1 | [[foldercontrol]] |
2 | ->'''Floyd:''' Just remember this moment, Garfield, 'cause there'll eventually come the day you'll beg me to do this show. But you know what? I won't be available. I'll be working for, uh, Creator/{{Disney}} or somebody. |
3 | ->'''Garfield:''' Who's he kidding? [[WesternAnimation/MickeyMouse Disney's up to here with mice on their contract.]] |
4 | -->-- An exchange from the episode ''The Floyd Story'' |
5 | [[folder:Opening gags]] |
6 | * "You folks have this confused. ''[[TakeThatAudience I'm real, and you’re animated]].'' ''[Episode 1]'' |
7 | * "I just checked the TV listings; I'm the only thing on right now." ''[Episode 2]'' |
8 | * "Smart kids watch this show; other kids change the channel." ''[Episode 3]'' |
9 | * "Maybe not as funny as pro wrestling, [[TakeThat but a lot more realistic]]." ''[Episode 4]'' |
10 | * "This show is K-rated. No adults unless accompanied by a kid." ''[Episode 5]'' |
11 | * "Pay careful attention, everyone; there'll be a quiz later." ''[Episode 6]'' |
12 | * "The Garfield Guarantee -- [[{{Franchise/Transformers}} no giant robots]] or [[Franchise/TheSmurfs annoying little blue people]]." ''[Episode 7]'' |
13 | * "So if someone wants you to change the channel, kids, just say, 'No!'" ''[Episode 8]'' |
14 | * "Don't forget, kids: look both ways before crossing your teacher." ''[Episode 9]'' |
15 | * "Hey, {{ComicStrip/Heathcliff}} -- [[TakeThat eat your heart out.]]" ''[Episode 10]'' |
16 | * "Beware of imitations. Accept no substitutes. Batteries not included." ''[Episode 11]'' |
17 | * "[[LampshadeHanging You notice how every week I say something different here?]]" ''[Episodes 12, 43, and 61]'' |
18 | * "Hey you, the kid who missed last week's show: You'd better have a good excuse." ''[Episodes 13, 46, 48, and 63]'' |
19 | * "I suppose you're all wondering why I asked you here today." ''[Episodes 14-15]'' |
20 | ** "And remember, [[TrademarkFavoriteFood lasagna]] is an important part of your nutritious breakfast. " ''[Episode 15 in syndicated airings]'' |
21 | * "And just remember what you paid to get in." ''[Episodes 16-17, 40, and 69]'' |
22 | ** "This show has so many mentions of pasta, it'll affect your cholesterol count." ''[Episode 17 in syndicated airings]'' |
23 | * "A funny thing happened to me on my way to my cartoon show." ''[Episodes 18-19]'' |
24 | ** "In the interest of conservation, today's show will recycle most of last week's jokes." ''[Episode 18 in syndicated airings]'' |
25 | * "Hey you, chewing the gum: I hope you brought enough for everybody!" ''[Episodes 20-21]'' |
26 | * "Eat and be lazy, kids, and someday you'll have your own show too." ''[Episodes 22-23]'' |
27 | * "Sell your remote control. I'm the best thing on." ''[Episodes 24-25]'' |
28 | * "I can't believe we get away with this every week." ''[Episodes 26-27]'' |
29 | * "Today, featuring Binky the Clown, so turn up the volume, kids!" ''[Episodes 28-29]'' |
30 | * "[[DontTryThisAtHome Don't try any of this at home, kids]]. We're professionals." ''[Episodes 30-31]'' |
31 | ** "If you don't see this label, you're not watching a genuine Garfield cartoon." ''[Episode 31 in syndicated airings]'' |
32 | * "Wouldn't I make a great ventriloquist? My lips never move." ''[Episodes 32-33]'' |
33 | * "This offer void where prohibited. Some restrictions may apply. Batteries not included." ''[Episodes 34-35]'' |
34 | * "We've ''got'' to stop that chicken from writing on my logo every week." ''[Episodes 36-37]'' |
