Time for the other half of the fight scene, including a recurring count I wasn't expecting to get to yet.
This one's "Feeding Frenzy", so you KND fans can tell who's coming up.
>To discover the beginning of the Powerpuff Girls' role in this Strangers on a Train plot, we must turn back the clocks about five hours and fifty minutes, to two-fifty PM in the afternoon.<
Brian's going to keep referencing that movie, isn't he?
>It was ten minutes to dismissal time at Pokey Oaks Kindergarten, the time when Miss Keane allowed for free artwork. At this time, most of the children had their eyes on the clock, but Blossom, Bubbles and Buttercup were hard at work with pencils and crayons (Blossom: drawing of trees and a lake, Bubbles, drawing of a unicorn, Buttercup, drawing of... well, you'll see in a minute).<
I don't think there's a hard and fast rule for this, but if you use colons for one comparison, you should probably use them for the rest. It looks awkward if you don't.
Miniature monsters sneak into the kindergarten and go for Blossom's bag:
>They quieted down, and the larger one reached out with a small tentacle-like appendage and grabbed the bookbag. He slowly started to drag it towards the closet.
"Sheesh!" he whispered. "What kind of homework do they give kindergartners these days?"<
"For the lovea- we grabbed that Dexter kid's bag instead!"
The creatures secure the bag, and class is dismissed:
>Outside, Buttercup was looking at what she drew. She sighed.
"Whatcha got there, Buttercup?" said Blossom.
"Nothing!" said Buttercup, putting it behind her back.
"Oh really?" said Bubbles.
She looked at her for a minute, and then reached out at Buttercup.
"Tickle, tickle, tickle!" said Bubbles.
"Hey, stop it!" said Buttercup laughing. "That's not funny! Stop!"
She dropped the paper, and Blossom grabbed it.
Blossom chuckled. "Isn't this Numbah Four?" she said, looking at it.
"NO!" said Buttercup.
They looked at her.
"Well, yeah."
"Buttercup's in love!" said Bubbles.
"I am not!" said Buttercup.<
All right, I can see this happening. Buttercup does have a history of falling for tough boys, as "Buttercrush" taught us.
>"Give it up, Buttercup," said Blossom, handing it back. "We're in kindergarten, he's in grade school."
"So!" said Buttercup. "Last week you were drooling over a picture of Justin Timberlake!"
"Well... he's a celebrity..." said Blossom.<
This not so much. Blossom's the smart one, and not likely to succumb to media fads. Bubbles, maybe, but not Blossom.
In midflight, Blossom realizes she forgot her bookbag. There's a bit of intersibling taunting before the girls fly back to retrieve it. The kindergarten's door is busted in, and when they go inside:
>The classroom was in shambles. Signs of that a struggle had taken place were present. And Blossom's bookbag was in the center of the room, with a note pinned to it.<
Somehow I don't see Ms. Keane as the sort to put up a fight. Also: "Signs of a struggle were present" or "Signs that a struggle had taken place were present", not both; it seems Brian tried to change mid-sentence. (Both are passive-voice, however, and "There were signs of a struggle" would be best.)
>"What happened?" said Bubbles.
Buttercup took the note it was written on fancy paper in delicate handwriting, like a fancy invitation. She read:
Dear Powerpuff Girls,
I have taken Miss Keene hostage. If you want to see your beloved teacher again, start watching the skies at 8:30 tonight. Do not try to find me before then, or I will not hesitate to end her life.
Sincerely,
Mojo Jojo
P.S. When you come, bring a dessert.<
That second sentence is probably the most blatant grammar fail yet. Brian writes quickly (check the "published on" and "last updated" date on one of his finished stories and you'll be amazed how short the interval is), but he pays for it in sloppy writing.
It's just me, but the word "fancy" gets under my skin. I have no clue why.
Note that Brian can't make up his mind if it's "Keane" or "Keene". (According to the wiki, it's "Keane", after the artist Margaret Keane, who specialized in paintings of big-eyed children.)
>Buttercup slapped herself.<
People facepalm a lot in this story. Think it's a subconscious thing?
Like last time, the girls realize that the note doesn't match what they know about the supposed writer, but they don't have time to think it over. Thus they fly off to Mojo's lair in order to beat him in advance.
