All Purpose Negima Fanfiction Thread

"We both knew this would happen from the very start." The chaos had subdued.

He was only met with silence.

"You exceeded everything everyone expected of you. You have been, from the start, much better than I could have ever been. All of you. Everyone, I'm thankful for everything you have done." He continued, the smile on his face growing more strained by the minute. "I had fun. I loved. I had a full life. I have no regrets. Don't blame yourself. Who am I kidding? I know you will anyway."

The faces that stared at him ranged from depressed to angry to just tired. One in particular caught his attention, one that was very clearly on the verge of tears.

"Aww, come on. You're making me self conscious. Put a smile on those faces. It's sad when a clown doesn't get one last laugh in."

Nobody dared comment. Simply seeing his lips twitch ever so slightly upwardly was enough, however.

Despite the strain that it put on his body, he erupted into laughter at that point. "You should all see your faces. All serious and sad and shit." He seemed pensive for a second. "You know, this would normally be the point when someone would punch me for ruining the moment."

As if to punctuate his statement, a rather large portion of the palace caved in.

Finally, he was offered a hand by a carbon copy, who sported an even further strained smile. "Father... When you get there, give my regards to mother."

He shook it rather firmly. "Of course, kiddo. Everyone else... We'll meet again some day. It's been a pleasure knowing ya'll..." his breath was getting more agitated by the second.

"You know, Negi, I'm sad I will never get to meet your kids. Put in a good word for Grandpa Nagi, 'kay?"

Tears already rolling down his cheeks, Negi nodded.

"Well, I gotta go now... Goodbye..."

He closed his eyes and his chest fell one last time.

Trouble

"So, let me see if I understood this well," Rito said, with the kind of baffled face you only can see in comedy manga. The three of them were sitting around a small portable kotatsu now. "Ren, you used to change genders whenever you sneezed. But you used to spend most of your time in girl form..."

Ren punched a wall. "Run was tricky, and always wanted to be in control! She'd always find ways to make me sneeze and turn me back!"

"That means your female side is the dominant one, isn't it?" Lala smiled brightly.

Ren made a truly horrified face. "N-NO! A-Anyway, she took advantage of that to keep me submerged through most of our childhood! So when I had to come to Earth, I asked for a trinket to keep her sealed. After all, changing genders in the middle of the street due to an ill timed sneeze would have ruined my cover."

"And why did you need to come to Earth in secrecy?" Rito distrusted.

"That's no business of yours!" Ren told him curtly.

"Ren!" Lala intervened, slamming her hands on the kotatsu. "That's a very mean thing to do! You were sent to Earth five Earthling years ago, weren't you? You've been keeping poor Run submerged into darkness all that time?"

The silver haired boy only looked aside. "H-Hey, she did it to me first..."

"Never for five years!" Lala argued.

"N-No, but..."

Lala pouted cutely. "Show me the seal."

"But Lala, I mean, Princess Lala, I—!"

"This is an imperial command!" Lala said, and although she smiled, and she said it cheerily, even Rito had the urge to show a seal he didn't have.

Ren never stood a chance, and he offered his right arm sheepishly to her. "Please don't chop it off," he asked in a tiny voice.

Lala gave a good-naturedly giggle and patted his forearm. "Don't be silly! I'd never do such a thing!" Then, with a suddenly cold and professional attitude, she began feeling the arm up and down with her fingers. "Let's see... I think it's around here, isn't it...?"

Meanwhile, Ren gave Rito a jaded but still hostile glare. "Anyway, what were you doing with her, bringing her here?"

"Ah? Oh, well, I just... happened to run into each other..." the other boy gulped, "... and then she was being chased by two men, and so... I... I...!"

"He grabbed my tail, and we're going to marry!" Lala laughed.

Ren's eyes popped out of their sockets. "WH-WHAT?-!"

