The Whirlpool Death Penalty - Whistler's Worldbuilding

At an atoll every spring tide, a big-ass whirlpool forms. This is due to uneven terrain, inflowing and outflowing currents by the atoll, and its equatorial location.

This is where criminals are executed.

At the end of my story, my protagonists and antagonists are arrested by the new Fis (King) and are sent to sail along to a whirlpool to be sucked in and drown—if they don't hit the ground first. One of my villains actually gets sucked in, and I'm wondering whether to have my hero's sketchbook get sucked in to establish its power.

Also, just a note: this is mostly effective because due to dragons being so heavy-set, with elephant-like feet and semi-stubby arms, it is nearly impossible for them to swim. Because of this, anybody, regardless of species, surviving the whirlpool is seen as a sign of good things to come.

I could see the loss of the sketchbook being useful in establishing the maelstrom's power. However, whether it's useful or superfluous here is hard to tell without better knowing how the whirlpool is otherwise portrayed—in particular, how the scene in question is written—I feel.

The scene is the start of the climax, just following the darkest hour. There's good things there—namely, the atoll is also the Gateway back, and the sun is about to be eclipsed—but the bad thing, a giant whirlpool, is in the way of them reaching it since they've been sentenced to death for breaking into the King's castle (Palimu Fistac) to revive the villain.

Also, about the sketchbook. By now it would be just a prized possession anyway since the protagonist is,

1. left-handed,
2. which is turning into a crystal,
3. whose fingers were mostly lost to revive the villain.

Not only that, but she's deathly afraid of water, so when one of the villains spitefully throws it into the whirlpool^note which she threatened to do earlier in still water to coerce her into a deal, which was broken on the boat ride there, it's pretty much lost.

Edited by TheWhistleTropes on Sep 13th 2020 at 4:46:40 AM

I'm saying rather that it's how the scene, as executed, conveys the power of the whirlpool that (to my mind, at least) might indicate whether the inclusion of the sketchbook is useful. If the rest of the prose has already given a vivid impression of a surging, deadly maelstrom, then the sketchbook may be superfluous; if not, then it may be helpful.

It is somewhat of a screenplay though. So maybe a simple block of wood or mudslide could establish it well.

Although maybe my protagonist dives in to rescue her sketchbook and almost gets sucked in?

If it's already been established she's hydrophobic, I don't think she would. Especially with her swimming capability presumably weakened by the fact that her hand is made partially of rocks now.

Edited by Florien on Sep 14th 2020 at 8:03:44 AM

Admittedly, about five-ten minutes after this happens, she dives into still water to save her friend from drowning. So maybe this is sort of a Five-Second Foreshadowing?

Maybe, but unless her hydrophobia causes her several problems earlier in the story, it could come off a bit as an Informed Flaw. If the hydrophobia does end up causing her many problems earlier in the story, I'd say skip the going after the notebook bit, and instead have her dive in to rescue her friend. More emotional impact that way, as in the case of the notebook, while it is an object she cares about, the audience will not be particularly invested in the fate of the notebook. The audience will (ideally) be invested in her friend. That way, her hydrophobia is overcome in dramatic fashion, rather than being overcome twice in short succession, lessening the impact of the friend saving thing and the overcoming of the hydrophobia that she was presumably established as having earlier.

Yeah, I think it does cause some problems, but I'm not sure of these are more significant or not.

For one, there's a river that needs to be crossed at one point, and instead of wading through she has to have someone else carry her over. Also, they have to go to an Oracle at low spring tide to accommodate for it^note there was also a volcanic lava flow in the way, and when the villains kidnap her the tides have already come in and she is threatened with drowning.