Live Blogs Pannic Reads Stuff He Hates

Pannic2015-08-07 12:58:05

Hey, everyone it's me, Mr. Pannic!

Now it may seem surprising to you that I've started updating again after dropping off the face of the blog for a long time, but that's just because I've been taking adrenaline lately. Been smuggling it in from kits and I'd like to tell you that Pulp Fiction is a huge load of bul

So anyway we're going back to The Clown Prince of Equestria because we got two more chapters of this shit. So let's dive right in.

Again, using terms like "we find" is something that's only appropriate if you're going for a certain type of narrative voice. The tense confusion is also warping time and space. We go from present tense ("we find Joker putting") to past tense ("which looked like") and it's quite frankly jarring. And bad writing.

You know, there's a bit of a faux pas in writing fan fiction where the author will take their own headcanon for granted, not considering that just offhand dropping it into shit might be confusing for the reader. To wit: "Miss Belle." You see, he's referring to Rarity, but that might be confusing, because at no point in the show is she referred to as "Miss Belle." It's not something that's going to occur to the reader unless it's a headcanon they hold themselves or it's explained to them or if they stop reading the story and go through the following process:

"Wait, Miss Belle? Like Sweetie Belle? But she wasn't even in this episode, he... oh. Oh, he's talking about Rarity... oh, I guess 'cause, like, Sweetie Belle could be like a first-name-last-name thing, and Belle is the surname, so Rarity could be like her first name, and Belle would be her surname."

And then the author hopes you don't remember "A Dog and Pony Show," where Rarity referred to herself as "Miss Rarity."

Also, the narration is referring to the protagonist as the Joker now. No, author, he isn't the Joker. He's just an idiot in a costume. There was no actual character progression to where he's apparently actually the Joker now, apart from... just deciding he's the Joker now apropos of Harley Quinn's exposition dump.

So Idiot in a Costume leaves and the characters appear to resume canon, this time as furries because the author wants to set up the problandgonist with Pinkie Pie. No, really. I'm going to skip the parts where the author blandly proses through stuff that already happened in the show and skip around a bit.

I notice that Spike places special emphasis on the present, like it's the most unusual and inexplicable thing that's happened today.

Hey, Spike - maybe the mysterious party-related object has something to do with the clown that attacked you.

Twilight doesn't notice a big thing that's right in the middle of the room when she walks in. Something that should have (should have, people, not should of) been in her direct line of sight as soon as she opened the door.

Why would Applejack and Pinkie Pie be laughing? I thought that Pinkie Pie's "discording" process made it such that she didn't find anything funny at all. If anything it'd be Flutterbitch laughing.

Also, didn't Idiot in a Costume indicate that Rarity would be more prone to falling for it "Especially if the greedy Miss Belle opens it before opening reading the note"? The note didn't exactly have any information on it. Except I guess that it was for everyone? Also, "opens it before opening reading the note." I didn't notice that typo the first time. Oops.

So they wonder who "Mr. J" is (isn't that just a pet name that Harley Quinn uses? Does Joker ever actually refer to himself as such? I guess maybe a fan might, but I thought that was specifically a Harley Quinn shtick). Joker apparently stuck the Elements of Harmony reference guide in the box. ...Why?

You see, I've read the two chapters here, and essentially what it comes down to is a retread of the Return of Harmony, except with an Idiot in a Costume taking up space. He doesn't actually contribute anything to the plot. Now, I should give credit that the story doesn't just have a bland Marty Stu solving the plot for everyone else, but this is the opposite; the Marty Stu's presence is completely superfluous. All he does is hand them something that they would have gotten anyway in the normal course of the scene.

Anyway, the next scene has Idiot in a Costume bumping into Discord, who reveals that he knows that he's a Displaced. He also reveals that he knows who the mysterious merchant is.

Revealing this bit of information (if the dialogue weren't so badly-written) could actually add some intrigue... if not for the fact that the inexplicable Harley Quinn already explained everything last chapter.

You know, Idiot in a Costume just seems to take everything in stride. He doesn't go "Oh, fuck, I have to get back home to take care of my dog!" or "Why is everyone anthro?" or... anything. He isn't even interested in finding out more about the merchant who did this to him. In fact, Idiot in a Costume seems content just doing... nothing.

And that's what makes him bland. He has no distinct character traits, no thought process, no apparent goals or motivations... nothing. He's just a guy who put on a Joker costume, apparently got Joker's toys, and decides he's the Joker. That'd be interesting if, like, we followed him as he lost his mind or had... anything. But we don't.

Anyway, the last scene in the chapter is just a retread of the part where they fail to stop Discord. Idiot in a Costume watches Twilight walking away, mopey and depressed, and goes:

This line might have had some effect if Idiot in a Costume had any kind of characterization, i.e. we knew what he considered funny and that he considered things being funny something important. And I mean actual characterization, not "durrhurr I'm da Joka."

Like maybe if you established that this was a guy who likes playing harmless pranks that don't hurt people's feelings.

Actually, for someone who's very pointedly playing a person who's a homicidal maniac, this Joker feels rather tame. I haven't played Arkham Origins (which is apparently where the BANG! gun that shoots bullets comes from, good thing the author clearly made sure to communicate that it was that specific bang gun and not another version of the bang gun used by the same character in other media, therefore keeping the audience from being locked out because they didn't play a video game that was generally considered to be a step down from its predecessors), but I'm gathering that, like many other depictions of the Joker, he's a crazy person who kills people for yucks. Here he acts more like, I dunno, the Cesar Romero Joker or something.

Here's the author's note.

