Line #11 Funny/Ted


1	%%
2	%%
3	%% Image removed via crowner in the Moments Images Cleanup Thread: https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/crowner.php?crowner_id=lg9z6eip
4	%% https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/posts.php?discussion=1642193091068711500
5	%% Please don't add a new image without discussion in Image Pickin'.
6	%%
7	%%
8	For the SugarWiki/FunnyMoments page for ''Film/Ted2'', go [[Funny/Ted2 here]]. For the SugarWiki/FunnyMoments page for the 2024 series, go [[Funny/Ted2024 here]].
9	----
10
11	* For starters, the "Thunder Buddies" song.
12	** "FUCK YOU, THUNDER! YOU CAN SUCK MY DICK!''
13	** Think about people's reaction to the trailer's beginning before that song: basically, Mark Wahlberg meets Mila Kunis in bed, playing out as just another generic romance. However, Wahlberg has a panic attack because of thunder, which is a little funny... But suddenly, out of nowhere, comes a walking, talking teddy bear voiced by friggin' ''Creator/SethMacFarlane''.
14	* Young John Bennett is eager to show his parents his newly sapient talking teddy bear. They react with the surprise and wonder one would expect: "JESUS H. FUCK!"
15	-->'''John's Father''': Helen, get my gun!!
16	-->'''Young John''': Dad, no!
17	-->'''Young Ted''': [[InnocentInaccurate Is it a hugging gun]]?
18	* "You owe me lobster money!"
19	* Young Ted matching comic wits with Johnny Carson on ''Series/TheTonightShow'':
20	-->'''Carson''': I thought you were going to be taller.
21	-->'''Ted''': I thought you were going to be funnier!
22	* Ted and John's first meeting with Donny and Robert in the park stands out due to a truly incredible delivery by Mark Wahlberg:
23	-->'''Robert''': Stand up straight when you're talking to me!
24	-->'''John''': ''(Simultaneously disgusted and perplexed)'' Why the '''fuck''' would he say that?!
25	* John knocks a heckler in the face with the mic stand as he poorly serenades Lori. Later, he punches Robert out as he runs toward him.
26	-->'''John''': Well ''someone'' had to go Creator/JoanCrawford on that kid.
27	* The party at Ted's place. Especially when the Chinese Guy shows up.
28	-->'''Ted:''' ''(drawing on a woman's boobs)'' See! I told you ComicStrip/{{Garfield}}'s eyes look like a pair of tits!
29	* While Ted was being carried over away in a bag from the crazy people's house:
30	-->'''Ted:''' LET ME OUT OF HERE YOU CRAZY BASTARD! LET ME...Oh. Oh, I hear the fat kid running! ''[laughing slightly]'' I hear the fat kid running, I bet it's hilarious! But now LEMME OUT OF HERE!!! I AM A CITIZEN OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA!
31	** Ted referring to said "fat kid" as "[[TakeThat Susan Boyle]]" and "Tubby [=McFatFuck=]".
32	* When Ted was talking to John over the phone after being kidnapped by Donny.
33	--> '''Ted:''' They got me, that freaky guy from the park, and that kid who I think is his son, but may also be his lover, I don't know.
34	* Young John is so unpopular, even the Jewish kid getting beaten up by the neighborhood kids tells him to go away.
35	* Creator/PatrickStewart actually saying the line, "''Now if there's one thing you can be sure of, it's that nothing is more powerful than a young boy's wish... Except an Apache helicopter. An Apache helicopter has machine guns and missiles. It is an unbelievably impressive compliment of weaponry; an absolute death machine.''"
36	** There's also the TakeThat to ''Film/SupermanReturns'', and comparing Ted's later years to those of Creator/CoreyFeldman, Creator/FrankieMuniz, and Music/JustinBieber.
37	-->''Eventually, [[TakeThat nobody gives a]] [[SophisticatedAsHell shit.]]''
38	** All of his lines are hilarious. Mostly because with his voice saying anything ridiculous is automatically funny.
39	* The WhereAreTheyNowEpilogue
40	** Rex died of [[BrickJoke Lou Gehrig's disease]]!
41	** Donny was arrested for kidnapping a teddy bear, then released because of how incredibly stupid that sounded.
42	** Robert got a trainer, lost weight and became Creator/TaylorLautner.
43	* A DeepSouth newscaster reports on Ted coming to life: "LOOK WHAT JESUS DID! LOOK WHAT JESUS DID!"
44	* Some of Ted's brands of weed, including "MindRape", "Gorilla Panic," "They're Coming, They're Coming" and "This is Permanent."
45	* "Yeah whatever, [[CrossesTheLineTwice thanks for 9/11.]]"
46	* Ted's job interview.
47	--> '''Frank:''' You think you got what it takes?
48	--> '''Ted:''' I'll tell you what I got. Your wife's pussy on my breath.
49	--> '''Frank:''' Nobody's ever spoken to me like that before.
50	--> '''Ted:''' That's because their mouths were full of your wife's box.
