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  • Every time he says the words "Merry Christmas!" or "Happy Hanukkah!" in a sarcastic context.




  • In his Meet the Spartans review:
    • When the inevitable sex scene occurs, the usual red "Pointless Sex Scene" flashes onto the screen (accompanied with band music playing), that is, until Not-Leonidas starts lifting his wife up and down. That is when these words in red start flashing, "Wait, what?" "Umm... pointless bench press scene?"
    • After he says he's going to strangle the narrator if he finds him,
      Smeghead!Narrator: Much like Luca Brasi in The God —
      Smeghead: Shut up.
  • The Running Gag from the introduction to the Krull review:
    Smeghead: Okay, class! Time for a pop quiz. What do you get when you combine sword and sorcery with science fiction?
    [the Star Wars main title fanfare starts playing over the poster for A New Hope]
    Smeghead: Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait... [the music fades out] Good answer, but... not what I'm lookin' for. [thinks] Uh... okay, let's try this again. What do you get when you combine sword and sorcery with science fiction, and then... crank the stupid Up to Eleven?
    [the Star Wars main title fanfare starts playing over a TV Guide listing for The Star Wars Holiday Special]
    Smeghead: Hold it, hold it, hold it, stop, stop, stop... [the music fades out] Again: good answer, but still not what I'm lookin' for... [thinks again] Um... [snaps his fingers a few times] Okay. I think I got it. Sword and sorcery. Science fiction. Put 'em together. Add a heapin' helpin' o' herp-de-derp. And then, just for fun, let's throw in a few big name actors, like... Liam Neeson.
    [the Star Wars main title fanfare starts playing over the poster for The Phantom Menace]
    Smeghead: IT'S NOT STAR WARS! [the music stops] God!... Krull. The answer is Krull.


  • From his Conan the Destroyer review:
    • Smeghead attempting to say the word n***rnote , which results in a bleeping sound effect. And ultimately culminates in him trying to show the word, only for it to be shown as "n***r".
    • "Fuck you, camel!"
    • "Fuck you, cannibal!"
    • The Queen offers to give Conan the one thing he wants the most: California.
  • The drinking game "Take a shot every time someone walks by the camera or otherwise obstructs the shot" during Cliff De Young's scenes in the 2012: Doomsday review. The total gets to 9 before the captions tell us "Fuck it, just finish the bottle."



  • His Battlefield Earth review:
  • Him making up his own subtitles for the Super Mario Bros. animated film. He even admits that he just couldn't resist doing it.
  • In his After Earth review, Smeghead gets riled up enough to go on a rant and demands answers from the film. Cypher Raige then denies him said answers and orders him to sit down. Then Smeghead awkwardly obliges and sits in the corner for a moment before realizing what he was doing.
  • His Spider-Man 3 review:
    Peter: Thank you, but I'm fine, I don't need your help.
    Smeghead: YOU IDIOT!!!
    • When Eddie Brock prays to Jesus to kill Peter Parker at the Church, Smeghead starts imagining Jesus's answer:
    Jesus: ... What?
    Brock: J-Jesus? Is that you?
    Jesus: Yes, Edward Brock Jr. It is I, the Son of God, the Prince of Peace, the King of the Jews, etc etc. Now, back to my question: what?
    Brock: What do you mean?
    Jesus: I mean "what", as in "what the fuck is wrong with you?"
    Brock: I... I just really need you to kill Peter Parker!
    Jesus: You want me to kill someone?
    Brock: Peter Parker, yes.
    Jesus: You... know I'm not a hitman, right?
    Brock: Please? I really want him dead!
    Jesus: Seriously, what part of "Thou Shall Not Kill" do you not understand?!
    Brock: But he's ruined my life!
    Jesus: This should be entertaining. Please elaborate.
    Brock: He got me fired from my job!
    Jesus: You mean the job you only got in the first place by committing fraud? Cry me a river.
    Brock: And he stole my girl!
    Jesus: Okay: first of all, Peter didn't steal anything; he didn't force Gwen to go out with him at gunpoint, that was her choice. And spoiler alert: their date didn't go well anyway. Also, for Dad's sake, you only went on one date with her yourself; she was never your girl to steal!
    Brock: But —
    Jesus: But nothing! Look, son, I know it sucks to see the girl you like go out with another guy; join the fucking club, we've all been there! But if she's ready to move on to someone else after one cup of coffee, then she was never that into you! No amount of moaning and bitching is going to fix that, nor will killing Peter Parker! Besides, my Dad put four billion vaginas on this planet; you can find another one. So quit whining, sack up, and sort your miserable life out!
    Brock: (Beat) Sooooo... you'll think about it?
    Jesus: ... I died on the cross for this?
    • Later on, his impression of Eddie Brock.
    (in faux-whiny voice) Spider-Man stole my girlfriend, waaaaaaaaah! (normal voice) Shut up, ya pansy!
  • From his "Spock's Brain" review:
    Smeghead (as Kara): Oh my God! What shampoo does this man use? His hair is amazing!
    • His reaction to the clip of Alternate Universe Spock yelling "Khan!" when he was listing the things that Lee Cronin was responsible for in Star Trek.
    Smeghead: No, no, no, no, no! Fuck you! You play the right clip or I swear to God I will end you!
  • His review of The Legend of Hercules:


  • Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2014)
    • After discussing the outrage around Micheal Bay being involved, Smeghead clarifies he was only a producer and the actual director was Jonathan Liebesman, though people were still concerned.
      Smeghead: But hey, maybe Liebesman would turn out to be a perfect fit for the director's chair! After all, this is the same guy who directed The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning, Battle: Los Angeles, and Wrath of the Titans! Wait... oh, dear.
    • His irritation over Megan Fox playing April O'Neil:
      Smeghead: How is it that this woman has been able to have such a lengthy Hollywood career despite having no talent whatsoever? (shot of Megan Fox on the bike in Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen) Oh, right, I remember now!
    • Smeghead mocks the name of not-Shredder Erik Sacks and his company:
      Smeghead: Wouldn't you love to do business with Sacks Industries? You know they will always give you great sacks! (Boos can be heard) Aw come on, you were all thinking it!
    • While criticizing how disappointing Will Arnett's performance as Vernon is, Smeghead gets heavily confused by the fact there is a scene where he is inexplicably preparing a mustard parmesan sandwitch and wonders if this actually is a thing.
    • His utter irritation over April calling her own journal for a camera crew after finding out the Foot are committing a huge burglary, and no one else.
      Smeghead: You know, you're a news reporter, this is potentially a big story, you want to make sure you document everything, I get that! But maybe, juuuust maybe, mind you, there's someone else you should call? Someone that might have a big interest in this massive bulglary going on? Someone like— Oh, jeez, I don't know, let me think, Uh— THE POLICE?! (shot of the "The Police") Oh, ha ha ha— fuck off.
    • April, much to his consternation, decides despite already being on probation from two past transgressions to tell her boss that the vigilantes who have been operating are her former pet turtles who are now ten feet tall, can speak English, and are ninjas.
      Smeghead: Naturally, in the real world, if you were her boss, you'd fire her ass on the spot! But of course in the movie, her boss... fires... her... on the spot. I'll be damned! Something happened in this movie that actually made sense!
    • Him going over the Shredder's and Sacks' plan, describing it as so stupid it makes the 80s series Shredder's plans look brilliant by comparison. He proceeds to list all the problems with it, including the fact they apparently intend to use the Turtles' Blood antidote as a bargaining chip without even having tested it, propagating his deadly gas from his own tower as the epicenter which would make it incredibly easy to track things back to him (not to mention the toxin is a clearly visible red mist) and finally Sacks having the end goal of becoming "rich, like, stupid rich" when he already is rich enough to own his own corporation, fund his private militia and live in a castle in the hills.
      Smeghead: And if you want to rule the city, why does it have to involve poisoning people? Can't you just bribe the local politicians like everybody else?
    • Then Sacks gets easily taken down by April and Vernon because he didn't bother bringing guards along for security.
      Smeghead: That man is stupid. Like, stupid stupid.
  • As soon as Biz Markie appears in Sharknado 2: The Second One, Smeghead starts singing quite possibly the whitest cover of "Just a Friend" you will ever hear.
  • Instead of the normal disclaimer, the review of Jupiter Ascending opens with "Bees don't lie."
  • The repeated mutterings of "All hail the Mighty Glow Cloud..." in the review of Star Trek: The Motion Picture.
  • In his review of The Star Wars Holiday Special, he is utterly disgusted to see Itchy playing on the mind evaporator.
    Smeghead: Ew! EW! That's disgusting!





  • In his review of Leonard Part 6:
    • The opening text is darkly funny:
    The following video contains scenes of a once respected comedian's dignity imploding.

    But he turned out to be a horrible person, so enjoy the schadenfreude.
    • When describing how the movie practically grinds to a halt:
    "You thought you were getting a spy movie! Instead, you're getting The Cosby Show! Except it's a version of The Cosby Show that's completely devoid of humor."
  • Smeghead goes on a bit of a discussion about offensive comedies when talking about Andrew "Dice" Clay and uses Blazing Saddles as a prime example. As expected, he starts off with "If you haven't seen Blazing Saddles"...then promptly slaps the viewer and angrily asks what's the matter with those who haven't seen the film.
  • In the Hudson Hawk review, Smeghead describes Kit Kat as played by David Caruso as one of the few positive things about the film, although he finds the lack of explanation for why he never speaks frustrating, and is equally baffled by the Mayflowers' sudden decision to kill him just before the film's climax:
    Smeghead: I'm not sure why the Mayflowers suddenly decided to kill him at the end of the movie. [puts on sunglasses] Must have been something he said. [exits stage right; Roger Daltrey's "YEEEAAAAHHHHH!!" cues the first few seconds of the opening credits of CSI: Miami]


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