History Recap / BuffyTheVampireSlayerS1E9ThePuppetShow

-->'''Buffy:''' So it probably is one of them, and Giles doesn't know! He's with them all right now!

-->'''Cordelia:''' I, I can't go out there. All those people staring at me and judging me like I'm some kind of... [[WhatDoYouMeanItsNotHeinous Buffy!]] What if I mess up?\\

Cold Open: Backstage of the school's... stage. Creepy voiceover as some dorks prepare for a talent show backstage at the school. Cordelia prances on stage and performs some singing on-par with myself, ten tequila slammers into karaoke night, and Giles, saddled with the task of running this bitch, gives her ample praise from the stands. The Scoobies show up to trade jabs with him and make him miserable as usual, and are snatched up by Principal Quark, who harangues them about the Rules of Acquisition before forcing them into the talent show. You can practically feel Giles' boner through the screen as the Scoobs get their just desserts.

The kids slump back down into their seats, probably hoping to steal some ideas for their act and maybe heckle the other kids to break their confidence. This is unnecessary; everyone at this school sucks at everything. There is a puppet act, and it is terrible.

Also the dummy is obviously Chucky's cousin or something.

Teenage girl #2654 is alone in the locker room. Creepy Voiceover from the beginning puts a camera moderately close to her face, probably killing her. "I will be flesh," it says. The long cold open finally ends.

Act 1: Back to more awful awful talent show... to schools even do talent shows anymore? Obviously Haunted Dummy wolfwhistles at Willow, who thinks its still the puppeteer controlling him. I don't know how any of these kids are fooled.

Quark talks more shit to Giles and explains his fascist agenda; yet another body is discovered. I guess that girl was really allergic to cameras... also some jerk removed her heart with a big knife; it was probably Sid the Dummy. CLEARLY it was Sid the Dummy. Or maybe Willow, who pointedly denies being responsible for the murder.

The kids investigate. Willow talks to some stoner with fuzzy balls, Buffy talks to a black girl who loves blowing, Xander talks to Cordy, and Giles envisions murdering some douche who does card tricks. Buffy heads back to the stage and hears Unimportant Puppet Guy talking heatedly with his Super Evil Dummy. They chat; UPG "talks to her through the puppet". Buffy is clearly holding the idiot ball because she agrees with the others that UPG is the killer.

The start of the next scene reveals that Buffy is wearing a skirt that would not be allowed in the dress codes of any school. Principal Snyder hits on Buffy as she breaks into UPG's locker and leaves. Sid the Puppet of Satan watches the exchange with his manservant from a closet; they then have a sinister conversation backstage that absolutely, definitely confirms that Sid loves murder.

Buffy and Joyce have a chat in Buffy's bedroom. Buffy goes to bed and as she turns out the lights Sid the Dummy is revealed to, much like a certain vampire we know, be watching our heroine from the window.

That certain vampire being Edward Cullen, of course.

Act 2: Buffy hears skittering and wakes up, only to be assaulted by a super evil puppet. Joyce comes in because of the banshee-esque shrieking and does the mom thing, revealing herself to be facing much more horrifying sh*t in the process (bills. i hear ya, joyce.)

More talent show schlock. Cordelia prattles at Giles, trying to get her way and in the process revealing some self-awareness when she calls her own set "sappy". Buffy relates the events of the night to the Scoobies; is it just me or is her hair way better this year than in any following one? Anyway, they see Morgan... sorry, UPG's sanity slipping.

Buffy goes to U.S. History. The Monroe Doctrine is discussed. Superevil Puppet of Beelzebub Sid leers at Buffy. The puppet gets thrown in closet after it asks the teacher if she's DTF. UPG tries to get the puppet back after school and its missing... because Xander stole it. Xander puts on a little show that creeps out Buffy (though Willow clearly finds it cute. OTP!), and also proves that the Devil Marrionette is obviously not animate. The Scoobies do the usual thing; Buffy goes to confront UPG and the others go to research.