>They sped across town to the park, where Mojo's volcano-lair was situated. They always wondered why a villain would set up shop in such an obvious place. It must be ego.<
Or accessability to primary point of attack and taking advantage of a volcano in a freaking town park.
After raiding the place, the girls find nothing and realize that they don't have any choice but to wait for the signal. SCENE CHANGE to ten minutes before the deadline:
>Oblivious to what was happening to their new friends several miles away, the three Girls were outside their home at 8:20, scanning the night sky. Bubbles had a chocolate custard pie in a box in her hands.
"I don't believe you bought that," said Buttercup.
"He might hurt Miss Keene if we don't bring it..." whined Bubbles. "If he hasn't already..."<
"Can't believe", not "don't believe". "Don't believe" means "I refuse to believe it", "can't believe" means "I have trouble accepting it".
Blossom overrides Buttercup's suggestion that they should have just searched the city, pointing out they may have caused themselves trouble just searching Mojo's lair, when:
>And at that moment, a spotlight appeared in the sky. It looked like the heart-shaped symbol that The Mayor often used to call them when the hotline was insufficient, but it was black and white, rather than color.<
The city finally failed to get budget approval on the colored lightbulbs.
>"Go Girls!" said Blossom. "Follow that symbol!"
The Girls quickly followed the symbol to the source, flying towards the beach. They spotted a huge spotlight emitting the symbol. Coming from a large building.<
Coming from a large building what?
>"The Triton's Trumpet beachside restaurant," said Blossom, turning off the spotlight.
"It's closed," said Bubbles.
"This place is seasonal," said Blossom. "It's only open during the summer months, making it perfect for a hideout."<
"Typical tourist trap."
>"Looks like an expensive place, too," said Buttercup, gazing at the outdoor menu. "Russian caviar platter, fried escargot, truffles in garlic sauce... and those are just the appetizers."<
...damn it, I'm hungry now. (Wait, fried escargot? I don't eat snails myself, but aren't you supposed to poach them in butter?)
>"Strange place for Mojo to hang out," said Blossom. "But still... we're going in!"
They kicked in the door.<
Shouldn't they at least have tried the knob first?
SCENE CHANGE! The KND fly to the girls's assistance:
>"Autopilot is set, captain," said Numbah Two. We should reach Townsville in ten minutes."
"Let's hope we get there in time," said Numbah One.
"One question," said Numbah Five. "Once we get to Townsville, how the heck do we find the Girls? Townsville is a big place, and we have no idea where they'll be!"<
Listen for the sounds of battle? They aren't exactly stealthy warriors. (Grammar nitpick: he's missing a quotation mark.)
>Numbah One paused. He had never considered that.
"Leave that to me!" said Numbah Two.
He went to a corner and dragged out a device covered with a sheet.
He whipped off the sheet, revealing a large console with a monitor and keyboard, and a strange dish antenna on top.<
"That's nice, but what good will a cable descrambler do us now?"
Actually, it's a device to detect supernatural entities:
>"Well see," said Numbah Two, "ever since our first encounter with Father..."
The rest of them all shuddered at the mention of that name.
"Uh, yeah, well, ever since that encounter, I knew we might have to someday face superpowered enemies. This thing took a long time to design and build, but it will be worth it if we ever have to deal with such an enemy – or in this case, find such an ally.
"See, the S.U.P.E.R.S.C.O.P.E. can detect superpowers stemming from a specific source, and pinpoint anyone with such powers at a twenty-mile radius range. So if we were near Townsville city limits, we'd just have to type in exactly what type of mutation the Powerpuff Girls have, i.e., how they got their powers, and it would lead us directly to them!"<
Wait, what good is that going to do them? Most of the KND's enemies aren't supernatural, and of the ones that are, they know almost none of their history. Hell, even most of the PPG's enemies don't really have backstories (I don't think they ever tell us how, say, Sedusa got that way). They might as well not have that machine.
Numbah Five points out that they don't know how the girls got their powers, but Numbah One tells her not to worry for now, and they'll figure it out when they get there.
SCENE CHANGE back to the restaurant:
>Five minutes earlier, the Girls walked into the darkened restaurant.
"We could use some light," said Bubbles.
"Got it," said Buttercup. She blinked, and her eyes shone like flashlights.<
Well, it's more convenient than having to bend her in half, I'll give them that.
