History Quotes / WorldWarII

-->-- '''Chiang Kai-Shek''', ''Address to the nation on the 27th anniversary of the Republic of China, 10/10/1938''

->''"Not another war!"''
-->-- ''Film/FantasticBeastsTheCrimesOfGrindelwald'' -- spoken by Jacob Kowalski, {{Muggle}} veteran of UsefulNotes/WorldWarI, upon seeing the wizard Gellert Grindelwald revealing a vision of what is to come

->"Alright, let me explain: A guy with mustache like Creator/CharlieChaplin by name of Adolf Hitler took over the country of Germany thanks to the support of a group called the Nazis. (Or Narzis if you're Churchill. Or drunk. Or both.) After hosting the Olympics to mess with future ignorant protesters, the Nazis started their plan to take over all of Europe, thanks to various mad scientist plots, the [[Film/CaptainAmericaTheFirstAvenger Red Skull]], and [[Film/SchindlersList artillery shells that didn't work made by Ras's Al Ghul]], who trained his protégé Christian Bale to be a Hitler Youth by day and a [[Film/SwingKids swing kid]] [[Film/TheDarkKnightSaga dressed like a Bat by night]]. Hitler's ambitious plans to win victory using the [[Film/RaidersOfTheLostArk Ark of the Covenant]] was thwarted by Franchise/IndianaJones, succeeding only in drawing {{Franchise/Hellboy}} to Earth. Franchise/WonderWoman and ComicBook/TheRocketeer tried to stop him, but soon, Hitler's forces took over most of Europe along with the Italians, whom they were allies with because Germany drew the short straw. America stayed out of it because of [[Series/StarTrekTheOriginalSeries Edith]] [[Recap/StarTrekS1E28TheCityOnTheEdgeOfForever Keeler]], but luckily some drunk asshole ran her over, so in 1941, when Japan bombed Pearl Harbor [[Film/PearlHarbor despite Cuba Gooding Jr.'s best efforts]], the United States decided that ''that'' was an act of war, and not a reason to just shake our fist impotently at the sky."

->"Alright, let me explain: A guy with mustache like Creator/CharlieChaplin by name of Adolf Hitler took over the country of Germany thanks to the support of a group called the Nazis. (Or Narzis if you're Churchill. Or drunk. Or both.) After hosting the Olympics to mess with future ignorant protesters, the Nazis started their plan to take over all of Europe, thanks to various mad scientist plots, the [[Film/CaptainAmericaTheFirstAvenger Red Skull]], and [[Film/SchindlersList artillery shells that didn't work made by Ras's Al Ghul]], who trained his protégé Christian Bale to be a Hitler Youth by day and a [[Film/SwingKids swing kid]] [[Film/TheDarkKnightSaga dressed like a Bat by night]]. Hitler's ambitious plans to win victory using the [[Film/RaidersOfTheLostArk Ark of the Covenant]] was thwarted by Franchise/IndianaJones, succeeding only in drawing {{Film/Hellboy}} to Earth. Franchise/WonderWoman and ComicBook/TheRocketeer tried to stop him, but soon, Hitler's forces took over most of Europe along with the Italians, whom they were allies with because Germany drew the short straw. America stayed out of it because of [[Series/StarTrekTheOriginalSeries Edith]] [[Recap/StarTrekS1E28TheCityOnTheEdgeOfForever Keeler]], but luckily some drunk asshole ran her over, so in 1941, when Japan bombed Pearl Harbor [[Film/PearlHarbor despite Cuba Gooding Jr.'s best efforts]], the United States decided that ''that'' was an act of war, and not a reason to just shake our fist impotently at the sky."

-->-- '''WebSite/SFDebris''', "The Killing Game Pt. 2"

