- Various, but special mention to the scene with three parallel cars. Avi/Tony/Rosebud transporting Boris in the trunk (they have knives), Sol, Vinnie, and Tyrone dealing with replica guns, and Turkish and Tommy who have milk. It gets even better when the guns are tested.
- Three men arguing over how to get rid of a body. "I create the bodies! I don't erase the bodies!" That little grace note of comic genius, though, is the fact that the entire scene is shot from the body's point of view.
- Tyrone: I didn't see it there.
Vinny: It's a four-ton truck, Tyrone. It's not as if it's a bag of fucking peanuts, is it?
Tyrone: It was a funny angle.
[All three turn and look back at the truck]
Vinny: It's behind you, Tyrone. Whenever you reverse, things come from behind you.
- As soon as Tyrone mentions the "funny angle", the dog in the car with the trio starts growling, as if even he's not buying that excuse.
- Brick Top deciding that two of his henchmen have outlived their usefulness:Brick Top: Pull your tongue out of my arsehole, Gary. Dogs do that. You're not a dog, are ya, Gary?
Gary: No, no, I'm not.
Brick Top: However, you do have all the characteristics of a dog, Gary... All except loyalty.
(Errol, another henchman, zaps Gary in the side with a stun gun, while Liam pulls a plastic bag over his head)
Turkish: (narrating) It's rumored that Brick Top's favourite means of dispatch involves a stun gun, a plastic bag, a roll of tape, and a pack of hungry pigs.
(Brick Top eyes Liam and strolls casually past him.)
Brick Top: You're a ruthless little cunt, Liam, I'll give you that... but I've got no time for grassers.
(Behind him, Errol pulls a plastic bag over Liam's head and drags him to the ground in a suffocated heap.)
Brick Top: Feed 'em to the pigs, Errol.
(He turns to face the boxers in the ring, who are staring at him in abject horror)
Brick Top: What the fuck are you two looking at?
- Doug coming across some teenage boys smoking outside his shop. In full Orthodox Jewish clothing.Doug: What are you doin' here?
Youth: (spits) It's a free country, innit?
Doug: Well, it ain't a free shop, is it? So fuck off!
- Tommy chasing the dog at the end.
- Frankie's bizarre escapades whilst gambling, briefly summed up with the use of stills, to a quick version of "Viva Las Vegas."
- Turkish's opening narration, specially when he discusses who Tommy is named after.
- Boris refusing to die. Particularly after the three-way standoff.Tony: Don't take the piss, Boris!
- Boris repeatedly mouthing off to Tony every time he shoots him, with Tony muttering an exasperated "for fuck sakes" when he doesn't kill him.
- Mickey. Just... Mickey.Tommy: Sorry, Mickey. Just give us our money back, and you can keep the caravan.Mickey: Why dah fahk dah ah want a caravan dats gat no fahkin' wheels?
- In context, Mickey sold the caravan (trailer home) to Tommy and Gorgeous, only for the wheels to fall off as they attempt to drive it away. (The scene where this happens is also funny.)
- Later, after losing a bet over the terms of Mickey's fight (he lets loose a rabbit, and if it is caught by his dogs, Mickey fights for free; if it escapes, Turkish and Tommy buy Mickey's mother a new caravan). Tommy complains about the situation.Turkish: So why didn't you bus' a cap in his ass? [motions Gangsta Style finger gun]
- Turkish's run-in with Brick Top after Mickey botches the fight. He endears himself further by accidentally stepping on Brick Top's foot.Brick Top: Eh. [looks down and sighs in exasperation] I've just had them polished. [Beat] Go and put the kettle on.
Turkish: [Beat] You take sugar?
Brick Top: No, thanks, Turkish... I'm sweet enough.
- Avi, in general. Special mention goes to how he handles the ridiculous three-way standoff:Vinny: Gimme the case!Avi: ... Fuck you. (clings to it) Shoot me.Vinny: I will! I'll shoot ya.Boris: (Boris enters) Pass me case, or I shoot you.Avi: You know what? Fuck you, too. Go ahead and shoot me, you'd be doing me a favor you Russian fuck! Go ahead!Boris: (Points at Vinny's gang) You, drop guns!Vinny: (Beat) Fuck you!
- "Why do they call him the Bullet Dodger?" "...because he dodges bullets, Avi."
- Cousin Avi goes to the UK:Cousin Avi: You got a toothbrush? We're going to London. Do you hear that, Doug? I'm coming to London!