They find Miss Keane held in a glass sphere, but when Buttercup tries to break it open:
>"Wait! Buttercup! No!" said Miss Keane. "It's..."
Buttercup hit the sphere and she screamed and sparks flew.
"...booby trapped..." said Keene.
Buttercup picked herself up. "Where's Mojo?" she said.
"Mojo?" said Miss Keene. "It wasn't Mojo who kidnapped me..."<
Notice how her name changes over the course of three sentences. At least when Brian spelled "Sedusa" as "Seduca" he was consistent.
>"Huh?" said Blossom. "Then who..."
The lights suddenly came on.
"It was us, Powerpuff Girls," said a chorus of voices. "You were so easy to fool..."
A large trapdoor opened next to the kitchen doors, and a platform rose. A glass dome was atop it, inside which were five dark shapes.
"Welcome to Triton's Trumpet," said the voices. "We'll be your waiters for this evening, the charming Delightful Children From Down The Lane."
The full lights came on, and the five evil youngsters looked at them with wicked gleams in their eyes.<
Who knew you could get corneal jewelry in kid's sizes?
>"Say," they said. "What kind of pie do you have in there?"
SPLAT! The cream pie hit the dome.
"Very funny," they said. "But soon we'll be the ones laughing."<
What a waste of good custard...
The Delightful Children explain how Mojo and Sedusa are going after the KND, and then decide to taunt:
>"And as for you three," they said. "Tell, me, have you had dinner tonight yet?"
"No!" they all said at once.
"Well then," they said. "That will make it a little harder for us, but not much easier for you!"
They turned to the kitchen door.
"Grandma Stuffum?" they said.<
"Come on down! You're the next contestant on The Price Is Right!"
>A shadow appeared in the windows of the doorway.
"Be ready for anything, Girls," said Blossom, as they levitated off the ground.
The kitchen doors burst open in a shower of splinters, and a huge woman entered. She suggested an elderly woman, but was huge, and wore a blue mu-mu and thick glasses.
Standing by her feet were three small creatures. Two resembled onions on legs, while the other looked like a stomach or other organ.<
Run for your lives, it's Granny Goodness! (Also: I don't want to imagine what the repair bill for this place will be.)
>Stuffum looked at the Delightful Children. "Mien Got!" she said. "You want me handle a few toddlers? I was expecting the Kids Next Door!"<
German fail: "I before E" only applies in English. This has the marks of Brian letting his spellchecker do the work.
Battle begins:
>"You three girls look so tiny," said Stuffum. "Well, they say that iron is good for muscles!"
She dipped her spoon into the pan and waved it over the ground, and then suddenly, a dozen green shapes started to grow, forming into leafy, humanoid shapes about four feet high!
"Is that what I think it is?" said Bubbles.
"Spinach Squadron, attack!" said Liver. The two onions jumped up and giggled.<
...I shouldn't have sporked this so close to lunchtime.
Physical attacks do nothing against the spinich, while heat vision just cooks them and ice breath only holds them for a second.
>"They're as strong as us!" said Buttercup.
"They're indestructible!" said Bubbles.
Blossom thought for a minute. A very disgusting memory came into her mind.
"Not completely indestructible," she said. "Girls, remember the Broccoloids?"
"I thought we agreed never to speak of that again, Blossom," said Buttercup.
"We have to now," said Blossom. "Follow my lead..."
She threw herself on one of the creatures!<
PRODUCE RODEO!
No, actually, she eats it. With no other options, the girls eat the rest of them, and then complain about the taste:
>"Girls don't like spinach?" said Stuffum. "Well, enough with salad anyway... time for appetizer!"
She waved her ladle again, and five new creatures appeared, this time circular ones colored yellow with arms and legs.
"That smell," said Buttercup. "That can't be..."
"It is," said Blossom. "Goat cheese..."
"I'm really starting to miss Mojo right about now," said Bubbles.<
That sounds really good... Damn my gluttony.
SCENE CHANGE!:
>"Townsville sighted!" said Numbah Three. "Hi, Townsville!"<
I admit to laughing at that one.
>"Okay, Numbah Two," said Numbah One, "start working that device. It's nine o'clock all ready, and for all we know, they're already in trouble!"
