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Live Blogs The Adventure of Failure Shepard or How Not to Play the Mass Effect Trilogy
lrrose2013-04-03 21:28:42

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During the battle with the Geth Dreadnaught, Admiral Koris' ship, the Qwib-Qwib, was shot down. Without their admiral, the Civilian Fleet plans on getting the hell out of dodge, which would probably result in them getting slaughtered by the geth. Fail Shep heads down to Rannoch to stop this from happening.

A geth jamming tower prevents Fail Shep from figuring out just where Koris is hiding and there are AA towers that prevent STEEEEVE!!!!1 from blowing it up. The gimmick of this mission is that you have to Hold the Line while one of your squadmates (in my case James and his almighty foot) deactivates the AA towers. Along the way Fail Shep meets a mortally wounded quarian named Dorn'Hazzt. It is strongly implied that Dorn was the widower of one of the quarians on an Apocalyptic Log during Tali's loyalty mission in ME2. So his child, Jona, is most likely now an orphan.

Anyway, after James deactivates all three AA towers, STEEEEVE!!!!!1 uses the Kodiak to blow up the jamming tower. But Koris refuses to give his location. He's been separated from his crew and wants Fail Shep to rescue them instead of him. After Fail Shep agrees, Koris kamikazes some geth with a grenade.

Fail Shep finds Koris' crew under attack by geth, but the Kodiak has suddenly grown a turret, which our hero uses to make short work of the synthetics. Back on the Normandy, Gerral laments the loss of his old rival. Fortunately, the Civilian Fleet decides to honor Koris' sacrifice by staying and fighting.

Fail Shep overhears an agrument between Gerrel and Raan. Gerrel wants some of Raan's ships to protect his fleet but Raan refuses because Gereel is like Leeroy Jenkins. Fail Shep sides with Raan, but it turns out that the Jerkass Has a Point and Gerrel's fleet takes heavy casualties that could have been avoided with Raan's help.

We close out this update with Fail Shep receiving an ominious email from Miranda's sister, Oriana. She apparently learned who Miranda was sometime between games. Her father has tracked her down and apologized for attempting to kidnap her. She has agreed to go with him to a place, but she is kind of creeped out by this and figures that Fail Shep should know.

EMS: 997

Death List:

  • Countless Mooks and civilians
  • Jenkins (Squadmate, Plot)
  • Nihlus (Plot)
  • Fist
  • Stirling
  • Anoleis
  • Gianna
  • Ventralis
  • Benezia (Plot)
  • Rachni Queen
  • Peak 15 Scientists
  • Talitha
  • Conrad
  • Jeong
  • Zhu's Hope Colonists
  • Fai Dan (Plot)
  • The Thorian (Plot)
  • Shiala
  • Tonn Actus (Mission)
  • Wayne
  • Toombs
  • Kirrahe
  • Menos Avot (Plot)
  • Droyas (Plot)
  • Ganto Imness
  • Ashley (Squadmate, Love Interest)
  • Saren (Plot)
  • Sovereign (Plot)
  • Pressly (Plot)
  • Fail Shep (Plot, Resurrected)
  • 20 Normandy Crewmen (Plot)
  • Wilson (Squadmate, Plot)
  • Prazza (Plot)
  • Whitson
  • Jaroth (Plot)
  • Garm (Plot)
  • Jentha (Plot)
  • Tarak (Plot)
  • Kuril (Plot)
  • Jedore (Plot)
  • Okeer (Plot)
  • Daniel
  • Abducted Horizon Colonists (Plot)
  • Kal'Reeger
  • Kureck (Mission)
  • Aresh
  • Niftu Cal
  • Wasea (Mission)
  • Nassana (Mission)
  • Niket (Mission)
  • Enyala (Mission)
  • Weyrloc Guld (Mission)
  • Maelon
  • Rael'Zorah (Plot)
  • Talid
  • Legion (Squadmate, Sort of Resurrected)
  • Thane (Squadmate)
  • Garrus (Squadmate)
  • The Original Crew of the Normandy SR-2, including:
    • Kelly (Quasi-Love Interest)
    • Gardner
    • Ken and Gabby
  • Jacob (Squadmate)
  • Mordin (Squadmate)
  • Grunt (Squadmate)
  • Miranda (Squadmate)
  • Tali (Squadmate)
  • Collector General (Plot)
  • Zaeed (Squadmate)
  • Feron
  • The Shadow Broker (Plot)
  • The Boy (Plot)
  • Primarch Fedorian (Plot)
  • Dr. Eva (Plot)
  • Aeian T'Goni
  • Rana (Plot)
  • Charr (Plot)
  • Dagg (Mission)
  • Wreav
  • Eve
  • Padok
  • Valern
  • Udina (Plot)
  • Kaidan (Squadmate)
  • Kahlee
  • Tashya Porae (Plot)
  • Rila (Mission)
  • Samara (Squadmate)
  • Falere
  • Dorn'Hazt vas Rannoch (Plot)
  • Admiral Zaal'Koris vas Rannoch

Comments

rottenvenetic Since: Dec, 1969
Dec 14th 2021 at 11:48:11 AM
Gotta love a succinct tragicomedy of errors AAR.

The trope for the almighty foot is Percussive Maintenance, not with \"Maintainance\"
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