51	--> '''Frank:''' You're hired.
52	--> '''Ted:''' [[SpringtimeForHitler Shit.]]
53	** The TV trailer version is also amusing: "Your wife's panties on my floor." That said, hearing the movie version makes the real line much funnier.
54	** From there, the [[RunningGag multiple times]] Ted curses out his boss, has sex with his girlfriend on the produce, and gets promoted for it.
55	--> '''Ted''': I fucked her with a parsnip last week. And I sold the parsnip to a family with four small children.
56	--> '''Boss''': That took guts. We need guts. I'm promoting you.
57	--> '''Ted''': You got a lot of problems, don't ya?
58	* "You had a baby?! Is it still alive?"
59	* Lori calls John's phone... and it plays [[Franchise/StarWars "The Imperial March"]]
60	-->'''Lori''': Is that my ringtone? [[PopCulturalOsmosisFailure What is that? Cause it sounds really negative.]]\
61	'''John''': No. I-it's from ''Film/TheNotebook''.
62	* "THERE IS A SHIT ON MY FLOOR!"
63	** [[NoodleIncident "Yeah, we were playing Truth or Dare, and Cherene is pretty ballsy."]]
64	** "Or is there a floor on the shit? [[HiddenDepths As]] [[Creator/SorenKierkegaard Kierkegaard]] [[HiddenDepths would say.]]"
65	** John freaking out when Lori tries to pick up the poop, while standing far away from it and started gagging.
66	* "You can't have your pudding if you don't eat your meat!"
67	* "Hello, 911? This is an emergency! This man stole my teddy bear!"
68	** And the cop hangs up.
69	* "Stick ya fuckin' asshole up ya fuckin' ass!"
70	* "I do not sound that much like [[WesternAnimation/FamilyGuy Peter Griffin]]!"
71	* Ming, the neighbor who crashes Ted's party being an AsianRudeness caricature complete with [[AsianSpeekeeEngrish broken english]]? Not ''that'' funny. Creator/SamJJones hearing that his name is "Ming" and thus hallucinating the man dressed up like [[Film/FlashGordon1980 Ming the Merciless]], a villain with infamous YellowPeril undertones? [[CrossesTheLineTwice So obscenely ballsy it becomes hysterical]].
72	-->'''Sam J. Jones''': '''''[[BattleCry DEATH TO MING!!!]]'''''
73	* "I just farted. That was a man fart."
74	** Funny enough, he actually did fart, with it being aimed at abunch of businesspeople. [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BCwjrH4w1Pc Their reactions are priceless]].
75	** "GODDAMNIT, I'M HERE ON BUSINESS!!!"
76	* John listing every single trashy name he can think of while guessing Ted's new girlfriend's name [[MotorMouth at high speed]].
77	* (on the hood of the car) "Hey, John? Total TJ Hooker, right!?"
78	* "Do I need to wash my hands before playing this game?" "No...th-that's a weird fucking question. No, just start counting!"
79	* Ted voicing the two fish in the fish tank. The second fish he even voiced in as [[WesternAnimation/FamilyGuy Stewie Griffin.]]
80	* In the extended version, Tammy Lynn attacking Tanya when she catches the bouquet Lori throws after she and John get married.
81	* Ted asking if Donny has one of those creepy old-timey wooden horses with a real mane. He does.
82	--> '''Ted''': Yup, there it is.
83	* Donny attempting to buy Ted with his railroad bonds.
84	--> '''Ted''': Uh...well, you know, since I just returned from active duty in the Civil War, that actually sounds very appealing. Oh, wait! No, I'm sorry, that was a hundred and fifty years ago, and uh... I don't give a shit.
85	* LANGUAAAGE!!!
86	* The entire fight scene in John's motel room. Some highlights of that fight:
87	** Ted's TranquilFury throughout the whole fight.
88	** Ted pulling John's pants down to smack his bare ass with a TV antennae.
89	** The lamp pole smashing into John's head after its cord hooked onto the ceiling fan.
90	** John having the television falling square on his dick.
91	* When Ted is revived and pretends to have [[CameBackWrong Come Back Wrong]], which is followed by a [[SugarWiki/HeartwarmingMoments Heartwarming Moment]].
92	--> '''Ted''': I'm aliff, Johnny!
93	--> '''John''': Oh my God!
94	--> '''Ted''': I'm aliff, yoah magicuh wish wuhked!
95	--> '''John''': You're back! I...!
96	--> '''Ted''': Yeah, I mean, you know, when you sewed me up, you pu' some schtuffing in da wrong places, sho I'm, I'm a li'l fucked up, but wiw you take cayuh of me fo-evoh and evoh?? ''(John is processing this, devastated. Ted drops the act)'' Dah ha hahh! I'm just kiddin' ya, I thought it'd be funny if you thought I was fucking retarded!
97	--> '''John''': You asshole!
98	-->'''Ted''': C'mere, you bastard! ''(They ManHug)''
99

Context Funny / Ted