Cut to phone slamming. Cut to taxi door slamming. Cut to Avi downing vodka. Cut to Concorde flying. Cut to passport getting stamped. Cut to taxi light going out. Cut to Doug. (All of this takes just four seconds.)
Cousin Avi: Shut up and sit down, you big bald fuck!
- Cousin Avi leaves the UK:Cut to taxi door slamming. Cut to Avi downing vodka. Cut to Concorde flying. Cut to passport getting stamped. (All of this takes just four seconds.)
Customs official: Anything to declare?
Avi: Yeah. Don't go to England.
Cut to taxi light going out.
- Notably, both of the above happen multiple times.
- Of all things, the DVD menu gets one. One of the subtitle choices is 'Pikey says what?' which only subs Brad Pitt. But even then, at one point it shows '??????' for one of his rants.
- The entire bookie robbery, especially the part where Sol leaves his shotgun in reach of the attendant, and the failed attempt to get through the "security door," particularly because Tyrone shows them that it opens in instead of out.
- Tommy is waiting for Boris to discuss the faulty gun he sold. Boris (along with his kinda funny Leit Motif) appears all bloody, pushes Tommy while grabbing him in the groin, enters his house and leaves with a BFG while spouting nonsense.
- The best part is that the source of his leitmotif seems to physically follow him. When he goes to get his gun, it gets muffled through the walls.
- And Turkish — who has no idea what's going on in the subplot that Boris has just stormed out of, remember — just watching all of this in bemusement.Turkish: You certainly told him, Tommy.
- Avi gets off the phone with Frankie:Avi: Eight-six carats.
Avi: [Irritated] Yes, London. You know; fish, chips, cup o'tea? Bad food, worse weather. Mary Fucking Poppins. London!
- Tony's balls speech to his would-be assailants.Tony: So. You're obviously the big dick. And the men on either side of you are your balls. There are two types of balls. There are big brave balls, and there are little mincy faggot balls.Vinny: These are your last words, so make them a prayer.Tony: Now dicks have drive and clarity of vision, but they're not clever. They smell pussy, and they want a piece of the action. And you thought you smelled some good ole pussy and have brought your two little mincy faggot balls along for a good ole time. But you've got your parties muddled up. There's no pussy here. Just a dose that'll make you wish you were born a woman. Like a prick, you're having second thoughts. You're shrinking. And your two little balls are shrinking with you. And the fact that you've got 'Replica' written down the side of your guns...[they look in horror at their guns] and the fact that I've got Desert Eagle, point-five-oh written on the side of mine [They look at his with even more horror] should precipitate your balls into shrinking, along with your presence. Now... [he picks up his drink] ...Fuck off.
- Tony interrogating a guy by jamming his head to the car window. And then starting to roll...*You must be my lucky star!*
- All of Sol and Vinnie's misfortunes get even funnier when you learn they're all based on true stories.
- Vinnie's exasperation upon seeing that their getaway driver is, um, rather rotund. Especially capped off by the scene of him SLOWLY squeezing his enormous body out of their stolen car in order to pump gas.Vinnie: I thought you said he was a getaway driver. What the FUCK can he get away from, eh?!
- Turkish's incredulity about Tommy's massive gun, asking who he thinks he needs protection from, "ze Germans?" and it becomes a Running Gag throughout the rest of the film.
- The completely defeated delivery of Vinnie's line when they arrive to give Brick Top the diamond, only to get busted before they can hand it over. He's keeping it in his pants "in case they get robbed."Sol: You ain't from this planet, are you? Who is gonna rob two black fellas holding pistols sitting in a car that's worth less than your shirt?Vinnie: (very sadly) Bullet Tooth Tony and his friend Desert Eagle Point-Five-Oh.Sol: What have they got to do with anything?!Vinnie: They're both looking at me right now.Bullet Tooth Tony: (taps on the window with the gun) Never underestimate the predictability of stupidity. Now out of the car.
- Turkish's excellent voice over when we reach the climax: "For every action, there's an equal and opposite reaction. And a pikey reaction...is quite a fuckin' thing."
- Gorgeous George's "I fookin' 'ate pikeys."
- Turkish asks Tommy to buy a new caravan.Tommy: What's wrong with this one?Turkish opens the door and it comes off in his handTurkish (completel deadpan): Oh, nothing Tommy. It's tiptop. It's just I'm not sure about the colour.
- Turkish asks Charlie about the sausages. He replies two minutes. He asks again later, only to be told it's five minutes.It was two minutes five minutes ago.
- Later on, we see Charlie still cooking the sausages.
Funny / Snatch.