->"They were almost stopped by [[Film/TheFinalCountdown Kirk Douglas and Martin Sheen and their time-traveling aircraft carrier]], but were themselves stopped by [[{{Recap/DoctorWhoS32E8LetsKillHitler}} all the time travelers arriving to kill Hitler ripping a hole in the space-time continuum]]. So all that happened was that Creator/KurtVonnegut had this [[Literature/SlaughterhouseFive crazy idea for a story]]. So, while Rosie the Riveter built a bunch of tanks back home, we sent {{Film/Patton}} over to Europe to tell a bunch of people to "make those sons 'o bitches die for their country", but mostly just to show off his awesome giant flag. He fought in North Africa so we could have a place for [[Literature/CatchTwentyTwo Cpt. Yossarian to launch his airstrikes]] from, until he got upset by his buddy Snowden getting taken out (not realizing that [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Edward_Snowden he's actually hiding out in Russia now]].) [[Series/DadsArmy Arthur Lowe was put in charge of defending England]] while [[Film/TheGreatEscape Steve McQueen tried to escape from a POW camp]], but stopped ''just'' short of the Swiss border because [[Theatre/TheSoundOfMusic the Von Trapps had gotten there first]], and Creator/RichardAttenborough only succeeded in [[Film/JurassicPark a plan to house cloned dinosaurs]] -- all while [[Series/HogansHeroes Colonel Klink]] patted himself on the back. A girl named [[Literature/TheDiaryOfAnneFrank Anne Frank]] comes into this somewhere, but I think she was rescued by [[{{Film/XMen}} a boy who had control over magnetism with his mind.]] Then they started the D-Day invasion, once [[Film/TheDirtyDozen a group of twelve angry men led by Lee Marvin]] are told [[Film/InglouriousBasterds not to shower and to invade first]] so that we can [[Film/SavingPrivateRyan send Forrest Gump to go looking for Matt Damon]]. While that's going on, [[Series/BlackSheepSquadron Robert Conrad shot down Japanese planes in the Pacific]], so to pay them back, the Japanese made Obi-Wan Kenobi [[Film/TheBridgeOnTheRiverKwai build a bridge]]. As the end draws near, Hitler [[Film/DeadSnow had dead Nazis turned into zombies]], but still Germany itself was invaded and in the end, he hid in his bunker until [[{{Film/Downfall}} the pranks of Fegelein got to be too much]] and he blew his own brains out. And Oppenheimer made a big bomb to blow up Japan, and after it was sent, the Japanese blew up the boat and [[{{Film/Jaws}} sent sharks to eat all the sailors]], so [[Film/DoctorStrangelove Slim Pickens dropped the bomb on them]], and they gave up, aaannd also... [[Film/DasBoot somewhere in there is a submarine]], I don't remember what it does exactly though. Anyway, that's what I got off Ask.com, so it's got to be true."

'''The Captain:''' Yes, but...what do you mean...''One?\\

->''By now, we have been [[InsistentTerminology at war]] [[UsefulNotes/SecondSinoJapaneseWar for nearly 4 years]]. Despite the gallantry of [[UsefulNotes/KatanasOfTheRisingSun our forces]], the diligence and assiduity of our civil servants and the public devotion and service of our entire people, the situation has not wholly developed to Japan's advantage. Indeed, the general trends of the entire world now work against us. Moreover, the enemy presently possesses a new and most terrible weapon; the loss of innocent life and sheer devastation its use entails is beyond all comprehension. Continued fighting would not only mean the utter annihilation of our people, but the destruction of human civilisation itself. [...] The dead, the wounded, the displaced, the impoverished and the aggrieved all are all the subjects of our profoundest solicitude. From henceforth, our Empire must endure excruciating hardships. [[RoyalWe We]] are keenly aware of the feelings of our subjects, but in accordance with the dictates of fate [[RoyalWe We]] are willing to endure the unendurable and tolerate the intolerable, that this peace may last a thousand generations. [...] Keeping in mind the heavy burden that befalls us, we must focus completely upon the reconstruction of our nation and look to the long road ahead, that the future might be one of yet greater glory and prosperity for [[UsefulNotes/ImperialJapan this our Imperial State]], that we may never again fall behind the evolution of the world. It is our most profound hope that our subjects shall thus understand our intent and reasoning [in surrendering].''

->''"Future historians will, I believe, regard [[UsefulNotes/SecondSinoJapaneseWar our War of Resistance]] as the most significant event in [[WorldWarTwo this period of world history]], since by our enormous sacrifices we are contributing not only to the good of the Chinese nation but also to the welfare of all mankind. From now on, however, we must struggle even harder and must be ready for even greater sacrifices, in order that justice may be accomplished. The aims of our struggle are simple and clear. If we succeed we shall not only be able to build a new China but we shall also contribute immeasurably to the peace of the world."''

