History WhatAnIdiot / SouthPark

* In "Cartman Joins NAMBLA", Cartman abandons Kyle, Stan and Kenny in favor of more mature people to hang out with. He finds two men online—the latter being Mr. Garrison—and both of them get arrested for pedophilia.\\

'''Instead:''' He stays on top of the bleachers being curious to see what's happening while the rest of the class jumps off. He nearly avoids getting hit by the snake and ends up under the bleachers.

'''Admittedly:''' Since Kenny knows he's immortal he knows he'll come back to life even if it's painful. Also, the boys' plans are sometimes for a good cause and some of Kenny's deaths happen due to him [[HeroicSacrifice sacrificing himself for others]]. Also it's quite possible that he [[ThrillSeeker gains some pleasure from danger]]. That said, he did complain at least once about the burden of his immortality, so his actions aren't exactly level headed, at least not all of them.

'''Instead''' They say that the guy ''can't'' be the killer, since the hands are facing right, not left. ''[[PoliceAreUseless They then apologize for wasting the murderer's time!]]''\\

'''Instead''' They say that the guy ''can't'' be the killer, since the hands are facing right, not left. [PoliceAreUseless They then apologize for wasting the murderer's time!]]''\\

'''You'd Also Expect''': When Stan points out that the villagers have access to guns, that Pioneer Paul would have gathered as many guns as possible, killed the two criminals holding the class and employees hostage, and handed the spare guns to his employees to kill the rest of the criminals.\\

'''You'd Expect''': Yates to arrest the killer, since having severed hands on the wall is VERY suspicious and even if he isn't the specific criminal they're looking for, cutting peoples' hands is still a crime.\\
'''Instead''' They say that the guy ''can't'' be the killer, since the hands are facing right, not left.\\

'''Instead''': ''[[PoliceAreUseless They apologize for wasting the murderer's time!]]''\\

'''Instead:''' Cartman throws a complete tantrum over not getting the ipad he wants, Liane of "fucking him over" and ''pulls down his pants telling her to go ahead fuck him in the Best Buy with everyone there to watch''. Offscreen, Liane warns him to cut it out The tantrum continues for a while off screen, apparently even having Cartman [[CryingWolf telling a police officer that his mother is trying to "fuck" him]]. So, [[SarcasmMode big shock]], Cartman doesn't get an ipad. It's only ''then'' that Cartman realizes the Toshiba Handibook is better than no [=iPad=] at all and attempts to pull the teary apologetic child ploy to manipulate his mom into relenting. But Liane knows damn well he's being completely insincere and stands her ground. She even points out that Cartman was ''actually'' remorseful for his actions, he would accept his punishment gracefully.

'''Instead:''' Cartman throws a complete tantrum over not getting the ipad he wants, Liane of "fucking him over" and ''pulls down his pants telling her to go ahead fuck him in the Best Buy with everyone there to watch''. Offscreen, Liane warns him to cut it out The tantrum continues for a while off screen, apparently even having Cartman [[CryingWolf telling a police officer that his mother is trying to "fuck" him]]. So, [[SarcasmMode big shock]], Cartman doesn't get an ipad. It's only ''then'' that Cartman realizes the Toshiba Handibook is better than no [=iPad=] at all and attempts to pull the teary apologetic child ploy to manipulate his mom into relenting. But Liane lividly stands her ground

* "Human [=CentiPad=]" has Kyle held captive by Apple and surgically attached to two other people, [[{{Squick}} mouth to asshole]]. Steve Jobs makes it abundantly clear that they can do this, because they secretly worked the consent into the terms of use agreement for the newest Apple update. Jobs then gives Kyle a contract, saying that all he has to do to earn his freedom is sign it.\\

'''Instead:''' He signs it without even looking at it. Of course, instead of letting them go and separating them, the contract actually says the signer gives consent [[AndIMustScream to let Apple keep them this way for the rest of their lives]].

Gee, who’d have thought that the people of South Park can plumb the depths of stupidity like the rest of us?

