Line #348 Funny/CinematicExcrement


1	!General
2	* Every time he says the words "Merry Christmas!" or "Happy Hanukkah!" in a sarcastic context.
3
4	!2009[=/=]2010
5	* From the ''Film/NeverBackDown'' review:
6	** The RunningGag of Smeghead arguing with the caption as he tries to remain optimistic about the film:
7	--->''[the credit for production company Summit Entertainment appears on screen]''\
8	'''Smeghead:''' Wait... Summit Entertainment? ''[the poster for ''[[Literature/TheTwilightSaga Twilight]]'' appears]'' Aw, ''hell'', it's the same guys who did ''Twilight''! ''[cut to Smeghead, who raises his palms]'' Wait, wait, wait... ''[puts his fingers to his temples]'' Let's... try to keep an open mind here... ''[shrugs]'' Everybody makes mistakes... ''some'' bigger than others... but... that doesn't mean ''every'' movie they put out is crap. Maybe ''Twilight'' was just a fluke. A momentary... lapse in judgement on their part. ''[thinks, smiles]'' Yeah. Okay, I feel better now.\
9	'''Caption:''' '''I[-T WON-]'[-T LAST-].'''\
10	'''Smeghead:''' ''[glares and points up at the caption]'' Hey, hey. I'm trying to be optimistic here, don't blow it!\
11	[...]\
12	''[as nominal protagonist Jake goes on a rampage of DisproportionateRetribution during a high school football game]''\
13	'''Smeghead:''' Anger management issues and violent outbursts. And ''this'' is supposed to be our hero? Oh, ''God''. ''[cut to Smeghead]'' Well, hang on... open mind... it's still early. Character hasn't ''totally'' been fleshed out yet. ''[smiles]'' Maybe we just haven't seen the big picture.\
14	'''Caption:''' '''Y[-OU KEEP TELLING YOURSELF THAT-].'''\
15	'''Smeghead:''' ''[glares and points up at the caption again]'' Shut it!...\
16	[...]\
17	''[later, after a fight between Jake and nominal antagonist Ryan at a party during which the crowd cheers on the latter]''\
18	'''Smeghead:''' [[LetMeGetThisStraight So... let's recap what just happened here.]] This guy Ryan had his girlfriend befriend the new guy at school and invite him to a party, ''purely'' so he could... humiliate him, insult his dead father, and... beat him into a coma. And ''he's'' the guy that everybody is cheering for!? BULL - SHIT! There is ''no'' way that a guy like that would be popular with ''anyone!'' He'd be the creepy psychotic ''asshole'' that everybody would avoid! I mean, this goes beyond "hazing the new guy", this is fucking ''criminal!'' And insulting his dead father? N... no, I'm sorry, I'm not buying it. High school kids can be pretty stupid - I know, I used to be one - but even ''they'' know there's a certain line you don't cross! What, was the writer in high school a social outcast, so he rationalises it by explaining that everybody who made fun of him in high school wasn't stuck up or stupid, but, in fact, they were... ''[puts a pinky to the side of his mouth]'' [[Film/AustinPowers e-vil?]] ''[scowls]'' That's it. Open mind - shut! Optimism - gone! ''Fuck'' this movie!\
19	'''Caption:''' '''T[-OLD YA SO-].'''\
20	'''Smeghead:''' ''[glares and [[FlippingTheBird flips off]] the caption]'' And fuck you too!
21	** When Ryan tells Jake about having seen a Website/YouTube video of him beating the living daylights out of an opposing football team at his old school, Jake replies, "You know what they say about the Internet." "Why ''yes I do!''" Smeghead says with a grin. He proceeds to mime along to the chorus of "TheInternetIsForPorn" from ''Theatre/AvenueQ'' (which also plays over the closing credits).
22	* His silently mouthing "what the fuck" during Alameda Slim's musical number in his ''WesternAnimation/HomeOnTheRange'' review. And doing it again during his review of ''Film/TheStarWarsHolidaySpecial''.
23	* Smeghead's response to the constantly changing camera angles in one of the scenes from ''Film/Catwoman2004'':
24	-->'''Smeghead:''' Whoa, dude! ''[changes position]'' [[HypocriticalHumour Pick a camera]] ''[changes position]'' [[HypocriticalHumour angle and]] ''[changes position]'' [[HypocriticalHumour stick with it!]]
25	* In his commentary for ''Princess of Mars,'' he talks about ex-porn star Traci Lords who was underage and pretended to be 18 [[YoungerThanTheyLook (though she did look 18 at the time apparently)]]. When she was found out, many in the porn industry were scared because technically, they committed statutory rape and distributed child pornography. As Sean put it:
26	-->'''Smeghead:''' Fortunately, they got off... [[ThatCameOutWrong let me rephrase that...]]
27	* From the ''Film/HerculesInNewYork'' review:
28	** Upon seeing that Creator/ArnoldSchwarzenegger is credited as "Arnold Strong":
29	--->'''Smeghead:''' [[Creator/ArnoldSchwarzenegger Ahnold]] strong! You, weak!
30	** During the chase involving Hercules, Prezi, a charioteer [[HeroStoleMyBike whose chariot they stole]] while he was getting a hot dog, some mobsters, and the hot-dog vendor, the only thing Smeghead is focusing on is whether that {{Determinator}} hot dog guy managed to serve his customer the sauerkraut he ordered.
31	---> ''(at the end of the chase, the hot dog vender manages to put a forkful of sauerkraut on the chariot guy's hot dog)''\
32	'''Smeghead:''' ''(applauding)'' YES! He did it! He got him the sauerkraut!
33
34	!2011
35	* In his ''Film/MeetTheSpartans'' review:
36	** When the inevitable sex scene occurs, the usual red "Pointless Sex Scene" flashes onto the screen (accompanied with band music playing), that is, until Not-Leonidas starts lifting his wife up and down. That is when these words in red start flashing, "Wait, what?" "Umm... pointless bench press scene?"
37	** After he says he's going to strangle the narrator if he finds him,
38	---> '''Smeghead!Narrator''': Much like Luca Brasi in The God --
39	---> '''Smeghead''': Shut up.
40	* The RuleOfThree from the introduction to the ''Film/{{Krull}}'' review:
41	-->'''Smeghead:''' Okay, class! Time for a pop quiz. What do you get when you combine sword and sorcery with science fiction?\
42	''[the ''Franchise/StarWars'' main title fanfare starts playing over the poster for ''Film/ANewHope'']''\
43	'''Smeghead:''' Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait... ''[the music fades out]'' Good answer, but... not what I'm lookin' for. ''[thinks]'' Uh... okay, let's try this again. What do you get when you combine sword and sorcery with science fiction, and then... crank the stupid up to eleven?\
44	''[the ''Franchise/StarWars'' main title fanfare starts playing over a TV Guide listing for ''Film/TheStarWarsHolidaySpecial'']''\
45	'''Smeghead:''' Hold it, hold it, hold it, stop, stop, stop... ''[the music fades out]'' Again: good answer, but still not what I'm lookin' for... ''[thinks again]'' Um... ''[snaps his fingers a few times]'' Okay. I think I got it. Sword and sorcery. Science fiction. Put 'em together. Add a heapin' helpin' o' herp-de-derp. And then, just for fun, let's throw in a few big name actors, like... Creator/LiamNeeson.\
46	''[the ''Franchise/StarWars'' main title fanfare starts playing over the poster for ''Film/ThePhantomMenace'']''\
47	'''Smeghead:''' IT'S NOT ''STAR WARS''! ''[the music stops]'' God!... ''Film/{{Krull}}''. The answer is ''Film/{{Krull}}''.
