Line #62 Funny/Snatch


1	'''As a Moments subpage, all spoilers are unmarked [[Administrivia/SpoilersOff as per policy.]] Administrivia/YouHaveBeenWarned.'''
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4	* Special mention to [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KyyZqCl8kXQ the scene]] with three parallel cars. Avi/Tony/Rosebud transporting Boris in the trunk (they have knives), Sol, Vinny, and Tyrone dealing with replica guns, and Turkish and Tommy who [[ArsonMurderandJaywalking have milk]]. It gets even better when the guns are tested.
5	** Tommy's rant about how milk is bad for you is funny in its own right, but it's Turkish's reaction to it that sells it.
6	--->'''Turkish:''' Well, fuck me, Tommy. What have you been reading?
7	* Three men arguing over how to get rid of a body. Sol and Vinnie make it clear that they have only consulted Lincoln on this matter because he's a "bad boy Yardie". His response: "I create the bodies! I don't erase the bodies!" This the entire scene is shot ''from the body's point of view''.
8	* Tyrone's absolutely awful excuses for backing into a massive van (coincidentally containing their mark, Frankie Four-Fingers) while parallel parking:
9	-->'''Tyrone:''' I didn't see it there.\
10	'''Vinny:''' It's a four-ton truck, Tyrone. It's not as if it's a bag of fucking peanuts, is it?\
11	'''Tyrone:''' It was a funny angle.\
12	''[All three turn and look back at the truck]''\
13	'''Vinny:''' It's behind you, Tyrone. Whenever you reverse, things come from behind you.
14	** As soon as Tyrone mentions the "funny angle", the dog in the car with the trio starts growling, as if even he's not buying that excuse.
15	* [[LondonGangster Brick Top]] deciding that two of his henchmen [[YouHaveOutlivedYourUsefulness have outlived their usefulness]]:
16	-->'''Brick Top:''' Pull your tongue out of my arsehole, Gary. Dogs do that. You're not a dog, are ya, Gary?\
17	'''Gary:''' No, no, I'm not.\
18	'''Brick Top:''' However, you do have all the characteristics of a dog, Gary... All except loyalty.\
19	''(Errol, another henchman, zaps Gary in the side with a stun gun, while Liam pulls a plastic bag over his head)''\
20	'''Turkish:''' ''(narrating)'' It's rumored that Brick Top's favourite means of dispatch involves a stun gun, a plastic bag, a roll of tape, and a [[FedToPigs pack of hungry pigs.]]\
21	''(Brick Top eyes Liam and strolls casually past him.)''\
22	'''Brick Top:''' You're a ruthless little cunt, Liam, I'll give you that... but I've got no time for grassers.\
23	''(Behind him, Errol pulls a plastic bag over Liam's head and drags him to the ground in a suffocated heap.)''\
24	'''Brick Top:''' Feed 'em to the pigs, Errol.\
25	''(He turns to face the boxers in the ring, who are staring at him in abject horror)''\
26	'''Brick Top:''' What the ''fuck'' are you two looking at?
27	* Doug coming across some teenage boys smoking outside his shop. ''In full Orthodox Jewish clothing.''
28	-->'''Doug''': What are you doin' here?\
29	'''Youth''': ''(spits)'' It's a free country, innit?\
30	'''Doug''': Well, it ain't a free shop, is it? So ''fuck off!''
31	* Tommy chasing the dog at the end.
32	* Frankie's bizarre escapades whilst gambling, briefly summed up with the use of stills, to a quick version of "Viva Las Vegas" by Music/ElvisPresley.
33	** More generally, the fact that he dies so quickly, after having been presented as a major character.
34	* Turkish's opening narration, specially when he discusses who Tommy is named after.
35	* [[RasputinianDeath Boris refusing to die]]. Particularly after the three-way standoff.
36	-->'''Tony''': Don't take the piss, Boris!
37	** Boris repeatedly mouthing off to Tony every time he shoots him, with Tony muttering an exasperated "for fuck's sakes" when he doesn't kill him.
38	** Finally, Tony uses up all his bullets shooting Boris, so he has none left to kill Tyrone. He calls him a "lucky bastard" before just leaving him.
39	* Mickey. [[WhatTheHellIsThatAccent Just]]... [[TheUnintelligible Mickey]].
40	** He asks Tommy if he likes dogs.
41	-->'''Mickey''': D'ya like dags?
42	-->'''Tommy''': What?
43	-->'''Mickey''': Dags. D'ya like dags?
44	-->'''Tommy''': Oh, dogs. Yeah, I like dags. I like caravans more.
45	**
46	-->'''Tommy:''' Sorry, Mickey. Just give us our money back, and you can keep the caravan.
47	-->'''Mickey''': ''Why dah fahk dah ah want a caravan dats gat no fahkin' wheels?''
