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8 | For the SugarWiki/FunnyMoments page for ''Film/Ted2'', go [[Funny/Ted2 here]]. For the SugarWiki/FunnyMoments page for the 2024 series, go [[Funny/Ted2024 here]]. |
9 | ---- |
10 | |
11 | * For starters, the "Thunder Buddies" song. |
12 | ** "FUCK YOU, THUNDER! YOU CAN SUCK MY DICK!'' |
13 | ** Think about people's reaction to the trailer's beginning before that song: basically, Mark Wahlberg meets Mila Kunis in bed, playing out as just another generic romance. However, Wahlberg has a panic attack because of thunder, which is a little funny... But suddenly, out of nowhere, comes a walking, talking teddy bear voiced by friggin' ''Creator/SethMacFarlane''. |
14 | * Young John Bennett is eager to show his parents his newly sapient talking teddy bear. They react with the surprise and wonder one would expect: "JESUS H. FUCK!" |
15 | -->'''John's Father''': Helen, get my gun!! |
16 | -->'''Young John''': Dad, no! |
17 | -->'''Young Ted''': [[InnocentInaccurate Is it a hugging gun]]? |
18 | * "You owe me lobster money!" |
19 | * Young Ted matching comic wits with Johnny Carson on ''Series/TheTonightShow'': |
20 | -->'''Carson''': I thought you were going to be taller. |
21 | -->'''Ted''': I thought you were going to be funnier! |
22 | * Ted and John's first meeting with Donny and Robert in the park stands out due to a truly incredible delivery by Mark Wahlberg: |
23 | -->'''Robert''': Stand up straight when you're talking to me! |
24 | -->'''John''': ''(Simultaneously disgusted and perplexed)'' Why the '''fuck''' would he say that?! |
25 | * John knocks a heckler in the face with the mic stand as he poorly serenades Lori. Later, he punches Robert out as he runs toward him. |
26 | -->'''John''': Well ''someone'' had to go Creator/JoanCrawford on that kid. |
27 | * The party at Ted's place. Especially when the Chinese Guy shows up. |
28 | -->'''Ted:''' ''(drawing on a woman's boobs)'' See! I told you ComicStrip/{{Garfield}}'s eyes look like a pair of tits! |
29 | * While Ted was being carried over away in a bag from the crazy people's house: |
30 | -->'''Ted:''' LET ME OUT OF HERE YOU CRAZY BASTARD! LET ME...Oh. Oh, I hear the fat kid running! ''[laughing slightly]'' I hear the fat kid running, I bet it's hilarious! But now LEMME OUT OF HERE!!! I AM A CITIZEN OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA! |
31 | ** Ted referring to said "fat kid" as "[[TakeThat Susan Boyle]]" and "Tubby [=McFatFuck=]". |
32 | * When Ted was talking to John over the phone after being kidnapped by Donny. |
33 | --> '''Ted:''' They got me, that freaky guy from the park, and that kid who I think is his son, but may also be his lover, I don't know. |
34 | * Young John is so unpopular, even the Jewish kid getting beaten up by the neighborhood kids tells him to go away. |
35 | * Creator/PatrickStewart actually saying the line, "''Now if there's one thing you can be sure of, it's that nothing is more powerful than a young boy's wish... Except an Apache helicopter. An Apache helicopter has machine guns and missiles. It is an unbelievably impressive compliment of weaponry; an absolute death machine.''" |
36 | ** There's also the TakeThat to ''Film/SupermanReturns'', and comparing Ted's later years to those of Creator/CoreyFeldman, Creator/FrankieMuniz, and Music/JustinBieber. |
37 | -->''Eventually, [[TakeThat nobody gives a]] [[SophisticatedAsHell shit.]]'' |
38 | ** All of his lines are hilarious. Mostly because with his voice saying anything ridiculous is automatically funny. |
39 | * The WhereAreTheyNowEpilogue |
40 | ** Rex died of [[BrickJoke Lou Gehrig's disease]]! |
41 | ** Donny was arrested for kidnapping a teddy bear, then released because of how incredibly stupid that sounded. |
42 | ** Robert got a trainer, lost weight and became Creator/TaylorLautner. |
43 | * A DeepSouth newscaster reports on Ted coming to life: "LOOK WHAT JESUS DID! LOOK WHAT JESUS DID!" |
44 | * Some of Ted's brands of weed, including "MindRape", "Gorilla Panic," "They're Coming, They're Coming" and "This is Permanent." |
45 | * "Yeah whatever, [[CrossesTheLineTwice thanks for 9/11.]]" |
46 | * Ted's job interview. |
47 | --> '''Frank:''' You think you got what it takes? |
48 | --> '''Ted:''' I'll tell you what I got. Your wife's pussy on my breath. |
49 | --> '''Frank:''' Nobody's ever spoken to me like that before. |
50 | --> '''Ted:''' That's because their mouths were full of your wife's box. |
51 | --> '''Frank:''' You're hired. |
52 | --> '''Ted:''' [[SpringtimeForHitler Shit.]] |