48
49	!2012
50	* From his ''Film/ConanTheDestroyer'' review:
51	Smeghead attempting to say the word nr[[note]]Oh, come on! Here, too?![[/note]], which results in a bleeping sound effect. And ultimately culminates in him trying to show the word, only for it to be shown as "n**r".
52	** "Fuck you, camel!"
53	** "Fuck you, cannibal!"
54	** The Queen offers to give Conan the one thing he wants the most: [[ActorAllusion California]].
55	* The drinking game "Take a shot every time someone walks by the camera or otherwise obstructs the shot" during Cliff De Young's scenes in the ''2012: Doomsday'' review. The total gets to 9 before the captions tell us "Fuck it, just finish the bottle."
56
57	!2013
58	* During the ''Film/NeverBackDown2'' review, a RunningGag develops in which Smeghead has to refer to the episode's script when he needs to identify each of the film's four main characters. He explains that they are all so unmemorable he can't be bothered to remember their names, so he eventually gives up and calls them Boxer, Wrestler, [[Recap/MysteryScienceTheater3000S08E20SpaceMutiny Big McLargeHuge]], and [[ObviouslyEvil Red Flag]]. For similar reasons, the SatelliteLoveInterest at the centre of the LoveTriangle between "Boxer" and "Wrestler" is known throughout the review as Skittles. Why Skittles? To quote the man himself...
59	-->'''Smeghead:''' No reason.
60	* ''[[Literature/TheTwilightSaga Breaking Dawn Part 2]]'':
61	** Upon discovering that the big battle sequence [[spoiler: was just a vision]], he picks up a pillow, and proceeds to scream into it for over 35 minutes, according to the title cards.
62	---> '''Title card''': For the love of... just go to part 3/an ad break.
63	** Smeghead's celebration at the end of ''Breaking Dawn Part 2'' for finishing the entire [[Literature/TheTwilightSaga ''Twilight'' saga]].
64	--->'''Smeghead:''' And... that's it. ''[beat]'' [[HellYesMoment That's it!]] It's over! I'm done! I SURVIVED THE TWILIGHT SAGA! Oh, thank you! Oh, oh what a joyous day this is! [[TemptingFate I'm finally done and I never have to deal with the works of]] Creator/StephenieMeyer [[TemptingFate ever agaaaa-]] ''[[[ThisIsGonnaSuck noticeably deflates as]] [[HereWeGoAgain the poster for]]'' Literature/TheHost2008'' [[HereWeGoAgain pops up onscreen]]]'' ...aaain. [-Fuck.-]
65	* ''Film/SuckerPunch'':
66	** The opening of the video parodies the opening narration from the film:
67	--->'''Narrator:''' ''[as Smeghead threads his microphone under his shirt and clips it to his collar]'' Everyone has an angel. ''[Smeghead looks to his left, wondering where the voice is coming from]'' A guardian who watches over us. ''[Smeghead looks at the camera, then shrugs and goes back to adjusting his mic]'' We can't know what form they'll take. One day an old man, the next day a little girl.\
68	'''Smeghead:''' ''[clears his throat]'' [[IsThisThingOn Check, check, one, two.]] ''[nods in satisfaction, then picks up the episode's script and starts leafing through it]''\
69	'''Narrator:''' But don't let appearances fool you. They can be as fierce as any dragon. ''[Smeghead looks to his left again, then gives the camera a frustrated look]'' Yet they're not here to fight any battles, but to whisper from our hearts, ''[Smeghead hurls down the script]'' reminding us-\
70	'''Smeghead:''' Do you '''mind!?'''\
71	'''Narrator:''' ... I'm sorry?\
72	'''Smeghead:''' I am ''preparing'' to do a movie review here and you are ''not'' helping, you are ''very'' distracting!\
73	'''Narrator:''' I'm just doing the opening narration from the film.\
74	'''Smeghead:''' I'm about to narrate my ''hand'' upside your ''head'' if you don't shut the fuck up!\
75	'''Narrator:''' Geez, I'm just doing my job!\
76	'''Smeghead:''' Well, go do it somewhere else!\
77	'''Narrator:''' ''[sighs]'' Fine. ''[sound of door closing]''\
78	'''Smeghead:''' ''[to himself]'' Hard to find good help these days...
79	** At the end of the video, the narrator returns to parody the closing narration - and Smeghead makes good on his earlier threat:
80	--->'''Smeghead:''' Well, I guess that about wraps it up. Next time-\
81	'''Narrator:''' Who honours those we love, for the very life we live? ''[Smeghead turns to his left with a DeathGlare]'' Who sends monsters to kill us, ''[Smeghead mouths "What the ''fuck!?''"]'' and at the same time sings that we'll never die? ''[Smeghead {{Facepalm}}s]'' Who teaches us what's real, and how to laugh at lies? ''[Smeghead looks at the camera and mouths "Excuse me..." before leaving stage right]'' Who decides how we live, and what we'll die to defend? Who chains us, and who holds the- ''[PUNCH] [THUD]''\
82	'''Smeghead:''' ''[returning, shaking his hand and flexing his fingers to restore feeling to them]'' Well... that takes care of that!
83	* In the review of ''Film/TheOogielovesInTheBigBalloonAdventure'':
84	** Smeghead prefaces the video with a warning that the film can cause seizures in certain people... not because of bright flashing lights that can trigger epilepsy, but because it's so stupid the viewer's brain may shut down in self-preservation. In a "flashback", we see Smeghead studying the DVD cover and declaring "[[TemptingFate It's just a crappy kids' movie, how bad can it be?]]" Ten minutes later (according to a caption), his brain has shut down and he is left foaming at the mouth while his eyes have gone completely unfocused.
85	** When J. Edgar spins rapidly in circles for no apparent reason and loses control of the balloons, Smeghead cues a clip from the ''Film/BuckyLarsonBornToBeAStar'' review of himself saying "What the fuck am I watching!?",[[note]] Specifically, in response to a scene where Bucky, for no obvious reason, spends nearly fifteen seconds trying and failing to whistle at a bird singing outside his window.[[/note]] which he then echoes. He follows this with the ''Series/ChappellesShow'' clip of Music/RickJames saying "Cocaine is a hell of a drug!" And when Dotty begins spinning in circles later in the film, Smeghead cues the Rick James clip again.
86	** Once the Oogieloves are told about the lost balloons, Smeghead decides to counter a completely random line with one of his own:
87	--->'''Goobie:''' ''[after being instantly changed out of pyjamas and into street clothes by a mechanical cabinet]'' [[UsefulNotes/AlbertEinstein Einstein]]!\
88	'''Smeghead:''' ''[{{Beat}}] [fake grin]'' [[UsefulNotes/ThomasEdison Edison]]! ''[shifts to a "WTF!?" look and shrugs at the camera]''
89	** When Smeghead recognises Creator/ClorisLeachman, [[Film/YoungFrankenstein a horse whinnying]] immediately follows. So begins the "[[MoneyDearBoy Celebrities who need a paycheck]]: (number here)" RunningGag.
90	** His reaction to the first appearance of the "RunningGag" of Toofie's pants falling down:
91	--->'''Smeghead:''' ''[with ''very'' forced levity]'' [[BlatantLies Comedy!]]
