Line #11 Funny/ConkersBadFurDay


1	'''Moment Subpages are Administrivia/SpoilersOff. Administrivia/YouHaveBeenWarned.'''
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3	* Birdy the drunken scarecrow literally pimping out the game manual. "[[Film/FullMetalJacket Ten dollah. Long time. You love manual long time]]."
4	** Before the money request, he hesitantly asks Conker if he has any Mepsipax[[note]]Which apparently is an inside joke name among the game's developers for Pepsi Max.[[/note]] in exchange for the manual. Conker gives a confused "What?" to the odd request, leading Birdy to hurriedly wave it off.
5	** Plus the sign next to him - '[[Series/FatherTed Feck off crows]]'.
6	** You can even use the B-pad next to him more than once... With hilarious results.
7	---> '''Birdy:''' ''(high-voiced after huffing a tank of helium)'' Reeeeally nice helium, hehehehe!
8	** The whole ContextSensitiveButton tutorial, is a strange example of the blind successfully leading the blind.
9	--->'''Conker:''' ''(after giving Birdy some beer)'' So, what does that mean?\
10	'''Birdy:''' [[BuffySpeak It means context-sensitive. It's... sensitive... to, eh, context.]] Try it over there.
11	* The Sloprano Chapter involves Conker entering Poo Mountain and running into a Dung Beatle who had a run-in with a monster in there. [[{{Greed}} Because it has money]], Conker tries finding it but has to feed Sweet Corn to an unknown voice in a pit full of poo. Conker does just that and... A ''giant poo monster'' comes out holding sweet corn, [[SugarWiki/AwesomeMusic complete with epic opera music]], then he inserts the sweet corn in his mouth to act as a tooth. Then he sings...
12	-->'''The Great Mighty Poo:''' [[{{IAmSong}} I am the Great Mighty Poo and I'm going to throw my shit at you!]] A huge supply of tish comes from my chocolate starfish. How about some scat you little twat?
13	** The boss itself involves defeating Mighty Poo with ''toilet paper'' as you throw it in his mouth.
14	** The second part of the song:
15	--->'''The Great Mighty Poo:''' Do you really think you'll survive in here? You don't seem to know which creek you're in. [[TrademarkFavoriteFood Sweet corn is the only thing that makes it through my rear.]] How d'you think I keep this lovely grin? ''(ting sound plays as it shines on his teeth)'' [[{{DungFu}} Have some more caviar!]] ''(throws a piece of faecal matter at Conker)''
16	** The third part of the song:
17	--->'''The Great Mighty Poo:''' ♪Now I'm really getting rather mad! You're like a niggly tickly shitty little tag nut! When I've knocked you out with all my bab, [[AssShove I'm going to take your head and ram it up my butt!]]♪\
18	'''Conker:''' Your butt?\
19	'''The Great Mighty Poo:''' ♪My butt!♪\
20	'''Conker:''' Your ''butt?!''\
21	'''The Great Mighty Poo:''' ♪That's right, my butt!♪\
22	'''Conker:''' Ew!\
23	'''The Great Mighty Poo:''' ♪''My butt!''♪\
24	'''Conker:''' Agh!\
25	'''The Great Mighty Poo:''' ♪''MY BUUUUUUUTT!''♪
26	* Gregg {{the Grim Reaper}}; the guy may only show his face for three short cutscenes in the game, but they were awesome ones.