** And for the trifecta, It's time for Cartman and Scott to taste each others' chili in the taste test.\\

* In "Poor and Stupid" Cartman reveals he dreams of becoming a NASCAR driver when he grows up, but he also believes only poor and [[InsaneTrollLogic stupid people like NASCAR, because Kenny likes it]]. Because of this, Cartman decides [[InsaneTrollLogic to make himself poor and stupid in order to become a driver]]. After many attempts, Cartman drinks a feminine hygiene product named Vagisil, because one of the possible side effects is short-term memory loss. He then steals the car of a NASCAR driver and drives at a race, resulting in a car crash that killed 11 people. After this Cartman really becomes a NASCAR driver who sponsors Vagisil and sinks down the reputation of NASCAR, by making it look like only poor and stupid people are into it. Kenny, being a huge NASCAR fan is understandably furious.\\

'''You'd Expect''': Kenny would inform Stan and Kyle about this and ask them for help. [[TeamDad Stan]] [[AllLovingHero being]] [[TheSocialExpert Stan]] and [[TheSmartGuy Kyle]] [[NiceGuy being]] [[HotBlooded Kyle]], they would be more than willing to put Cartman in his place and all three of them would have higher chances at success as a team. Not to mention that Stan and '''especially''' [[ArchEnemy Kyle]] already [[ThePowerOfHate hate]] Cartman.\\

* In "Dead Kids", when Sharon is (rightfully) acting up over the school shootings while everyone barely cares at all about the issue, they try to lecture Sharon on it. \\
'''You'd expect:''' For the residents to at least ''pretend'' to be on Sharon's side so she can feel much better about things. \\
'''Instead:''' They tell Sharon she is having her period or -- possibly even worse -- menopause, naturally causing her to act up even more than before. \\
'''Then again:''' [[TooDumbToLive This is the residents of South Park we're talking about, so it shouldn't be too surprising]].

'''Instead:''' Kenny has the [[SarcasmMode bright idea]] to go to one of Cartman's races and jump on his car while he's driving. Cartman furiously hits the break, resulting in Kenny being launched again, almost dying ([[TheyKilledKennyAgain again]]), even more death and destruction. Luckily, Cartman does end up losing, thanks to Jeff Hamill's (the CEO of Vagisil) wife Patty having enough of her husband's insults and entering the race and winning.\\

'''You'd Expect''': Kenny would inform Stan and Kyle about this and ask them for help. [[TeamDad Stan]] [[AllLovingHero being]] [[StreetSmart Stan]] and [[TheSmartGuy Kyle]] [[NiceGuy being]] [[HotBlooded Kyle]], they would be more than willing to put Cartman in his place and all three of them would have higher chances at success as a team. Not to mention that Stan and '''especially''' [[ArchEnemy Kyle]] already [[ThePowerOfHate hate]] Cartman.\\

* "Volcano": Randy Marsh discovers that Mt. Evanston is about to erupt and warns the mayor that South Park is in jeopardy. To make matters worse, Jimbo, Ned and the boys are stranded in the woods near the mountain.\\
'''You'd Expect:''' The mayor to evacuate the town at once and call the rescue squad to search the woods.\\
'''Instead:''' She calls some tabloids to cover the story and has the townspeople ''themselves'' search for Jimbo, Ned and the boys.
* "Pinkeye":
** There's a ZombieApocalypse in South Park and Chef rushes to the medical clinic to warn the doctor. However, the doctor is not convinced, misdiagnosing all the zombies as having pinkeye. A group of zombies breaks into the clinic and Chef escapes by jumping out a window.\\
'''You'd Expect:''' The doctor to trust Chef's instincts and follow him out of there.\\
'''Instead:''' He stays put, believing the zombies also have pinkeye, and gets attacked.
** Wendy makes Stan dress up like Raggedy Andy because she wants the pair to be Literature/RaggedyAnn and Andy, but then she changes her mind and [[InsaneTrollLogic now she wants to be Chewbacca]].\\
'''You'd Expect:''' Wendy to tell Stan in advance that she changed her mind and allow him to be any Halloween costume of his choice.\\
'''Instead:''' She just assumes that Stan would have figured it out already and doesn't tell him so until they meet in class on Halloween morning. Stan is forced to be Raggedy Andy, and Wendy apologizing to him results in Stan remaining angry at her and declaring that he wants her dead.
** That being said, Stan himself isn't entirely blameless in the whole mess, either.\\
'''You'd Expect:''' That as soon as Stan found out that Wendy had gone back on their agreement to dress as Raggedy Ann and Andy, he'd ditch his costume and somehow try to throw together a new one, as Kyle did after finding out that virtually everyone else in class had also come as Chewbacca, and Cartman was forced to do after Principal Victoria forbade him to dress as UsefulNotes/AdolfHitler. Heck, maybe even take the Chewbacca mask that Kyle abandoned and wear that, since it'd be less humiliating to be one of the dozens of Chewbaccas than Raggedy Andy.\\
'''Instead:''' He shows up to the costume contest still in his Raggedy Andy costume, and gets awarded the "worst costume" prize, with the reward of getting laughed at by the whole school.

