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Live Blogs Modelland: A Blind Sporking
LadyMomus2011-09-30 03:35:28

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Welcome to the Sporking

Ah, fantasy. It contains everything from the expansive world-building of Tolkien, to the pun-filled fluff of Xanth, to the formulaic but awesome Belgariad, to the gritty world of the Dresden Files. I've been reading books of fantasy and mythology as long as I can remember, and I still love finding a new fantasy world to explore.

But for every fantasy epic, there are a hundred mediocre tomes. For every thrilling adventure, there is a snooze fest. For every gem, a piece of compost cleverly masquerading as a book.

Which will it be? You never know until you read them.

Or - in the case of Modelland by Tyra Banks - until you look at the title and cover.

An Introduction to the Author

I will now share everything I know about Tyra Banks.

Tyra Banks is a model. She's been on at least one TV show about modeling. She was in the Hannah Montana Movie. She recently wrote and published a book titled Modelland.

. . .

Oh, and her name is derived from the Old Norse word for "Thor."

Demographics and Me

I saw Modelland described as both teen and young adult fiction, so the target demographic is presumably 13-25 year old girls. In theory, I should be in the target demographic. In reality, I'm so far out of the target demographic, I need the Hubble to catch a glimpse of them.

What I know about fashion could fit on an index card. I wear Christmas socks year round, have no qualms about wearing purple sweatpants with an orange t-shirt, and would rather go to the dentist than go shopping for clothes.

I didn't want to be a princess or a model when I was a kid. I wanted to be a Power Ranger or a Saiyan or a member of the U.S.S. Enterprise.

I spent years rejecting all things girly while embracing media aimed at boys and men. Since then, I've learned that my knee jerk reaction to media aimed at girls and women was incredibly unfair. Recently, I've learned to enjoy media aimed at girls. I've learned that just because something is feminine, cutesy or girly doesn't mean it's bad. In light of that, I am willing to give Modelland a chance.

A snowball's chance, but a chance nonetheless.

Liveblog Rules

This is a blind liveblog. I will be liveblogging each chapter as I read it, while doing my best to avoid spoilers. I am not allowed to start a chapter until I finished the one before it. I may continue on to the next chapter before posting, but I'll at least have a draft of that chapter's post done before continuing on.

Next time, we'll start at the very beginning.

Before the Beginning

I steal furtive glances around the room. The lunch room is empty. Too early for any witnesses. Even so, I hold one arm in place to shield my Kindle from anyone who might enter and see what I am about to do.

I type the word slowly. Modelland.

My breakfast threatens to crawl up my throat. My finger strays to the "back" button. It would be so easy to turn back now. To pretend I never considered it.

But try as I must, I cannot turn away. It beckons me like a flame beckons a moth. I try to banish my desires to eviscerate it. To ignore the desire to quench the lust of my spork. But I am no longer in control. IT has me, and there is no escape.

With a trembling hand, I hit the enter key.

BUY

I pray that my family never learns of my shame.

Comments

Cliche Since: Dec, 1969
Oct 7th 2011 at 11:40:30 AM
"overweight human/Crobat hybrid wearing a leotard."

Well, Gligarman exists.

And funny how side characters often end up more interesting than the main character.

"[The Baroness] ruined the lives of tens of thousands and scarred the image of the annual Intoxistakes event, in which second-year students travel to Striptown and gamblers bet on which girls will become Intoxibellas upon graduation."

...I have no words.
FreezairForALimitedTime Since: Dec, 1969
Oct 7th 2011 at 12:35:11 PM
Protagonists getting upstaged by supporting characters is pretty common. Sadly. I kinda want to see where Myrracle goes too. I mean, when you think about it, even their names have signs of favoritism: "Ass" versus "Miracle," eh?

Also, "Creamy De La Creme?" Really? Really?
Ronka87 Since: Dec, 1969
Oct 9th 2011 at 9:45:48 AM
WMG: Out of apathy and maybe pressure from her mother, Tookie gives her SMIZE to her sister, but gets picked to be an Intoxibella anyway. Because I cannot imagine anything more dull that Tookie finding a SMIZE and having it help her get into the magic mountain thing. Where's the tension in that? But maybe I am giving Tyra Banks' storycrafting skills too much credit.
TheEmeraldDragon Since: Dec, 1969
Oct 8th 2011 at 8:27:52 PM
On the plus side, "De La Creme" isn't Creamy's maiden name...that we know of.

On the other hand, her parents still named her Creamy.
Wheezy Since: Dec, 1969
Oct 13th 2011 at 8:53:46 AM
I don't understand why people are trying to understand Modelland's plot.

FLCL made much more sense than this.

Also, Lizzie would make a much better main character than both Tookie and Myracle.
DrDahm Since: Dec, 1969
Jan 6th 2012 at 12:06:33 PM
That story about being a famous dancer before losing an eye made me think of Sagat from Street Fighter. I imagine her dad losing it in a vicious dance off with the Modelland equivalent of Gou Hibiki.
CaligulaSympathizer Since: Dec, 1969
Mar 29th 2012 at 8:38:08 PM
Myracle <3 she might actually be the ensemble darkhorse of the book.
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