"Ah-hah!" Lala finally pinpointed an exact spot on Rito's arm. "Here it is!" She grabbed a small and round white decoration with swirly eyes on her pink hair; it turned into a sharp scalpel between her fingers, and she sank its tip into that spot. Ren gave a yelp, and jerked back.

"P-P-Princess...!"

Lala smiled impishly and caressed Ren's nose with a finger several quick times, making him blush. "Do you still have the same sensitive nose, Ren...?" she said, before blowing on it. "Fuuu..."

Against his will, Ren twitched, trying to hold himself for a moment, but then sneezed on Lala's face, just as his body, in a single moment, shrank a little under Rito's horrified eyes. His lines became softer and curvier. His hair grew longer and darker, gaining a deeper blueish shade. His chest grew puffier and rounder. His eyes wider and his lips fuller.

And then he was a very cute girl, cowering under the shocked sight of Rito. "D-DON'T LOOK AT ME LIKE THIS!" she begged, ducking for a pillow from the lower bunk and shielding her pretty face with it. "PRINCESS! WHY DID YOU HAVE TO DO THIS?-!"

"Welcome back, Run...!" Lala waved happily at her.

"So... it was... true...?" Rito's face had become even more surreal than it had been at the start of the conversation.

"I'm sorry, Rito-kun!" the strange new girl tried to look away for him, seeming incredibly awkward. "I-I never wanted you to look at me like this! My brother has keeping me down so long, but in all the time we studied together, I saw you from inside of him, and-and-and I know you're... a good boy! But you get s-scared easily, and no doubt you think I'm a monster, a freak...!"

If we still were doing the sneeze joke, Setsuna would have sneezed.

Rito, flabbergasted, only could shake his head in denial. "N-NO! I mean, of course you aren't a monster! You're only... different!"

"Even if you say that..." she lowered her head humbly, "... Of course I am one, for your species' standards. That's why my brother kept me hidden, and I'd have done the same thing to him if I could..."

Rito sweatdropped. "You aren't very fond of each other... are you?"

Lala patted her on a shoulder, which made Run shudder in disgust even though Lala didn't seem to notice it. "Ah ha ha! Don't worry! This planet will understand, sooner than later! Just look at Rito, he doesn't care!"

"Yeah. I mean, yeah, I don't!" he said.

Run sniffled. "Yeah, sure. Like anyone else will. You're just too nice, Rito-kun, but like people like the Class Rep or your girlfriend will understand..."

Lala looked at Rito's face. "Girlfriend?"

"That's what I tried telling you on our way here!" Rito despaired. "I've had a girlfriend for years now, so of course I can't marry anyone else! Much less someone I just met today!"

Lala put a finger on her mouth. "A girlfriend? I see... Well, if she was in a relationship with you, there's only one thing that can be done..."

He jumped to his feet and pointed a finger at her, growing unusually bold and ferocious. "You'll hurt Haruna-chan over my dead body!"

"Hurt?" she blinked, as if the concept was, excuse the pun, alien to her, before laughing again. "Oh, no, no! That'd be dishonorable, since I got there after her!"

Rito sweatdropped again. "Then you wouldn't have a problem with it if you had been first?" he guessed.

Instead of answering, she pulled a small device similar to a cellphone out of her clothes. "Would you happen to have a memento of her with her DNA prints?" she asked him.

"What kind of weird and pathetic no-life stalker would...?" he began, only to deflate a moment later and pull a lock of black hair out of his wallet. "Why do you want it?"

Lala hummed, placing the lock on top of the device's glowing green tactile screen. "This reads the genetic information of the subject and allows us a warp point to the location where her vital activity has been more frequent during the latest two days."

"What does that mean?" Rito asked.

"It'll transport you to wherever she's been the most during these days," Run translated.

"Oh, thanks, that's very— EHHHH! WHY'D YOU DO SUCH A THING?-!"