"Okay," said Numbah Two. "We're looking for three pre-adolescent females, so that should narrow the search down considerably.
He typed in the words "female," "pre-adolescent," and "three." Into the computer.
"Unfortunately, that isn't enough," he said. "We have to take a guess and try to figure out what method it was that gave them their powers. I'll start with the most common and assume they were born that way..."
He typed in "genetic mutation."
"Scanning..." said the S.U.P.E.R.S.C.O.P.E.
"Not found," it said, a minute later.<
It's a grammar fail pileup:
1. Somehow he manages to screw up "already" as "all ready" even though he uses it correctly in the same sentence.
2. Missing quotation mark at the end of Numbah Two's first line.
3. While we can justify splitting the S.U.P.E.R.S.C.O.P.E.'s first comment into two paragraphs, he does this for every subsequent call, which gets irritating really fast.
"Radioactive" and "biological" mutations fail too, and Numbah One isn't thrilled.
SCENE CHANGE back to the battle:
>"Get away, get away!" shouted Bubbles to the cheese monster. The thing grabbed her and forced itself down her throat. She nearly gagged.
Buttercup had just had a similar experience. "I'm going to be tasting that for a week!" she said. "Is this what the Kids Next Door go through all the time? I take back every bad thing I said about them!"
"You think this can stop us?" said Blossom to the fiendish chef. "Our metabolisms can handle anything!"<
Grandma Stuffum sends out pickled pig's feet, and the girls make short work of it, only to face the main course:
>"Well," said Stuffum. "I think that's enough appetizers... time for main course. Here comes the haggis!"
She waved her magic ladle, and several creatures resembling round cooked soufflés appeared.
"Haggis?" said Buttercup. "What on earth is that?"
"Sheep's liver, heart, lungs, and onions, minced, mixed with oatmeal, and boiled in a sheep's stomach!" said Stuffum. "Traditional Scottish fare!"
"Good choice, Grandma Stuffum," said the Delightful Children. They laughed. They always loved exotic foods, but haggis crossed the line even for them.
"Remind me never to go to Scotland..." said Buttercup, as the walking haggis closed in on them...<
What nobody ever seems to catch is that, given that the organs are minced, it's just a really big sausage. Hell, I've always wanted to try it myself.
SCENE CHANGE back to the KND, as "cosmic mutation" fails to trigger anything.
>"Wait..." said Numbah One. "Wait just a minute...
"They called their father a professor..."
"So?" said Numbah Two.
"Maybe one day he was working in a lab of some sort, they were watching him, and he... you know, spilled some weird chemical on them!"
"Maybe..." said Two.
He punched in "chemical mutation."
"Searching..."
"Match found."<
There are a hundred things "professor" could mean if you didn't know the specific line of work. While I think Professor Utonium is well-known enough that Numbah One could know who he was in relation to the girls, this still strikes me as a little contrived.
SCENE CHANGE back to the fight, where the food just keeps coming:
>A realization came to Blossom.
"Bubbles!" she said. "That's it!"
"What's it?"
"These food monsters are immune to are punches," she said, "but I'll wager that their master isn't! We take them out... at the source! Charge!"<
Homonym fail again.
>The Girls flew into formation, and hovered over the dining room.
"Huh?" said Stuffum.
Blossom flew forwards, knocking aside the crowd of food beasts. She finally reached Stuffum, and with an uppercut, knocked the pan and ladle out of her hands!
"What? No!" said the villain.<
Here we go! Those two words are among the biggest offenders in Brian Corvello's self-repetition weakness, and the more of his early work we examine, the more we'll see it. For the first few of his stories, characters simply have no other way to express surprise. (To be fair, when people pointed it out to Brian, he managed to stop using the phrase.) We're keeping a count of this one, folks.
"WHAT? NO!" COUNT: 1
>"Buttercup, Bubbles, now!" said Blossom.
Her two sisters fired their heat vision, and the two culinary tools melted into slag! As they expected, the army of food creatures crumbled into dust.
The Delightful Children and Grandma Stuffum gasped.
"How?" said Stuffum.
"A little ingenuity," said Blossom.<
More like Brian taking away their Idiot Ball.
>"And now we're gonna give you your just desserts!" said Buttercup.
WHAM! Blossom socked her in the face.
