Reads like a perfectly serviceable creation myth to me. Did you mean to write that the Rûnlic brêdan did not want the Scead boil thing to repeat itself? Also, could you edit your post and insert some blank lines between those spoiler tags so it's easier to read?
You know it all depends on what you do with it, right? Is this backstory for a novel(s) or some other form of narrative literature (like short stories and the like), or is this taking place during the protagonist's time? Is this a factual account of how things actually are in this world, or is it literally just a myth someone came up with in-universe that didn't actually happen? Do you intend to present this myth in-story in whole, the way that you just did?
Speaking as a novel-writer, the clear plot hook at the end is making me think this is backstory or supplemental material to the story you're actually telling- if I were you, I'd handle this with the "less is more" rule. If you're concerned about it seeming stupid, you don't necessarily need to lay out the entire myth bare in-story- you could just reveal some scraps of information about what exactly happened that are vital to understanding the current situation plus some extras, keeping the full text of the myth in your notes, and let your readers' imaginations fill in the gaps if they so choose.
"Jack, you have debauched my sloth."
W Now, I’m not really so sure if this is such a good idea, but I need feedback on this. So, I spoiler covered this just to play it safe
In the beginning, back during the Earth’s beginning days of progress and development, there was once an incredibly powerful magical entity of some sort who was as old as the universe itself. But, he was still quite mortal, if only to a certain degree and his name was “Dierne Wyrhta” (old English for “Magical Maker”), and he was the very same entity who ended up allowing magic to spread across the world and ultimately merge with the forces of nature itself. For you see, he was the original source of all magic and mysticism found out there on this big blue planet that we all call Earth and he was ultimately the one who decided to create the very first island in the Archipelago of Myths as well. This was apparently because of the fact that it was only a matter of time before the old Dierne Wyrhta actually started to crave a place of his very ow, and so, with the help of his very powerful and unique set of magical powers, old Dierne Wyrhta was actually able to create his very own island to live upon as his own private and personal home, and, since he was rather impressed with the overall appearance of this island of his, he decided to keep on going and ended up creating even more islands as a true test of his magical abilities as a creator. This was soon to lead to the overall creation of the Archipelago of Myths itself as a result, and old Dierne Wyrhta even ended up creating some sort of strange system of magical watery vortexes, in order to come and go to each island as he so pleased to, for whatever sort of reason. However, since the old Dierne Wyrhta was actually making it a habit to actively go back out into the ‘real world’, in order to see just how well that things were going on this big, blue planet of ours, he was then soon able to take notice of the fact that there was a great deal of many new different life forms that were all just popping up on this Earth right and left. And thus, this would actually end up prompting him to do something that was bordering on the lines of playing god; he was actually going to try his hand at creating life himself. Now, at first, he was only just using his powers to create a few strange and random creatures here and there, such as the colossal sea beasts and rock-eating spider-like bugs of one specific island as an excellent example. But, in time, he soon decided that he was actually going to move up the latter just a teensy-weensy bit, and thus, he created the bat-like Dægrima peg (old English for the ‘Dawn wings’) and the winged, various animal-headed, Scead boil (old English for the 'Shadow brood'), all of whom had a great deal more sentience to them, if only to a certain degree. However, because the old Dierne Wyrhta was often very busy with his own magical affairs all of the way out there in the ‘real world’, some of his Scead boil and Dægrima peg were all actually allowed to grow even more intelligent than they once were before, especially when they were all given enough time to actively grow. It was then soon even getting to the point where they were all actually even able to start learning how to connect their very souls with the very mystical energy that was coursing through the very archipelago itself, the Scead boil in particular. For you see, it was the exact same type of magical energy that was responsible for the island chain’s existence that was responsible for their creation, as well. So, a simple connection between the two living creatures and the archipelago itself was not that hard to fathom, really, all things considered. And, it was also, in fact, because of this particularly strange ability to connect with the magic that the two strange species were both actually able to realize that the island chain was actually connected to the rest of the world via the exact same type of magic. But, this turned out to be a very good thing for all of them, in the absolute long run, for you see; it was actually beginning to allow all of them the chance to slowly but surely learn how to create their very own societies to live in for themselves. Why, in fact, the Dægrima peg even learned how to create their very own amazing palaces from the insides of active volcanoes, especially once they were all actually able to learn how to stabilize those very same volcanoes from the inside with the help of their very own unique talents and abilities, which they were soon quite clearly able to see for just how powerful that they really were, once they were given the right amount of time to develop them. However, it was only a matter of time soon after the Scead boil actually began to see just how strong that they really were and what they could use their powerful connection to the magic to do that they soon began to grow their very own sense of hubris, of all things. For you see, they all soon began to view themselves as truly superior to the Dægrima peg race and, thus, they soon began to make