48	** In context, Mickey ''sold'' the caravan (trailer home) to Tommy and Gorgeous, only for the wheels to fall off as they attempt to drive it away. (The scene where this happens is also funny.)
49	** Later, after losing a bet over the terms of Mickey's fight (he lets loose a rabbit, and if it is caught by his dogs, Mickey fights for free; if it escapes, Turkish and Tommy buy Mickey's mother a new caravan). Tommy complains about the situation.
50	--->'''Turkish:''' So why didn't you bus' a cap in his ass? ''[motions GangstaStyle finger gun]''
51	* Turkish's run-in with Brick Top after Mickey botches the fight. He endears himself further by accidentally stepping on Brick Top's foot.
52	-->'''Brick Top:''' Eh. ''[looks down and sighs in exasperation]'' I've just had them polished. ''[Beat]'' Go and put the kettle on.\
53	'''Turkish:''' ''[Beat]'' You take sugar?\
54	'''Brick Top:''' No, thanks, Turkish... I'm sweet enough.
55	* Avi, in general. Special mention goes to how he handles the ridiculous three-way standoff:
56	-->'''Vinny''': Gimme the case!
57	-->'''Avi''': ... Fuck you. ''(clings to it)'' Shoot me.
58	-->'''Vinny''': I will! I'll shoot ya.
59	-->'''Boris''': ''(Boris enters)'' Pass me case, or I shoot you.
60	-->'''Avi''': You know what? Fuck you, too. Go ahead and shoot me, you'd be doing me a favor you Russian fuck! Go ahead!
61	-->'''Boris''': ''(Points at Vinny's gang)'' You, drop guns!
62	-->'''Vinny''': ''({{Beat}})'' Fuck you!
63	* "Why do they call him the Bullet Dodger?" "...because he dodges bullets, Avi."
64	* [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wyKBSy6rgdY Cousin Avi goes to the UK:]]
65	--> '''Cousin Avi:''' You got a toothbrush? We're going to London. Do you hear that, Doug? ''I'm coming to London!''\
66	Cut to phone slamming. Cut to taxi door slamming. Cut to Avi downing vodka. Cut to Concorde flying. Cut to passport getting stamped. Cut to taxi light going out. Cut to Doug. (All of this takes just ''four seconds.'')\
67	'''Doug:''' Avi!\
68	'''Cousin Avi:''' ''Shut up and sit down, you big bald fuck!''
69	* [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J5qPHsvGMQI Cousin Avi leaves the UK:]]
70	-->Cut to taxi door slamming. Cut to Avi downing vodka. Cut to Concorde flying. Cut to passport getting stamped. (All of this takes just ''four seconds.'')\
71	'''Customs official:''' Anything to declare?\
72	'''Avi:''' Yeah. ''Don't go to England.''\
73	Cut to taxi light going out.
74	** It happens [[RuleOfThree one last time]] at the very end of the film, when Turkish discover the [[MacGuffin Diamond]] inside Sol and Vinny's dog, take it to Doug to appraise it, and he mentions he knows someone who can sell it. Cut to Avi running the same rapid cut sequence once again, ending with his passport stamped with "The End".
75	* Of all things, the DVD menu gets one. One of the subtitle choices is 'Pikey says what?' which only subs Creator/BradPitt. But even then, at one point it shows '[[EvenTheSubtitlerIsStumped ??????]]' for one of his rants.
76	** There's also the [[ClusterFBomb "Are you easily offended?"]] [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1aoPYFD9Eno video]]. The [[CensoredForComedy bleeped]] version is even funnier.
77	* Sol, Vinnie and Tyrone wait for Frankie Four-Fingers to arrive at the bookies. They were told to wait for a man with four fingers carrying a briefcase. They spot a man with a briefcase. Vinny asks how many fingers he has, to which Sol sarcastically says that he couldn't get the "bi-noc-ulars" out in time.
78	* The entire bookie robbery, especially the part where Sol leaves his shotgun in reach of the attendant, and the failed attempt to get through the "security door," particularly because Tyrone shows them that it opens ''in'' instead of ''out''.
79	* Tommy is waiting for Boris to discuss the faulty gun he sold. Boris (along with his kinda funny LeitMotif) appears all bloody, [[GroinAttack pushes Tommy while grabbing him in the groin]], enters his house and leaves with a {{BFG}} while spouting nonsense.
80	** The best part is that the source of his leitmotif seems to physically follow him. When he goes inside to get his gun and closes the front door, ''it gets muffled''.
81	** And Turkish -- who has no idea what's going on in the subplot that Boris has just stormed out of, remember -- just watching all of this in bemusement.
82	--->'''Turkish:''' [[DeadpanSnarker You certainly told him, Tommy.]]
