Funny / Age of Dragons

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Age of Dragons

Origin of the Dragon

• Jerath, Cathiel, and Rory Gilmore fighting their way out of Fort Drakon stark naked. Jerath deadpan bluffs his way through most of it, and Cathiel points out that if they'd planned any of it, it wouldn't have worked. Her biggest frustration is clearly the fact that Jerath is thoroughly enjoying himself throughout the whole thing.
• Lenore starts talking to the grand oak. When she starts also talking in rhyme, Brehan just throws up his hands and walks away.
• Brehan, being a Dalish elf, is mildly claustrophobic when entering the Deep Roads. Brosca helpfully lists off all the things that could go horribly wrong under the guise of reassuring him they probably won't happen.
• How long it takes the normally rather perceptive Brehan to figure out Leliana is inviting him to sleep with her.
• Saitada hears the sound she dreads most in the entire world.
  Lenore Amell: Oops.
• Cathiel's obsession with griffins. Doubles with heartwarming when at the end of Inquisition, Jerath gives her a clutch of them
• Alistair and Cathiel preventing Lenore from distracting Brehan with questions during a ritual. Alistair actually licks her.
• Lenore and Leliana having girl time and dragging Morrigan into it.
• Brehan threatening Jerath in elvish
• Saitada ordering Cathiel to shoot people.
  At least morale is high
• Morrigan and Jerath flirting, and the fact that these two can be Sickening Sweethearts at times.
• Brosca, Zevran, Jerath, and Lenore's reaction to being threatened by a mere half dozen mooks.
• Cathiel complaining about the terrible quality of Howe's guards and Erlina's pathetic distraction.
• Brehan starts to poke fun at what Leliana named her nug. She gives him one look, and he immediately apologizes and assures her it's a lovely and perfectly suitable name.
• Lenore making fireworks go off when Alistair proposes to Cathiel and kisses her.
• The reunion between Shianni and Jerath. She's just so gleeful about all the people he's killed recently.
• Morrigan's reaction to being taken to meet Jerath's father.
• Saitada wistfully regrets they don't have a crown for Alistair. Brosca promptly produces the one he and Jerath stole from Loghain.

Awakening of the Dragon

• The crackfic pairing of Loghain and Sigrun. Made funnier by Sigrun being aware of it and proceeding to regularly double down by talking about Loghain's sexual prowess.
• Jerath being completely unaware when someone is flirting with him. Unless it's Morrigan.
• Jerath's idea of a rousing speech is pretty much just a sharp whistle and a 'we've got work to do'. Strangely enough, it works.
• How utterly frustrated Jerath is with being one of the nobility. It's a wonder he didn't just kill everyone.
• How nonchalant Oghren and Jerath are about the fact Oghren was married to Branka and Jerath killed Branka. Anders has trouble figuring out how they are still friends.
  Oghren: Look Sparklefingers, there were broodmothers, and golems, and this other paragon, and we needed to crown the king of Orzammar, and it was complicated, alright?
• Whatever Noodle Incident happened to cause Jerath to be terrified of Felsi.
• Jerath noting that all problems become his problems eventually
• Jerath being relieved that for once nobody is activating the strange magical apparatus, right before realizing that he's going to have to activate the strange magical apparatus
• Velanna asks Jerath if he's really planning on fighting his way out of a dungeon while stark naked. Jerath shrugs and points out it's not the first time he's done that.
• Jerath actually acting his age over Dworkin's various inventions.
• Fed up with Weisshaupt's interference, Jerath politely invites Mistress Woolsey to take the lockbox of money and shove it up her ass.
• Absolutely nobody falls for the hunger demon's act. They all go into the crypt anyway.
• Jerath sighing when Justice kicks the gate down. He wanted to do it.
• Nathaniel realizing what being a Warden really means.
  Nathaniel: We're going to need to go see what that was, aren't we?
  Jerath: Yes.
  Nathaniel: It's going to be something huge, and it's going to try to eat us.
  Jerath: Yes.
  Nathaniel: And we are going to kill it.
  Jerath: Yes.
  Nathaniel: I love being a Warden.