* In "Tom's Rhinoplasty", Stan develops a [[HotForTeacher crush on substitute teacher]] Ms. Ellen. Wendy becomes crazy jealous and warns Ms. Ellen to stay away from Stan.\\
'''You'd Expect''': Ms. Ellen to reassure Wendy that nothing is going on between her and Stan. She's too old for him, she's his teacher and even if she weren't those things, [[IncompatibleOrientation she's a lesbian]].\\
'''Instead''': Ms. Ellen does nothing and Wendy continues to threaten her, such as giving her a dead animal as a present.\\
'''You'd Then Expect''': Ms. Ellen would take the threats seriously and contact the principal, Wendy's parents, law enforcement or any combination of the three to punish her.\\
'''Instead''': She's oblivious and only unintentionally fans the flames. Wendy eventually becomes so crazy and angry that she hires Iraqis to kidnap Ms. Ellen and launch her into the sun.

* In 'Casa Bonita', Cartman is angry that Kyle has chosen to invite Butters to his birthday party in Casa Bonita, rather than him.\\
'''You'd Expect:''' Cartman to get Butters injured at school, like a football injury or trick him into breaking his arm. Or even get Butters grounded. It's not as if [[AbusiveParents that would be too hard]].\\
'''Instead:''' He kidnaps Butters, locks him in a shelter after making him think the world's ended, then Butters ends up in the city dump. The police also arrest Cartman but [[KarmaHoudini he only gets]] [[StatusQuoIsGod a week in juvenile hall]].
** Also, Kyle tells Cartman that he can come to his birthday if Butters can't come. Cartman locks Butters in the bomb shelter that night.\\
'''You'd Expect:''' Someone, especially Kyle, to realize that Butters went missing ''right after'' Kyle told Cartman this, put two and two together, and realize Cartman's responsible.\\
'''Instead:''' This possibility never occurs to anyone.
* At the end of "My Future Self n' Me" Cartman is visited by his his slim handsome future self who tells him this is the day his life was turned around and he grows up to be successful after he considers turning his life around.\\
'''You'd Expect:''' Being smart enough to start a time travel company he wouldn't risk changing his great future and know his past self wouldn't even go back to tell him anything.\\
'''Instead:''' He does exactly what was said above and given the events of the episode Cartman doesn't listen to him and refuses to do all the things he considered doing and Cartman's future self turns into an ugly overweight mechanic ruining [[AllForNothing everything he's worked for]].
* In "Cartman's Incredible Gift" Kyle does some research on a [[SerialKiller strange man]] who turns up at the crime scenes. He reports this evidence to the police.\\
'''You'd Expect''': The police to look into this. After all, Kyle did collect DNA.\\
'''Instead''': They call it 'hocus-pocus' and choose to instead use Cartman's [[ItMakesSenseInContext psychic]] [[HypocriticalHumor abilities.]]\\
'''Later On''': The serial killer in question, angry that Cartman keeps 'solving' the case, comes to Cartman's house and abducts him. Meanwhile, Kyle has [[ItMakesSenseInContext jumped off the roof to make the police think he's psychic as well.]] The police go to the house with the killer, where Kyle 'has seen' him.\\
'''You'd Expect''': The police to go about this professionally.\\
'''Instead''': They do this.
-->'''Yates''': Good evening, sir. We're Park County detectives. We were just wondering if we could take a quick look around your house, Misterrr...
-->'''Serial Killer''' (in just [[MakesJustAsMuchSenseInContext a pair of tiger-print underpants]]): God.\\
'''Yates''': Well, Mr. God, it won't take but a second; it might help us with an investigation.
** '''Worse:''' The officers look around and see pictures of women with their pictures cut out.\\
'''You'd Expect''': Yates to at least consider that something's wrong.\\
'''Instead''': He says his son likes doing that as well.\\
'''Then''': The other officer finds a room with severed hands on the wall. The killer cuts off the left hands.\\
'''You'd Expect''': Yates to arrest the killer, since having severed hands on the wall is VERY suspicious and even if he isn't the specific criminal they're looking for, cutting peoples' hands is still a crime.\\
'''Instead''' They say that the guy ''can't'' be the killer, since the hands are facing right, not left.\\
'''You'd also Expect''': Either officer to work out that the ''backs'' of the hands are facing right, making them the left hands. Or work out that even having any severed body part on the wall is illegal.\\
'''Instead''': ''[[PoliceAreUseless They apologize for wasting the murderer's time!]]''\\
'''Then''': Yates' colleague remarks about the 'coincidence' of the suspect having hands on his wall. Yates keeps turning his hand round and round.\\
'''Followed By''': Yates doing all sorts of tests to determine whether it was the right or left hand. Including taking time off playing volleyball and asking his colleague [[IHaveNoIdeaWhatImDoing what he was doing]].\\
'''Resulting In''': Yates shooting the serial killer '''''just''''' before the murderer can kill Cartman. Yates [[PoliceAreUseless doesn't]] [[DisasterDominoes get]] better.
* In "Go God Go XII", after Cartman froze himself 540 years into the future (Because he couldn't bear to wait 3 weeks for the Wii to come out) where the Nintendo Wii is obsolete and extinct, he spends the entire episode trying to undo his mistake, he finally succeeds by informing Richard Dawkins that Garrison's really a sex change-operated man. [[{{Squick}} Right in the middle of Garrison and Richard having coitus]]. The future people send him back to his current time, only for his mom to tell him that he's now 2 months away from the Nintendo Wii's release.\\
'''You'd Expect''': For Cartman to realize that he has to do what his future self does, given that he just called himself on the phone from the future multiple times just a few minutes ago.\\
'''Instead''': [[AesopAmnesia Cartman thinks it's Kyle and tells his future self]] [[CatchPhrase to suck his balls]], [[StatusQuoIsGod hangs up the phone]] and [[HereWeGoAgain goes to freeze himself all over again]].
* "Cartmanland":
** Cartman inherits $1,000,000 from his deceased grandmother's estate. He buys an amusement park and keeps people out so he can enjoy it all to himself. His dream becomes short lived as he is forced to let guests inside so the admissions can cover the cost of security, maintenance, food, etc. This turns the park into a rousing success, much to Cartman's chagrin.\\
'''You'd Expect:''' Cartman to suck it up and enjoy the money he's making by keeping the park open.\\
'''OR:''' Realize that since he owns the park, he can just cut all the lines without having to face any consequences.\\
'''Instead:''' He becomes so dissatisfied with people coming into his park that he sells it back to its original owner. Minutes later, his assets are seized by IRS agents who tell him that he can easily cover the discrepancy with the profits the park is making.
** Meanwhile, Kyle falls into depression as a result of poor health and [[{{Jerkass}} Cartman]] getting to manage an extremely profitable and successful amusement park, to the point that he's lost both his faith in God and the will to live. To cheer him up, Gerald and Sheila decide to tell him the story of Job[[note]]God lets Satan take away the possessions, family and health of a man named Job to prove that the man isn't pious just because of the blessings God has provided him.[[/note]], on the basis that it relates pretty well to his current situation.\\
'''You'd Expect:''' They'd tell him the full story, in particular the part about Job being rewarded for his faith with even more in the way of possessions, family and health.\\
'''Instead:''' They don't. As a result, the story comes off as God making Job's life hell just to win a bet with Satan, making Kyle feel even more depressed.
* In "Night of the Living Homeless", panhandlers invade the entire town in the same fashion as zombies non-stop begging anyone they see who isn't homeless for change.\\
'''You'd Expect:''' The Adults to just ignore them and [[ScrewThisImOuttaHere not give them a single penny]]. Giving them ''anything'' will only make the problem worse cause then they'll just ask for more.\\
'''Instead:''' Thanks to their incredible selfishness, the Adults, especially Randy, overreact by treating the homeless as if they're actually flesh-eating zombies. The Adults [[Film/DawnOfTheDead2004 barricade themselves on top of a building's roof]] and pathetically wait for rescue teams while [[FirstWorldProblems living off of Pop-Tarts that aren't Cherry]] [[AdultsAreUseless and the boys then have to fend for themselves]].