83	* Avi gets off the phone with Frankie:
84	-->'''Avi:''' Eight-six carats.\
85	'''Rosebud:''' Where?\
86	'''Avi:''' London.\
87	'''Rosebud:''' London?\
88	'''Avi:''' London.\
89	'''Jeweller:''' London?\
90	'''Avi:''' ''[Irritated]'' ''Yes, London.'' You know; fish, chips, cup o'tea? Bad food, worse weather. Mary Fucking Poppins. London!
91	* Sol gets replica guns, much to Vinnie's disbelief:
92	-->'''Vinnie''': What the fuck do you mean replicas?
93	-->'''Sol''': They look the shit don't they? So nobody is gonna argue. And I brought some extra loud blanks, just in case.
94	-->'''Vinnie''': In case-oh, in case we have to deafen them to death?
95	** Later, Sol tests his gun - by firing it in the car, blowing out all the windows and nearly deafening him and his mates. Yeah, they work, all right.
96	* In a great bit of physical comedy, the pawn shop gang follow Bullet Tooth Tony into the pub and the landlord ducks down halfway through pulling Tony's pint. Tony looks confused, takes his drink and sits down, then he notices the gang.
97	* Tony's balls speech to his would-be assailants.
98	-->'''Tony:''' So. You're obviously the big dick. And the men on either side of you are your balls. There are two types of balls. There are big brave balls, and there are little mincy faggot balls.
99	-->'''Vinny:''' These are your last words, so make them a prayer.
100	-->'''Tony:''' Now dicks have drive and clarity of vision, but they're not clever. They smell pussy, and they want a piece of the action. And you thought you smelled some good ole pussy and have brought your two little mincy faggot balls along for a good ole time. But you've got your parties muddled up. There's no pussy here. Just a dose that'll make you wish you were born a woman. Like a prick, you're having second thoughts. You're shrinking. And your two little balls are shrinking with you. And the fact that you've got 'Replica' written down the side of your guns...[they look in horror at their guns] and the fact that I've got Desert Eagle, point-five-oh written on the side of mine [They look at his with even more horror] should precipitate your balls into shrinking, along with your presence. Now... [he picks up his drink] ...Fuck off.
101	* Tony interrogating Mullet by jamming his head to the car window. And then starting to roll...
102	-->''You must be my lucky star!''
103	* All of Sol and Vinnie's misfortunes get even funnier when you learn they're all based on true stories.
104	* Vinnie's exasperation upon seeing that their getaway driver is, um, rather ''rotund.'' Especially capped off by the scene of him SLOWLY squeezing his enormous body out of their stolen car in order to pump gas.
105	-->'''Vinnie''': I thought you said he was a getaway driver. What the FUCK can he get away from, eh?!
106	* Turkish's incredulity about Tommy's massive gun, asking who he thinks he needs protection from, "ze Germans?" and it becomes a RunningGag throughout the rest of the film.
107	* The completely defeated delivery of Vinnie's line when they arrive to give Brick Top the diamond, only to get busted before they can hand it over. He's keeping it in his pants "in case we get robbed."
108	-->'''Sol''': You ain't from this planet, are you? Who is gonna rob two black fellas holding pistols sitting in a car that's worth less than your shirt?
109	-->'''Vinnie''': ''[very sadly]'' Bullet-Tooth Tony and his friend Desert Eagle Point-Five-Oh.
110	-->'''Sol''': What have they got to do with anything?!
111	-->'''Vinnie''': They're both staring straight at me.
112	-->'''Bullet Tooth Tony''': ''[taps on the window with the gun]'' You shoud never underestimate the predictability of stupidity. Now out of the car, and leave the water pistols behind.
113	* Turkish's excellent voice over when we reach the climax:
114	--> For every action, there's an equal and opposite ''re''action. And a pikey reaction ... ''is quite a fuckin' thing.''
115	* Gorgeous George's "I ''fuckin' 'ate'' pikeys." Later repeated by several of Brick Top's mooks.
116	* Turkish asks Tommy to buy a new caravan.
117	-->'''Tommy''': What's wrong with this one?
118	-->''Turkish opens the door and it comes off in his hand''
119	-->'''Turkish''' ''[completely deadpan]'': Oh, nothing Tommy. It's tiptop. It's just I'm not sure about the colour.
120	* Turkish asks Charlie about the sausages. He replies two minutes. He asks again later, only to be told it's five minutes.
121	-->It was two minutes five minutes ago.
122	** Later on, we see Charlie ''still cooking the sausages''.
123	* Frankie is on an international call to Avi whilst in a tailor's shop having a suit fitted. The camera cuts between Avi and Frankie every time one of them starts talking, with Frankie wearing a completely different suit each time the camera cuts back to him.

Context Funny / Snatch