->"They were almost stopped by [[Film/TheFinalCountdown Kirk Douglas and Martin Sheen and their time-traveling aircraft carrier]], but were themselves stopped by [[{{Recap/DoctorWhoS32E8LetsKillHitler}} all the time travelers arriving to kill Hitler ripping a hole in the space-time continuum]]. So all that happened was that Creator/KurtVonnegut had this [[Literature/SlaughterhouseFive crazy idea for a story]]. So, while Rosie the Riveter built a bunch of tanks back home, we sent {{Film/Patton}} over to Europe to tell a bunch of people to "make those sons 'o bitches die for their country", but mostly just to show off his awesome giant flag. He fought in North Africa so we could have a place for [[Literature/CatchTwentyTwo Cpt. Yossarian to launch his airstrikes]] from, until he got upset by his buddy Snowden getting taken out (not realizing that [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Edward_Snowden he's actually hiding out in Russia now]].) [[Series/DadsArmy Arthur Lowe was put in charge of defending England]] while [[Film/TheGreatEscape Steve McQueen tried to escape from a POW camp]], but stopped ''just'' short of the Swiss border because [[Theatre/TheSoundOfMusic the Von Trapps had gotten there first]], and Richard Attenborough only succeeded in [[JurassicPark a plan to house cloned dinosaurs]] -- all while [[Series/HogansHeroes Colonel Klink]] patted himself on the back. A girl named [[Literature/TheDiaryOfAnneFrank Anne Frank]] comes into this somewhere, but I think she was rescued by [[{{Film/XMen}} a boy who had control over magnetism with his mind.]] Then they started the D-Day invasion, once [[Film/TheDirtyDozen a group of twelve angry men led by Lee Marvin]] are told [[Film/InglouriousBasterds not to shower and to invade first]] so that we can [[Film/SavingPrivateRyan send Forrest Gump to go looking for Matt Damon]]. While that's going on, [[Series/BlackSheepSquadron Robert Conrad shot down Japanese planes in the Pacific]], so to pay them back, the Japanese made Obi-Wan Kenobi [[Film/TheBridgeOnTheRiverKwai build a bridge]]. As the end draws near, Hitler [[Film/DeadSnow had dead Nazis turned into zombies]], but still Germany itself was invaded and in the end, he hid in his bunker until [[{{Film/Downfall}} the pranks of Fegelein got to be too much]] and he blew his own brains out. And Oppenheimer made a big bomb to blow up Japan, and after it was sent, the Japanese blew up the boat and [[{{Film/Jaws}} sent sharks to eat all the sailors]], so [[Film/DoctorStrangelove Slim Pickens dropped the bomb on them]], and they gave up, aaannd also... [[Film/DasBoot somewhere in there is a submarine]], I don't remember what it does exactly though. Anyway, that's what I got off Ask.com, so it's got to be true."

->''"Democracy is more vindictive than Cabinets. The wars of peoples will be more terrible than those of kings."''
-->-- '''Winston Churchill'''

->And Japan invaded more and more and more of China, and was planning to invade the entire East.
->*You got mail*
->It's from Germany. The new leader of Germany, he has a cool mustache and is trying to take over the world and needs friends. This also got forwarded to Italy.
->They all decided to be friends because they have so much in common.
->(Trying to take over the world)
->(Needs friends)

->IT'S TIME FOR WORLD WAR II!!
-->-— History Of Japan, by bill wurtz

->''"Future historians will, I believe, regard [[SecondSinoJapaneseWar our War of Resistance]] as the most significant event in [[WorldWarTwo this period of world history]], since by our enormous sacrifices we are contributing not only to the good of the Chinese nation but also to the welfare of all mankind. From now on, however, we must struggle even harder and must be ready for even greater sacrifices, in order that justice may be accomplished. The aims of our struggle are simple and clear. If we succeed we shall not only be able to build a new China but we shall also contribute immeasurably to the peace of the world."''

->''"Believe me, Lang, the first twenty-four hours of the invasion will be decisive... the fate of Germany depends on the outcome... for the Allies, as well as Germany, it will be the longest day."''

->''"Finished badly, scoundrel! It is a pity that we didn't took him alive."''