POW! Bubbles nailed her in the stomach.
BAM! Buttercup kicked her in the ribs.
BIFF! SOCK! KAPOW! Several more, and Grandma Stuffum fell down.<
What, no 'BARF!'?
>"Granny!" said Liver. "Speak to me!"
"Got in himmel," she moaned, before passing out.<
Yay for Gratuitous German.
The girls drive Liver and Onions away, and the Delightful Children exit stage down. That done, the girls free Ms. Keane. At that point, the KND arrive too late to do anything, and both sides exchange notes on their battles:
>"Guys?" said Blossom. "Oh thank goodness! We thought Seduca had gotten you!"
"Oh," said Numbah One. "If she hasn't escaped, she's still tied up, with her head shaved. Say, is that Grandma Stuffum? You beat her?"
"Uh huh," said Bubbles.
"And it was really disgusting!" said Buttercup. "I almost had to vomit!"
"Man," said Numbah Four. "I still have nightmares about the time she attacked us!"
"It would have been the end of us for sure," said Numbah Two, "if not for our hamsters..."
"Hamsters?" said Bubbles, perking up.
"Oh, yeah!" said Numbah Three. "We have hundreds of cute little guys who help us in the Treehouse! They provide the power! And they came to the rescue when mean old Stuffum tried to do us in!"
"And they drive me nuts all the time!" grumbled Numbah Four.<
Yay for recap padding.
The KND manage to be polite to Ms. Keane, and Blossom hands over the hotline number. On the way out, Numbah One contacts the Moonbase.
SCENE CHANGE! Numbah One hits up the database (we're briefly told Sedusa got away), and we get more infodumping. Line-by-line mode is on.
>He went to the database and punched "Seduca" into the search engine. A file came up:<
"'For a good time, call' - The hell?!?"
>Age: 27<
As far as I can tell, PPG characters don't have canon ages. If you see one, Brian made it up.
>Nationality: American
Known Relatives: None
Ethnicity: Caucasian<
"Interests: hair styling, crime, the theater."
>KND Status: Under Class C observation
KND Threat Level: 3.2
Mental Status: Criminally insane, sadistic<
"Occasionally breaks into showtunes."
>KND Related Crimes: Endangering children, corrupting parents<
"Stealing deli hams."
>Skills: Seduction skills and intimidation, disguise, burglary and safe cracking,hand-to-hand combat<
"Surprisingly good at crossword puzzles."
>Other Notes: Seduca has the superhuman ability to control her hair, forming it into deadly weapons, although whether this is an inborn ability or the result of technology is not known<
Remember when I commented about the S.U.P.E.R.S.C.O.P.E. earlier? Yeah, this is what I meant. Since they don't have a clue what most of the villains's origins are, it would be utterly useless.
>Seduca has not yet opposed the KND, but her habit of seducing powerful parental figures in order to achieve her goals may lead her to that precipice.<
"Nevermind the countless children she's probably already traumatized."
>Seduca is a longtime enemy of the Powerpuff Girls. Should they ever become allied with the organization, Seduca might become a deadlier threat.<
"But until that day, we don't give a damn."
Numbah One then decides to check on Ms. Keane:
>Age: 25
Nationality: American
Known Relatives: None
Ethnicity: Caucasian
Profession: Kindergarten teacher<
"Also teaches slam dancing on Thursday nights at Denny's Pogo Pit".
>KND Status: Not officially under observation, but checked occasionally
KND Threat Level: 0
Mental Status: Sane<
"We aren't sure how, the last three teachers all cracked."
>Skills: Teaching, Child psychology<
"Keep her in reserve in case Jason Voorhees ever gets out."
>Other Notes: Keene is a sweet woman who seems to love children.<
"Ignore the rumors about the bodies in her basement."
>Although few adults can truly be trusted by the organization, it seems no harm can come from this individual. In fact, she is far more likely to be the victim of a villainous assault than the orchestrator of one.<
"Just be careful when she goes out drinking with Mrs. Jewells."
We end the chapter with a clumsy attempt at foreshadowing:
Numbah One sighed.
So much had happened today. Mojo Jojo, the Delightful Children, Seduca, and Grandma Stuffum... he had a feeling that this was the calm before the storm...
Not really a storm, more like slightly increased wind speed.