92	** When one of the five balloons gets stuck on the tail of [[Music/ToniBraxton Rosalie Rosebud]]'s private jet, she wails that she can't take off until it's removed, and Toofie says he can't climb that high. All the while, Smeghead shouts, "Go get a ladder!" Eventually, he gets so frustrated he walks off camera and returns with a metal stepladder.
93	** He finds Creator/ChristopherLloyd's scene where he shouts out gibberish for no apparent reason so funny, it becomes his ringtone. And remains as such for several ''years'' afterward.
94	* His reaction to the scene in ''Film/{{Sharknado}}'' where one of the protagonists slices a shark in half with a chainsaw:
95	-->'''Smeghead:''' ''[wide-eyed and pointing at the camera]'' Oh my god, that was awesome!
96
97	!2014
98	* His ''Film/BattlefieldEarth'' review:
99	** Smeghead [[PaintingTheMedium tilts the camera into a]] DutchAngle [[PaintingTheMedium for the entirety of the review]].
100	** The review proper opens with a poke at the opening text crawl, and a couple of... creative suggestions for why the Psychlos are obsessed with gold.
101	--->'''Smeghead:''' And ''why'' did they conquer the planet, you might well ask? Because they wanted our gold. Which means the Psychlos must be led by none other than...\
102	'''Music/ShirleyBassey:''' ''[singing]'' Film/{{Goldfinger}}! ''[shot of Goldfinger drinking a mint julep while telling Bond about his "atomic device"; the music cuts off as we cut back to Smeghead]''\
103	'''Smeghead:''' ''[pointing to a still of Yukon Cornelius from ''WesternAnimation/RudolphTheRedNosedReindeer'']'' Or maybe it was this guy, who knows.
104	** "Pharaoh, let my people -- hey, damn it! I wasn't done!"
105	** Smeghead explains that Terl is being kept on Earth indefinitely because of a dalliance with a Psychlo politician's daughter.
106	--->'''Smeghead:''' What does this have to do with the plot? If you said nothing, '''you win!''' ''[stock sound of crowd cheering]'' And that is also your prize. ''[stock sound of crowd booing; Smeghead grins and [[FlippingTheBird flips off the camera]] with both hands]''
107	** Smeghead comes up with his own take on the "frozen gods" bit from the movie, stating that it would have been funnier if they had the budget for something other than a generic statue:
108	---> "This is [[UsefulNotes/{{McDonalds}} Ronald]], the jester god. He was well liked by the other gods, [[TakeThat until they caught him peddling his terrible food to the children of the world]] and he was frozen as punishment."
109	* Him making up his own subtitles for the ''Franchise/SuperMarioBros'' animated film. He even admits that he just couldn't resist doing it.
110	* In his ''Film/AfterEarth'' review, Smeghead gets riled up enough to go on a rant and demands answers from the film. Cypher Raige then [[SuddenlyShouting denies him said answers]] [[MemeticMutation and orders him to sit down]]. Then Smeghead awkwardly obliges and sits in the corner for a moment before realizing what he was doing.
111	* His ''Film/SpiderMan3'' review:
112	** "So we have one villain with a head injury and the other who is [[IdiotBall already stupid without one]]. [[SarcasmMode We are off a great start]]!"
113	** His reaction to Peter blowing a good opportunity to make up with MJ.
114	--->'''Peter:''' Thank you, but I'm fine, I don't need your help.\
115	'''Smeghead:''' YOU '''[[IdiotBall IDIOT]]'''!!!
116	** When Eddie Brock prays to Jesus to kill Peter Parker at the Church, Smeghead starts imagining Jesus's answer:
117	--->'''Jesus''': ... [[FlatWhat What]]?\
118	'''Brock''': J-Jesus? Is that you?\
119	'''Jesus''': Yes, Edward Brock Jr. It is I, [[TryToFitThatOnABusinessCard the Son of God, the Prince of Peace, the King of the Jews, etc etc]]. Now, back to my question: what?\
120	'''Brock''': What do you mean?\
121	'''Jesus''': I mean "what", as in "[[YoureInsane what the fuck is wrong with you?]]"\
122	'''Brock''': I... I just really need you to kill Peter Parker!\
123	'''Jesus''': You want me to kill someone?\
124	'''Brock''': Peter Parker, yes.\
125	'''Jesus''': You... know I'm not a hitman, right?\
126	'''Brock''': Please? I ''really'' want him dead!\
127	'''Jesus''': Seriously, what part of "ThouShallNotKill" do you not understand?!\
128	'''Brock''': But he's ruined my life!\
129	'''Jesus''': This should be entertaining. Please elaborate.\
130	'''Brock''': He got me fired from my job!\
131	'''Jesus''': You mean [[LaserGuidedKarma the job you only got in the first place by committing fraud?]] [[SarcasmMode Cry me a river.]]\
132	'''Brock''': And he stole my girl!\
133	'''Jesus''': Okay: first of all, Peter didn't steal anything; he didn't force Gwen to go out with him at gunpoint, that was ''her'' choice. And spoiler alert: their date didn't go well anyway. Also, for Dad's sake, you only went on ''one'' date with her yourself; she was never your girl to steal!\
134	'''Brock''': But --\
135	'''Jesus''': But nothing! Look, son, I know it sucks to see the girl you like go out with another guy; join the fucking club, we've all been there! But if she's ready to move on to someone else after ''one'' cup of coffee, then she was never that into you! No amount of moaning and bitching is going to fix that, nor will killing Peter Parker! Besides, my Dad put four billion vaginas on this planet; you can find another one. So quit whining, sack up, and sort your miserable life out!\
136	'''Brock''': (''{{Beat}}'') Sooooo... [[ComicallyMissingThePoint you'll think about it?]]\
137	'''Jesus''': ... I died on the cross for ''this''?
138	** Later on, his impression of Eddie Brock.
139	--->'''Smeghead:''' ''(in faux-whiny voice)'' Spider-Man stole my girlfriend, waaaaaaaaah! ''(normal voice)'' Shut up, ya pansy!
140	* From his "[[Recap/StarTrekS3E1SpocksBrain Spock's Brain]]" review:
141	** Smeghead has a creative interpretation for why, after Kara knocks out the entire ''Enterprise'' crew, she takes a particular interest in Spock.
142	--->'''Smeghead (as Kara)''': Oh my God! What shampoo does this man use? His hair is amazing!
143	** His reaction to the clip of Alternate Universe Spock yelling "Khan!" when he lists the things that Lee Cronin was responsible for in ''Star Trek''.
144	--->'''Smeghead''': No, no, no, no, no! Fuck you! You play the right clip or I swear to God I will end you!
145	* From his ''Film/CutthroatIsland'' review:
146	** Smeghead performs the entire review in character as pirate captain [[DoubleEntendre Long John Thomas]], with an [[WhatTheHellIsThatAccent appropriately awful attempt at a pirate accent]], which he lampshades about 45 seconds in.
147	--->'''Caption: Y[-ES-], I [-WILL BE DOING THIS ACCENT THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE REVIEW-]. I [-APOLOGIZE FOR NOTHING-].'''