->''"Citizens of the Soviet Union! The Soviet Government and its head, Comrade {{Stalin}}, have instructed me to make the following announcement:\\

->"Alright, let me explain: A guy with mustache like Creator/CharlieChaplin by name of Adolf Hitler took over the country of Germany thanks to the support of a group called the Nazis. (Or Narzis if you're Churchill. Or drunk. Or both.) After hosting the Olympics to mess with future ignorant protesters, the Nazis started their plan to take over all of Europe, thanks to various mad scientist plots, the [[Film/CaptainAmericaTheFirstAvenger Red Skull]], and [[Film/SchindlersList artillery shells that didn't work made by Ras's Al Ghul]], who trained his protégé Christian Bale to be a Hitler Youth by day and a [[Film/SwingKids swing kid]] [[Film/TheDarkKnightSaga dressed like a Bat by night]]. Hitler's ambitious plans to win victory using the [[Film/RaidersOfTheLostArk Ark of the Covenant]] was thwarted by Franchise/IndianaJones, succeeding only in drawing {{Film/Hellboy}} to Earth. Franchise/WonderWoman and ComicBook/TheRocketeer tried to stop him, but soon, Hitler's forces took over most of Europe along with the Italians, whom they were allies with because Germany drew the short straw. America stayed out of it because of [[Series/StarTrekTheOriginalSeries Edith]] [[Recap/StarTrekS1E28TheCityOnTheEdgeOfForever Keeler]], but luckily some drunk asshole ran her over, so in 1941, when Japan bombed Pearl Harbor [[Film/PearlHarbor despite Cuba Gooding Jr.'s best efforts]], the United States decided that ''that'' was an act of war, and not a reason to just shake our fist impotently at the sky."\\\
'''UsefulNotes/FranklinDRoosevelt:''' ''The only thing we have to fear is Franchise/{{Batman}}.''\\\
"They were almost stopped by [[Film/TheFinalCountdown Kirk Douglas and Martin Sheen and their time-traveling aircraft carrier]], but were themselves stopped by [[{{Recap/DoctorWhoS32E8LetsKillHitler}} all the time travelers arriving to kill Hitler ripping a hole in the space-time continuum]]. So all that happened was that Creator/KurtVonnegut had this [[Literature/SlaughterhouseFive crazy idea for a story]]. So, while Rosie the Riveter built a bunch of tanks back home, we sent {{Film/Patton}} over to Europe to tell a bunch of people to "make those sons 'o bitches die for their country", but mostly just to show off his awesome giant flag. He fought in North Africa so we could have a place for [[Literature/CatchTwentyTwo Cpt. Yossarian to launch his airstrikes]] from, until he got upset by his buddy Snowden getting taken out (not realizing that [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Edward_Snowden he's actually hiding out in Russia now]].) [[Series/DadsArmy Arthur Lowe was put in charge of defending England]] while [[Film/TheGreatEscape Steve McQueen tried to escape from a POW camp]], but stopped ''just'' short of the Swiss border because [[Theatre/TheSoundOfMusic the Von Trapps had gotten there first]], and Richard Attenborough only succeeded in [[JurassicPark a plan to house cloned dinosaurs]] -- all while [[Series/HogansHeroes Colonel Klink]] patted himself on the back. A girl named [[Literature/TheDiaryOfAnneFrank Anne Frank]] comes into this somewhere, but I think she was rescued by [[{{Film/XMen}} a boy who had control over magnetism with his mind.]] Then they started the D-Day invasion, once [[Film/TheDirtyDozen a group of twelve angry men led by Lee Marvin]] are told [[Film/InglouriousBasterds not to shower and to invade first]] so that we can [[Film/SavingPrivateRyan send Forrest Gump to go looking for Matt Damon]]. While that's going on, [[Series/BlackSheepSquadron Robert Conrad shot down Japanese planes in the Pacific]], so to pay them back, the Japanese made Obi-Wan Kenobi [[Film/TheBridgeOnTheRiverKwai build a bridge]]. As the end draws near, Hitler [[Film/DeadSnow had dead Nazis turned into zombies]], but still Germany itself was invaded and in the end, he hid in his bunker until [[{{Film/Downfall}} the pranks of Fegelein got to be too much]] and he blew his own brains out. And Oppenheimer made a big bomb to blow up Japan, and after it was sent, the Japanese blew up the boat and [[{{Film/Jaws}} sent sharks to eat all the sailors]], so [[Film/DoctorStrangelove Slim Pickens dropped the bomb on them]], and they gave up, aaannd also... [[Film/DasBoot somewhere in there is a submarine]], I don't remember what it does exactly though. Anyway, that's what I got off Ask.com, so it's got to be true."