* In "Le Petit Tourette", Kyle comes up with a plan to stop Cartman from going on ''Dateline'' and using his fake Tourette's syndrome to spout hate speech about Jews, by teaming up with Thomas (a kid who really has Tourette's) to trick pedophiles into entering the studio under the guise of sex.\\
'''You'd Expect''': The pedophiles to realize it's an obvious setup, since they're meeting the boys at a TV studio ''en masse''.\\
'''Instead''': They walk right into the studio none the wiser and commit suicide upon seeing Chris Hansen.
* In "Dead Celebrities", while on the subject of pedophiles, the two male judges on ''Series/ToddlersAndTiaras'' are also pedophiles.\\
'''You'd Expect:''' Them to restrain themselves while at the competition.\\
'''Instead:''' '''''[[DumbCrooks They openly masturbate to prepubescent girls on live television!]]''''' and are arrested on the spot.
* "Crippled Summer": Nathan and Mimsy have [[XylophoneGag rigged Jimmy's ukulele to explode when playing the solo to his hula song. That solo is "Believe me if All Those Endearing Young Charms"]]. Jimmy, of course keeps messing it up and eventually decides to skip it. Nathan and Mimsy demand the ukulele solo be played again, but Jimmy can't do it and asks Mimsy to show him how. Mimsy proceeds to play it, but Nathan stops Mimsy before he hits the B flat note that triggers the C4 and chides Mimsy for his stupidity.\\
'''You'd Expect''': Nathan to get rid of the ukulele or do anything else except what he does next.\\
'''Instead''': He gets so angry while yelling at Mimsy that he forgets and plays the solo, blowing himself up in the process. Then he's once again bitten by the black mamba, shot by the Indians and raped by the shark.