148	** Long John Thomas decides early on that he [[INeedAFreakingDrink needs liquid courage]] to get through the review, and decides that rather than drinking from a hip flask, he needs a full bottle of Captain Morgan. He spends the rest of the review getting more and more plastered, and after a particularly bizarre plot hole in which William Shaw (Creator/MatthewModine) has survived what should have been a fatal fall with only minor cuts and bruises, our narrator gets into such a lather that he falls to the ground in a drunken haze:
149	--->'''Long John Thomas:''' ''[{{Beat}}]'' 'Ello, ground! ''[{{Beat}}]'' I'm gonna throw up on you. ''[{{Beat}}]'' I apologise for the inconvenience.
150	** When Captain Morgan Adams (Creator/GeenaDavis) re-gains control of her ship, she persuades her pet monkey to salute her as a symbol of her new authority. Long John Thomas, not so much three sheets to the wind as every sheet on the ship to the wind, starts laughing at the monkey saluting Captain Morgan... then laughs even harder when he notices [[StealthPun she shares her name with the brand of rum he is drinking]]. He finally stops laughing and realises he has lost his train of thought.
151	** After finally getting through the review, Long John Thomas delivers an oblique hint about the next film on the list before declaring he and the ground have some unfinished business... and falling over again. The review ends with the audio version of a VomitDiscretionShot.
152	* His review of ''Film/TheLegendOfHercules'':
153	** Smeghead opens by apologising to the audience for the "rather strange individual" who hijacked the show in the previous episode.
154	** His reaction upon finding out that the film ''wasn't'' a {{Mockbuster}} made by Creator/TheAsylum but an actual movie with an actual distributor.
155	** Also, his reaction upon finding out the budget of the movie after seeing a rather unconvincing background.
156	** "[[HijackedByJesus The great god Zeus has chosen her to be the mother of his son, and it is this son who shall be the savior of her people and bring peace to the land. And he shall be called Jesus]], I mean Hercules."
157	** When he finds out who directed the movie, he gets an uninvited guest:
158	--> '''Smeghead:''' God damn it, it's just a horse jumping over a log! Why does that warrant slow-mo, Mr. Director? Speaking of which, who did direct this anyway?\
159	''(cut to the movie's opening credits)''\
160	'''Smeghead:''' ... Creator/RennyHarlin? Wait a minute... the same Renny Harlin that did ''Cutthroat Island?''\
161	'''Long John Thomas:''' ''(cackles)'' That's right, you bastard! Now you too will know the endless pain and suffering that is a Renny Harlin film!\
162	'''Smeghead:''' Didn't I change the locks?! How did you get back in here?... And where'd you get that rum?\
163	'''Thomas:''' Um... yes; your roommate left the door open; and... off... that shelf over there.\
164	'''Smeghead:''' You mean, that shelf which used to have a bottle of Captain Morgan that has now mysteriously disappeared?\
165	'''Thomas:''' That's the one.
166	* From his ''Film/JingleAllTheWay 2'' review:
167	** Smeghead is so dumbfounded by the idea of an InNameOnly DirectToVideo sequel to a film that came out eighteen years earlier and didn't exactly set the box office on fire that he spends the first thirty seconds of the review pacing back and forth looking deep in thought before finally saying, "Okay, LetMeGetThisStraight".
168	** Smeghead takes Victor, who is now married to protagonist Larry's ex-wife Trish, to task for ranting over Noel, Larry and Trish's daughter and thus his own stepdaughter, spending Christmas Day with Larry this year when Trish spends his rant giving him a DeathGlare.
169	--->'''Smeghead:''' Victor, what's your problem, dude? Are you completely oblivious to the stink eye your wife is giving you right now? ''[the film freezes and zooms in on Trish's expression]'' Check out that face. Check out the look on your wife's face! ''[cut to Smeghead]'' Gentlemen... here's a little bit of advice. If your woman ever gives you ''that'' look, just ask yourself the following question: "Would I like to get laid at any point between now and next year's Christmas?" If your answer is "Yes," ''shut the fuck up''. Whatever point you were trying to argue, it ain't that important. Let it go.\
170	'''[[WesternAnimation/{{Frozen2013}} Elsa]]:''' ''[singing]'' Let it go-\
171	'''Smeghead:''' STOP IT.
172	** After Larry suffers a series of slapstick injuries trying to outdo Victor's Christmas preparations, his best friend Claude asks him why he feels a need to compete with Victor when Noel clearly loves them both and doesn't care who comes off looking better. Smeghead declares that Larry takes this on board and that's the end of the movie. He inevitably admits he's kidding himself...
173	--->'''Claude:''' Why do you feel the need to ''compete'' with Victor? Noel doesn't care about that stuff! She loves you for ''you'', Larry.\
174	'''Smeghead:''' ''Excellent point!'' Thank you, Claude! ''[cut to Claude and Larry wrapping up their conversation]'' So everyone learns a valuable lesson and they all have a very merry Christmas. THE END. ''[fade to black; cut back to Smeghead]'' Well, all things considered, that wasn't ''nearly'' as bad as I thought it was gonna be. Kinda stupid, yeah, but at least it was short. Well... that about wraps it up for 2014. Until next time, I'm the Smeghead, and I wish you all a merry it's not over yet, is it. ''[sighs]''
175
176	!2015
177	* ''Film/TransformersAgeOfExtinction'': The intro from the reviews for the original trilogy is cut off halfway through for a YouHaveGotToBeKiddingMe reaction from Smeghead. He demands an explanation, and gets one very quickly: MoneyDearBoy.
178	-->''[over footage from the first three films, we hear Lion's rendition of the theme song from ''WesternAnimation/TheTransformersTheMovie'']''\
179	'''Lion vocalists:''' ''[singing]'' Trans-formers!... Trans-formers!... More than meets the eye-\
180	''[RecordNeedleScratch; cut to an outraged Smeghead]''\
181	'''Smeghead:''' ''You have GOT to be shittin' me!'' They made ''another'' one!? ''[over the title screen and footage from ''Age of Extinction'']'' God ''damn'' it, Creator/MichaelBay, ''why'' do you keep doing this?! Why can't you just ''let it die!?'' Why must you keep ruining the Transformers ''again'' and ''again'' and ''again?!''\
182	''[the Box Office Mojo figures for the first three films appear - domestic grosses of, in order, $319 million, $402 million, and $352 million - each accompanied by a cash register's "CH-CHING!"]''\
183	'''Smeghead:''' ''Damn you, economi-i-ics!''... Okay, I guess I can't blame him ''entirely''. I mean, these movies basically are a licence to print money. Anyone else in his situation would probably do the same thing. ''[over a brief shot of Creator/PeterJackson]'' AHEM!
184	* ''Film/TeenageMutantNinjaTurtles2014''
185	** After discussing the outrage around Creator/MichaelBay being involved, Smeghead clarifies he was only a producer and the actual director was Jonathan Liebesman, though people were still concerned.
186	--->'''Smeghead''': But hey, maybe Liebesman would turn out to be a perfect fit for the director's chair! After all, this ''is'' the same guy who directed ''Film/TheTexasChainsawMassacreTheBeginning'', ''Film/BattleLosAngeles'', and ''Film/WrathOfTheTitans''! [[ExplainExplainOhCrap Wait... oh, dear.]]
187	** His irritation over Creator/MeganFox playing April O'Neil:
188	--->'''Smeghead''': ''How is it'' that this woman has been able to have such a lengthy Hollywood career despite having no talent whatsoever? ''(shot of Megan Fox on the bike in ''Film/TransformersRevengeOfTheFallen'')'' [[SexSells Oh, right, I remember now]]!