->''"One of the few sequels that surpassed the original."''
-->-- '''''Website/UrbanDictionary'''''

-->--'''''UrbanDictionary'''''

-->'''Ferdinand Foch''' on the Treaty of Versailles, 1919

-->'''Malcolm Kennedy''', British army captain posted to Japan, 1921

--->'''Winston Churchill'''

-->--'''UsefulNotes/HarryTruman''', announcing the bombing of Hiroshima.

-->--'''Roger [=DeBris=]''', director of ''SpringtimeForHitler''

->"Alright, let me explain: A guy with mustache like Creator/CharlieChaplin by name of Adolf Hitler took over the country of Germany thanks to the support of a group called the Nazis. (Or Narzis if you're Churchill. Or drunk. Or both.) After hosting the Olympics to mess with future ignorant protesters, the Nazis started their plan to take over all of Europe, thanks to various mad scientist plots, the [[Film/CaptainAmericaTheFirstAvenger Red Skull]], and [[Film/SchindlersList artillery shells that didn't work made by Ras's Al Ghul]], who trained his protégé Christian Bale to be a Hitler Youth by day and a [[Film/SwingKids swing kid]] [[Film/TheDarkKnightSaga dressed like a Bat by night]]. Hitler's ambitious plans to win victory using the Ark of the Covenant was thwarted by IndianaJones, succeeding only in drawing {{Film/Hellboy}} to Earth. Franchise/WonderWoman and ComicBook/TheRocketeer tried to stop him, but soon, Hitler's forces took over most of Europe along with the Italians, whom they were allies with because Germany drew the short straw. America stayed out of it because of [[Series/StarTrekTheOriginalSeries Edith]] [[Recap/StarTrekS1E28TheCityOnTheEdgeOfForever Keeler]], but luckily some drunk asshole ran her over, so in 1941, when Japan bombed Pearl Harbor [[Film/PearlHarbor despite Cuba Gooding Jr.'s best efforts]], the United States decided that ''that'' was an act of war, and not a reason to just shake our fist impotently at the sky."\\\

"They were almost stopped by [[Film/TheFinalCountdown Kirk Douglas and Martin Sheen and their time-traveling aircraft carrier]], but were themselves stopped by [[{{Recap/DoctorWhoS32E8LetsKillHitler}} all the time travelers arriving to kill Hitler ripping a hole in the space-time continuum]]. So all that happened was that Creator/KurtVonnegut had this [[Literature/SlaughterhouseFive crazy idea for a story]]. So, while Rosie the Riveter built a bunch of tanks back home, we sent {{Film/Patton}} over to Europe to tell a bunch of people to "make those sons 'o bitches die for their country", but mostly just to show off his awesome giant flag. He fought in North Africa so we could have a place for [[Literature/CatchTwentyTwo Cpt. Yossarian to launch his airstrikes]] from, until he got upset by his buddy Snowden getting taken out (not realizing that [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Edward_Snowden he's actually hiding out in Russia now]].) [[Series/DadsArmy Arthur Lowe was put in charge of defending England]] while [[Film/TheGreatEscape Steve McQueen tried to escape from a POW camp]], but stopped ''just'' short of the Swiss border because [[Theatre/TheSoundOfMusic the Von Trapps had gotten there first]], and Richard Attenborough only succeeded in [[JurassicPark a plan to house cloned dinosaurs]] -- all while [[Series/HogansHeroes Colonel Klink]] patted himself on the back. A girl named [[Literature/TheDiaryOfAnneFrank Anne Frank]] comes into this somewhere, but I think she was rescued by [[{{Film/XMen}} a boy who had control over magnetism with his mind.]] Then they started the D-Day invasion, once [[Film/TheDirtyDozen a group of twelve angry men led by Lee Marvin]] are told [[Film/InglouriousBasterds not to shower and to invade first]] so that we can [[Film/SavingPrivateRyan send Forrest Gump to go looking for Matt Damon]]. While that's going on, [[Series/BlackSheepSquadron Robert Conrad shot down Japanese planes in the Pacific]], so to pay them back, the Japanese made Obi-Wan Kenobi [[Film/TheBridgeOnTheRiverKwai build a bridge]]. As the end draws near, Hitler [[Film/DeadSnow had dead Nazis turned into zombies]], but still Germany itself was invaded and in the end, he hid in his bunker until [[{{Film/Downfall}} the pranks of Fegelein got to be too much]] and he blew his own brains out. And Oppenheimer made a big bomb to blow up Japan, and after it was sent, the Japanese blew up the boat and [[{{Film/Jaws}} sent sharks to eat all the sailors]], so [[DoctorStrangelove Slim Pickens dropped the bomb on them]], and they gave up, aaannd also... [[Film/DasBoot somewhere in there is a submarine]], I don't remember what it does exactly though. Anyway, that's what I got off Ask.com, so it's got to be true."

