Live Blogs Pannic Reads Stuff He Hates

Pannic2012-06-30 18:18:12

In the event that you just clicked this more or less at random and have pretty much no idea what this is, allow me to explain:

Fallout: Equestria is a fanfiction, a crossover between the Fallout series of video games and the cartoon My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. It may be the single most popular fanfiction in the entire fandom of the latter. The story is 45 chapters long plus an epilogue and an afterwards, clocks in at a word count higher than War and Peace (unless I'm mistaken one tragically misguided fan put the story on Wikipedia's "list of the longest books ever" page. Obviously it was removed), and has a large fanbase of its own, spawning fan art, fan adaptations, music, and even fanfiction of its own.

Fans have praised it for worldbuilding: the story actually does not go for the usual "character from video game meets ponies" premise a lot of lazy crossovers opt for, and instead works it into the backstory how we get from the universe in the show to the post-apocalyptic radioactive wasteland that we recognize from the Fallout games. Or I would recognize it if I'd played the games. As it is, I am waiting for a sale on Steam or GOG. The main characters of the story are all original characters, and they have been praised as "OC ponies done right" and "the best OC ponies in the fandom." In any case, the protagonist Littlepip is fairly instantly recognizable to many in the fandom, whether or not they've read the story. The story's length also qualifies it as something of an "epic." In any case, it has had praise heaped on it and is considered by many to be the best fanfic in the FiM fandom.

At this point, I have cleared chapter 13. I do not think the story deserves the praise it receives. I view it as horrendously overrated. As I go through the story, I will detail my problems with the story, along with general mockery.

The general Fallout: Equestria thread did not approve of my incessant riffing on the story and suggested I take it to a liveblog. Well, that's what I'll do.

A note that for the parts I have already read (the first thirteen chapters), I will be largely dealing from memory. As such, they will most likely not be as detailed as when I return to the stuff I haven't read. In any case, let's get started. Hopefully this isn't redundant as Perpetual Lurker is also doing a liveblog.

EDIT: It seems my complaining cannot be confined to a single fanfic. As such, I have decided to turn this into a multi-story liveblog!

Comments

Valiona Since: Dec, 1969

May 28th 2016 at 7:09:14 PM

It is good to see you posting again. At times, the liveblogging section seems almost dead, with hardly anyone else updating.

Do not worry too much about being overly critical of fan fiction. While some writers become defensive, others thank me for pointing out their flaws. In any case, I agree that fix fics are born out of arrogance, specifically the belief that the fanfic author is better than the original creators.

Of course, as a writer myself, while I welcome constructive criticism, I also agree that I am sharing a bit of myself when I write. Perhaps my advice to critics would be to write their own works, if only to understand the perspectives of other writers.

Apologies for the lack of apostrophes, but as far as I know, the system error is still there.

IcyShake Since: Dec, 1969

May 28th 2016 at 11:56:18 PM

A system error that kills comments with apostrophes, Valiona? Looks like it to me. Anyway, great to see you are back, Pannic. And I see it is this again. Joy.

• I was barely back in the Glen when I heard slivers of footfalls approaching,

What does that even mean? What is a sliver of a footfall? Does the concept even make sense? Mr. Orwell, take it up:

XXX A newly invented metaphor assists thought by evoking a visual image . . . Many of these are used without knowledge of their meaning (what is a rift, for instance?) . . . a sure sign that the writer is not interested in what he is saying.

(I see now Sereg caught on to this too. On which note I should add a character point, if it was not already there or I forgot it: Cerelian speaks in a very stilted fashion, eschewing the use of contractions, among other issues. Probably because being a druid means being a crappy mid-20th century sci-fi robot or computer. )

• Does this person just have some kind of irrational hatred of periods? There are soooo many comma splices in the parts you excerpted.

• I see you have the ability down pat. Then again, if you can teleport in the Glen, you can certainly teleport in any warded area, even Hogwarts itself.

God. Dammit.

• you are far from finished and I guess that after another four summers you will be ready to be called a druidess among us and have your true name.

Well, small wonder it will take another four summers, if you are not even going to describe any of the stuff you are doing. Yes, large parts of Harrys studies were glossed over, but they were puncuated by him using things he learned in class context as well as in adventures/schenanigans, throughout the time he was learning them rather than separately, if at all.

• Two bright spots of light caught the upward corner of my eye.

Was her head tilted or something? I do not think that is how that phrase is normally used.

• It touched down, with a loud thump! And tires were screeching and not a few moments later I was staring through the passenger window of a turquoise car.

Drop the comma and make the And lowercase and you actually have a really good sentence there, using a breathless structure to convey the speed with which the landing and approach happened. And, dare I say it, even a sense of excitement.

Valikdu Since: Dec, 1969

Jul 17th 2016 at 5:18:36 AM

• If I were to redo it all I think I might be a little nicer.

You can (not) redo.