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Funny / Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead

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  • A metafictional moment, when Ros yells "FIRE" and wonders why no one's leaving their seats.
  • Guildenstern waxing philosophical, only for Rosencrantz to take his musings completely literally:
    Guil: I'm him, you see.
    Ros: Who am I then?
    Guil: You're yourself.
  • Multiple characters looking around after hearing Guildenstern's outburst:
    Guildenstern: You know what to do.
    Rosencrantz: What?
    Guildenstern: Are you stupid?
    Rosencrantz: Pardon?
    Guildenstern: Are you deaf?
    Rosencrantz: Did you speak?
    Guildenstern: (realizing what he's doing) Not now.
    Rosencrantz: Statement.
    Guildenstern: NOT NOW! (It echos and he and Rosencrantz both look around, as do all the players.)
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  • A brilliant little moment poking fun at the increasingly philosophical story:
    Guildenstern: Death is the ultimate negative. Not-being. You can't not be on a boat.
    Rosencrantz: I've frequently not been on boats.
    Guildenstern: No, no, no...what you've been is not on boats.
  • Rosencrantz and Guildenstern introduce themselves to the Players...or, try to, anyway.
    Rosencrantz: My name is Guildenstern, and this is Rosencrantz. (Guildenstern whispers in his ear) I'm sorry — his name's Guildenstern, and I'm Rosencrantz.
  • Guildenstern's long pause before telling Rosencrantz, "...I think I'm going to kill you."
  • Rosencrantz dropping a leather ball and a feather.
    Rosencrantz: You would think this would fall faster than this, wouldn't you? (drops them) ...And you'd be absolutely right.
  • Rosencrantz finds a set of pots arranged like a Newton's Cradle. When he swings a pot back to demonstrate the effect to Guildenstern, they hit and shatter.
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  • Rosencrantz, wearing his sleep mask, moves to blow out the bedside candle and misses completely.
  • Rosencrantz wakes up with the prow of a pirate's ship crashed through the wall. He's still groggy and mistakes the figurehead on it for a real woman. Just he tries to kiss it, the boat pulls back and carries her/it away.
  • Rosencrantz builds a paper airplane and it flies around the castle before returning to him. When he next shows it to Guildenstern, it's an origami biplane. Guildenstern crumples it.
  • Rosencrantz and his giant sandwich.
  • Rosencrantz's outrage coming out of the "hawk from a handsaw" scene.
    Guildenstern: He might've had the edge.
    Rosencrantz: 27-3, and you think he might have had the edge?! He murdered us.
  • Rosencrantz repeating Guildenstern as Guildenstern shouts at The Player that nobody can act death.
    Guildenstern: Actors! What do you know about death? Mechanics of cheap melodrama!
    Rosencrantz: Cheap melodrama!
    Guildenstern: Doesn't bring death home to anyone.
    Rosencrantz: Not a home to anyone!
    Guildenstern: [to Ros] Shut up.
    Rosencrantz: Shut up!
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  • Rosencrantz mimicking animal noises.
  • Guildenstern's diapproving head shakes.
  • Rosencrantz trying to introduce themselves to the English King:
    English King: Who are you?
    Rosencrantz: We are Guildenstern and Rosencrantz.
    English King: Which is which?
    Rosencrantz: Well, I'm Guildenstern and—
    Guildenstern: He's Rosencrantz.
    Rosencrantz: Exactly.
  • This exchange, after the Player has none too subtly hinted that the traveling company of actors supplement their income with prostitution:
    Rosencrantz: You're not exclusively players?
    The Player: We are inclusively players.


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