Funny / The Macdermots of Ballycloran

• The saga of Denis McGovery's marriage. To summarise:
  • First he's engaged to Betsey Cane, who has a pregnant cow as a dowry. Except the cow isn't pregnant after all. So Denis breaks up with Betsey and gets engaged to Mary Brady instead. Father John asks if Mary's cow is definitely pregnant. Denis says she doesn't have a cow, but she does have two pigs and some money of her own.
  • Then Denis asks Father John to hold the wedding ceremony tomorrow evening. Father John is astonished that it's so soon. Denis explains: Mary used to be half-engaged to Tom Ginty, who's just come home and brought some money with him, so Denis wants to marry Mary as quickly as possible before either she or Tom remembers the old engagement!
  • Unsurprisingly, Father John finds this whole mess hilarious.
• Further hilarity happens at Denis and Mary's wedding. Father John tells Ussher to be the first to kiss Mary after the ceremony. Denis also tries to kiss her first. Mary ducks to avoid both of them, and they end up headbutting each other.
• On the evening before the duel, Mr. Brown's sons try to cheer him up.
  ...during the whole evening Fred and George would talk of nothing but trepanned skulls, false knee-caps—cork legs—bullets that had come out of men's backs ten years after they had entered men's bellies—surgeon's knives—pincers and tourniquets—wills—attorneys—leaden coffins, and the family vault.

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