"Well," Lala began, "Obviously, we need to establish a conversation regarding our immediate future with you," she said, grabbing him by a hand. An annoyed Run grabbed his other arm to try and pull him apart from her, but Lala's careless grip was still shockingly strong. "Like any good Deviluke royal I need to initiate negotiations with this 'Haruna-chan' before deciding on a future course of action! Also, if Rito-kun likes her, she must be a nice person to meet!"

"Wait, have you perfected that thing?-!" Run screamed. "Remember, you ditz! Last time we used it, we ended up—!"

"PYON-PYON WARP-KUN!" Lala shouted, pressing a button on the thing. "LET'S GO! WARP!-!"

And a flash of light swallowed the three of them.

An inn at Kyoto:

Ayase Yue couldn't sleep, feeling deeply troubled and creeped out. Nodoka, Haruna, Asuna and Konoka all slept around her in the darkened bedroom, but Yue knew those weren't them. It was like she had been pulled into an Invasion Of The Body Snatchers. They tried to act natural, sure, but Yue had noticed, after dinner, those definitely weren't her friends. And this Nodoka didn't even have a Kero with her. They had to be duplicates like Negi's copies during the Kissing Game. For some reason, whoever had created them couldn't make a copy of Kero-san...

Yue shuddered under her blankets. This was going to be a long, long ni—

Then a flash of light filling the whole room blinded her for a moment. She cried in surprise, and immediately rubbed her eyes to regain her sight. When she could see again, a few moments after, she saw Rito-san's face. Looming right above hers.

He was fully naked.

With a fully naked pink haired girl at Yue's right, and a fully naked blue haired girl at Yue's left.

The pink haired girl looked at Yue with wide innocent eyes and asked, "Who are you? Haruna-chan?"

"..." Rito's face spasmed. "..." his eyes rolled into his head. "..." he swallowed. "...!"

The blue haired girl sighed. "Princess, it still can teleport nothing but living matter, can't it?"

Said girl only slammed a fist on a hand with an Eureka face not too unlike those of Hakase. "Ohhh! Of course! I had forgotten exactly what I had to improve upon it!"

At that point, Yue's mind started working enough to allow her to punch Rito into the ceiling. "YAAAAAHHHH!"

The boy fell down on his face, legs twitching up randomly. "N-N-N-no, nO, nO, TH-thIS ins't, isn't, what you—!"

Yue sat back up with the spring of a trained exploration librarian, grabbing the nearest thing at hand in the darkness to counter attack. It felt like a whip. It had to be a new toy of Haruna's she had bought while sight seeing. "YUUKI-SAAAAAAN!"

Then Yue heard a short choked yelp coming from the pink haired girl, just as she noticed the whip wouldn't move anymore. Mainly because it seemed to be attached to a point right above the girl's buttocks.

That girl looked down at Yue. "You tugged the tail..." she stated.

And Yue blinked. "Eh?"

Haruhi is portrayed more as someone that is kind of perfect, but has a lot of emotional baggage that keeps her from properly interacting with normal people and that also results in a lot of them hating her as a result too.

Negi shook his head and cleaned his tears, a bright smile on his face.

He had more important things to dwell on than a dream. One of them very important. With that same smile, he shook Louise from an arm. "Master, time to wake up."

To her credit, Louise woke up in a good mood and sat up on the bed. Then, she felt a chill and covered herself again. She noticed that the dress she'd used last night, along with her underwear and her night gown, were thrown across the room instead of on her. A blush came to her face thinking about what could possibly have happened last night, so she had to dig into her memory as she got dressed (Negi mentioned him dressing her was incredibly awkward).

If she were to be truthful, seeing every female on sight dive for Negi the moment another piece began had been utterly hilarious. Seeing that Kirche had won the melee handily had been annoying. At the very least she had to admit, Kirche was an excellent dancer... Erotically speaking, of course. It'd been uncomfortably arousing...

At the very least, Negi showed he was an equal opportunity chick magnet and actively sought Tabitha out. Apparently, he wanted to talk with her about something. This time, Louise and Kirche actually shared a laugh at the image. Particularly since that had been pretty much the first time Tabitha had gotten noticeable attention.