Principal Snydquark hits on Buffy backstage yet again while Xander keeps watch on the puppet. The completely inanimate puppet. Oh wait, it just disappeared from view while Xander was momentarily blocking the shot. Didn't see that one coming. Meanwhile Willow finds something about the Joys of Organ Harvesting. Sid the Satan wants to be a real boy by jamming organs into his body... clearly lifted from an episode of Invader Zim.

Buffy wanders around back stage in Creepy Blue Light mode. Hears some floorboards creak. Finds UPG decapitated. Or... debrained. A big metal chandelier falls on Buffy and knocks her out.

Act 3: Buffy is tripping out on the ground and is somehow not strong enough to lift said chandelier. Sid the Dummy tries to stab Buffy in the head, and gets the sh*t smacked out of it repeatedly as Buffy breaks free. But wait, what's this?

Could it be?

SID IS NOT EVIL?! WHOA! WHAT A TWIST!

There's some great comedy here in everyone's facial expressions. Anyway, here's the main reveal: Sid is a demon hunter that was transformed long ago into a dummy by some a**hole demon and he's been hunting it ever since to be free of the curse. Giles exclaims "Good heavens! Look at the time!" and runs to the stage as the talent show will soon begin.

Giles assembles everyone for a power circle and offers a few words of encouragement... just kidding. Principal Snyder acts creepy, but don't worry... he's got a few seasons to go. Buffy finds some brains that the demon didn't want, because UPG had brain cancer. Shockingly depressing... this show really has a lot of brain cancer, though.

So I guess the kids think the demon is going to go for the smartest brain around, which is obviously property of the resident cute redhead, Lily Aldrin. Some character who apparently was the demon all along appears out of nowhere with a guillotine; Giles, being the dumbest genius in the world, lets himself get strapped to the brain-o-tine. Buffy manages to show up in the nick of time and ...wow... how the hell is that thing holding Giles in place? Whatever. Before demonboy can completely cut the rope holding the brainitine blade in place, Buffy attacks. But the rope is frayed... AND IT SNAPS OH GILES NO... wait... phew. The Scoobies are there.

Xander probably gets a serious case of rope burn on his hands and decides that, instead of maybe gently lowering the guillotine onto Giles' forehead so it won't kill him, he raises the blade all the way back up. The demon is fought by Buffy and Sid. The Watcher is freed by Willow. Buffy uses the brainitine to decapitate the demon and Sid stabs that fool in the heart, freeing him from his curse. Buffy cradles the now-lifeless dummy and the stage curtain is lifted, to the audience's (the in-show one, not us, The Gentle Viewers) utter confusion. Per Snyder: "What is it... avant-garde?"

Coda
There's a short scene of the Scoobies talent show act, a reading from what I assume is Oedipus Rex. Xander forgets his lines, Buffy clearly doesn't give one f*ck and Willow freezes up and runs off stage. GRRR! ARGH!

Cold Open
Backstage. Creepy voiceover as some dorks prepare for a talent show backstage at the school. Cordelia prances on stage and performs some singing on-par with myself, ten tequila slammers into karaoke night, and Giles, saddled with the task of running this bitch, gives her ample praise from the stands. The Scoobies show up to trade jabs with him and make him miserable as usual, and are snatched up by Principal Quark, who harangues them about the Rules of Acquisition before forcing them into the talent show. You can practically feel Giles' boner through the screen as the Scoobs get their just desserts.

Act 1
Back to more awful awful talent show... to schools even do talent shows anymore? Obviously Haunted Dummy wolfwhistles at Willow, who thinks its still the puppeteer controlling him. I don't know how any of these kids are fooled.

Act 2
Buffy hears skittering and wakes up, only to be assaulted by a super evil puppet. Joyce comes in because of the banshee-esque shrieking and does the mom thing, revealing herself to be facing much more horrifying sh*t in the process (bills. i hear ya, joyce.)