189	** Smeghead mocks the name of not-Shredder Erik Sacks and his company:
190	--->'''Smeghead''': Wouldn't you love to do business with ''Sacks'' Industries? You ''know'' [[{{Pun}} they will always give you great sacks]]! (''[[LamePunReaction Boos can be heard]]'') Aw come on, you were all thinking it!
191	** While criticizing how disappointing Creator/WillArnett's performance as Vernon is, Smeghead gets heavily confused by the fact there is a scene where he is inexplicably preparing a mustard parmesan sandwich and wonders if this actually is a thing. (The description of the Platform/{{Vimeo}} upload notes that he was informed it was an ''Series/ArrestedDevelopment'' reference.)
192	** His utter irritation over April calling her own journal for a camera crew after finding out the Foot are committing a huge burglary, and ''no one else''.
193	--->'''Smeghead''': You know, you're a news reporter, this is potentially a big story, you want to make sure you document everything, I get that! But maybe, ''juuuust'' maybe, mind you, there's someone else you should call? Someone that might have a big interest in this massive burglary going on? Someone like-- Oh, gee, I don't know, let me think, um-- [[SuddenlyShouting THE POLICE]]?! (''shot of the "Music/ThePolice"'') Oh, ha ha ha-- fuck off.
194	** April, much to his consternation, [[YouHaveToBelieveMe decides despite already being on probation from two past transgressions to tell her boss that the vigilantes who have been operating are her former pet turtles who are now ten feet tall, can speak English, and are ninjas]].
195	--->'''Smeghead''': Naturally, in the real world, if ''you'' were her boss, you'd fire her ass on the spot! But of course in the movie, her boss... [[SurprisinglyRealisticOutcome fires... her... on the spot]]. I'll be damned! Something happened in this movie that actually made sense!
196	** Him going over the Shredder's and Sacks' plan, describing it as so stupid it makes the 80s series Shredder's plans look brilliant by comparison. He proceeds to list all the problems with it, including the fact they apparently intend to use the Turtles' Blood antidote as a bargaining chip ''without even having tested it'', propagating his deadly gas from ''his own tower'' as the epicenter which would make it incredibly easy to track things back to him (not to mention the toxin is a ''clearly visible red mist'') and finally Sacks having the end goal of becoming "rich, like, stupid rich" when he ''already'' is rich enough to own his own corporation, fund his private militia and live in a castle in the hills.
197	--->'''Smeghead''': And if you ''want'' to rule the city, why does it have to involve poisoning people? Can't you just bribe the local politicians like everybody else?
198	** Then Sacks gets easily taken down by April and Vernon because [[TooDumbToLive he didn't bother bringing guards along for security.]]
199	--->'''Smeghead''': That man is stupid. Like, stupid stupid.
200	* As soon as Biz Markie appears in ''Film/Sharknado2TheSecondOne'', Smeghead starts singing quite possibly the [[PrettyFlyForAWhiteGuy whitest]] cover of "Just a Friend" you will ''ever'' hear.
201	* Instead of the normal disclaimer, the review of ''Film/JupiterAscending'' opens with "Bees don't lie."
202	* The repeated mutterings of [[Podcast/WelcometoNightVale "All hail the Mighty Glow Cloud..."]] in the review of ''Film/StarTrekTheMotionPicture''.
203	* In his review of ''Film/TheStarWarsHolidaySpecial'', he is utterly disgusted to see [[WhatDoYouMeanItsForKids Itchy playing on the mind evaporator]].
204	--> '''Smeghead:''' Ew! EW! That's disgusting!
205
206	!2016
207	* ''Film/JemAndTheHolograms2015'':
208	** While talking about his childhood memories of watching ''{{WesternAnimation/Jem}}'', Smeghead suddenly appears wearing [[{{Hipster}} lensless glasses, a trilby, and a plaid shirt]]:
209	--->'''Smeghead''': We were watching little girls' cartoons ''before'' it was cool. Suck it, [[WesternAnimation/MyLittlePonyFriendshipIsMagic bronies]]. (''drinks Pabst Blue Ribbon'')
210	** When the characters go to get Jem's earrings from Erica's office, he comments that the safe's password is [[ThePasswordIsAlwaysSwordfish Erica's name]]. Smeghead says [[SureLetsGoWithThat that seems believable]]. [[SincerityMode He then explains that he actually does believe it]], since he worked in computers for years and says that [[TruthInTelevision people come up with stupidly obvious passwords]].
211	** Also, on the subject of Jem's love interest, who is supposed to be a college intern: "[[Film/BadBoysII Muthafucka,]] [[DawsonCasting you look thirty.]]"
212	* In his review of ''Film/RoboCop3'', he mocks how ObviouslyEvil Mr. Fleck is:
213	-->'''Smeghead:''' Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go beat my wife, club a baby seal and burn down an orphanage. God, I love being evil!
214	** When Robocop's HUD displays a number that doesn't match up with what he says: "[[Film/IronMan3 My math cucumber was also damaged, as was my vocabulary cheesecake.]]"
215	* ''Film/FantasticFour2005'':
216	** Upon stating that Creator/ChrisEvans is partly at fault for how annoying Johnny Storm was thanks to his [[ThrowItIn improvised dialogue]], Smeghead tells a picture of Evans as Johnny that he's the worst. The picture then morphs into Evans as [[Franchise/MarvelCinematicUniverse Captain America]] and [[EasilyForgiven he instantly forgives him]].
217	--->'''Smeghead''': Aw, I can't stay mad at ''you''!
218	** While discussing how the movie only had two action sequences (one and half technically as the Brooklyn Bridge scene was really the Fantastic Four cleaning up their own mess), Smeghead tells the movie that they could've at least squeezed one more act of heroism somewhere.
219	--->'''Ben Grimm''' (''to a bunch of scared kids''): [[DrugsAreBad Don't do drugs]].
220	--->'''Smeghead''': That doesn't count!
221
222	!2017
223	* In his ''WesternAnimation/NormOfTheNorth'' review:
224	** Smeghead uses a montage of slapstick and ToiletHumour scenes featuring the three lemmings to prove his point about how intensely annoying they are. He ultimately says he would conclude the script was written by five-year-olds, but [[InsultToRocks that would be an insult to five-year-olds]].
225	** [[invoked]] When he's discussing Greene's plan to [[IdiotPlot build condos in the Arctic]]:
226	--->'''Smeghead:''' He even has investors! What ''idiot'' [[WhoWouldBeStupidEnough would invest in something like]] ''this''?\
227	(''cue a photo of UsefulNotes/DonaldTrump for [[FreezeFrameBonus a split second]]'')
228	* From his ''Film/XMenOriginsWolverine'' review:
229	** The disclaimer has repeated usage of "bub".
230	** The opening scene which parodies Professor X's speech in [[Film/X2XMenUnited the second X-Men movie]].
231	** "Honey, when I said I wanted you to bone me, that's not what I meant."
232	* From his review of ''Hillary's America'':
233	** His [[RhetoricalQuestionBlunder snarking at one of Dinesh D'Souza's rhetorical questions]]:
234	--->'''Dinesh D'Souza:''' What was my ''real'' crime?\
235	'''Smeghead:''' {{Bestiality\|IsDepraved}}? (''{{beat}}'') Hey, if you {{ask a stupid question}}...
236	** This:
237	--->'''Dinesh D'Souza:''' I think I might be the stupidest criminal in the history of American jurisprudence.\
238	'''Smeghead:''' [[DeadpanSnarker Every once in a while, the truth sneaks out.]]