Oh. I believe you when you say comedy is hard. You haven't yet succeeded in being funny, you du

Let's get on with chapter 3. You see, these chapters are fairly short (less than 2k each), so we can power through them and get them out of the way in one entry. That way I have more time to plan something special for the hundredth update. I don't know what it'll be it'll probably be something I pull out of my a

So we go to Applejack's farm. Remember how in chapter 1 the author had these really clunky description dumps where he described clothing? And it was laid out in a very formulaic and repetitive way that makes for incredibly dull prose? Yeah. Those were the days. But we can revisit that nostalgia, with a new twist, as he describes the appearances of the Apple family.

A grown man acting like a dog and playing in the dirt. An old lady tap-dancing. A kid play-fighting and pretending that things are weapons. Can you tell which one the author came up with himself?

Psst. Psst. It's the one with Apple Bloom. It's obvious because it doesn't fit, because it's not very wacky. Y'see, kids play-fight all the time. It's a common childhood pastime to pretend to murder each ot

Also one other thing where the author writes something that he probably shouldn't write (besides everything).

We know that he's acting like a dog and not like a mole, because we saw the episode. The author knows this, too. Furthermore, the character in this story knows this, too. Why is there some kind of distinction that he's acting like a mole, but wait, no, he's acting like a dog? Just how stupid does the author thing we are? I'm not stupid! I graduated with my GED you dumb fu

So anyway Idiot in a Costume barges in and asks Applejack where a record player is, where Applejack tells him (through Liarjack) that it's in the barn.

Why the fuck would you keep your record player in the barn? Or specifically in the rafters? Do you just want to make it more inconvenient for yourself any time you want to listen to music? Wouldn't it make more sense to keep it in the house? Or in the attic? Do you just regularly listen to music while you work in the barn? Do you climb up the ladder, put on a record, and then climb back down? I'm so confused...

And then...

Oh. Oh. Oh...

I hate you so, so much.

Hey, wait a minute...

You already did this two chapters why are you doing it again do you think we have short attention spans or are stupid or somet

Not much to really prompt me to pick apart. Just a reminder that our protagonist is an annoying twat. But note the "Applejack's parents are dead" bit. That'll be important later. Just note that Twilight isn't aware of it and tells him that if what he's saying is true it's not nice to sing about it, and Joker berates her for scolding him and not getting on with the rest of the episode. On another note, the character having meta-knowledge is sure to be a source of annoyance.

Yes, because some random annoying douchebag who isn't funny is clearly a threat to the world. Also, note the "Thank Faust" line, because it's not as though canon has established that characters tend to refer to "Celestia" as a "God" stand-in for the purposes of those kinds of lines. But I guess there's a limit to what I can expect from these kinds of stories. After all, jet fuel can't melt dank memes.

Yeah, this scene is largely pointless. Again, Idiot in a Costume contributes nothing to the larger plot other than shoving his ass in on things.

So then in the next scene, Idiot in a Costume decides to show up to challenge Discord to a fight.

Let's note, first, that the "Getting-Your-Ass-Kicked 101!" line is something that's cribbed from Arkham City. Out of context and without Mark Hamill to carry it, it just sort of stands out like something that doesn't really fit the Joker, personally speaking. You know, I personally feel that the story in that game isn't as good as people think it was. The writing's only so-so, and I think it's the voice work that manages to elevate

What?

Oh. Oh. Oh no.

Groan.

Okay, it's time for me to explain a joke. That line is a reference to this picture.◊

It is a caption that points out something silly about a picture in the WH40K verse. It's a way of summing up that this is a world that runs off of badass at the expense of certain logic things. In context, it's funny.

Out of context, and just as a reference that is apropos of nothing, it is not funny.

1. That is a good question. 2. That is a run-on sentence.

But back to 1. Why? Why is Idiot in a Costume doing this? What are his motivations? What are his goals? What is his thought process? These, and other questions, are things that the author does not answer.

I can just feel the very natural buildup to the fic's central ship.

Anyway, the mane six forget about the plot for a minute to talk about Idiot in a Costume, and Twilight mentions the "Applejack's parents are dead" thing.

It's so beautiful. It's positively glorious in how ridiculous this plot point is.

Not only are Applejack's parents dead (fairly common fanon, some hints and statements in support of it by the show's writers and staff), but it's a deep, dark secret that Applejack keeps from everyone, including her closest friends and her little sister.

I just can't get over it. What was Applejack been telling people all this time? Has no one ever just stopped and gone "Say, someone seems to be missing from this family farm, but I can't put my hoof on it..."? Did Applejack tell Apple Bloom that her parents had moved away to another farm?

So anyway, the rest of the scene is them reenacting the events of canon, stoning Discord, and realizing that Idiot in a Costume wasn't just part of the Discord thing.

That's a boring note to end on, so I'm just going to pretend that we're ending the fic on the "Applejack's parents are dead and that's a secret" thing. There seems to be some kind of hint that it's a plot point:

But that doesn't really explain anything about, y'know. Not telling your little sister that her parents are dead. You'd think that it'd be something that directly concerns or, or that it'd be something she'd ask about, or that Granny Smith or Big Macintosh or someone else in the town might've mentioned it. I mean, the Apple Family are the folks who practically founded the town, and they're kind of fixtures. I mean, them dying sounds like it'd be pretty tricky to keep a secret from everyone.

But yes. That is what has been written so far of The Clown Prince of Equestria. A title that is wasted on this story, and would have been better served as a story about Prince Blueblood moonlighting as the clown seen in Hearts and Hooves Day.

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