Act 3
Buffy is tripping out on the ground and is somehow not strong enough to lift said chandelier. Sid the Dummy tries to stab Buffy in the head, and gets the sh*t smacked out of it repeatedly as Buffy breaks free. But wait, what's this?

** Nicholas Brendon screaming [[TheShining "REDRUM!!!"]] while playing with the puppet was shot between takes.

* BadBadActing: The Scoobies' stiff, laughable performance of ''OedipusRex''.

* ExplainExplainOhCrap:

* {{Falling Chandelier of Doom}}: Buffy gets trapped under one (rather unconvincingly, as it looks like [[BrokenHeel something an ordinary cheerleader could lift]], let alone Buffy).

* {{Imagine the Audience Naked}}

* NoGuyWantsAnAmazon: [[spoiler:Sid is a notable exception, having been involved with a Slayer back in the 1930's and putting the moves on Buffy.]]

* DistractedByTheSexy: [[spoiler:Sid by Buffy.]]
-->Look at you -- you're strong, athletic, limber, nnnnubile....''(twigs out for a moment)'' I'm back!

* HeyItsThatGuy: [[DeepSpaceNine Quark]] is now a student-hating principal! (Mmm, perhaps it should be HeyItsThatVoice).

* TrueArtIsIncomprehensible: The Scoobies have just defeated the MonsterOfTheWeek when the curtain rises exposing them to the audience. Buffy is cradling a ventriloquist dummy. Willow is holding a hatchet. Xander and Giles are next to a guillotine with a decapitated demon lying on it.

-->'''Xander:''' We can dream.

-->'''Cordelia:''' I, I can't go out there. All those people staring at me and judging me like I'm some kind of... Buffy! What if I mess up?\\

-->'''Snyder''': This place has ''quite'' a reputation. Suicide, missing persons, spontaneous cheerleader combustion. [[AndThatsTerrible You can't put up with that]].

* DoubleEntendre: Sid has plenty in his act. It turns out Sid isn't acting, he really is horny.

* WhyDidItHaveToBeSnakes: Buffy's fear of dummies.

-->Look at you -- you're strong, atheletic, limber, nnnnubile....''(twigs out for a moment)'' I'm back!

* HeyItsThatGuy: [[DeepSpaceNine Quark]] is now a mean principal! (Mmm, perhaps it should be HeyItsThatVoice).

-->'''Cordelia:''' Cordelia: It's just such a tragedy for me. Emma was, like, my best friend.

-->'''Cordelia:''' All I can think is, it coulda been me!

* BreadEggsMilkSquick (also ArsonMurderAndJaywalking): Pretty much a RunningGag with Snyder.
-->'''Snyder''': There are certain things that I will not tolerate. Students loitering around school after hours, horrible murders with hearts being removed, and smoking.
-->'''Snyder''': This place has ''quite'' a reputation. Suicide, missing persons, spontaneous cheerleader combustion. You can't put up with that.

* MrExposition: "Well it's a welcome relief to have someone else explain these things."

* {{Falling Chandelier of Doom}}: Buffy gets trapped under one (rather unconvincingly, as it looks like something an ordinary cheerleader could lift, let alone Buffy).

* TrueArtIsIncomprehensible: The Scoobies have just defeated the MonsterOfTheWeek when the curtain rises exposing them to the audience. Buffy is cradling a venquilotrist dummy. Willow is holding a hatchet. Xander and Giles are next to a guillotine with a decapitated demon lying on it.

* TrueArtIsIncomprehensible: The gang desperately tries to pass the aftermath of the climax off as this when the curtain opens for the talent show. [[spoiler:Buffy is holding a venquilotrist dummy. Willow is holding a hatchet. Xander and Giles are next to a guillotine with a decapitated demon lying on it.]]

Something is killing the talent show contestants and taking their body parts. The Slayerettes suspect a classmate and his dummy.