Awesome / Mitch Benn

• In the second series of Crimes Against Music, Mitch rants magnificently on the subject of Jamie Cullum's cover of "The Wind Cries Mary":
  "Jamie, you do not understand that song, okay? It is not a swingin', hip kinda vibey toon for all the sharp-suited crazy cats to stand around poppin' their fingers to, okay? It is a mournful, wistful, but ultimately uplifting piece about experience, loss, the passage of time, and lots and lots of other things that you couldn't possibly understand because you're TWELVE. Now do whatever you like to Radiohead, it only makes it more fun, BUT, BUT, you LEAVE Jimi Hendrix alone until you are old enough to shave, and/or buy Electric Ladyland without being asked for I.D., and then, STILL leave Jimi Hendrix alone!"
  
  "Steady on, Mitch!"
  
  "No, no, no, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, but Jamie Cullum must be stopped, alright? He must be stopped. Because at this rate, it's only a matter of time before I switch on Radio 2 and I hear this:

  Hey! When routine bites hard and
  Ambitions are low and
  Resentment rides high but
  Those emotions won't grow! And
  We're changin' our ways, takin'
  Different roads
  Love! Yes, love will tear us apart again
  I tell ya, that crazy love's gonna tear us apart again
  "And when that happens... By God, I hope you're applauding for the right reasons here, folks. Because when that happens, the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse will ride, the Final Trumpet will sound, and Ian Curtis and Hendrix and Janis and Jim Morrison and Johnny Thunders will rise from the grave, and Elvis will descend from the moon, and together, Jamie Cullum, they will kick your skinny jazz arse all the way to the ninth layer of HELL, to be bound in ice next to Judas Iscariot and Pete Waterman! And I will be there, with Robert Johnson and the Devil beside me, PLAYING THE BLUES AND LAUGHING WHILE THEY DO IT."
• After hearing one stupid story too many from the Daily Mail, Benn started spoofing their articles as if they published in fictional universes, prompting a flood of similar parodies from other users on Twitter.
  Gay wizard and Muslim dwarves (plus a hobbit) kill white, decent, hardworking orks.
  Islamic rebels destroy Stormtroopers, start to kill elderly Christians with destruction of Death Star.