35 | * "''Garfield and Friends'' is taped in front of an animated {{studio audience}}." ''[Episodes 38-39]'' |
36 | * "And a special hello to all you wonderful Nielsen families out there." ''[Episode 41]'' |
37 | * "And pay attention; there'll be a test at the end." ''[Episodes 42, 59]'' |
38 | ** "''Garfield and '''Friends?''''' Who are these friends, and why haven't they brought food?" ''[Episode 42 in syndicated airings]'' |
39 | * "Change channels and you'll never see your dog again." ''[Episode 44]'' |
40 | * "[[Series/SesameStreet Today's show is brought to you by the letter K and the number 9.]]" ''[Episode 45]'' |
41 | * "It doesn't start until the fat lady screams." ''[Episodes 47 and 55]'' |
42 | * "My lips never move -- wouldn't I make a great ventriloquist?" ''[Episodes 49, 65]'' |
43 | * "[[Series/WheelofFortune I'd like to buy a vowel, please.]]" ''[Episode 50]'' |
44 | * "In a moment, I'll wave my finger and the music will stop." ''[Episode 51]'' |
45 | * "I'll be back right after they sell you stuff." ''[Episode 52]'' |
46 | * "Enough of this entertainment jazz; let's have some commercials." ''[Episode 53]'' |
47 | * "If any rating services call, we're spelled G-A-R-F-I-E-L-D." ''[Episode 54 in syndicated airings]'' |
48 | * "And today, we're having a half-off sale on Odie, 'cause he's half off." ''[Episode 55 in syndicated airings[[note]]The original and DVD versions have no gag.[[/note]]]'' |
49 | ** "We interrupt this program to bring you commercials. [[SarcasmMode Wow]]." ''[Episode 55 on remastered Boomerang prints and the 9Story Season 3 DVD]'' |
50 | * "Here are some commercials and then, more of me." ''[Episode 56]'' |
51 | * "''Garfield and Friends'' will be right back. ...At least ''I'll'' be." ''[Episode 57]'' |
52 | * "The Buddy Bears are on the show today, folks, so keep that channel-changer handy." ''[Episode 58]'' |
53 | * "Just think of me as like a [[Franchise/TeenageMutantNinjaTurtles Teenage Mutant Ninja Pussycat]]." ''[Episode 60]'' |
54 | * "This show is the only possible reason for getting up this early." ''[Episode 62]'' |
55 | * "Thank you! You know, a funny thing happened to me on the way to the cartoon show..." ''[Episode 64]'' |
56 | * "I'm sick of those singers. Can we get some, like, [[Music/ElvisPresley Elvis]] impersonators for next week?" ''[Episode 66]'' |
57 | * "Welcome to my world. Did you bring food?" ''[Episode 67]'' |
58 | * "Hey, I'll return the favor -- [[JerkWithAHeartofGold when you get your own cartoon show, I'll watch.]]" ''[Episode 68]'' |
59 | * "Serving cartoon watchers the world over since 1988." ''[Episode 70]'' |
60 | * "This show is the most fun you can have without marinara sauce." ''[Episode 71]'' |
61 | * "When they invented television, this is pretty much what they had in mind." ''[Episode 72]'' |
62 | * "I haven't had so much fun since Nermal fell in the mud!" ''[Episode 73]'' |
63 | * "The following is made possible by a grant from the Lasagna Manufacturers of America." ''[Episode 74]'' |
64 | * "Today's show is dedicated to loyal and courageous pizza delivery persons everywhere." ''[Episode 75]'' |
65 | * "If you can find a better show on television, watch it!" ''[Episode 76]'' |
66 | * "If this show were any more entertaining, we'd be on pay-per-view." ''[Episode 77]'' |
67 | * "If you like this show, tell a friend. [[TakeThat If you don't like it, my name is]] {{ComicStrip/Heathcliff}}." ''[Episode 78]'' |
68 | * "Where else can you get this much comedy for your viewing dollar?" ''[Episode 79]'' |