"They were almost stopped by [[Film/TheFinalCountdown Kirk Douglas and Martin Sheen and their time-traveling aircraft carrier]], but were themselves stopped by [[{{Recap/DoctorWhoS32E8LetsKillHitler}} all the time travelers arriving to kill Hitler ripping a hole in the space-time continuum]]. So all that happened was that Creator/KurtVonnegut had this [[Literature/SlaughterhouseFive crazy idea for a story]]. So, while Rosie the Riveter built a bunch of tanks back home, we sent {{Film/Patton}} over to Europe to tell a bunch of people to "make those sons 'o bitches die for their country", but mostly just to show off his awesome giant flag. He fought in North Africa so we could have a place for [[Literature/CatchTwentyTwo Cpt. Yossarian to launch his airstrikes]] from, until he got upset by his buddy Snowden getting taken out (not realizing that [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Edward_Snowden he's actually hiding out in Russia now]].) [[Series/DadsArmy Arthur Lowe was put in charge of defending England]] while [[Film/TheGreatEscape Steve McQueen tried to escape from a POW camp]], but stopped ''just'' short of the Swiss border because [[Theatre/TheSoundOfMusic the Von Trapps had gotten there first]], and Richard Attenborough only succeeded in [[JurassicPark a plan to house cloned dinosaurs]] -- all while [[Series/HogansHeroes Colonel Klink]] patted himself on the back. A girl named [[Literature/TheDiaryOfAnneFrank Anne Frank]] comes into this somewhere, but I think she was rescued by [[{{Film/XMen}} a boy who had control over magnetism with his mind.]] Then they started the D-Day invasion, once [[TheDirtyDozen a group of twelve angry men led by Lee Marvin]] are told [[Film/InglouriousBasterds not to shower and to invade first]] so that we can [[SavingPrivateRyan send Forrest Gump to go looking for Matt Damon]]. While that's going on, [[Series/BlackSheepSquadron Robert Conrad shot down Japanese planes in the Pacific]], so to pay them back, the Japanese made Obi-Wan Kenobi [[Film/TheBridgeOnTheRiverKwai build a bridge]]. As the end draws near, Hitler [[Film/DeadSnow had dead Nazis turned into zombies]], but still Germany itself was invaded and in the end, he hid in his bunker until [[{{Film/Downfall}} the pranks of Fegelein got to be too much]] and he blew his own brains out. And Oppenheimer made a big bomb to blow up Japan, and after it was sent, the Japanese blew up the boat and [[{{Film/Jaws}} sent sharks to eat all the sailors]], so [[DoctorStrangelove Slim Pickens dropped the bomb on them]], and they gave up, aaannd also... [[Film/DasBoot somewhere in there is a submarine]], I don't remember what it does exactly though. Anyway, that's what I got off Ask.com, so it's got to be true."