239	** When talking about the fact that the early Democratic Party was indeed filled with jerks as depicted in the film:
240	--->'''Smeghead:''' The early Democratic Party was filled with all sorts of cocks! Here a cock, there a cock, everywhere a cock cock, E-I-E-I-O!
241	** His mocking D'Souza for implying that the Clinton Foundation's failure to provide jobs in the wake of the 2010 Haiti earthquake was due to criminal wrongdoing [[{{Hypocrite}} when he himself is actually guilty of criminal wrongdoing]]:
242	--->'''Smeghead:''' But you know who ''is'' guilty of criminal wrongdoing? (''beckons to a picture of D'Souza with a big grin on his face'') ''This'' guy!
243	* In the review of ''Film/TheMortalInstrumentsCityOfBones'', Smeghead reflects on the name of the books' protagonist, Clary:
244	-->'''Smeghead:''' I wonder how she came up with ''that'' name. ''[Creator/CassandraClare's name appears on screen as a caption]'' Gee, I... really don't know, I mean... ''[the word "Cassandra" fades out and the word "Clare" enlarges and shifts to the centre of the screen]'' I... couldn't even hazard a guess. ''[the "e" in "Clare" fades out and is replaced with a "y"]'' [[BlatantLies Yes, sir, it is a total mystery, it is.]] ''[looks down at the caption, which now reads "Clary"]'' Y'know... if you're going to come up with a ''self-insertion'' character, you could at least ''try'' to be subtle about it!
245	* From his review of ''Film/IronEagle'':
246	** Things screech to a halt when actor Tim Thomerson, in the role of the protagonist's Air Force colonel father, flubs one of his lines in a ''very'' unfortunate way:
247	--->'''Col. Masters:''' That's the ''last'' time you go up with me, I've had it!\
248	'''Doug Masters:''' Aw, come on, Dad...\
249	'''Col. Masters:''' Don't "come on" me, Dad, I don't wanna hear it.\
250	''[cut to Smeghead]''\
251	'''Smeghead:''' ''Whoa'', I'm sorry, what was that?\
252	''[cut back to the film]''\
253	'''Col. Masters:''' Don't "come on" me, Dad, I don't wanna hear it.\
254	''[cut back to Smeghead]''\
255	'''Smeghead:''' Ooookay, I assume you ''meant'' to say, ''[points to camera and scowls]'' "Don't 'Come on, Dad' me!" But ''hoooo boy'', [[ThatCameOutWrong that came out about as wrong as it could have.]] "Don't come on me, Dad," paging [[FreudianSlip Dr. Freud!]]
256	** The "obvious source of fictional name" joke from the ''Mortal Instruments: City of Bones'' review returns when Col. Masters is shot down near the fictional Arab nation of [[NoCommunitiesWereHarmed Bilya]].[[note]] In 1973, Libyan leader Muammar Gaddafi claimed the Gulf of Sidra as territorial waters, a claim the US military disputed by conducting freedom of navigation exercises over the area. This led to several confrontations between the Libyan and US Air Forces between 1973 and 1989; an August 1981 confrontation in which Su-22 Fitters and F-14 Tomcats fired on each other, resulting in the Libyan fighters being shot down (both pilots ejected, but one of the F-14 pilots said he only saw one parachute open), was the basis for sequences in both ''Iron Eagle'' and ''Film/TopGun''.[[/note]] Smeghead even recites the same speech verbatim. He spends the rest of the review calling the Bilyans "not-Libyans".
257	--->'''Smeghead:''' Hmm... ''Bilya''... Bilya. Y'know, I ''wonder'' if that's supposed to be an analogue for a ''real'' country. ''[the caption "BILYA" appears on screen; Smeghead glances at the caption, then at the camera]'' Gee, I really don't know, I mean... ''[the "B" and the "L" in the caption gradually swap places]'' I couldn't even hazard a guess. [[BlatantLies Yes sir, it is a total mystery, it is.]] ''[by now, the caption reads "LIBYA"; Smeghead glances at it again, then back at the camera]'' [[LampshadeHanging I can't believe I was able to use this joke two episodes in a row!]]
258	** The only character Smeghead respects in the film is Colonel "Chappie" Sinclair, as played by Creator/LouisGossettJr, not least for a scene in which he tears Doug a new one for daring to suggest that a man with a 22-year military career stretching back to UsefulNotes/TheVietnamWar doesn't care about a fellow serviceman in danger. Smeghead is so impressed that he salutes as [[Film/TeamAmericaWorldPolice "America, Fuck Yeah!"]] plays on the soundtrack.
259	* From his review of ''Film/PlanetOfTheApes2001'':
260	** At one point, Smeghead says "you're probably wondering how his onboard computer could possibly know he's travelled into the future" before [[NonAnswer staring silently into the camera for a full 10 seconds]] and moving on to the next scene.
261	** Smeghead describes the ape mating rituals from the film as "odd", and shows a clip from one as evidence. After a {{Beat}}, he says it's still better than the sex scenes in ''Film/FiftyShadesOfGrey''.
262	** Among protagonist Leo Davidson's allies is a chimpanzee named Ari, played by Creator/HelenaBonhamCarter...
263	--->'''Smeghead:''' Or should that be Helena ''Bonobo'' Carter? ''[{{Rimshot}}] [{{Beat}}]'' [[LamePunReaction I'm not sorry.]]
264
265	!2018
266	* From the second part of review of ''Film/Plan9FromOuterSpace'', he stares at disbelief at the camera at hearing the phrase "[[ArtisticLicenseSpace atmospheric conditions in outer space]]." At first [[StupidestThingIveEverHeard he simply repeats the sentence multiple times, unable to comprehend the stupidity of that phrase]]. Then, [[HeroicBSOD he falls apart into incoherent babbling]], [[GetAHoldOfYourselfMan ultimately grabbing a copy of the book]] ''Literature/TheDisasterArtist'', finally thwacking himself in the face repeatedly with it while repeating several lines from movies and TV:
267	--> THWACK! "[[Film/BillAndTedsExcellentAdventure Be Excellent to Each Other]]"
268	--> THWACK! "[[Series/DoctorWho Would You Like a Jelly Baby?]]"
269	--> THWACK! "[[Series/{{Seinfeld}} I'M OUT THERE JERRY, AND I'M LOVING EVERY MINUTE OF IT!]]"
270	--> THWACK! "[[Franchise/{{Transformers}} Autobots...Roll Out]]"
271	--> THWACK! "[[Film/Dracula1931 I never drink...wine]]"
272	--> THWACK! "[[Film/MontyPythonAndTheHolyGrail Pie Jesu Domine...]]"
273	--> THWACK! "[[Film/TheTreasureOfTheSierraMadre WE DON'T NEED NO STINKIN' BADGES!]]"
274	--> THWACK! "[[Film/SuperTroopers Littering Aaaaaaand...]]"
275	--> THWACK! "[[BrokenRecord Littering Aaaaaaand...]]"
276	--> THWACK! "[[RuleOfThree Littering Aaaaaaand...]]"
277	--> THWACK! "[[OverlyLongGag Littering Aaaaaaand...]]"
278	** He eventually stops and apologizes and explains that his brain just froze for a moment.