53 | ** The TV trailer version is also amusing: "Your wife's panties on my floor." That said, hearing the movie version makes the real line much funnier. |
54 | ** From there, the [[RunningGag multiple times]] Ted curses out his boss, has sex with his girlfriend on the produce, and gets promoted for it. |
55 | --> '''Ted''': I fucked her with a parsnip last week. And I sold the parsnip to a family with four small children. |
56 | --> '''Boss''': That took guts. We need guts. I'm promoting you. |
57 | --> '''Ted''': You got a lot of problems, don't ya? |
58 | * "You had a baby?! Is it still alive?" |
59 | * Lori calls John's phone... and it plays [[Franchise/StarWars "The Imperial March"]] |
60 | -->'''Lori''': Is that my ringtone? [[PopCulturalOsmosisFailure What is that? Cause it sounds really negative.]]\ |
61 | '''John''': No. I-it's from ''Film/TheNotebook''. |
62 | * "THERE IS A SHIT ON MY FLOOR!" |
63 | ** [[NoodleIncident "Yeah, we were playing Truth or Dare, and Cherene is pretty ballsy."]] |
64 | ** "Or is there a floor on the shit? [[HiddenDepths As]] [[Creator/SorenKierkegaard Kierkegaard]] [[HiddenDepths would say.]]" |
65 | ** John freaking out when Lori tries to pick up the poop, while standing far away from it and started gagging. |
66 | * "You can't have your pudding if you don't eat your meat!" |
67 | * "Hello, 911? This is an emergency! This man stole my teddy bear!" |
68 | ** And the cop hangs up. |
69 | * "Stick ya fuckin' asshole up ya fuckin' ass!" |
70 | * "I do not sound that much like [[WesternAnimation/FamilyGuy Peter Griffin]]!" |
71 | * Ming, the neighbor who crashes Ted's party being an AsianRudeness caricature complete with [[AsianSpeekeeEngrish broken english]]? Not ''that'' funny. Creator/SamJJones hearing that his name is "Ming" and thus hallucinating the man dressed up like [[Film/FlashGordon1980 Ming the Merciless]], a villain with infamous YellowPeril undertones? [[CrossesTheLineTwice So obscenely ballsy it becomes hysterical]]. |
72 | -->'''Sam J. Jones''': '''''[[BattleCry DEATH TO MING!!!]]''''' |
73 | * "I just farted. That was a man fart." |
74 | ** Funny enough, he actually did fart, with it being aimed at abunch of businesspeople. [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BCwjrH4w1Pc Their reactions are priceless]]. |
75 | ** "GODDAMNIT, I'M HERE ON BUSINESS!!!" |
76 | * John listing every single trashy name he can think of while guessing Ted's new girlfriend's name [[MotorMouth at high speed]]. |
77 | * (on the hood of the car) "Hey, John? Total TJ Hooker, right!?" |
78 | * "Do I need to wash my hands before playing this game?" "No...th-that's a weird fucking question. No, just start counting!" |
79 | * Ted voicing the two fish in the fish tank. The second fish he even voiced in as [[WesternAnimation/FamilyGuy Stewie Griffin.]] |
80 | * In the extended version, Tammy Lynn attacking Tanya when she catches the bouquet Lori throws after she and John get married. |
81 | * Ted asking if Donny has one of those creepy old-timey wooden horses with a real mane. He does. |
82 | --> '''Ted''': Yup, there it is. |
83 | * Donny attempting to buy Ted with his railroad bonds. |
84 | --> '''Ted''': Uh...well, you know, since I just returned from active duty in the Civil War, that actually sounds very appealing. Oh, wait! No, I'm sorry, that was a hundred and fifty years ago, and uh... I don't give a shit. |
85 | * LANGUAAAGE!!! |
86 | * The entire fight scene in John's motel room. Some highlights of that fight: |
87 | ** Ted's TranquilFury throughout the whole fight. |
88 | ** Ted pulling John's pants down to smack his bare ass with a TV antennae. |
89 | ** The lamp pole smashing into John's head after its cord hooked onto the ceiling fan. |
90 | ** John having the television falling square on his dick. |
91 | * When Ted is revived and pretends to have [[CameBackWrong Come Back Wrong]], which is followed by a [[SugarWiki/HeartwarmingMoments Heartwarming Moment]]. |
92 | --> '''Ted''': I'm aliff, Johnny! |
93 | --> '''John''': Oh my God! |
94 | --> '''Ted''': I'm aliff, yoah magicuh wish wuhked! |
95 | --> '''John''': You're back! I...! |
96 | --> '''Ted''': Yeah, I mean, you know, when you sewed me up, you pu' some schtuffing in da wrong places, sho I'm, I'm a li'l fucked up, but wiw you take cayuh of me fo-evoh and evoh?? ''(John is processing this, devastated. Ted drops the act)'' Dah ha hahh! I'm just kiddin' ya, I thought it'd be funny if you thought I was fucking retarded! |
97 | --> '''John''': You asshole! |
98 | -->'''Ted''': C'mere, you bastard! ''(They ManHug)'' |
99 |
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