History Quotes / TranquilTirades

** James: ''There are more EXTREME CLOSEUPS in this movie than retcons in the'' Highlander '' franchise.

** James: There are more EXTREME CLOSEUPS in this movie than retcons in the ''Highlander'' franchise.

* Episode 51 - ''Film/SantaandtheIceCreamBunny''
** Damien: '' "Santa then goes, 'Man, we've tried everything!' Yep. All the things that exist. In the world. A gorilla, a donkey, a pig and a sheep. This is everything. That is the...Anti-Life Equation. The amount of effort that is expended to actually try to get these things to work here is about the same amount of effort I expend when a customer tells me to check in the back for something I know we don't have."''

** James: ''"Do these guys just ride bikes and drink Budweisers for a living??"

** Damien: ''"Lola says they have to sacrifice a virgin before sun-up. This is a complicated spell. You have to cut out the eyes...then you have to turn a heart into a dust...and then you have to sacrifice a virgin...and then you have to find the secret key and the warp whistle somewhere, I guess?''

* Episode 4 - ''Film/BallisticEcksvsSever'':

* Episode 19 - ''Film/AloneintheDark'':

* Episode 20 - ''Film/TheLastAirbender''

** James: ''"I don't think I've ever seen so many black guys in the presence of a Monster Magnet show in my life."

** James: ''"Has there ever been a more asinine cause-and-effect sentence ever constructed?"'' (In response to the line, ''"The meeting isn't going well, and I don't have any cheese puffs!!!"'')
** James: ''"

This page chronicles some of the great quotes from the hosts over the lifespan of the podcast.

** Damien: '' "Santa then says, 'Well, we've tried everything!' Yep. All the things that exist. A gorilla, a donkey, a pig and a sheep. This is the Anti-Life Equation. The amount of effort that he expends here is the same amount of effort I use when a customer tells me to check in the back for something I know we don't have."''

** Damien: ''"Joe Marshall is what you would get if you somehow combined Rod from'' {{Film/Birdemic}} ''and Yor. He somehow manages to be a complete black hole of charisma, whilst at the same time soaking the undergarments of every single f--ing female he comes in contact with and killing everything in sight."''

** Damien: (speaking about the bizarre gay host at the restaurant) ''"To call this man a gay stereotype seems like an insult to the tactful and subdued gay stereotypes found in any other media."'''

** Damien: ''"The problem here is the guy playing Pestilence has clearly had martial arts training...and EdwardFurlong is Edward Furlong."

** Damien: ''"The problem here is the guy playing Pestilence has clearly had martial arts training...and EdwardFurlong is Edward Furlong.

** James: ''"This backwoods-ass family consisting
of Robo-Hick, Leatherdrag, Tone-Deaf Woman, and'' Bartlett's Familiar Quotations ''Subscriber of the Month has a working fire extinguisher?!"''

** James: ''"This quartet of Robo-Hick, Leatherdrag, Tone-Deaf Woman, and'' Bartlett's Familiar Quotations ''Subscriber of the Month has a working fire extinguisher?!"''

** Damien: ''"Then a lawyer shows up, then Joe and Frank show up, then the editor shows up and realizes he still hasn't gotten paid, so he leaves again."''

** James: ''"My only note for this is: Mark Wahlberg asks permission from a plastic plant to be able to use the bathroom in a model house where nothing is real."'' Damien: ''"That should be the IMDb synopsis for this movie."''

** Damien: "Well, [Sever] failed the mission already. She's nowhere near the Paint N' Spray, and she's got God Mode turned on, and five stars. So, you know what that means--lots more explosions."

** James: "One does not simply bike into Mordor."

** Damien: "A million monkeys with a million hammers, standing in a line, hitting each other in the head repeatedly, then forced with their fingers to use the brain fluid and blood to draw on a piece of paper could not come up with a script that makes less sense than this movie."

** Damien: "He needed to go into a trance three times to find out it would be a good idea to throw water at the fire people?!"

** James: "Has there ever been a more asinine cause-and-effect sentence ever constructed?" (In response to the line, "The meeting isn't going well, and I don't have any cheese puffs!!!")

** Damien: "You know what this extremely rushed, lazily adapted movie full of underdeveloped characters needed?" James: "Would that be more characters?" Damien: "Another character! Yamcha, you know everyone's favorite character if no other ''Dragonball'' character ever existed?"

** James: "This quartet of Robo-Hick, Leatherdrag, Tone-Deaf Woman, and ''Bartlett's Familiar Quotations'' Subscriber of the Month has a working fire extinguisher?!"

** Damien: (imitating the insane old woman at the end of the movie) 'You're here to steal my magic beans! Begone, foul demon!!!' Her acting performance is STELLAR."
** James: "Mark Wahlberg asks permission from a plastic plant to be able to use the bathroom in a model house where nothing is real." Damien: "That should be the IMDb synopsis for this movie."

** James: "Mark Wahlberg asks permission from a plastic plant to be able to use the bathroom in a house where nothing is real." Damien: "That should be the IMDb synopsis for this movie."

** Damien: "Well, she failed the mission already. She's nowhere near the Paint N' Spray, and she's got God Mode turned on, and five stars. So you know what that means--lots more explosions."

** Damien: (imitating the insane old woman at the end of the movie) 'You're here to steal my magic beans! Begone, foul demon!!!' Her acting performance is STELLAR."

** Damien: "You know what this extremely rushed, lazily adapted movie full of underdeveloped characters needed?" James: "Would that be more characters?" Damien: "Another character! Yamcha, you know everyone's favorite character if no other Dragonball character ever existed?"

** Damien: You know what this extremely rushed, lazily adapted movie full of underdeveloped characters needed? James: Would that be more characters? Damien: Another character!

* Episode 43 - ''TheHappening'':