279	* In the review of ''Film/{{The Snowman\|2017}}'':
280	** Smeghead opens with this:
281	--->'''Smeghead:''' Hello, and welcome to ''Cinematic Excrement''! Last time, we looked at ''Film/TheBookOfHenry'', a godawful film that the Golden Raspberry Awards ''surprisingly'' - or, then again, perhaps not - overlooked this year. And today, we're takin' a look at ''another'' travesty of a film to which the Razzies turned a blind eye: ''The Snowman''. ''[cut to a still from ''ComicBook/TheSnowman'']'' Oh, I wish.
282	** The film's box office performance was so terrible that Smeghead nearly feels sorry for tearing it a new one. Nearly.
283	--->'''Smeghead:''' It had a dismal #8 opening at the weekend box office, well behind the top two finishers, ''Film/{{Geostorm}}'' and ''Creator/TylerPerry's Boo 2! A Madea Halloween'', also in their opening weekends. Oooh... beat by a crappy disaster movie and Madea. ''[grimaces]'' I almost feel bad for pickin' on this movie now. ''[{{Beat}}] [shrugs]'' It passed.
284	* In his review of ''Film/{{Inchon}}'':
285	** Initially at a loss to describe Creator/LaurenceOlivier's infamous {{Trope Namer\|s}} performance for MoneyDearBoy, he eventually realizes it bears an unnerving resemblance to ''Creator/TommyWiseau'' in, yes, ''Film/TheRoom2003''.
286	--->'''Smeghead:''' OH DEAR GOD!
287	** He mentions that sometimes the title of the movie is done with an exclamation point. He then states that he tends to read titles like those by shouting them, demonstrating it with examples such as [[Film/Mother2017 MOTHER!]] or [[Film/{{Airplane}} AIRPLANE!]] or [[Film/MammaMia WHY DID YOU LET PIERCE BROSNAN SING?!]]
288
289	!2019
290	* For the ''Film/UnderTheCherryMoon'' review, Smeghead describes Music/{{Prince}}'s direction as "mind-boggling" and particularly criticises a sequence in which Mary (Creator/KristinScottThomas) and Chris (Prince) have a phone conversation. He decides to re-enact the scene with himself playing both roles to avoid being flagged by Website/YouTube's content ID bots, providing much more humour than the original. Smeghead-as-Chris' phone still has the "Creator/ChristopherLloyd in ''The Oogieloves''" ringtone, Smeghead-as-Mary starts twirling the hair of the wig he is wearing only to get his fingers tangled in it, and he finally breaks the fourth wall of his re-enactment to explain that he's not exaggerating the absurdly long pauses in the dialogue.
291	* In his review of ''Film/LeonardPart6'':
292	** The opening text is darkly funny:
293	--->The following video contains scenes of a [[Creator/BillCosby once respected comedian]]'s dignity imploding.\
294	But he turned out to be [[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bill_Cosby_sexual_assault_cases a horrible person]], so enjoy the schadenfreude.
295	** When describing how the movie practically grinds to a halt:
296	--->'''Smeghead:''' You thought you were getting a spy movie! Instead, you're getting ''Series/TheCosbyShow''! Except it's a version of ''The Cosby Show'' that's completely devoid of humor.
297	* In his ''Film/TheAdventuresOfFordFairlane'' review, Smeghead goes on a bit of a discussion about [[CrossesTheLineTwice offensive comedies]] when talking about Creator/AndrewDiceClay and uses ''Film/BlazingSaddles'' as a prime example.[[note]] Specifically, the scene in which newly-appointed Sheriff Bart politely greets an old woman, who [[RacistGrandma fires back with an N-bomb]].[[/note]] As expected, he starts off with "If you haven't seen ''Blazing Saddles''"...[[DopeSlap then promptly slaps the viewer]] and angrily asks what's the matter with those who haven't seen the film.
298	* In the ''Film/HudsonHawk'' review, Smeghead describes Kit Kat as played by David Caruso as one of the few positive things about the film, although he finds the lack of explanation for why he never speaks frustrating, and is equally baffled by the Mayflowers' sudden decision to kill him just before the film's climax:
299	-->'''Smeghead:''' I'm not sure why the Mayflowers suddenly decided to ''kill him'' at the end of the movie. ''[puts on sunglasses]'' [[QuipToBlack Must have been something he said.]] ''[exits stage right; [[Music/TheWho Roger Daltrey's "YEEEAAAAHHHHH!!"]] cues the first few seconds of the opening credits of ''Series/CSIMiami'']''
300
301	!2020
302	* The two-part tenth anniversary review of the 1990s ''Franchise/TeenageMutantNinjaTurtles'' trilogy opens with a hilarious parade of {{Sound Defect}}s:
303	-->'''Smeghead:''' Greetings, everyone, and welcome to the tenth anniversary of ''Cinematic Excrement''!\
304	''[the Cinematic Excrement logo appears with the caption "Ten Year Anniversary", accompanied by... a cow mooing]''\
305	'''Smeghead:''' ''[confused]'' The ''hell'' was that!? Look, I know this is a low budget show, but if we're going to rely on free sound effects, could we at ''least'' pick something that fits!?\
306	''[the logo appears again, accompanied by the sound of a punch connecting]''\
307	'''Smeghead:''' No.\
308	''[and again, accompanied by the sound of a jackhammer]''\
309	'''Smeghead:''' ''No...''\
310	''[and again, accompanied by a JumpScare synthesiser glissando]''\
311	'''Smeghead:''' Are you kidding?\
312	''[and again, accompanied by a dramatic MusicalSting; Smeghead glares at the camera]''\
313	'''Smeghead:''' ''Oh, never mind!''
314	* In the ''Film/{{Showgirls}}'' review, Smeghead gets grossed out when the main character licks a stripper pole.
315	-->'''Smeghead:''' Congratulations Nomi, you now know ''exactly'' what herpes tastes like!
316	* In ''Film/ThePostman'' review, Smeghead comments on how he doesn’t get why Creator/KevinCostner was nominated for a Best Actor Oscar for ''Film/DancesWithWolves'' considering his very monotone narration in the film. He then proceeds to do part of his introduction to ''The Postman'' doing a mocking impression of the narration.
317	-->'''Smeghead:''' ''(monotone)'' I think I'm going to stop talking like this now, because even I want to kick my ''own'' ass.
318	* ''Film/AnAlanSmitheeFilmBurnHollywoodBurn'':
319	** When it's revealed the [[ShowWithinAShow fictional movie]] stars Creator/SylvesterStallone, Creator/WhoopiGoldberg and Creator/JackieChan:
320	--->'''Smeghead''': The cynic in me wonders if they were the biggest stars they could get. The realist in me is thinking the same.
321	** Sean asking the audience to just Google who Michael Ovitz is, before actually saying who he is ("I need to pad out time!"). But when mentioning the O.J. Simpson trial, he says they really need to Google it, "otherwise we'll be here for three hours; stupid algorithm".
322	* The opening card on his ''Surviving Christmas'' review, which he also uses on his ''Film/{{Gigli}}'' review:
323	-->The movie we're looking at today was made during the time when we didn't like Creator/BenAffleck, and for good reason.\
324	Viewer discretion is advised.
325	** At the start of the video, he expresses doubt about whether ''Surviving Christmas'', one of the two Christmas movies that was nominated for Worst Picture but didn't win, would give him enough material for a full ChristmasEpisode review. Then he sees the alternative...
326	---> '''Smeghead:''' Well, what's behind door number 2? ''(the poster for ''A Madea Christmas'' pops up)'' [[OnSecondThought Surviving Christmas it is!]]