Side Trips

• Brehan fails at thatching a roof
• Brosca gets Jerath in trouble with Felsi. Whatever Felsi did, she's becomes the only person in Thedas Jerath fears.
• Brosca comes to Brehan's rescue. He finishes looting the room before actually untying Brehan.

Hunting the Sky

• Orliv finding an audience for his terrible jokes in The Messenger.
  Orliv: What do you call an Orlesian prisoner going down the stairs?
  The Messenger: I am not knowing.
  Orliv: A condescending con descending.
  The Messenger: It is being funny because the words sound the same!

Order of the Broken Dragon

• Jerath and his crew running around in the background during Mark of the Assassin
• To Thedas, Hawke is the Champion of Kirkwall, a legendary archmage without peer. To this little Badass Crew , he's just 'Carver's brother'.

Rise of the Champion

• Hawke's internal monologues.
• Brennan being glad she can finally mention Hawke in her reports. Apparently people were starting to question the number of random lightning strikes occurring in Kirkwall.
• Hawke's wedding presents to Aveline. Made better by the number of guards he gets in on the joke.
• Doubles with heartwarming, but Hawke trying to help Orana overcome her Stockholm Syndrome.
  Hawke: And don't call me master
  Orana: Yes, Master.
  • Years later, they are still doing it, with it clearly being an affectionate little joke between them.

Inquisition of the Dragon

• Dorian and Lenore explain carnal magic to Ruya, leaving a confused Cullen behind. Cullen makes the mistake of asking Jerath what they were talking about. Jerath promptly explains.
• Ruya being surprised to learn Hawke actually has a first name.
• Brehan's belated realization that he pushed an archdemon into a river. And punched him in the face. And shot him.
• Alistair tells Ruya that the next time Leliana sends people to invade his country she should stop by for tea first.

Bloodlines of the Dragon

• Carver Hawke takes one look at how much collateral damage Gavren left behind and promptly acknowledges Gavren as part of the family.
• Leandra Hawke decided she was going to marry Gavren when they were about six years old. Gavren acknowledges he was pretty much doomed at that point.
• Tisallan and Agatha blowing up Solas. Solas takes it all in good humor, even helping them with their math when they try to figure out how far they need to run to avoid being caught in the blast.
• Caleb leading the entire Seeker order on a wild goose chase through Nevarra.
• Gavren literally running into Cassandra.
  Gavren: You don't have to be enjoying this quite so much.
  Kels: Yes. Yes I do.
• Someone insults Anora. Loghain steps out of the Fade to punch them in the face.
• Loghain II serving as a distraction by pretty much hitting on everyone from Lenore Amell to Blackwall. He ends up actually sleeping with Sigrun He really did earn the black eye Cassandra gave him.
• Urthemiel trolling Brehan by correcting his grammar. The funniest part is just how insulted Brehan is by it.
• Urthemiel can't resist making a Deus ex Machina pun when saving Brehan
• Brehan and Bahalan spend a few minutes observing the second generation declaring war on Tevinter. They then note the kids are apparently winning, and rather than get involved decide to just screw it and go to the bar.
• Loghain II and Agatha open the door to a random tavern, only to find Brehan inside. Loghain attempts to deny this happened because of how astronomical the odds against it are. Then they try to escape, only for Brehan to get the drop on them and remind them that he's been doing this before they were born.
  Agatha: Loghain, tackle him so I can warn the others. We'll rescue you later.
  Loghain Jr: I'm not particularly comfortable with that idea.
  Agatha gives him a disbelieving look
  Loghain Jr: What? He fights dirty.
  Agatha:Loghain!
  Loghain Jr: Ugh. Fine.
  • Brehan just sighs. A scene later, he's got them both prisoner.
  • Later in the story, Brehan prepares a similar stunt to deal with Salla and Kieran. He neglects to account for the presence of Tisallan.
  Agatha: Two decades of experience isn't so useful against two millenia, is it?
• The second generation needs to escape from Kirkwall. They steal Isabela's ship. Isabela confronts Hawke over it, and Hawke just shrugs.
  Well, remember that one time you ran off with a relic?
• Kels repeatedly worrying about Cullen assigning him latrine duty
• Alistair is more afraid of his wife than he is of two physical gods.
• Saitada's deadpan reaction to Alistair and Cathiel's parental woes.
  Yes. These are definitely your children.
• Later Alistair tries complaining about how hard it is being a father. Saitada immediately starts reminding him of all the things he and Cathiel put her through.
• Lenore puts wards around her candy stash
• Duncan learns Fiona is his grandmother. He's not upset to learn he's part elven. He's upset to learn he's part Orlesian.
  If I start eating snails, somebody stab me
• Anytime someone asks Kieran to explain something. He doesn't quite exist in the same reality as everyone else.
• Kieran constantly forgetting about the staff that is the entire purpose of their quest.
• Fluffy, the demon-possessed squirrel
• Salla introduces Urthemiel to the party. Kels raises his hand.
  Kels: Permission to panic?
  Urthemiel: Do it quietly.
  Kels: Okay.
  • A bit later:
  Salla: Kels, thoughts?
  Kels: Panicking.
  Salla: Oh, right.
  • Later:
  Trian: Why is no one else disturbed by this?
  Kel: I'm panicking. Quietly.
  Trian: Is it helping?
  Kel: Not really.
  Trian: Mind if I join you anyway?
  Kel: No, it's fine. I'd hate to panic alone.

