic, remember?"

"I won't go into detail," she said sensuously. "And anyway, all I did then was learn what you already know about the taste of his lips. But perhaps sometime soon I'll invite him back and finish what I started. What will you think of me then, Kagarazuka Asuna? How will you feel?" she hissed.

Asuna stared at her, set down the screwdriver, and then drew a deep breath.

"I'll be happy, because maybe you won't be so lonely afterwards," she said.

Evangeline stared at her for the longest five seconds of Asuna's life so far ... then whirled and stomped back to the chair. "Get out," she said crossly. "I'll finish the rest myself."

Asuna watched her for a moment longer, then turned back to her work. "I don't quit things just because people tell me to do so," she said as she started screwing some more.

"So I see," Evangeine muttered. "So I see."