69 | * "The only cartoon show that comes with a double-your-money-back guarantee." ''[Episode 80]'' |
70 | * "And for my next trick, I will make the rest of the show magically appear!" ''[Episode 81]'' |
71 | * "We're environmentally sound; all of today's jokes are recycled from last week's show." ''[Episode 82]'' |
72 | * "Reproductions of the accounts and descriptions of this cartoon show is prohibited." ''[Episode 83]'' |
73 | * "And make sure you stick around after the show for the big cast party." ''[Episode 84]'' |
74 | * "If you could only watch one TV show this year, this is the one to watch." ''[Episode 85]'' |
75 | * "Hey; you could watch some other show, but why would you want to?" ''[Episode 86]'' |
76 | * "And don't let your dog watch this show. It's too good for him." ''[Episode 87]'' |
77 | * "Today's show is brought to you in color. Unless the artists ran out of crayons..." ''[Episode 88]'' |
78 | * "You'll like today's show, folks. No Binky, no Nermal, no Buddy Bears... [[ItsAllAboutMe just a lot of me]]." ''[Episode 89]'' |
79 | * "Today's show is inspected for your safety by number 29." ''[Episodes 90 and 95]'' |
80 | * "[[TakeThat Don't bother checking]] {{Creator/NBC}}, [[TakeThat kids]] -- [[TakeThat they're not running cartoons anymore]]." ''[Episode 91, although replaced with the quote above it]'' |
81 | * "Everything else you watch on TV this week will just be anti-climatic." ''[Episodes 91 and 94]'' |
82 | * "If a tree falls while our sound effects man is at lunch, does it make a sound?" ''[Episodes 92-93]'' |
83 | * "Penelope's back today, folks. Some women just can't get enough of me." ''[Episodes 96-97]'' |
84 | * "Critics agree -- of all the TV shows on today, this is probably one of them." ''[Episodes 98-99]'' |
85 | * "Think of a number between 1 and 10. The number you're thinking of is 7." ''[Episodes 100-101]'' |
86 | * "And keep watching, or we'll have to change into a shopping network and [[TakeThat sell bad jewelry]]." ''[Episodes 102 and 104]'' |
87 | * "Today is [[ItMakesSenseInContext Hit-a-Duck-in-the-Face-With-a-Lemon-Meringue-Pie Day]]. We'll explain later." ''[Episodes 103 and 105]'' |
88 | * "I was gonna do something spontaneous here, but I've been too busy to plan it." ''[Episodes 106, 109, 119-120]'' |
89 | * "The cartoon show to watch when you won't settle for just any cartoon show." ''[Episodes 107-108, and 113]'' |
90 | * "The funniest show on TV that doesn't have a 1-800 number [[TakeThat to buy cheap junk]]." ''[Episode 110]'' |
91 | * "Today, featuring the return of the Singing Ants. Boy, they have a good agent." ''[Episode 111]'' |
92 | * "Penelope is singing today, folks, [[GlassShatteringSound so don't leave any expensive glassware near the TV.]]" ''[Episode 112]'' |
93 | * "Today, a Saturday morning investigative report: where did all those [[Franchise/TheSmurfs Smurfs]] go?" ''[Episode 114]'' |
94 | * "This show is the answer. Unfortunately, no one's figured out the question yet." ''[Episode 115]'' |
95 | * "Today, a look into our writer's joke file! That's right, we examine both jokes!" ''[Episodes 116 and 119]'' |
96 | * "The longest-running show on this channel, except for the news, [[TakeThat which is, unfortunately, funnier]]." ''[Episode 117]'' |
97 | * "Today, an encore performance of our report, "Are There Too Many Reruns on Cartoon Shows"?" ''[Episode 118]'' |
98 | * "[[EndofSeriesAwareness After seven seasons, we've pretty much said everything you can say in this spot.]]" ''[Episode 121]'' |
99 | [[/folder]] |
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