their own plans for the future; a future that was completely devoid of this ‘inferior race’ and had them firmly in control of the whole entire archipelago itself. And that was, of course, only the very first step among many others for the Scead boil, since they also had their plans to include the rest of the outside world at large into the whole of their very own initial territory as an added bonus goal. But, before they could actually get that far, mind you, they first had to begin with the systematically planned-out destruction of nearly each and every single member of the Dægrima peg race, which, at first, actually began with them slowly, but surely and severely, weakening their opponents by steadily siphoning out the magical energy of their initial territories. This is actually why the surrounding territories of their palaces are areas that look specifically like Barranuvon (a desolate, wasteland-like area on the hero’s original home island), which itself was once a Dægrima peg territory. But, in any event though, however, once the Dægrima peg were all weakened to a significant degree, due to the magic that gave them life being siphoned away, the Scead boil would all swiftly make their moves against them and this process would be repeated, and, eventually last, all of the way up until there was quite literally only just a small handful of the original species left over in the whole entire world, no matter how hard that the Dægrima peg tried to fight back against the Scead boil. Now, it was, in truth, around this particular moment in time that the original Scead boil army’s leadership had already begun to send out some of their scouts, way out into the outside world, in order to make the right and proper preparations for an up and coming invasion of that territory, as well. But, it was also around at this particular point in time that the old mystic, Dierne Wyrhta himself, was actually able to finally catch wind of just what was going on within his peaceful archipelago, which, of course, soon prompted him to take action against the wicked Scead boil. He decided to completely ensnare them all, each and every single member of the Scead boil race in existence, with the help of his vast array of uniquely magical powers, and then; completely trap them all within a variety of large, stone covered prisons, with each one being found on each island within the archipelago, one per island to be exact. It was, ultimately, because of the old Dierne Wyrhta’s desire teach the Scead boil a lesson that they would never ever forget that this was, ultimately, the punishment that was chosen for them and their kind. For you see, it was decided by the wise and powerful Dierne Wyrhta, specifically, that the entire Scead boil race would be forced to always be able to look outside of their largely stone prisons and be able to witness all of the beauty and magic that exists within the archipelago, which they could have been able to still enjoy, had they not rebelled against his original order. However, as far as the ones that were out there in the outside world were concerned; well, the spell that Dierne Wyrhta casted upon their race did still affect them and turn all of them into stone, but, they were all still too far away to be brought back specifically to the archipelago itself. It was, ultimately, Fate and Mother Nature’s hands that were the ones to take over from there and, it was, ultimately, because of them that the ‘crystallized’ Scead boil members all ended being shattered, scattered to the winds and then, in some cases, actually become made into certain pieces of jewelry and/or small accessories to certain magical books. But, nevertheless, though, because old Dierne Wyrhta wanted to try again at creating life, mostly because he knew that the Dægrima peg race was not long for this world and he did not want to risk them turning on him as well, he, ultimately, decided to try his hand at creating creatures that resembled human beings in appearance, and thus, he created the race known the ‘Rûnlic brêdan’, old English for the “Mystical Breed”. Now, the Rûnlic brêdan were a race of beings that, quite literally, had Dierne Wyrhta’s magical energy coursing through them like their very blood streams themselves. And, not only did their whole entire culture become based around mysticism, but, to be perfectly honest, they also soon began to start worshipping Dierne Wyrhta like he was some form of a deity, which he not only allowed, but also kind of enjoyed just a teensy-weensy bit. However, just before the old Dierne Wyrhta could actually begin to populate the entire archipelago with the Rûnlic brêdan race, he decided to take his time with them and watch just how loyal to him that they ended up staying. But, ultimately, it was because of this initially long wait of his that when the “Great Exodus” (a point in history in which a large number of mythological creatures actually began to flee the world of man) was starting to begin, the magical creatures of the world were able to find their way right towards this magical archipelago of his. And, while it would have been just a mere simple task for Dierne Wyrhta to simply wipe them all off of his own personal island chain, he decided to allow them all to stay within his archipelago, without ever even revealing himself to any one of them, save only for the members of the Rûnlic brêdan race alone. However, when it came back to the Rûnlic brêdan race; well, he decided to have them all serve as the initial protectors of the entire archipelago, as well as its unseen order of peacekeepers, from the safety of the very first island that was ever created by Dierne Wyrhta. This was because he wanted to avoid any catastrophe like the one with the Shadow brood and because he wanted to make certain that this island chain was well protected whenever he wasn’t around, since it was now a safe haven for so many other creatures. And so, the Rûnlic brêdan then began to watch over the entire archipelago in secret from their island homeland. However, they did, on occasion, reveal themselves to the initial islands’ inhabitants’ leaders in various secretive ways, in order to make absolutely certain that what happened with the Scead boil did repeat itself in the form of any of the new inhabitants of the archipelago
Is all of this creative or just plain stupid?
Edited by srebak on Apr 7th 2019 at 6:02:56 AM