327	** Smeghead decides to make a drinking game out of the main character's girlfriend saying the word "family." He very quickly ends up getting wasted and having another appointment with the carpet.
328	---> '''Smeghead:''' I can do this! I am a grown man, wearing a Santa hat, and I can handle a little bit- whoa, oh no, there go my knees. ''(collapses)'' Hi, floor. Merry Christmas... I apologize in advance if I throw up on you...
329
330	!2021
331	* At the end of his "Second Look" at ''Film/BattlefieldEarth'' (since he already reviewed that film in the past), he notes that next video, "I'll journey into the world of one Creator/TomGreen," referencing that the next Worst Picture Razzie winner is ''Film/FreddyGotFingered''. He then puts on a ThisIsGonnaSuck face and ''squeaks'' a little ''[-"Heeelp…"-]'' [[note]]Ironically, in the ''Freddy Got Fingered'' review itself, Sean notes that he's actually a fan of Green and ''Series/TheTomGreenShow''. Not that it made ''Freddy Got Fingered'' any less painful to watch, though.[[/note]]
332	* The ''Film/FreddyGotFingered'' episode:
333	** Begins with a warning of "several gratuitous depictions of sausage."
334	** Sean notes that 2001, the year the film came out and won the UsefulNotes/GoldenRaspberryAward for Worst Picture, feels like ... well, with "[[UsefulNotes/COVID19Pandemic the apocalypse out there]]" not slowing down, time is losing all meaning and all past years are seemingly blending together.
335	** Just before the end he notes that, since ''Film/SweptAway'' won Worst Picture in 2002, "I can no longer avoid the cinematic career of Music/{{Madonna}}. [[FlatJoy Yay.]]"
336	** It's immediately followed by a monologue inspired by ''Freddy'' co-writer/director/star Creator/TomGreen's TV special about his experience with testicular cancer:
337	--->'''Smeghead''': ...remember, kids: feel your balls so you don't get cancer. (''{{Beat}}'') I'm serious. Really get in there and rub your balls and squeeze them and feel them and make sure they feel like two little grapes. You don't want to feel any lumps on your balls, and if you ''do'' feel lumps on your balls, talk to your doctor right away, because early detection is impo--\
338	(''fade to the end title card and roll credits'')\
339	'''Smeghead''': --uh, what the--Hey, wait a minute! I wasn't done! Did that ''sound'' like I was done?! I'm trying to teach my young male viewers about the importance of feeling their balls; I'm doing a public service announcement here. ''Why are you rolling the credits?'' I'm trying to give them some good medical advice. Is it because I keep saying BALLS? Does the word BALLS bother you? ''Balls, balls, balls, balls, balls, balls, balls''--see, it's not hurting anyone! But you know what ''will'' hurt you? Testicular cancer, you don't want that, so make sure you feel your balls. Self-examination: it's important.\
340	(''credits end and music fades away'')\
341	'''Smeghead''': Oh, really? You're gonna fade me out now? Stupid [[CurseCutShort mother—]]
342	* In the ''Film/{{Gigli}}'' review:
343	** The tone is set by the introduction; instead of his usual opening speech, Sean gives the camera a sullen look for about ten seconds before finally saying, "[[ThisIsGonnaSuck Heeeere we go...]]"
344	** Sean extends the RunningGag of people mispronouncing Larry Gigli's name to call him, in order, "[[Franchise/SuperMarioBros Luigi]]," "[[Creator/StudioGhibli Ghibli]]," "[[WesternAnimation/FamilyGuy Giggity]]," "Squeegee," "Wheelie," "[[Creator/WillSmith Jiggy with It]]," "[[Franchise/ScoobyDoo Jinkies]]," "[[Franchise/MortalKombat Quan Chi]]", "[[Music/InsaneClownPosse Juggalo]]," "[[Series/PeeWeesPlayhouse Jambi]]," "[[Franchise/{{Pokemon}} Jigglypuff]]," "Jellybean," "Guanxi," "Gigli-Gigli-Cocoa Puff," "Jibbyjab," "[[Series/MisterRogersNeighborhood McFeely]]," and "Gigli-Jingleheimer-Schmidt."
345	** During the introduction of Ricki (Music/JenniferLopez), Sean notes that her real name is Rochelle.
346	--->'''Smeghead:''' Now you might be wondering why she's using a fake name. ''[long pause]'' Anyway...
347	* The disclaimer at the beginning of ''Film/DirtyLove'':
348	-->This video may contain images of [[Creator/JennyMcCarthy a prominent anti-vaxxer]].\
349	Viewer discretion is advised.\
350	So are vaccines.
351	* In his ''Film/IKnowWhoKilledMe'' review:
352	** Smeghead notes that director Chris Sivertson revealed that there is a three-and-a-half-hour DirectorsCut of the film which fills in some of the plot holes, prompting the caption "[=#ReleaseTheSivertsonCut=]" to slowly rise into frame... until Smeghead draws a ''gun'' on the caption mid-sentence:
353	--->'''Smeghead:''' Don't ''think'' I don't see you down there! ''[the caption slowly retreats out of frame]'' That's right, go back down. Go back down! ''[the caption finally disappears]'' And you stay down there and think about what you've done! ''[to camera]'' We're not doin' that shit again![[note]] A poke at the [=#ReleaseTheSnyderCut=] campaign that led to the 2021 release of ''Film/ZackSnydersJusticeLeague''; Smeghead was not entirely convinced the Snyder cut was an improvement over ''Film/JusticeLeague2017''.[[/note]]
354	** And one good turn deserves another, so when Smeghead mentions a plot hole regarding how the protagonist discovers she has been separated at birth from her identical twin sister and suggests that perhaps the DirectorsCut offers a better explanation, the hashtag tries to sneak into the bottom of the frame again... and Smeghead draws a gun on it again.
355	** Commenters also noted that, without the captions, Smeghead would be pointing the gun at his crotch.
356	* The ''Four Christmases'' review has Sean noting only two holiday movies were Worst Picture nominees, ''Surviving Christmas'' and ''Saving Christmas''. The poster for ''A Madea Christmas'' rises and is promptly hammered down. "Only two!"
357
358	!2022
359	* From ''Film/Movie43''
360	** The hilarious meta joke where he implements an ad break into the review while pointing out how it fits much better with the unrated cut's FramingDevice.
361	** After pointing out that one of the sketches was a mid-credit scene:
362	--->'''Smeghead:''' This isn't the [[Franchise/MarvelCinematicUniverse MCU]]! This is not the [[Franchise/DCExtendedUniverse DCEU]]! Hell, this movie wishes it was the Film/DarkUniverse! ''[RecordNeedleScratch]'' Ooh, [[InsultToRocks that might've been too far]].
363
364
365	!2023
366	* His review of ''Absolute Proof'' ends with this little bit in the end credits:
367	-->'' Once more for the people in the back: [[MoonLandingHoax we did land on the Moon]], [[WhoShotJFK Lee Harvey Oswald alone killed [=JFK=]]], 9/11 was not an inside job, there are no microchips in the COVID vaccine, [[Creator/MaryKateAndAshleyOlsen The Olsen Twins]] [[Series/LastWeekTonightWithJohnOliver are not actually one person moving back and forth really fast]], and UsefulNotes/DonaldTrump lost the 2020 Presidential election.''

Context Funny / CinematicExcrement