"They were almost stopped by [[Film/TheFinalCountdown Kirk Douglas and Martin Sheen and their time-traveling aircraft carrier]], but were themselves stopped by [[{{Recap/DoctorWhoS32E8LetsKillHitler}} all the time travelers arriving to kill Hitler ripping a hole in the space-time continuum]]. So all that happened was that Creator/KurtVonnegut had this [[Literature/SlaughterhouseFive crazy idea for a story]]. So, while Rosie the Riveter built a bunch of tanks back home, we sent {{Film/Patton}} over to Europe to tell a bunch of people to "make those sons 'o bitches die for their country", but mostly just to show off his awesome giant flag. He fought in North Africa so we could have a place for [[Literature/CatchTwentyTwo Cpt. Yossarian to launch his airstrikes]] from, until he got upset by his buddy Snowden getting taken out (not realizing that [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Edward_Snowden he's actually hiding out in Russia now]].) [[Series/DadsArmy Arthur Lowe was put in charge of defending England]] while [[Film/TheGreatEscape Steve McQueen tried to escape from a POW camp]], but stopped ''just'' short of the Swiss border because [[Theatre/TheSoundOfMusic the Von Trapps had gotten there first]], and Richard Attenborough only succeeded in [[JurassicPark a plan to house cloned dinosaurs]] -- all while [[Series/HogansHeroes Colonel Klink]] patted himself on the back. A girl named [[TheDiaryOfAnneFrank Anne Frank]] comes into this somewhere, but I think she was rescued by [[{{Film/XMen}} a boy who had control over magnetism with his mind.]] Then they started the D-Day invasion, once [[TheDirtyDozen a group of twelve angry men led by Lee Marvin]] are told [[Film/InglouriousBasterds not to shower and to invade first]] so that we can [[SavingPrivateRyan send Forrest Gump to go looking for Matt Damon]]. While that's going on, [[Series/BlackSheepSquadron Robert Conrad shot down Japanese planes in the Pacific]], so to pay them back, the Japanese made Obi-Wan Kenobi [[Film/TheBridgeOnTheRiverKwai build a bridge]]. As the end draws near, Hitler [[Film/DeadSnow had dead Nazis turned into zombies]], but still Germany itself was invaded and in the end, he hid in his bunker until [[{{Film/Downfall}} the pranks of Fegelein got to be too much]] and he blew his own brains out. And Oppenheimer made a big bomb to blow up Japan, and after it was sent, the Japanese blew up the boat and [[{{Film/Jaws}} sent sharks to eat all the sailors]], so [[DoctorStrangelove Slim Pickens dropped the bomb on them]], and they gave up, aaannd also... [[Film/DasBoot somewhere in there is a submarine]], I don't remember what it does exactly though. Anyway, that's what I got off Ask.com, so it's got to be true."

"They were almost stopped by [[Film/TheFinalCountdown Kirk Douglas and Martin Sheen and their time-traveling aircraft carrier]], but were themselves stopped by [[{{Recap/DoctorWhoS32E8LetsKillHitler}} all the time travelers arriving to kill Hitler ripping a hole in the space-time continuum]]. So all that happened was that Creator/KurtVonnegut had this [[Literature/SlaughterhouseFive crazy idea for a story]]. So, while Rosie the Riveter built a bunch of tanks back home, we sent {{Film/Patton}} over to Europe to tell a bunch of people to "make those sons 'o bitches die for their country", but mostly just to show off his awesome giant flag. He fought in North Africa so we could have a place for [[Literature/CatchTwentyTwo Cpt. Yossarian to launch his airstrikes]] from, until he got upset by his buddy Snowden getting taken out (not realizing that [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Edward_Snowden he's actually hiding out in Russia now]].) [[Series/DadsArmy Arthur Lowe was put in charge of defending England]] while [[Film/TheGreatEscape Steve McQueen tried to escape from a POW camp]], but stopped ''just'' short of the Swiss border because [[TheSoundOfMusic the Von Trapps had gotten there first]], and Richard Attenborough only succeeded in [[JurassicPark a plan to house cloned dinosaurs]] -- all while [[Series/HogansHeroes Colonel Klink]] patted himself on the back. A girl named [[TheDiaryOfAnneFrank Anne Frank]] comes into this somewhere, but I think she was rescued by [[{{Film/XMen}} a boy who had control over magnetism with his mind.]] Then they started the D-Day invasion, once [[TheDirtyDozen a group of twelve angry men led by Lee Marvin]] are told [[Film/InglouriousBasterds not to shower and to invade first]] so that we can [[SavingPrivateRyan send Forrest Gump to go looking for Matt Damon]]. While that's going on, [[Series/BlackSheepSquadron Robert Conrad shot down Japanese planes in the Pacific]], so to pay them back, the Japanese made Obi-Wan Kenobi [[Film/TheBridgeOnTheRiverKwai build a bridge]]. As the end draws near, Hitler [[Film/DeadSnow had dead Nazis turned into zombies]], but still Germany itself was invaded and in the end, he hid in his bunker until [[{{Film/Downfall}} the pranks of Fegelein got to be too much]] and he blew his own brains out. And Oppenheimer made a big bomb to blow up Japan, and after it was sent, the Japanese blew up the boat and [[{{Film/Jaws}} sent sharks to eat all the sailors]], so [[DoctorStrangelove Slim Pickens dropped the bomb on them]], and they gave up, aaannd also... [[Film/DasBoot somewhere in there is a submarine]], I don't remember what it does exactly though. Anyway, that's what I got off Ask.com, so it's got to be true."