Putting stuff in SCP-914

Output: [DATA EXPUNGED]. Massive Containment breach. Entity still at large. Anti-[REDACTED] teams in pursuit. ** personnel dead, ** wounded.

Doctor Clef: In a game where the main villains are [REDACTED], why is it a good idea to let them out?! Judas...

Input: One empty Samsonite suitcase. Setting: Fine.

edited 7th Jun '10 2:13:43 PM by Colonial1.1

Output: The same suitase, however it is larger on the inside than the outside.

"Holy crap, I think I can put my car in here!" -Dr. G████████

Input:

One Rickenbacker Bass.

Setting: Very Fine.

edited 7th Jun '10 2:19:36 PM by Gourmetknife

Output: [DATA EXPUNGED]

Addendum: Whoever's replacing all data with [DATA EXPUNGED}, you're getting assigned to 682 duty!-Dr. Sullivan

Input: Dr. Freeman

Setting: Fine

[Experiment Cancelled]

Nice try, dumbass! —Dr. Freeman

Input: One (1) rotary saw, One (1) copy Saw. Setting: Fine.

ADDENDUM: have security on hand for this one. —Dr. Dawson.

edited 7th Jun '10 3:38:51 PM by SullenFrog

Output: one Jigsaw puzzle of a circular saw

Input: One Hale brand chainsaw. One broadsword, one copy of Warhammer 40K

Setting: Very Fine

Output: One (1) Emprah's Fureh!-brand broadsaw with unintelligible runes etched along the length. When held, [EXPUNGED] and eviscerated [REDACTED] personnel before being subdued. Output placed in quarantine.

Input: One (1) copy Mass Effect, one copy Republic Commando. Setting: Very Fine.

edited 7th Jun '10 3:55:35 PM by SullenFrog

Output: One copy of Star Effect. When played, it appears to be a game based on a war between the Mass Effect and the Star Wars universe. The Yuuzaan Vong vs. Reaper scenes are very well done.

Input: One copy of Super Smash Brothers, one copy of Half Life 2.

Setting: Fine

Output: One copy of Super Smash Bros featuring Gordon Freeman as an unlockable character.

Notes: FREEMAN IS GOD TIER SUCKERS - Dr. F______

Input: Three Oreo cookies, one 8oz glass of whole milk. Setting: very fine.

Output: Three (3) 16oz glasses of a black-and-white liquid similar to milk. It has been deemed safe for human consumption, and tastes of Oreos dunked in milk.

Input: One copy DragonsOfAutumnTwilight (DVD), one copy Dragonlance: Dragons Of Autumn Twilight (novel). Setting: Very Fine.

edited 7th Jun '10 5:57:43 PM by SullenFrog

Output: A comic adaptation of Dragons of Autumn Twilight. Dr. Anderson considered it an improvement on the originals.

Input: One nuclear bomb.
Setting: Rough.

[Experiment canceled]

Dr. Clef: Do you have a death-wish?

Input: One full-sized Soviet flag. Setting: setting above very fine; failing that, very fine.

Output: Soviet flag. Changes the clothing of anyone who comes within five metres of it to that of a Soviet soldier, circa 1960. Also rewrites the brain's language centres with Russian, regardless of language originally spoken.

Input: 2x 7200RPM IDE hard drive, 250GB capacity

Setting: Very Fine

edited 8th Jun '10 7:47:29 AM by Roxor

Output: A white box, about 27 cm^3 in volume, with two USB input ports and one output plug. Testing suggests it is a 4,000 TB memory stick, but apparently requires a quantum computer to operate on.

Input: A television remote control.
Setting: 1:1

edited 8th Jun '10 1:09:57 PM by VampireBuddha

Output: A DVD remote control

Input: One (1) copy of Doom, one (1) small toy replica of the BFG 9000

Setting: Very Fine

edited 8th Jun '10 1:44:37 PM by Makuta9999

Output: Full-sized version of the weapon from the game with exactly the same behaviour as the one in the game.

The Mobile Task Forces are going to love this! - Dr Bennett

Input: FAT formatted Floppy disk containing an NES ROM dump of Super Mario Bros.

Setting: Fine

edited 9th Jun '10 3:53:32 AM by Roxor

Output: One copy of Super Mario Bros. 3

Input: Dr. Freeman

Setting: 1:1

Notes: Attempts of restraining Dr. Freeman as he walked into the chamber were violently unsuccessful. Upon questioning before he entered, Freeman answered "It worked in the Citadel, and that gave me a new Gravity Gun!" Psych. evaluation suggested as soon as possible.

Output: One male human of apparent relation to the late Dr. Freeman (DNA test pending). Has an tendency to jerk erratically. Constantly refers to himself by his full name, "John Freeman", and has appointed himself "saver of humens". It is recommended that he be placed under surveillance for the time being.

Input: 1 unabridged copy of Les Miserables Setting: very fine

Output: One copy of Le Miserables. Upon reading, said copy is modernized. The ending, reportedly, is loaded with explosions, and the apparent reanimated carcass of Davy Jones.

Input: John Freeman

Setting: Rough

Output: [DATA EXPUNGED]

Who the hell's idea was that?! Don't do that again... - Dr. _______

Input: DEATH'S Scythe.

Setting: Very Fine

edited 9th Jun '10 12:18:20 PM by Darxzero

Output: Dr. Freeman's Crowbar.

Addendum: Upon opening the chamber, Dr. Freeman immediately appeared and reclaimed it. Upon questioning, Dr. Freeman said that he "quickloaded". Investigation of Reality Bender properties is underway.

Input: SCP-008

Setting: Very Fine

Output: [Experiment Cancelled]

Are you insane?! We're not having some supervirus outbreak on my watch! —dr. Dawson.

Input: One (1) General Grievous action figure, one human skeleton, four (4) flashlights. Setting: Very Fine.

Output: One life-size model of General Grievous. Had a switch on its back that, when pressed, made it come to life. Dr. Freeman immediately attacked the Grievous with his two crowbars. Witnesses report that is was "crazy awesome"

Input: The remains of General Grievous

Setting: Rough

Notes: Dr. Freeman said that it was "The only way."

Output: A mound of melted plastic and metal fragments of extraterrestrial origin. Most notable were the four [DATA EXPUNGED] recovered from the heap, which have been taken for further research.

Input: One iPod Shuffle. Setting: 1:1.

Output: One iPod Shuffle, of a different color.

Input: One of Dr. Sullivan's labcoats

Setting: Very Fine

A Badass Labcoat.

Imput: the complete Far Side

Setting: very fine