27	** His introductory cutscene, where he [[MrExposition explains to Conker about the 1-up system]], sums it up perfectly:
28	--->'''Gregg:''' ''(from a distance, in a deep echoing voice)'' [[SayMyName Conker...]] Conker...! ''[[RuleOfThree CONKER!]]'' Yes, ''you'', boy. You're dead. [[DeaderThanDead You]] ''[[DeaderThanDead are]]'' [[DeaderThanDead dead]]. Dead as a... dodo. Deader than a... ''(Gregg appears, and reveals to be talking via a megaphone, which malfunctions, revealing his squeaky voice)'' Tch, I can't be arsed with this [[BuffySpeak bloody ridiculous contraption]]! Whose idea was this, anyway? ''(as Conker gets up)'' Right, hello. Um... my name's [[TomTheDarkLord Gregg, the... Grim Reaper]], and don't laugh!\
29	'''Conker:''' ''(gets up and asks Gregg)'' Aren't you a little short to be a Grim Reaper?\
30	'''Gregg:''' Well, how many grim reapers have you met before, mate? [[DeadpanSnarker Wh-what am I supposed to look like?]]\
31	'''Conker:''' [[{{Touche}} Yeah, that's a good point, and well made]].\
32	'''Gregg:''' Now, let's see... ''(poofs in his death list, looking Conker up)'' ...ah yes, '''Conker'''. Surname?\
33	'''Conker:''' The Squirrel.\
34	'''Gregg:''' ''(looking up Conker on the death list)'' The Squirrel. The... ''(death list poofs out)'' ...Oh, bloody hell. [[YouHaveGotToBeKiddingMe You would have to be a sodding squirrel, wouldn't you?]]\
35	'''Conker:''' Why, is there a problem with that?\
36	'''Gregg:''' Well, yes there is, actually. It's like those bloody cats. Such a pain in the arse! You're one of these "special cases".\
37	'''Conker:''' Oh, really?\
38	'''Gregg:''' Yes. Apparently, [[LeaningOnTheFourthWall according to the powers that be...]] ''(quickly interrupts himself)'' I'm just doing my job. I do what I'm told. [[MoodWhiplash I don't even get paid very much!]] ''(returns to what he was saying)'' Apparently, ''squirrels can have as many lives as they think they can get away with.''\
39	'''Conker:''' Oh, I see. So I'm not dead?\
40	'''Gregg:''' You're dead. ''[[NotQuiteDead But not quite.]]''\
41	'''Conker:''' Ha, right! Well... I'll be off then! ''(starts to walk away)''\
42	'''Gregg:''' ''(blocks Conker's way with his scythe, clearly pissed off)'' Ju--! ''Just you wait'', smartarse! You don't get out of it that easily. Now, the thing is, [[NotQuiteDead you may not be dead]], but that doesn't mean you can't die. You just have a few more... shall we say... [[OneUp chances]]. Yeah, like [[CatsHaveNineLives cats]]. I hate those things! Right... distributed around your little world are these [[BuffySpeak tail things]]... squirrels' tails. If you can get them, I'll give you an extra chance. '''Understand?'''\
43	'''Conker:''' Um... well... sounds a bit strange but okay.\
44	'''Gregg:''' Strange?! It's the best bloody deal you're going to get, you little prick. ''(done with his explanation)'' Right, that's it, piss off. I've got some cats to see. ''(murmuring to himself as he leaves)'' Bloody things, I hate those bloody cats. The way they meow, and... and piss everywhere, and their shit smells just bloody awful! All over my furniture, I just...!
45	** Later on, during the ''Spooky'' chapter, [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_S6qZiZN7sg he discovers that catfish are a thing that exists]]...
46	--->'''Gregg:''' [[YouHaveGotToBeKiddingMe I don't bloody believe it!]] They've got fish versions of the little bastards now! Come here! I'll show them. ''(swipes his scythe at the catfish, missing them)'' Ah... missed the little f*ckers again! ''(swipes at them again, hitting one)'' Ha, I've got your number, mate. It's down to two for you! ...ah, there's a oner! Ha ha, yes! Not long for you now, you little prick!
47	* Screw it, every damn character. Some of the best ones include, but are by no means limited to:
48	-->'''The Fire Imps:''' Hey, you up to this job? Let me show you something. You see that button there? Yeah! The one with the... Yeah! Press it. ''(the Big Big Guy deploys his brass testicles)'' Woah! I see what you mean.\
49	'''Conker:''' ''(to Fangy)'' I know you're not a vegetarian, but I think we should go for the meat and two veg. Looks like he needs a bit of tenderizing, though.
50	* In Bats Tower, fitting a female cog on a pole next to a rowdy male cog (guess the implication):
51	-->'''Carl:''' Ey up, bloody hell. Go on, put it on quick. ''Put it on, I like it like that. Ohhh... Ahhhh. Fan-f***ing-tastic!''\
52	'''Conker:''' Oh, hang on, I think I got it on the wrong way round.\
53	'''Carl:''' Like bugger you have! What're you doin'? Wha... ''Oh, F***!''
54	* Mr. Big Cog. [[PunnyName Try saying that out loud.]]