* In "Douche and a Danish", Garrison is determined to throw off the election and decides to expand on his misogynistic comments directed towards white American women so that they'd stop voting for him (this is a satire of Donald Trump's advantage by white female voters). He makes harsh comments threatening to rape them all if he gets elected, making them walk out with only the white males left in Garrison's convention. When they learn that Garrison deliberately killed his projected number of votes, they form an angry mob to confront him.\\
'''You'd Expect:''' For Garrison to admit what he said was wrong and ask for their forgiveness.\\
'''Or:''' Run away from them through a back door unseen.\\
'''Instead:''' [[BullyingADragon Garrison offers them a horrendously poor excuse]] that the election is fixed, and that he was never going to win in the first place. Cue the angry mob led by Chris Christie chasing after him throughout town.

* "Mecha-Streisand" there was a fear Barbra Streisand would find the Triangle of Zinthar.\\
'''You'd Expect:''' They would destroy one or both halves of the triangle to make it impossible to put back together.\\
'''Instead:''' They just buried it in different locations.
* In general, Cartman makes up outlandish lies all the time, such as being psychic and Kyle doing 9/11\\
'''You'd Expect:''' They'd stop listening to him after a while.\\
'''Instead:''' They continue to believe every lie he tells week after week except for [[TheSmartGuy Kyle]] and sometimes some other people too.

'''Instead:''' She genuinely trusts Cartman and starts eating nothing but junk food for the next few days, causing her to get obese and develop some facial acne.

'''You'd Expect''': Kenny would inform Stan and Kyle about this and ask them for help. [[TeamDad Stan]] [[AllLovingHero being]] [[StreetSmart Stan]] and [[TheSmartGuy Kyle]] [[NiceGuy being]] [[HotBlooded Kyle]], they would have high chances and be more than willing to put Cartman in his place. Not to mention that Stan and '''especially''' [[ArchEnemy Kyle]] already [[ThePowerOfHate hate]] Cartman.\\

'''Instead:''' Kenny has the [[SarcasmMode bright idea]] to go to one of Cartman's races and jump on his car while he's driving. Cartman furiously hits the break, resulting in Kenny being launched again, almost dying ([[TheyKilledKennyAgain again]]), even more death and destruction. Luckily, Cartman does end up losing, thanks to Jeff Hamill's (the CEO of Vagisil) wife Patty having enough of her husband's insults and entering the race and winning.
'''Admittedly:''' Kenny knows he's immortal and that he will come back to life if he dies, but his decision is still stupid.

'''Instead:''' She assumes that '''Ike''' is the one behind this.

'''To Be Fair:''' This is Sheila we are talking about, the woman who [[KnightTemplarParent literally started a whole war against Canada and planned to get Terrance and Phillip executed]] for the simple fact that the children of South Park learned swear words and for the albeit more serious but still stupid reason that Kenny died due to him imitating a stunt from said movie. Not to mention how more often than not AdultsAreUseless. So it's possible that Kyle didn't spill the beans out of mistrust.

'''Instead:''' He just tells her that he felt bad for Ike.

'''Instead:''' They continue to believe every lie he tells week after week except for [[TheSmartGuy Kyle]] and some other people.

'''Instead:''' Kenny has the [[SarcasmMode bright idea]] to go to one of Cartman's races and jump on his car while he's driving. Cartman furiously hits the break, resulting in Kenny being launched again, almost dying ([[They Killed Kenny Again again]]), even more death and destruction. Luckily, Cartman does end up losing, thanks to Jeff Hamill's (the CEO of Vagisil) wife Patty having enough of her husband's insults and entering the race and winning.

'''You'd Expect''': Kenny would inform Stan and Kyle about this and ask them for help. Stan being Stan and Kyle being Kyle, they would be more than willing to help Kenny, put Cartman in his place and save NASCAR's reputation. As a team the chances of defeating the FatBastard would grow enormously. Not to mention that Stan and especially Kyle already hate Cartman.