Do you want kids?

That kind of describes me. I can barely take myself and there is no way I can responsible for children. Sometimes the thought comes but it goes away just as easily.

AHI - I'm an odd one because my mental state is what makes having kids so stressful for me. A teenager is less of an issue for me, and I adopted one. So I guess if nothing else I can at least say I have that going for me - I have at least tried and shown I can, but my own doubts about my fitness to care for one are still there, sort of.

So it seems that all kinds of personal anxieties motivate a lot of people to not create a family.

Even though I myself am fairly neurotic, I still desire a wife and kids, because I guess it's better to be miserable with others than miserable alone.

Yeah I know, I don't even understand my own logic.

No, this will get a little personal in a introspective type of way so if anyone wants to read it they can.

I said this in the insecurity thread and I will say it again here. I cannot under any circumstances see myself as a good parent. I am practically already experiencing early parenthood in my life via being a routine babysitter of my brothers, cousins, and local children. It's not fun. It's stressful as all hell and it's simply not for me. I am not that great with children. The very most I could do is calm them down very easily if there upset.

Otherwise then that. I am somewhat cold (I have never really been the most enthusiastic person) and I can get visibly annoyed very easily. Most of the time I pretty much have to lock myself in another room after I got any of the said children to calm down. I have been raised through fear of angering my own parents. Being yelled at and told what I did was pretty much worthless, getting constantly cornered, not being openly treated with love via simply just hugging me, and various other things. I love my parents but they made a laundry list of mistakes with me and they are VERY much aware of it considering how they treat my little brothers...

I have picked up some of those traits myself. I rather not have my own child or hell possibly even a adopted child see them. I fear repeating some of the mistakes my parents made me with me with any kids that I would hypothetically have.

The very most I would have is a wife who shares my opinions on that. Which thankfully seems to be a possibility as already do have one young woman in my life that I connect to in such away and on top of that we both like each other in that way.

I also really do not want to bring a child into the world we have today to be brutally honest. With how the internet is it would be REALLY hard to keep that kid's early on naivety and early outlook of the world from becoming immediately shattered into pieces.

I experienced that myself. The damage is still there.

edited 18th Jul '15 3:22:06 AM by Bleddyn

Nope! I'm not good with kids...I feel like I'd mess up big time

I absolutely want kids, but I have so many dilemmas when it comes down to it. To start off, because I'm transgender I can't get pregnant myself so I have to adopt. I don't have a problem with adopting right now, but it did take a lot of time to come to terms with it. I still have the huge dilemma of wanting to name my kids specific things, but to adopt them that young leaves so many kids that I don't want to leave alone in the orphanage/foster care. Beyond that I haven't even been in a relationship since high school, around 5 years ago. I really want someone but I feel like with the way trans women are treated it's going to be nearly impossible to find an S.O.

Welp, that got pretty gloomy

What about the aid of a surrogate?

I mean, I did think about surrogacy for a bit, but I ruled it out pretty quickly because there's so many people already, and why add two more when I can take care of two that exist that need it. I'm a little disappointed but I weighed my options and have my mind set.

I might ask my kids if they'd be willing to change their names, but I definitely would do it in a way that doesn't pressure them

Even though I'm 22 I'm open to the prospect of having a kid.

1 kid. Maybe 2, several years apart.

Of course before that happens I'd also like to have a girlfriend-that-becomes-my-wife, a stable job and income, and a relatively good house would really be nice.

We had our two about a year apart. That way you get through the really smelly bits with both kids all at once and they hopefully get on better when they are older.

At this point? Hell no. I'm only 23 to begin with, but I will not even consider children until I'm clearly and unambiguously financially and emotionally ready and stable. Neither will be the case any time soon. The kinda-girlfriend has expressed a desire to have them but understands my reasoning (and is kind of in the same boat right now herself thanks to a whole lot of her own financial and career-related woes), and to be totally honest, I'd much rather just act like a cool big brother to my spiritual little sister and get the kind of joy that a parent would normally get from watching her grow while also not having to treat her like a kid at all times.

One day. However, not a big fan of the results of reproducing, just the act.

Never. I have no intention of spreading my god awful genes.

Hell I'm not even sure I'll get married. Like, I've entertained the idea of having a kid (one kid, ideally a daughter) but with all the hassle of babies and toddlers, plus something bad happening, and I have two other siblings, both with S Os that they love a lot...

No more that two. I may not be the best parent, but that's where my parents come in.

I am 60 yrs old and I always thought I would have a child or 2. When I got engaged to my husband 27 yrs ago he told me he would rather not have kids as he already had a son and didn't want to go through it again and that he was very selfish and wanted all of my attention for himself. (at least he was honest!) He said that if my life would be miserable w/o kids then he would say yes.

So we got married and every year we said we would talk about it and we dd but not very much and before you know it I was too old for babies.

I like the life we have just the 2 of us, we have 4 grandkids through his son and we are very close to my brothers kids (they're like daughters to me). I just worry now if my husband goes before me who will take care of me? Who will care enough about me to take care of me? A little late for regrets!

I know this is going WAY out of topic, but I kind of interpreted the question as being "Why would you want children?". Sorry if I come off as incredibly insensitive, but when I thought about it, I couldn't find a truly "selfless" reason to have a child of my own (adoption being the exception however).

I do want children, yes, but I couldn't really find a logical reason for why. Maybe I just haven't thought it through well enough, and I probably wouldn't make the best parent this way.

Agh sorry, it's just a bit confusing for me.

edited 11th Sep '16 4:00:02 AM by keresarie

There's not a genuinely selfless reason for doing anything, nor does there need to be. We're human, not machines.

My reason was because I love children. That and I feel a duty to keep my family going.

edited 19th Sep '16 12:34:19 PM by InverurieJones

Honestly, yes. However, I don't have the confidence to be a good parent considering my own upbringing under abusive ones. Thus, I'm scared and I'd rather not have my child suffer under my care just because of my own selfish want for an offspring. I'll just avail of the Old Folks' Home when the time comes.

edited 24th Sep '16 2:11:42 AM by Jamiester

If you have children not because you genuinely want them, but because you think there's some sort of "logical" and "selfless" reason why you should have them, you won't probably love them very much anyway. :P You want, you can and you're not hurting anyone. These three reasons are enough to do anything.

Yeah, good point. Never really thought about such things seriously before. For some reason, folks would take it as a given that you will have kids, not if you will have them. Probably part of the reason why some people (sub)consciously desire a child not for the sake of it but because it's what's 'normal'.

Or at least, that's how it is back in my country. Conservative lot, yeah?

Not anymore, no.

After a bad divorce and a young girlfriend trying to get pregnant to get me to take care of her for life I'm kinda done.

The current gf wants kids, I told her that's going to have to be with someone else.

It may sound strange, but reading about the Edith project done by Aaron Stern, as well as Moshe Kai Cavalin's biography, makes me want to have children whom I can raise and mold into child prodigies.

I know, call me a (future) Education Mama.

Yes, I do! I have a 2 year daughter and she's the whole new world to me

Yes. My girlfriend and I have agreed that we want kids. Maybe have one of our own and adopt another. We both love children. In fact, I'm currently working on getting my teacher's certification (I didn't major in education because I'm a stupid stupid dumb, so now I have to work extra and pay extra, but hopefully it'll be worth it).

When I get philosophical, I figure there are more and more people coming into the world no matter what I do. I might as well make personally sure that at least a couple of them are good, strong, educated, compassionate people.