Apocalypse of the Dragon

• Wynne giving her brother Too Much Information
• The most powerful mage in Thedas gets surrounded by four teenage girls who want information. He just sighs and gives up the intel.
• Brehan and Cullen complaining about being dismissed as a couple of old men before admitting that they really are a couple of old men. Crosses with awesome when they show their attackers that they are old for a reason.

A Different Path

Into Darkness, Unafraid

• Sulana gets the templars to leave Solas alone by telling them he is her uncle. Solas repeatedly trolls her over it by fussing at her to eat her vegetables and threatening to chaperon her outings with Iron Bull. He even gets Cullen in on the act.
• Sulana casually insulting some part of elven lore and then apologizing to Solas.
• Sulana fangirling Cassandra
• Anytime Sulana talks about the Dread Wolf in front of Solas. Which is quite hilarious considering that he is the one who puts her into her current situation that she surely enjoys.
  Sulana: Dread Wolf take this. Dread Wolf take that. You know, if the Keeper was right about all the things the Dread Wolf was leading me towards, that is one son of a bitch that knew how to have a party.
• Sulana pointing out that every time she stabs an authority figure she ends up in charge.
• Sulana arguing with Solas over whether beer qualifies as a breakfast food. You know you're out of this world when the Dread Wolf himself has hard time comprehending about your logic.
• Just how giddy Sulana gets at the prospect of a good fight. Give her a dragon and she's positively bouncing with glee.

A Hard Line

• The Inquisitor turning adorkable around Sera.
• Jerath casually outing that Merrill and Brehan once had a threesome with Tamlen. He does this in front of their respective significant others.

The Dark Path

• Varric trying to figure out how Hawke can burn down a building during a torrential downpour.
• Everyone asking Jerath for help
  Do people ever start conversations with 'hello' anymore?

Little Lies

• Matril driving Duchess Florianne to fury by insulting her shoes.
• Matril and Varric team up to troll Cullen without missing a beat.
• Leliana trying to figure out Matril's real identity. Charter is betting on Matril being the hidden backup prince to Alistair's hidden backup prince
• The stories Matril tells of the jobs he and Bridget pulled.
• Matril and Dorian being more annoyed about Florianne's fashion choices than the fact she's trying to kill them.
• Dorian lit a tent on fire. Later he's so paranoid about that happening again he puts up an ice wall instead. Matril wonders what it would take to get electricity before pushing Dorian back onto the bed.
• Cole takes Matril's instruction of 'bite me' literally

Howling at the Moon

• Kathan and Quiyala becoming friends before the temple is destroyed. Doubles with heartwarming.