55	-->'''Carl:''' [[LaserGuidedKarma Oh, no!]] Not Mr. Big Cog! [[HeteronormativeCrusader That's me buggered!]]\
56	'''Conker:''' ''(thinking)'' [[DeadpanSnarker It certainly is.]]\
57	'''Carl:''' Ugh, [[ScrewThisImOuttaHere I'm out of here]]! ''(flips around)''\
58	'''Quentin:''' I-I say, I don't know what ''his'' problem is. [[ManlyGay I find it rather delicious!]]
59	** Even better is the fact that Mr. Big Cog [[FunnyBackgroundEvent looks like he's getting off]] to Carl/Quentin being attached to him.
60	* In the "It's War" chapter:
61	-->'''The SHC General:''' Right, form an orderly line. Oh wait, there's only one of you. Now, here are the plans. 0830, boat will arrive, we depart. Now, 0825 -- wait, 0830 -- Aw, ⚡💀⭐🌀 that shit! I don't know what I been told, dud do doo doo -- uh, I don't know but -- Aw, ⚡💀⭐🌀 that shit!
62	** Then we get the ''Film/SavingPrivateRyan'' parody. It's [[CerebusSyndrome pretty dark]], but one soldier on the boat gets some BlackComedy in before things ramp up...
63	--->'''SHC Soldier:''' Okay! Thirty seconds! Nice knowing you, guys!
64	** And the always-classic [[https://youtu.be/V3ATRoJgOrU?t=451 "This is a bit different"]] cutscene between the two Tediz Doctors, specifically the ones who are acting "Out Of Character" by speaking perfectly good English and smoking cigarettes, is also incredibly amusing:
65	--->'''Tediz Doctor 1:''' Really. that's incredible.
66	--->'''Tediz Doctor 2:''' What if you were to give [[MediumAwareness this game]] to say, [[SelfDeprecation twenty... intelligent people.]] I mean, what would that do? Let's face it. What would it do?
67	--->'''Tediz Doctor 1:''' Really, that's interesting.
68	--->(Conker is loading up his machine gun off-screen)
69	--->'''Tediz Doctor 2:''' What the ⚡💀⭐🌀! It's that bloody squirrel! Quick, into character!
70	--->'''Tediz Doctors 1 and 2:''' ''(random Tediz gibberish)''
71	* "Were your parents related? Like, before they were married?"
72	** It's funnier when you realize that, going by Conker's tone of voice, he isn't trying to insult Franky, '''he's genuinely asking'''.
73	* "[[{{Pun}} Suzie]] 9mm!"
74	** "I'm right here, sweetie pie. Just tell me where to shoot."
75	* After the mostly-serious Conkula cutscene, there is a violent ramming at the door...
76	-->'''Conkula:''' [[OhCrap Oh, shit.]] The villagers again.
77	** This is slightly funnier in ''Live & Reloaded'' since the usual censor beep practically comes out of nowhere.
78	* "Time to wander around, [[LampshadeHanging aimlessly]]."
79	** Made funnier by the fact that the character saying it ''sounds'' like he's describing some great or evil plan by the voice.
80	* "[[MakesJustAsMuchSenseInContext Buff you, asshole!]]"
81	* The fact that the cheese fed to the mouse early on not only has eyes but also yells. Ditto the pieces of corn you encounter later. The little screams and the way they plead for their lives is hilarious, in a dark way.
82	* The FinalBoss battle with [[XenomorphXerox Heinrich]] has a computer saying "WARNING. WARNING. AIRLOCK OPEN. AIR PRESSURE COMPROMISED." throughout. And if you screw around, the computer will scold and even insult you.
83	** "THROW THE ALIEN OUT AND SHUT THE BLOODY DOOR."
84	** "YOU'RE NOT VERY GOOD AT THIS, ARE YOU?"
85	** "DON'T YOU KNOW THAT YOU CAN BLOCK?"
86	** "IT'S THE Z BUTTON, YOU FOOL."
87	** "NO, NOT THE WALL, IT'S THE LARGE EXIT THING THAT YOU WANT TO BE AIMING FOR. IDIOT."
88	** "LOOK, YOU STUPID SQUIRREL, PICK HIM UP AND CHUCK HIM OUT."
89	* The pollination scene. Including Conker's [[HeadTiltinglyKinky facial reaction]] to it.