Admittedly, she'd had a great time.

She just couldn't remember what the hell happened before she got to bed...

There was only one way to find out.

––

Some Time Earlier, according to unknown sources...

Guiche was having a great time, taking a second for fresh air with Montmorency. His objective was clear. Her aim was as good as ever, and upon threat of making everyone believe he'd peed his pants, he promised not to throw the dogs to anyone with a dress. Even if Louise looked really cute on a dress.

“Hey... isn't that the Zero and her familiar?” Montmorency asked, turning around to stare at said people. Guiche faltered, he'd been ready to steal a kiss just at that moment.

“... It is.” He commented, his voice more than a little sour. Then he noticed something that was, to anyone with a brain, fairly obvious. Louise was drunk off her ass. “What are those clothes?”

The Flood shook her head, because she wasn't entirely sure herself. Although he was still eye candy that couldn't quite easily be ignored.

Montmorency didn't like the Zero. Not many people did. She was kind of a stuck up bitch on top of being the worst mage of all time. So she was left wondering how the hell it came to be that she was left with such a ridiculously handsome and gentlemanly familiar... That train of thought would go nowhere.

“Is he trying to take advantage of her?” Guiche asked.

“... I don't think she's even awake...” commented Montmorency. Then her eyes widened.“Didn't think the Zero had it in her. That has to hurt...”

“I can confirm that, Monmon. I think I feel sorry for him...” Guiche said, rubbing a sensitive spot. “I hope it was accidental...”

Seeing her apologize was enough to cement it. Seeing her apologize had been weeeeeeird. It was Louise. She made excuses, but never apologized.

Movement in the other balcony continued. Guiche ignored for a minute the fact that Louise seemed to have gotten into an ever escalating argument with a sword about her breast size. To Montmorency, it was truly hilarious. She wasn't that much bigger herself, but at the very least she was proud of what she had.

Not everyone could be Kirche.

Talking about the germanian bombshell, she seemed to join the conversation, which further animated Louise. Neither Guiche nor Montmorency could quite look away when the groping began. Guiche admitted to himself that women plus alcohol made for very nice mental images.

The redheaded familiar, meanwhile, was busy trying to keep Louise from improvising a wand on the spot and blowing up Louise. Montmorency was a bit disappointed Louise hadn't brought a wand. Seeing the results of that would've been hilarious.

Guiche was disappointed for entirely different reasons. Louise's spells had a way of shredding the clothes of anyone caught in the blast. Which would have meant Kirche and Louise would've suffered the effects. At the very least, Montmorency hadn't caught him drooling at the mental image.

––

“And that's what I saw.” Guiche ended his recounting of the facts, rubbing his chin.

Louise was still left wondering. She didn't know what the hell happened that evening on her room. She straightened her nerves one last time. Her familiar hadn't touched her. He wouldn't do it. He was a gentleman. Not to mention, he had trouble dressing her, let alone touching her inappropriately. The problem was what she could have done to embarrass herself and her family.

If she'd had more time that morning, she would've gone to ask Tabitha, who would have been a far more reliable source of information. As it was, she had to leave the academy for her reward. The capture of Fouquet hadn't been a small deal, after all.

Sighing, she thanked Guiche and continued on her way. She was already late, and she would never make the Princess wait.

Got Milk?

Negi held the milk carton close, examining the face portrayed on it, partially obscured by the hood. It was the best they could get, all things considered.

"Yes," he said. "We can't do much more than this, I'm afraid..."

Asuna hummed. "'Have you seen this Girl?' Really? Do you actually think this will help us learn what the hell happened to the Master of the Graves? We don't even have an actual name on her...!"

"Well, people drinks milk everywhere..." was the best he could offer.

"Anyway, shouldn't we have put one on Anya first?"

"Who's Anya?"