Not the Herald

• Kathan needs to get a little elven mage away from a templar. So he claims she's his sister. Kathan is a qunari.
  What, you don't see the family resemblance?
• The running gag of Kathan falling out of the Fade and landing on his head
• Kathan repeatedly wondering if at any point he's going to get paid for this shit
• Cassandra makes the mistake of asking what Kathan was thinking. It involved juggling elves.
• Kathan tosses Solas over his shoulder and carts him off to get drunk. Dorian nearly falls down the stairs in his desire to watch what happens next.
  • Gets better later when it turns out that Solas has no memory of the previous evening other than he woke up wearing Dorian's clothes and in a bed containing three dwarves and Sera. Kathan doubles down by heavily implying Solas slept with Scout Harding.
  • It's also hinted that despite getting Solas, Dorian, and Iron Bull so drunk none of them knew what was going on, Kathan himself was sober through the whole thing.
• Kathan going off on random tangents. The rest of the crew eventually just start shrugging and going with it.
• Cassandra announces that the next person to give Kathan an idea will have to do pushups. A couple chapters later, Solas is doing pushups. Without arguing.
• Whenever anyone let's Kathan make the introductions. He tells people Solas is his dad, introduces Solas and Cassandra as his sisters, refers to the Dread Wolf as 'my dog, Fluffy.'. Crown might be introducing Sera and Solas as his 'prize hunting dogs'. Solas actually goes with it by barking at the guy.
• Cullen doesn't know what a marshmallow is, so Kathan brings him some. After Cullen gets addicted to them, Kathan starts stealing them from him.
• Cullen managing to be the only one who can successfully prank Kathan back. He reminds Kathan just who is in charge of all the Inquisition's engineers.
• Kathan meeting King Alistair. Cathiel joins Cassandra in making the disgusted noise.
• Kathan trolling Morrigan over whether Fen'Harel had a beard while knowing full well the very bald Dread Wolf is standing right next to him.
• Kathan and Solas getting lost in the Fade. They agree to never speak of it again.
• Solas correcting Kathan by pointing out that yes, Tisallan was the first person to ever actually call the Dread Wolf 'an asshole'.
• Poor Josephine trying to get Kathan to dress and behave appropriately. Eventually, she just starts bribing him with candy. Later she actually makes him copy lines.
  • Kathan tells Josephine that of all his arch enemies, she's the one he finds scariest.
• Kathan needs to get Solas's attention. So he hits him in the back of the head with a snowball. Solas just wipes the snow off and calmly retaliates.
• Kathan trying to get Cullen laid.
• The brother/sister dynamic that arises between Kathan and Sera.
• Kathan and Sera claiming forts by stringing underwear up on the flagpoles.
• Sera and Kathan pestering Solas to let them keep the giant spider.
• Kathan points out they are looking for the guy the entire Seeker order couldn't find and says it won't take long. Solas says he sounds optimistic, and Kathan bets him a hundred gold they'll find Hawke before sundown. One scene later, Solas pays up.
• Blackwall being slightly disturbed when he realizes he can actually follow some of the crazy shit Kathan says.
• After months of dealing with Kathan, Leliana laments to Brehan just how much she misses Sten.
• Kathan apparently found various developer easter eggs in Skyhold. He later asks Solas what the hell is up with those.
• Everyone is surprised Kathan wore armor under his clothes at the Masquerade. He's disappointed to realize he was the only one that did.
• Vivienne's horrified reaction to learning Kathan's choice of armor has started a new fashion trend
• Cassandra dragging Solas and Kathan down the stairs and into the war room, Kathan by a horn and Solas by an ear, with Tisallan following. Tisallan later asks Cullen if Cassandra is single.
• Kathan repeatedly getting distracted and having to ask what quest they are currently on.

What's the Worst that Could Happen?

• Kels falls through a ceiling. Cullen tries to get an explanation, only to end up shooing Kels and Turana away because he can't hold his laughter in any longer.
• Turana trying to find a wife for Solas.

Colored Stones