90	** If you look at Conker when his {{jaw drop}}s, right before he blinks, he actually has tears in his eyes. This gives off the impression that he's not disgusted; [[GreenEyedMonster he's jealous]].
91	* If you look closely on Gregg's lair after he leaves, ''all'' of the tombstones around his lair read "He's feckin' dead".
92	* The fact that the Panther King needed a scientist to figure out that his table had a missing leg. And the solution that said scientist came up with was to simply fetch a red squirrel (of which there happens to be ''only one of'' in the entire land) and use it to replace the leg.
93	** During the scientist's prep work for figuring out what can replace the table leg, he presents the health item for the game - anti-gravity chocolate - [[StylisticSuck in the most rushed and lackluster manner possible]], and just throws it out the window as an explanation for why you find it everywhere.
94	--->'''Professor:''' Anti-gravity chocolate is... kinda working... [[MotorMouth Ah, that will do, that will do, out the f@🗲☠ng window with that!]]
95	* DownerEnding and Cruel Twist aside, the game crashing at the end is a really funny example of FourthWallBreaking that serves as a nice contrast to how serious the game was getting towards the end. Conker's reaction is especially noteworthy.
96	-->'''Conker:''' The game's locked up! HA! I don't believe this! What is it? This the testing department's day off or something?
97	* At one point, you see two bats talking to each other; their speech balloons are in English, but their voices are in squeaks. One of the bats says fuck and it gets bleeped out, even though they are only squeaking.
98	* How does the game start? With a reference to Film/AClockworkOrange, of course! Complete with the glass of milk and the same music.
99	** In that opening, Conker assumes the audience is wondering why the various characters are next to him and why he is king. He then tells how that happened... By stating that the game's ''whole'' events started ''yesterday''.
100	* How the Professor dies: By getting sucked out into space. His rant is funny already but it's even better when he states that not only did he have the means that could have stopped his death but didn't apply them, he realizes that it was his own idea of going to space in the first place. [[DidntThinkThisThrough How ironic that the "smart guy" didn't see this coming...]]
101	** Furthermore, it's such a contrast to how genuinely menacing he was in the previous cutscene, having successfully orchestrated a plan to kill the Panther King using Heinrich and then sicking the xenomorph onto Conker. When Conker opens the airlock, the Professor is panicking and desperately trying to save himself only to eventually be sucked out in a pitifully anticlimactic manner.
102	* The battle against Franky ends with this little conversation.
103	-->'''Ron:''' So, whaddaya gonna do now? Kill yourself? [[SuicideDare 'Cause that's what I would recommend.]]\
104	'''Reg:''' Yeh! You should kill yourself! In fact, [[CrazyPrepared we got a rope right here]]. Eh, we got a rope?\
105	'''Ron:''' Yeh, we got a rope. There ya' go.\
106	'''Franky:''' ''(on the verge of tears)'' W-What kind of friends are you?! I ju- Uh... Oh! In that case, I is gonna kill myself! I'm gonna kill myself right now! That's all there is to it! G- F@🗲☠ you!\
107	''(SmashCut to Franky hanging from the noose with his eyes shut)''\
108	'''Ron:''' What are ya' do-oing?! ''({{corps\|ing}}es)'' You stupid bastard! ''(corpses more)'' [[LampshadeHanging He doesn't even got a neck!]]\
109	'''Reg:''' Yeh! Look at 'im up there, hangin' there! Y-You stupid bastard ain't got a neck! Does he? He ain't got a neck, has he?\
110	'''Ron:''' [[StopCopyingMe I already said that! Shut up!]]\
111	'''Reg:''' Oh, okay!\
112	'''Franky:''' ''(opens eyes)'' I don't believe this! I don't appear to have a neck of any description. In fact, I ain't got an esophagus. Ohh, diddle di dam! [[BungledSuicide I is gonna be up here for some time...]]
113	* The Fire Imps debating what to do with Conker.
114	-->'''Imp 1:''' What do we do?!\
115	'''Imp 2:''' Hide! Yeh, hide! Quick, put the tab out.\
116	'''Imp 1:''' Yeh, asshole! What am I gonna do with this?!\
117	'''Imp 2:''' Just... [[AssShove shove it up your ass!]]\
118	'''Imp 1:''' Oh! Okay. ''({{literal\|minded}}ly shoves the cigar up his ass)''

Context Funny / ConkersBadFurDay